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Tessa: *is angry at Will*

Will: Tessa, I apologize. I prepared a little speech to demonstrate how sorry I am. [clears throat and music starts playing in the background]

Tessa: Hi, James.

[music stops]

Jem's voice from behind a curtain: Hi, Tessa.

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I’m a piece of shit but it’s fine

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unmute this

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dog riding horse

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oh, Jesse

[here is the actual podcast]

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gentle reminder that cleopatra’s beauty is rumored to have started wars in ancient history

gentle reminder that people are evolving to be more and more attractive

gentle reminder that your beauty probably would have started at least 2 wars by now if you lived in 30 BC

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There are two types of people in the world: those who react to learning that you can use touch screens with your tongue with disgust and those who immediately go to lick their phones.

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this video is so well done it deserves an oscar

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Ron Swanson Quotes as Motivational Posters by Julia Pugachevsky Previously: Fitness Quotes Over Pictures of People Drinking

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no one has a crush on me. i am too strong to be crushed

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Sirius Black: So now that we know Remus Lupin is actually Werewolf McWerewolf we gotta do something totally awesome to help him out once a month while he's ReMSing

James Potter: I completely agree.

Sirius Black: We should be animals

James Potter: I wanna be a dragon

Sirius Black: I wanna be an Acromantula

James: I wanna be a boggart and take the form of my enemies greatest fear

Sirius: I wanna be a freaking hippogriff and fly around majestic as fuck

*research*

James: This looks really hard

Sirius: Yeah this is gonna take forever

James: Or, hear me out, you could probably be a dog. Sirius Black. Black Dog. Get it?

Sirius: Yeah, you can be a deer or something

James: Why a deer?

Sirius: Why NOT a deer?

James: Fuck yeah.

*Marauder high-five*

Peter: What about me guys

James: I dunno

Sirius: Be something that will somehow overwhelmingly represent the person you become in ten years due to some divine form of foreshadowing

Peter: Rat it is?

James: Rat it is.

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The ultimate dad joke compilation

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It's about fan fics

"what are you reading?"

"its a…online book."

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how to convince a waiter to become atheist

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