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Last of Cockles 2019

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i know this is not a new concept but i’m never going to get over the inherent tragedy in how dean and cas both have abandonment issues but that they manifest in directly conflicting ways 

that dean is terrified of being unlovable, of everyone leaving him, that he will end up alone and abandoned and be the one left behind because that’s what happened with his mom and his dad and even sam 

that cas is terrified of being unvalued and that nobody will want him to stay, that he will end up alone as the outsider and be the one cast out into the cold because that’s what happened with the other angels and his garrison and even the winchesters

that dean instinctively pushes people away when he gets scared, because if he shuts them out it hurts less than them inevitably leaving him, but cas does the opposite–cas leaves before he can get forced out 

and dean needs someone to stay with him even after he pushes them away, he needs someone to choose to stay–but cas needs to be explicitly asked to stay and stopped from leaving when he feels like he has nothing left to offer

so dean doesn’t stop cas from leaving and cas never chooses to stay anyway and they both assume that what they want they can’t have 

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On Dean. Shattered. (x)

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Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Look buddy, i’m just trying to make it to Friday.

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dedicated to @castielstolemyheart

you are never too old to set another goal, or to dream a new dream.

~ c.s. lewis

{☆ ☆ ☆ ☆}

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dean request ➤ waves by dean lewis

And the freedom of falling The feeling I thought was set in stone It slips through my fingers I’m trying hard to let go It comes and goes in waves It comes and goes in waves And carries us away

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Dean dying literally two days after Cas’ sacrifice prompting Cas’ same 5x18 speech of “I gave everything for you, and this is what you give me” when they reunite in heaven except, when Cas is done, instead of Dean’s punches landing on Cas’ face, it’s his kisses

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We all deserve some smooching by the fire, don’t we?

And the cabin probably only has one bed.

*

I hope I didn’t mess up the animation and that you guys can see it? This video process will be available on my Patreon this month!

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Dean and Cas wish you a very merry Christmas! …now shoo, they’re busy defiling the Christmas tree

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Art: @purgatory-jar Fandom: Supernatural Rating: Explicit Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Gabriel (Supernatural), Charlie Bradbury, Bela Talbot, Crowley (Supernatural), Ruby (Supernatural), Meg Masters, Bobby Singer, Ellen Harvelle, Jack Kline, Hannah (Supernatural) Additional Tags: D/s, Light BDSM, Dom Castiel, Sub Dean, Secret Relationship, Actor Sam, Bodyguard Castiel, Bodyguard Dean, Switch Dean, Switch Castiel, Major Character Injury, Hurt/Comfort, Human AU, Bodyguard AU, no supernatural, Disabled Dean Winchester, Injury Recovery, Breathplay, Fingering, Bondage, Spanking, pain play, Frottage, Cock Warming, Prostate Massage, Sensory Deprivation, Coming Untouched, other tags added as needed

Summary: Sam Winchester is America’s newest sweetheart. An in-demand actor and all around Boy Next Door. However, with his fame comes the need for protection. And Sam only trusts his older brother, and former beat cop, Dean, plus his best friend, Castiel Novak, to keep him safe. However, Castiel and Dean share not only a desire to keep Sam safe, but also a lot of friction between them. In an attempt to smooth the edges, Sam pleads with them to find a way to make things work. Castiel thinks Dean needs discipline. Dean thinks Castiel needs to lighten up. Together, they discover a lot more about each other than anticipated.

CHAPTERS HAVE BEEN EDITED AND UPDATED! I’m reposting the chapter links here because I’ve updated and edited several of them.

Chapter 02:  NSFW! Castiel and Dean talk it out. And then stop talking it out.

Chapter 03:  NSFW! Castiel disagrees with mornings. Dean gives him a reason to perk up. (CHAPTER TAGS:blow jobs, hand jobs, brief breath play, orgasm control, edging)

Chapter 04:  NSFW! Charlie has news. Castiel has a bath. 

