winstonsramblings-blog

[winstonsramblings-blog]

STRESS

          STRESS. PEOPLE TALK ABOUT STRESS AND NOT HAVING ENOUGH TIME IN THE DAY TO GET THINGS DONE.  I JUST SHAKE MY HEAD AND CHUCKLE SOFTLY TO MYSELF AT THESE PEOPLE. I WORK SIXTY TO SEVENTY HOURS A WEEK, GO TO SCHOOL FULL TIME, AND MY WIFE AND I HAVE SIX CHILDREN RANGING IN AGE FROM ELEVEN TO SEVENTEEN. I KNOW ABOUT NOT HAVING TIME. STRESS THOUGH IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER, SO TO SPEAK. 

I HAVE HAD MANY JOBS/ CAREERS IN MY FORTY FIVE YEARS ON THIS PLANET AND A FEW OF THEM ARE SOME OF THE MOST STRESSFUL YOU CAN POSSIBLY HAVE. I STARTED WORKING FOR MY GRANDFATHER AT THE AGE OF TWELVE AT A FULL SERVICE GAS STATION. FOR THOSE OF YOU NOT IN THE KNOW THAT IS A GAS STATION WHERE SOMEONE PUMPS YOUR GAS, CHECKS YOUR FLUIDS UNDER THE HOOD, CLEANS YOUR WINDSHIELD FOR YOU, THEN TAKES YOUR PAYMENT. YOU NEVER HAD TO LEAVE THE CAR IF YOU DIDN’T WANT TO. THOSE WERE THE GOOD OLD DAYS. I DID THAT FROM TWELVE TO THE AGE OF SEVENTEEN WHEN, WITH THE BLESSING AND SIGNATURES OF MY PARENTS, I JOINED THE MUCH BELOVED AND FEARED UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS. THAT IS WHEN I LEARNED ABOUT STRESS. 

UNLESS YOU HAVE BEEN A PART OF THIS MAGNIFICENT BROTHERHOOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS LIKE. OH SURE, THERE ARE TONS OF STORIES AND MOVIES LIKE FULL METAL JACKET, BORN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY, JARHEAD, AND HEARTBREAK RIDGE JUST TO NAME A FEW. THESE FILMS ALL HAVE THEIR PLUSES AND MINUSES BUT ALL SHARE ONE COMMON THEME. THE MARINES ARE CRAZY AND THE GREATEST FIGHTING FORCE IN THE WORLD. THERE IS  A REASON FOR THAT. I HAVE HEARD IT PUT THIS WAY BEFORE, “THERE ARE ONLY TWO BRANCHES OF THE UNITED STATES MILITARY THE  ARMY AND NAVY, THE AIR FORCE IS A CORPORATION, AND THE MARINES ARE A CULT.” FOR EXAMPLE, DID YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU WANT TO SWITCH FROM ANY OTHER MILITARY BRANCH TO THE MARINE CORPS YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH MARINE CORPS BOOT CAMP BUT IF YOU WANTED TO SWITCH FROM THE MARINES TO ANOTHER BRANCH YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT BRANCHES BASIC TRAINING? MARINE CORPS BASIC TRAINING IS CONSIDERED BY ALL BRANCHES TO BE THE MOST DIFFICULT BY FAR. I WENT TO THE STORIED AND INTIMIDATING PARRIS ISLAND FOR BASIC TRAINING/ BOOT CAMP ON JULY SEVENTEENTH. SPENDING MY THREE MONTHS OF THE MOST CHALLENGING TRAINING IN THE UNITED STATES ARMED FORCES DURING THE HOTTEST MONTHS OF THE YEAR. PARRIS ISLAND STARTED TRAINING RECRUITS IN NOVEMBER OF 1915. IT WAS BUILT IN A SWAMP ACROSS THE HARBOR RIVER JUST NORTH OF HILTON HEAD SOUTH CAROLINA. THE JUXTAPOSITION OF THE TWO IS NOT LOST ON THE RECRUITS OF THE MARINE RECRUIT DEPOT. WHEN YOU ARRIVE ON THE ISLAND YOU ARE THRUST INTO ANOTHER WORLD. INITIAL INDOC, AT LEAST WHEN I WAS THERE, KEEPS YOU UP FOR ABOUT FORTY HOURS STRAIGHT FROM THE MOMENT YOU STEP ONTO THE YELLOW FOOTPRINTS. I WOULD SUGGEST WATCHING THE DOCUMENTARY MAKING MARINES IF YOU WANT A SCALED BACK TASTE OF WHAT IT IS LIKE THERE FOR THREE MONTHS OF YOUR LIFE. TO SAY THERE IS STRESS IS TO PUT IT LIGHTLY. PEOPLE DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING TO GET OUT OF IT INCLUDING  SUICIDE. I WAS ASSIGNED TO THIRD BATTALION PLATOON 3117. WE STARTED TRAINING WITH SIXTY-FIVE RECRUITS AND ENDED WITH TWENTY-SEVEN. WHICH SHOULD BE ENOUGH OF AN EXAMPLE TO SHOW YOU HOW STRENUOUS THE TRAINING IS. STRESS ON THAT LEVEL IS IN PLACE TO PUSH YOU TO YOUR BREAKING POINT. TO EMULATE JUST A FRACTION OF WHAT COMBAT STRESS IS. I CANNOT BEGIN TO EXPLAIN THE LEVEL OF STRESS INVOLVED IN COMBAT. THERE ARE NO WORDS THAT COULD POSSIBLY EXPLAIN. I LOVED MY TIME IN THE MARINE CORPS, A LOT OF THE TIME IT WAS JUST LIKE ANY NORMAL JOB, WITH EXCEPTION OF MOVING ALL THE TIME AND LOTS OF WEAPONS USED. I AM PROUD OF MY SERVICE BUT I  DECIDED THAT A CHANGE WAS NEEDED SO I MOVED ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER OF MY LIFE. 

