whosaya

[whosaya]

It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

But this year, that feeling stirs something different inside me. When I was younger, Christmas was pure magic, with bright lights, presents under the tree, and the thrill of waiting for something wonderful. Now, as I get older, Christmas feels deeper, more layered. It’s no longer just the excitement of gifts or holiday songs on repeat. It’s a time to reflect on the year that’s passed and to hold close the people who mean the most to me.

The holiday season still has its sparkle, but I notice how fragile that joy can feel, too. Traditions change, people come and go, and Christmas takes on new meanings. It’s both comforting and a little bittersweet. This year, as I look around at the decorations and hear the familiar carols, I feel a mix of nostalgia and gratitude. Christmas isn’t just about what I once thought it was, it became a moment to cherish where I am, who I’m with, and the memories that brought me here.

Yet, something feels different this year, a quiet, empty space where my dad used to be. Last october, we lost him, and this is the second Christmas without him here. My sisters, who were so close to him, seem to carry memories of him like treasures, each story and tradition shared filling their hearts with a bittersweet kind of comfort. For them, Christmas is a chance to remember the good times, to laugh and cry over the moments they shared with him. I wish I could feel that same warmth, but the truth is, my dad and I were never quite as close.

Growing up, it was always my sisters who had those easy conversations with him, who seemed to understand him in a way I never could. I loved him, of course, but our bond was different, quieter, sometimes a little strained. Now, I find myself wondering what Christmas might have been like if we’d had more time, or if I’d somehow bridged that distance between us. The memories I have of him feel more scattered, less certain, and this season I feel caught between missing him and missing the closeness I never really got to have.

But as Christmas gets closer, I feel the ache of my dad’s absence, like a quiet, lingering sadness that’s hard to put into words. But there’s something else there too, warmth that I didn’t expect, a feeling of comfort that I know comes from having my stepfather here. I may not have had the closest bond with my dad, but with my stepdad, it’s different. He’s been there for me in ways that felt natural, filling spaces I didn’t even know were empty.

As Christmas approaches this year, I find myself reflecting on the life I have now. One that’s shaped by love, growth, and unexpected joys. Though things have changed and there are still moments of longing for what could have been, I’ve come to appreciate the family I have today. My stepfather, with his quiet strength and unwavering presence, has become an anchor in my life, and I’m grateful for the bond we’ve built. This Christmas feels different, not because it’s perfect, but because I’ve learned to embrace the beauty in what is. The memories we’re creating together are just as meaningful as the ones that came before, and as the season unfolds, I realize that the true gift is appreciating the life I have now, with all its imperfections and all its love.

Wishing you a season filled with warmth, joy and cherished moments. <3