Chapter 05:  NSFW because I can’t seem to stop with smut every chapter! Castiel has an actual good morning. The Winchester family goes to the beach. (Chapter tags: bottom Castiel *I was asked very nicely to tag when relevant since they switch throughout the fic*, light immobilization *wrist pinning*)

Chapter 06:  NSFW! Dean and Castiel lay some ground rules for their relationship before departing for Vancouver. (Chapter tags: mentions of mental illness *Sam*)

Chapter 07:  NSFW! Sam has a rough start to filming. Dean has a shitty day. Castiel helps both of them. (Chapter tags: shibari)

Chapter 08:  NSFW! Things go smoothly until they don’t. (Chapter tags: edging, dry orgasm, orgasm denial, prostate milking, bottom Dean, handcuffs)

Chapter 09:  Gabriel fucks up. Sam fucks up. Dean fucks up. Castiel fucks up.

Chapter 10:  Dean and Castiel have a talk.

Chapter 11:  NSFW! Castiel and Dean work our their issues. (Chapter tags: vanilla sex, top!Dean, bottom!Castiel) - yes it’s a Christmas miracle! I wrote another chapter!

Chapter 12:  NSFW! Dean and Castiel come clean to Sam. Sam drops a bombshell. A new chapter of their lives begin. (Chapter tags: spanking, wrist binding, frottage, cock warming)

Chapter 13:  Dean learns things about fame he never wanted to know. Bobby steps in to help with Lucifer.

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Commission for amberpeace, who asked tattooed destiel! 

It was a real challege, but here it is! 

* 

I’ll post the other commissions during the next few days! :D 

(For the love of Chuck click on the image for a better quality)

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mishaisdabest needed something to cheer her up, so I drew her Cas with a fat cat, because fat cats are the best. 

Hope you’re feeling better hon!

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I was in total panic over university stuff and I needed to calm down so I drew Crazy!Cas with tiny fat birds.

It’s therapeutic. 

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LGBT+ Fantasy/Fiction Books and TWs

1. Carry On by Rainbow Rowell-

(Fantasy, Witches, Vampires, kind of Harry Potter-y, Romance, TW for mention of suicidal ideation/self-destructiveness, abandonment, foster care, neglect, murder/violence, gun violence and relationship issues in the second book. It has some heavy topics but is written in a pretty light tone.)

2. Red White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston-

(enemies to lovers, about the son of the President and the Prince of England getting into a fight, they have to fake a friendship to fix their PR situation, TW for being publicly outed and semi-graphic sex scenes, also often politically charged discussions)

3. Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller-

(Ancient Greece, demigods, exile, TW for war/violence and tragedy, homophobia, bad parenting)

4. The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic-

(It’s about the mafia/college sports and happens to have a compelling queer storyline in the process. Demisexual main character and other gay characters. (slow burn, it’s a trilogy and the romance doesn’t happen in the first book) TW for a lot of things, it’s about kids from broken homes and the mafia so there is abuse, self harm, murder, police intervention, organized crime, drug use, assault, rehab, all kinds of weapons, manipulation, slurs, etc. The second book has mentions of r*pe (not extremely graphic but it is mentioned a handful of times and there is one semi graphic scene), and torture. It is a great series but it has heavy content and is not light reading if you go in unprepared.)

5. The House on the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune -

(fantasy, heartwarming romance, magical creatures)

6. Heartstopper by Alice Oseman-

(MLM, graphic novel, slow burn, coming out TW for anorexia and homophobia)

7. The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater-

(Fantasy, about a secret private school, slow burn)

8. They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera-

(Bisexual Latino characters, whole story takes place in 24 hours because at about midnight- aka the start of the book- they get a phone call saying they’re gonna die, TW for death, family in hospital, violence, police intervention, and foster care)

9. Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo-

(queer characters (but no romance in the first book)

10. The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee (Historical Fiction Romance, Travel/Journey, Best Friends to lovers, MLM characters)

11. In Deeper Waters by FT Lukens-

(Royalty, kidnapping, MLM characters not being released until April but it looks great)

12. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz-

(coming of age story, MLM, TW for violence/injury, surgery, transmisogyny, homophobic violence)

14. We Contain Multitudes by Sarah Henstra-

(coming of age, friendship and romance)

15. Love and Other Curses by Michael Thomas Ford-

(magical realism, a curse about falling in love)

16. More Happy than Not by Adam Silvera-

(MLM main character, YA, “it's about a boy who is considering a memory-alteration procedure to forget he's gay because leading a life as a straight teen would probably be way easier for him. It's about science versus nature, friendship, sexuality, and a quest for happiness.” About the happy ending and how even bad moments lead to good. Hopeful but despairing. TW for medical procedure to erase sexuality, internalized homophobia, homophobia from others, depression)