ONCE YOU HAVE A JOB WHERE YOU FLY AROUND IN HUEY HELICOPTERS AND FIRE THOUSANDS OF ROUNDS OF AMMUNITION THE REGULAR NINE TO FIVE OFFICE JOBS DON’T REALLY MEET YOUR ADRENALINE DEMANDS SO I PICKED A JOB THAT WOULD SATISFY THAT NEED AND ALSO DO SOME GOOD IN THE WORLD. I BECAME A FIREFIGHTER AND PARAMEDIC. WHILE GOING TO SCHOOL TO LEARN THE SKILLS TO ACHIEVE THAT DREAM I WORKED AS AN AUTOMOTIVE TECHNICIAN AND EVENTUALLY AN AUTOMOTIVE SERVICE MANAGER. I ALSO VOLUNTEERED WITH A FIRE RESCUE COMPANY AS A WAY TO FILL MY NEED FOR ADRENALINE. ONCE MY INITIAL TRAINING WAS COMPLETE I GOT A JOB WORKING FOR THE LOCAL EMERGENCY MEDICAL SERVICE. THERE ARE OFTEN JOKES MADE ABOUT EMS. FOR INSTANCE, THAT EMS WORKERS ARE JUST GLORIFIED TAXI DRIVERS OR THAT EMS STANDS FOR EARN MONEY SLEEPING. I WILL ADMIT THAT EMS IS A LOT OF HURRY UP AND WAIT AND JUST PLAIN WAITING AROUND BUT WHEN THE TONES GO OFF YOU SOMETIMES HAVE TO GO FROM ZERO TO ONE HUNDRED FIFTY IN A SPLIT SECOND. SOMETIMES THIS HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE EATING, OR SLEEPING, OR GOING TO THE BATHROOM. YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN BUT WHEN IT HAPPENS THE ADRENALINE AND THE STRESS SKYROCKET. I THEN GOT HIRED AS A FIREFIGHTER / PARAMEDIC ON AN ENGINE COMPANY AND RESCUE TRUCK. I KEPT THE EMS JOB AS WELL AND WOULD SOMETIMES WORK THIRTY SIX TO FORTY EIGHT HOURS STRAIGHT. I WAS RAISING A FAMILY AT THE SAME TIME AND TO SAY THAT I WAS RUNNING WIDE OPEN AND RUNNING ON EMPTY WOULD BE AN UNDERSTATEMENT. I STILL COULDN’T GET ENOUGH IT SEEMED BECAUSE I ADDED THE JOB OF SKI PATROLER TO MY JUGGLING ACT FOR FIVE MONTHS OF THE YEAR. I HELD PEOPLE’S LIVES IN MY HANDS. I PULLED THEM FROM BURNING HOUSES, I HAD CUT THEM FROM MANGLED HUNKS OF METAL THAT USED TO BE THEIR WAY TO THE GROCERY STORE, I HAD KEPT THEIR HEARTS PUMPING BY COMPRESSING THEIR CHESTS WITH MY BARE HANDS UNTIL I GOT A CARDIAC RHYTHM I COULD ALTER THROUGH SHOCKING THEM, I HAD RAPPELLED DOWN CLIFFS TO EXTRICATE THEM FROM WHERE THEY HAD FALLEN. I HAD FOUND THE FOUNTAIN OF ADRENALINE THAT I HAD BEEN SEARCHING FOR AND HAD CREATED A LEVEL OF STRESS THAT WAS MONUMENTAL AND UNFATHOMABLE. 

