willaballerinaa

[willaballerinaa]

I felt like crying but nothing came out. it was just a sort of sad sickness, sick sad, when you can’t feel any worse. I think you know it. I think everybody knows it now and then. but I think I have known it pretty often, too often.

 Charles Bukowski, Tales of Ordinary Madness (via feellng)

[willaballerinaa]

It’s enough for me to be sure that you and I exist at this moment.

Gabriel García Márquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude (via larmoyante)

[willaballerinaa]

hAPPY birthday 2 me

i am 20 now 

fuck

[willaballerinaa]

I always find it silly how most ballerina’s nervously bitten nails are just sharp enough to cut through their nylon tights

ripping the light pink fabric vertically down their long boney legs

but I’ve always secretly loved the feeling of ripping my tights right before ballet class pretending it was an accident.

  but I am made of granola,

my ballet teachers correction for me to pull in my lower abs,

blueberries eaten with a spoon,

a mark on my knee from giving you my body last night,

the other mark on my neck you left this morning even though you do not have the permission to do so,

my long hair I am still scared to cut because it grew to be so long with you,

tears in my best friends bed about you,

and looks in the mirror where all I can see are flaws and sadness and daydreams and vision of having less of me,

but im still here.

  I don’t know what it means to be in love but I know what it means to have my deepest thoughts completely inundated by you.

  It is 10:45pm and I am thinking about the world from your eyes because you eyes think I am beautiful.  

[willaballerinaa]

I am thinking I don’t want to get mad at you because I want you to love me I am thinking I want this to work but do not want to get ‘too invested’ I am one noise away from falling in love with you is it too soon time is stupid

A Million Bears by Spencer Madsen (via kittyshit)

[willaballerinaa]

I am trying to create a tangible experience  in your car and my hair is wet.  It is 3 in the morning. We are at a gas station. You are thinking about distance and about wrinkles on our brains, how we are permanently encased  between the width of our skulls. I think that I would like to  push my head against your head  for nine and a half years. 

- by Mira Gonzalez and Heiko Julien

[willaballerinaa]

[willaballerinaa]

[willaballerinaa]

[willaballerinaa]

Melita 👑💜💜💜

[willaballerinaa]

flying back to new york tomorrow as if this summer was just a blink of an eye/daydream. so crazy to think that it is all over. it was temporary. all the tears and stress and food and dance and boys that i spent time worrying about are not just nostalgic thoughts/memories now. they are over. no longer prevalent enough to spend hours obsessing over. its all over. i just took my last bubble bath after my last dinner with my stepdad + mother who i do not honestly know when i will see them again. really. school is my home now. my classes there will now consume me. new friends. a new house in yonkers. my own bedroom. new thoughts. everything in life is temporary. 

[willaballerinaa]

i love u emma < 3

[willaballerinaa]

sitting here picking out classes for next semester and i kinda hate that i love to dance because it fills up all my time and people don't ask me what i want to be when i grow up anymore. instead i am labeled with an occupation in the arts which is not valued by anyone in our current day society. the thinking i do in my dance class is most of the time harder for me than taking a god damn neuroscience test and memorizing anatomical parts of the body and writing it down on a piece of paper the next day. but no one sees that. i tell my parents i'm taking anatomy next year and they're v excited and "you can go to grad school and be a sports medicine doctor or a doctor or a nurse or do brain surgery," and i'm all I'M TAKING BALLET TOO and it is just as difficult if not more difficult to hold your fucking turnout when you're thinking about how a plie is a circle but you're only moving up and down. but they're all "maybe dance is only a phase willa." i do not want to be labeled as a "dancer" necessarily. maybe i do. i still have dream of being that ballerina on stage with no problems dancing in a perfect tutu and having flowers thrown at me at the end of my solo to Chopin. but I am so many other things too and i want to study other things and still have many different dreams and ideas of what i want to be when i grow up. i want to study everything. i want to draw and paint and fly and read poems and books and invest my times in friendships and fall in love with friends and boys and girls and people for their insides and not appearances and learn about the world until i am too old to digest anything else.i want to dance and work on not valuing myself on male attention and eat dairy free ice cream with flowers in my hair and write letters to people who will appreciate my words/thoughts and put on my pointe shoes when i have a bad day and rise above everything bad in the world and float. but then i hear my ballet teachers voice, "Willa don't forget to straighten your knees in those russian pointe shoes, it makes your legs look longer" and i think do i want to be in this hostile world forever? 

[willaballerinaa]

Although I do not support categorical statements and feminism for me has NOTHING to do with hatred towards men, i do like these : )

A Good Pair Of Socks…

[willaballerinaa]

wooooord word word word word

gender equality

[willaballerinaa]

[willaballerinaa]