17. I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver-

(Nonbinary main character, nonbinary muslim side character, romance/love and building a family out of people you care about. About finding your voice. TW for coming out and misgendering, family rejection/struggle)

18. We Are Okay by Nina LaCour-

(WLW, moving out and coming of age, self-discovery and childhood romance, TW for loss, depression, loneliness)

19. The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness-

(Contemporary, about the normal people’s lives while living among Chosen Ones. Family/coming of age/acceptance story. TW for monsters, apocalypse, violence/explosions, anorexia, anxiety attacks, unrequited romance)

20. Lizard Radio by Pat Schmatz-

(Dystopian story about a teenager struggling with their gender identity, TW for abandonment, oppressive government, outlawed homosexuality)

21. Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas-

(trans main character, hispanic characters, paranormal YA mystery with MLM characters)

22. Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat-

(Bisexual main character, TW for kidnapping/stockholm syndrome, abuse, sex scenes)

23. Witch Eyes by Scott Tracey-

(fantasy, MLM, supernatural)

24. Simon vs the Homosapiens Agenda by Becki Albertalli-

(romance, MLM, coming of age, TW for a closeted boy being blackmailed)

25. Fun Home by Alison Bechdel-

(WLW, graphic novel, coming of age, TW for csa, pedophilia, teacher/student relationships, none explicit if my memory serves correct)

26. George by Alex Gino-

(Trans girl, slice of life, coming out story, TW for deadnaming, homophobia, transphobia)

27. Afterworlds by Scott Westerfield-

(WLW, supernatural, fantasy)

28. Witchmark by C.L. Polk-

(MLM, Sci-Fi/Fantasy, mystery, Alternate universe post WW1, TW for murder/war, depression/angst)

29. The Luminous Dead by Caitlin Starling-

(WLW, Sci-Fi Horror, dystopian future, fictional planet, TW for psychological/emotional horror, toxic relationship, death)

30. The Culling by Steven Dos Santos-

(MLM, Dystopian Fantasy under a totalitarian, extremely cruel government. People must undergo ‘the trials’ in order to work for a government task force- if you fail at any of the trials you are forced to participate in the Culling, where the member has to choose a family member of theirs to die. TW for death, extortion, brutal violence, murder, totalitarian government)

31. Deposing Nathan by Zack Smedley-

(MLM, about a court case regarding the main character and his best friend- deals with breaking points in friendships and how people and perception change. TW for biphobia, gay bashing, legal trial, abuse, knives, violence)

32. Ziggy, Stardust, and Me by James Brandon-

(MLM, Gay main character, historical fiction (Vietnam war), about a character dealing with his alcoholic father and family issues who creates a fictional world to cope where he can be out and openly himself. Coming of age. TW for bullying, alcoholism, institutionalized homophobia, familial homophobia, war mentions)

(this list is a WIP and anyone can add to it! If I need to add TWs or further explanations let me know!)

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If you could describe Misha to a blind person, what would you say?

Hmm, how would I describe Misha....?

Artistically:

I would say: Misha has a strong jaw with a dark wash of stubble to match his dark hair. It sets off the shock you get from the blue of his eyes. His high cheekbones, sharp in his youth, are a bit softer now but still bright with a flush of life. His eyes are hooded, and the creases in the corners don’t shy away from the joy he’s experienced in his life; they scream it. The joy he’s spread. He has a smile to pair that only someone with a good heart can be gifted. 

He’s uniquely beautiful, inside and out.

Technically: 

5′11″, fit, 46-year-old, caucasian male with blue eyes, Jensen’s wardrobe, and a strong aversion to maintaining original hip joints.

Answers to: Dmitri, Misha, Mish, and possibly Cas/Castiel

May also answer to: Excuse me, sir, but your face is ruining my life

Last seen in the produce aisle whispering sweet nothings to the kale 

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scenes of cas driving but he’s listening to his iconic pop playlist (reupload)

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Okay, one more quick 91W piece, because the descriptions of Dean are so rich, and I’m clearly vERy WeAK.

I now blame @dirtcas more than ever.