WHEN YOU ARE IN THE MAELSTROM AND FIGHTING AGAINST THE SINKING OF YOUR SHIP YOU BECOME SO FOCUSED ON BAILING WATER YOU SOMETIMES FORGET THAT THERE ARE LIFE PRESERVERS AND RAFTS TO SAVE YOU. PEOPLE WERE CONSTANTLY TELLING ME HOW TIRED I LOOKED AND ASKING ME IF THERE WAS A TIME THAT I DIDN’T WORK. MY CHILDREN CONSTANTLY ASKING ME WHEN I WOULD BE HOME. THEN I GOT A WAKE UP CALL THAT I COULDN’T HIT SNOOZE ON. IT WAS CHRISTMAS DAY 2009. MY  TWENTY FOUR HOUR SHIFT AT FIRE RESCUE WAS CHRISTMAS EVE. IT STARTED RAINING ABOUT EIGHT O’CLOCK ON CHRISTMAS EVE AND THE TEMPS STARTED FALLING SHORTLY AFTER. I HAD TOLD MY RELIEF TO TAKE HIS TIME COMING IN ON CHRISTMAS MORNING SO HE COULD SPEND SOME TIME WITH HIS KIDS. I LIVED IN TOWN AND WAS GOING TO TAKE THE QUICK RESPONSE VEHICLE HOME SO I COULD SEE MY KIDS OPEN THEIR PRESENTS. THE DRIVE TO THE HOUSE WAS LESS THAN HALF A MILE TO THE STATION BUT WAS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS EVEN ON THE SALT TREATED ROADS. I HAD JUST ENOUGH TIME WHEN I GOT HOME TO HUG AND KISS MY CHILDREN AND TELL THEM MERRY CHRISTMAS BEFORE THE FIRST CALL CAME IN. I RUSHED BACK TO THE STATION, OR AS CLOSE TO A RUSH AS COULD BE EXPECTED IN THE CONDITIONS. JUMPED INTO AN ATTACK ENGINE AND HEADED TO THE FIRE CALL. THE WEIGHT OF THE ICE WAS SNAPPING TREES AND POWER LINES LIKE MATCHSTICKS. I HAD TO STOP AND CUT THREE TREES OUT OF THE ROAD ON THE WAY TO THE CALL AND TWO ON THE WAY BACK TO THE STATION. POWER WAS OUT EVERYWHERE AND ROADS WERE BLOCKED BY FALLEN TREES ANY WAY YOU TURNED. WHEN I GOT BACK WE STARTED ASSEMBLING TEAMS TO HANDLE VARIOUS TASKS. SOME WOULD BE MEDICAL RESPONSE, SOME FIRE RESCUE RESPONSE,  AND SOME WOULD BE CREWS TO ASSIST IN CLEARING ROADWAYS. I CHOSE THE CLEARING CREW AS I DIDN’T WANT TO SIT AROUND WAITING FOR CALLS AND ALSO COULD SKATE OUT WHEN MY RELIEF ARRIVED. MY TWO MAN TEAM DROVE AROUND CUTTING UP FELLED TREES AND DRAGGING THE BRUSH OUT OF THE ROADWAYS. FIVE HOURS INTO THIS TASK, WITH THE WIND PICKING UP AND THE FREEZING RAIN STILL FALLING, MY PARTNER AND I WERE CUTTING A POPLAR TREE OUT OF THE ROADWAY. HE WAS DRAGGING BRUSH