whysobluebabyblue-blog

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:/

I miss actual talks with someone, very much not that how are you nonsense. That sort just makes me really say :/

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Taken June 26 2016 at the commons

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This is one of my favorite jammmz really love this song. It's so soothing and really dope. It just puts me in a peaceful state that I love so much. A clear state of mind

Jadu Temple by jadu heart on #SoundCloud

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New project

So a while ago, as I encountered. I love talking to people not just talking but actually getting to know the person and the stories they have to offer. My main goal is to take ideas from what they have experiences through love. Not just love but love ! You’re probably wondering what I mean by that, love for objects love for family, love for someone special etc. Not just one love but a universe filled of it. Saying that, I hope this journey let’s me grow as a person and get comfortable with talking to people I don’t quite know but will only know of a period of time. Hence the college program I will probably cut ties with most of the people I’ll meet during this term. But one thing I won’t forget is the knowledge and the memories they’ll give me. Hopefully this will turn out how I was expecting it to be. I really wanna start writing poems about not my experiences but theirs ! Sound interesting right! Of course I’ll also get some creative spark for art which is a plus but the writing comes first! :)

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Always ready to lose people I love *sigh*

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June 9th 2015

Today I woke up very early, I tried to eat of course because I had to work a long shift. Everything tastes weird though. Not enjoyable maybe? Maybe it's just my cooking haha. One goal that I want to get out of this is being a better cook! I woke up so early and just laid on the sofa listening to music at a point I watched some YouTube stuff, but I could feel my eyes droop because of how tired I was. Got on the bus with my co-worker Atlanta from the U.K. Had some time to kill before my shift and I found out I was greeted ugh. I talked to more then 500 people today :/. My voice has been raspy because of it. Cody asked me to extend because they were understaff so I said yes because I want to get on their good side of course. Did dining room with Brittany another DCP. She started the same time as me. Very weird girl like from the south. She's dating a 28 year old dude with a kid and smokes a lot of cigarettes from what I saw when she took me home to the dorms that one time. Over a bland day at work. Very long 11 hours. I really like the guest of course but noting really stood out today. Hoping for a better day tomorrow. And God bless for a late shift because I'm a night girl.

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SOTD

I’ve been really loving Grimes Vowels = Space and time for some reason. I can really relate to the beat if that makes sense. It just goes aha aha aha and that’s how i’ve been feelin going through life like haha

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Wonder

I wonder. I wonder how my life would be if I made different choices. But then again my life was suppose to be how it is right now. Like what if I never had met Danny or even john to be more rash. What if I never urged my mother to enroll me into La Serna. what if I had the time to try to get into the college I wanted to get into. what if I never made the mistake to let my choices interfere with my brother and I’s relationship. What if my father was here today. What if the doctors caught the symptoms in time. He would be here. This world is so harsh and we are expected to be happy with the results of our choices. The world is so wicked and we have to make the best of it. We try but situation after situation hits us and we have to be happy with that? I know I sound negative but isn’t it true, the statement I say right now?

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Why

Why have I been feeling like this. I feel nothing. maybe it’s my state of mind right now. I just don’t understand i’m so lost. I know at times I feel alright, I try to enjoy every moment of the time i’ll be saying in Florida. But nothing crazy has happen I understand at times things won’t change in an instance I just feel like being her isn’t really helping me at any cost. I came to florida to become independent and well more happy, try to sort everything out within my mind mentally. Everyone that I am some what close to understands how I feel in a daily basis. nothing. Maybe time will help. I’m just so impatient with change in my life. I rush them so much and I expect it to be rewarding. Man here I go on rambling about all this. I tell myself every single day “it’s a new day, try something different” and I don’t. Maybe it’s that I’m scared? Just lazy. I’m to the point where I don’t try, well it feel like that to me. what will fix the way I feel. When I look back at the day, I just think to myself, am I using my time right? The time I have on this earth I call home. I know that I think to myself. What am I doing with these precious seconds of my life? Is it worth it? Worth doing what i’m doing right now? Am I even thinking straight enough to type down my feeling at this very instance? Someone just someone or something help. I don’t understand anything anymore. What am I to do with my life. Am I doing the right thing? What will it take for me to feel okay? I’ve felt like i’m not good enough for this world. I’ve lost connection with what I call my pride, my art. I’ve become so lost without expressing myself. Maybe just maybe, if I had enough will power to jump back into it. But that takes me and me only, my mentality. Why can’t I do it? Jump back into what I once loved. It’s right in front of me everything around me can be made to express myself in the media that i’ve wanted to. I’ve just filed myself to be lazy. I have to try harder. I’ve found my way out of the forest, now it’s time to take action and stop standing around and use my legs and walk. Walk somewhere further from this forest. I want to be safe but i’ve always back track to the forest. I need will power, but that will power has to come form me. Its time to take further action and finally walk back to town. Start from scratch. Please pray for me. pray for the best. I want to be happy. People say that to be happy is to say in your mind I am happy then you’ll be happy. But is this seriously true. I don’t get the logic of that kind of mind. stupidity. 

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social anxiety is realizing you’re lonely, not wanting to be lonely, being handed an opportunity not to be lonely, and still choosing to be lonely because despite every previous indicator that you would be welcome to join in on other people’s fun and stop being lonely, you’re still afraid that no one wants you around

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Yes, I’m sure.

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A true relationship is two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other.

(via thesecretlifeofshey)

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