A very personal journey from darkness and my life in Cincy. Dark and twisted, kind and generous, conservative yet freaky, the paradox that is me.
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In February 2021, Tumblr had 518.6 million blog accounts.
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Kittens are ready for new homes next week. Let me know if you are interested. (at Delhi, Ohio)
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FUNNY Q&A
Q: There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
A: 499
Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant in the fridge?
A: Open door, put elephant in, close door.
Q: What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge?
A: Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Q: The Lion King is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it, and why?
A: Giraffe. He's stuck in a fridge.
Q: Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There's no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?
A: The alligators are all at a birthday party.
Q: Sally dies anyways. Why?
A: She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Is it wrong that I find this fucking hilarious?
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Truth!
A surprisingly big part of being an adult is trying to schedule a time when you can afford to have a mental breakdown.
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I am teaching myself how to take up space. How to not apologise constantly for the way I live and breathe. How an apology isn’t something I am supposed to say before I speak in a conversation. How I’m so sorry, isn’t something I have to say before I just allow myself the basic right of speaking about anything. I am teaching myself that I am allowed to exist on this planet without thinking of myself as a burden. How to not apologise for things that are out of my control. How to understand when people are trying to manipulate me into thinking the worst of myself and most of all how to stop thinking the very worst of myself as I deserve better than that from myself. I am teaching myself that humans can exist without assuming the very worst about themselves and how the people around them perceive them. How to not apologise when someone bumps into me and I immidiately assume it is my fault. How to not apologise when I ask a question because I think others will think I am stupid. How to love myself for these flawed bits of me no one has ever wanted to love before. I am teaching myself that all the lies my abusers told me about myself were so very wrong. How I am allowed to make mistakes. How as long as I apologise and amend things, anything is fixable if I still have love in my heart for the other person. How not everything that has ever gone wrong in every relationship is my fault. I am finally learning how to take up space as a human being. It’s taken a long, long road to get here. And I still have a very long way to go before I am done understanding that it is my job to take up space, that I am not just an afterthought or a secondary character in this gift of life I have been given. That who I am is not an apology, that who I am is not wrong.
Nikita Gill, On Learning How To Take Up Space (via meanwhilepoetry)
This is so important!
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Wasted air
Every day that passes without your touch and every message left without a reply takes another little piece of my soul. The pain of missing you is consuming my life. There is no getting over your reason for getting out of bed in the morning. There is no getting over the one person that brings joy to your life. You took all that when you left. Now every breath I take feels like a waste of air.
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Someday
My love for you is forever... but one of these days, I will get tired of humiliating myself and stop trying. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a month... but I will figure out a way to live my life without you. I will get stronger. I don't need you, I want you.
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Lies
Maybe it was a lie when you kissed me goodbye and said I love you the morning before you walked out on me. Maybe it was all a lie and I really am that blind.
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Real love
I hope you aren't feeling half the pain I feel. I hope you find what you are looking for. I truly hope you are happy. It would be worth an ocean of my tears if you are.
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Anymore
I thought the tears had dried. I thought I was beginning to forget you. Then today someone spoke your name. Just the sound sent me right back. Right back to the day you left me with tears running down my face and asking why... why don't you love me anymore.
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Lost hope
I'm loosing hope in your loving me, in us. But I guess that's what you are waiting for. It hurts, but I've given everything, tried everything and I've loved you with my whole heart and soul. I don't have anything left to offer you that I haven't already.
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