AND I WAS WORKING THE CHAINSAW. SUDDENLY AN ENORMOUS POP DROWNED OUT THE BUZZ OF THE SAW AND I WAS SUDDENLY ON THE FROZEN GROUND HELMET OFF, CHAINSAW STILL RUNNING IN MY HANDS, PARTNER SCREAMING FOR ME TO ANSWER HIM. AFTER CALMING MY PARTNER DOWN, TURNING OFF THE SAW, AND RIGHTING MYSELF I REALIZED WHAT HAD TRANSPIRED. WHILE CUTTING THE TREE OUT OF THE ROAD THE TOP TWENTY FEET OF A MASSIVE PINE TREE NEXT TO IT HAD SNAPPED OFF UNDER THE WEIGHT OF ITS ICE BLANKET, FALLING AND IT’S FROZEN LIMBS KNOCKING ME TO THE GROUND. THE TRUNK MISSING ME BY LESS THAN A FOOT WOULD HAVE CRUSHED ME. I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF MY CHILDREN THAT I HAD HUGGED AND KISSED MERE HOURS BEFORE AND HOW THEY SHOULDN’T BE FORCED TO LIVE WITHOUT THEIR FATHER. WE WENT BACK TO WORK QUICKLY AND EVEN MORE CAREFULLY THAN BEFORE. I ENDED UP WORKING FIVE TWENTY FOUR HOUR SHIFTS IN A ROW THAT WEEK BEFORE I COULD GO HOME AGAIN. THE CONSTANT SPECTRE OF MY BRUSH WITH DEATH EVER PRESENT. IT WOULD TAKE ANOTHER TWO YEARS AND THE DEATH OF TWO FELLOW FIREFIGHTERS TO MAKE ME FINALLY STEP AWAY FROM MY DRUG OF CHOICE, ADRENALINE CHASED WITH STRESS. 

I HAVE WRITTEN THIS LONG WINDED POST AS  A WARNING AND AS A REMEDY. STRESS WILL KILL YOU JUST AS SURE AS A TREE FALLING ON YOU WILL. HERE IS THE SECRET THOUGH, MOST OF THE TIME THE STRESS WE FEEL IS OF OUR OWN CREATION. WE PUT THIS ON OURSELVES BY NOT TAKING TIME TO STOP OR EVEN PAUSE AND SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING AROUND US.  WE OVEREXTEND OURSELVES. WE MAKE PROMISES WE CAN’T KEEP. WE TRY TO KEEP UP WITH THE JONESES. SLOW DOWN. SPEND TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS. DO SOMETHING OR DO NOTHING THE CHOICE IS YOURS. LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY YOU WANT TO LIVE IT AND TO HELL WITH ANYONE WHO DOESN’T LIKE IT. FOR ME I AM GOING TO DO JUST THAT BUT I HAVE ONE MORE SECRET. I GOT THAT JUNKIES ITCH BACK FOR ADRENALINE. I AM OLDER AND MY BODY IS MORE BROKEN DOWN NOW BUT I THINK THAT WORKING IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM SOMEWHERE SHOULD GET ME MY FIX.