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me, seconds after coming out to my wife as a furry: *notices divorce papers* OwO, what’s this~? :3

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me, holding my newborn child: what are its stats?

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Waiting for the midnight train going anywhere

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A picture of Tim Curry on the set of It in 1990.

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I shouldn’t scroll through vine at night..

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have you ever heard a cute boy giggle its literally life changing

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the part of howl’s moving castle where he cries WHAT’s THE POINT OF LIVING IF I CANT BE BEAUTIFUL and generates gallons of ectoplasmic slime from every pore because he accidentally messed up bleaching his hair is INCREDIBLY relatable

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blue-flavored candy is always the best flavor of candy like what the fuck. blue raspberries aren’t even a thing. we’re literally eating the color blue as a flavor and it’s fucking magical.

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ok quick question is the phrase “going to chipotle with aristotle” funnier if you mispronounce chipotle, or aristotle

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stop global warming i don’t look good in shorts

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me at the dentist

dentist: when was the last time you flossed?

me: bro u were THERE

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how did it happen that harry potter is the most underrated character in harry potter