whenyourmomisakaren

[whenyourmomisakaren]

-discussing dr Phil saying that Kelli Stapleton doesn’t deserve to be jailed after killing her autistic daughter but that she should have a mental health plan-

Mom: well that’s what should happen

Me: ohkay but she still needs to be in jail for murdering her child

Mom: then keep her in jail while performing a mental health plan. That’s what our system needs.

Me: ohkay if you believe that then vote for people for Jail Reform.

Mom: no.

Me: but that’s what jail reform is.

Mom: but some people only say they are for jail reform to get votes.

Me: …ohkay but if you vote for people against jail reform you definitely won’t see any jail reform. If you vote for people who are for jail reform, they might live up to that promise and then we get jail reform.

Mom: I’m just stating a fact, people might say they are for it and not do anything once they get elected.

Me: but if you don’t vote for them and help get them elected, we definitely won’t get jail reform.

Mom: I’M JUST STATING A FACT.

[whenyourmomisakaren]

Mom on phone with friend: yeah come to dinner tonight. My friends will be there, jen, Renee, carol…

Person on phone says something

Mom: yeah those three are adults. There are two younger kids too. One is 21 the other is 30.

[whenyourmomisakaren]

Mom: I hate that celebrities do commercials!

Me: why?

Mom: when have you EVER heard of WHOOPI GOLDBERG having a MIGRAINE?! Now she’s here saying she takes this pill?

Me: well migraines aren’t something a celebrity would call the news about mom.

Mom: with how much we dig into their lives, we would know if she’s ever had a migraine. But no, she’s just helping sell these pills that she has no use for!

[whenyourmomisakaren]

Setting: mom and I are at the kitchen table. She’s writing down a list of things to get and I’m eating lunch

Mom: -pen stops writing-

Me: …..

Mom: -gets up. Goes to the silverware drawer. Pulls out the lighter for the grill. Puts the metal rollerball end of the pen in the flame-

Me: …..

Mom: -tries writing and it doesn’t work- -exasperated sigh-

[whenyourmomisakaren]

Setting the scene:

I had to drop my car off at the mechanic so my mom needed to pick me up. She was coming from a meeting which she apparently left early.

Mom: we are going this way cuz I need to talk to Julie and I want to see if she’s still at the church.

Me: ohkay.

We pull into the parking lot.

Mom: they are still in there? She’s still talking?

Me: was the meeting not over?

Mom: no but it was supposed to be. I don’t wanna go back in there. Julie will just have to call me.

Me: ohkay. What was the meeting about?

Mom: a missions trip in Guatemala.

Me: oh cool!

Mom: yeah it’s my first mission trip- want to join us?

Me: nope. I don’t think I’d be a good representative. (Ya know cuz I’m pagan. But my mom does think that’s just “a special kind of Christian”

[whenyourmomisakaren]

So my mom couldn’t find her list notepad and we had to go to meijer anyhow. I found her one that was long for lists like she wanted and it was $1.50.

Mom: no that’s too expensive. Plus I don’t like the spiral.

Ohkay cool. So we look can’t find one.

Find a list type post it note pad. $6.

Mom: ooooh ohkay. Let’s get that one.

Me: but this one was $1.50 and that’s $6.

Mom: yeah but that spiral will ruin the table if you let it sit there. This way all we have to worry about is the sticky part.

Me: 😶😶😶😐😐😐🙄🙄😬

[whenyourmomisakaren]

Me: -taking my stuff upstairs because my mom turned on the news-

News Channel: apparently all the Democrats wanted each republican on record with their opinion on this bill…

Mom: well of course they do! There’s no need to expand voting rights when you just cheat!

Me: -facepalm-

[whenyourmomisakaren]

Me: -living life as openly transgender for 6 years-

Mom: -sends me pictures of me as a girl saying I was pretty every couple months-

[whenyourmomisakaren]

Me: -gets a letter from the White House- oh cool I’m getting another check as part of the covid relief package.

Mom: you already got one.

Me: I know I’m getting another one. According to this letter I should be getting one within the next 7 days as part of the covid relief package.

Mom: -sighs annoyed-

Me: -joking tone because I know my mom hates Biden- I like this president, he follows through on promises and helps struggling people with money.

Mom: BUT ITS JUST ADDING TO OUR DEBT. AND CHINA IS GONNA OWN US.

Me: that’s not how it works but thank you for sharing your opinion.

Mom: IT IS HOW IT WORKS. ITS ALL FIAT MONEY. CHINA ALREADY OWNS US AND GIVING AWAY MONEY JUST MAKES OUR DEBT BIGGER.

Me: that’s not how it works, but thank you for sharing your opinion.

Mom: OKAY. SURE. JUST MAKE THE DEBT WORSE.

[whenyourmomisakaren]

Me: -tells my mom about the news story of the black Latino man in military uniform who got pulled over, pepper sprayed, threatened, and thrown on the ground-

Mom: what kills me is that black people just assume they are being racially profiled and if they’d just do what the police say there’s be no problem.

Me: -facepalm-

[whenyourmomisakaren]

Me and mom: in the Er because I had a seizure

Mom: I’m surprised they didn’t give you an IV

Me: well with covid and all the extra decontamination they have to do they probably don’t want to give IVs unless all your medicine is gonna be through the IV or your gonna be here for a while.

Mom: well the majority of people who come to the Er are just dehydrated. There’s probably nothing else wrong with them.

Me: 🙄🙄🙄🙄

[whenyourmomisakaren]

Me: -goes upstairs to ask my mom if she’s seen my cat-

Video on moms phone that she’s watching: “we as people are nice to everyone and hopefully they are nice to you back and we make friends and continue. Middle eastern people only care about one thing, power. And that power always comes through violence and destruction. That’s the only thing they respect. That comes out through acts of their personal lives.”

Me: -walks back downstairs because my mom is terrible-

[whenyourmomisakaren]

Mom: -to my aunt who is a teacher- did you get your shot yet?

Aunt: no not yet.

Mom: I’m not getting one

Me: 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Aunt: no?

Mom: no. They never tested it and they don’t know the after effects. Anyone who gets it is stupid.

Me: -a healthcare worker who is patiently waiting- 😬😬😬😬😬

[whenyourmomisakaren]

Me: reads this picture allowed

Mom: religion yes. Not Christianity.

[whenyourmomisakaren]

Me: -trying to back up my moms computer to her FOUR TB external hard drive for the past two hours-

Mom: well can we back up my iPad because it’s not turning on and if I could update it maybe it would turn on?

Me: no, it needs to charge.

Mom: I left it to charge and it’s not. I just want to bring my iPad to Florida. But I don’t even get that. Because no one ever makes time to try and help me.

[whenyourmomisakaren]

Mom: -partially pays me back- -looks at my friend- SHE’s so spoiled!

Me: HE.

Mom: oh sorry. YOURE so spoiled!

[whenyourmomisakaren]

New friend: your parents seem nice! Especially your mom.

Me: give her a minute.