whelmedchaos

[whelmedchaos]

So what if Tim won Jason and Damien over with affection?

* Tim hugs his feral robin shape brother and said feral brother shape pretends not to like hugs they get but do demand more

I might be the incorrect everything blog but even this is out of character for me. What you're describing is fanon Dick Grayson. Keep in mind Tim is a weirdo who commits white-collar crimes with his equally freaky friends when no one's looking. If anything, he would win Jason and Damian's respect by minding his business and letting his skills speak for him.

Like while Damian's trying to get Bruce to up his allowance to upgrade his and Jon's Fortress of Attitude, Tim would casually launder money from a foreign country and put it in an anonymous envelope as Damian's birthday gift.

Or while Jason's trying to infiltrate Black Mask's operation, Tim bribes his way up the food chain or blackmails the ones who can't be paid off—acquiring the blackmail, of course, through a series of computer viruses designed to harvest people's information.

Because the way this dysfunctional family works, respect for abilities is a prerequisite for affection, and thus using said abilities to help each other becomes a love language.

Tim hugging his brothers and them pretending not to like it? Nah. It's more like Tim giving his brothers a crucial piece of intel and they have to pretend they didn't need him to find it when they really do.

[whelmedchaos]

I need Dick to be completely delusional about Tim and consider him to be his nicest, most helpful, and most well-behaved sibling.

_____

Tim: I have never done anything wrong, ever, in my life.

Dick: I know this and I love you 🥰

Jason: ...Dick, are you fucking HIGH???

_____

Dick: You should consider trying to be more like Tim! He's always such a well-behaved angel ❤️

Tim: Thank you, Dick 😇

Damian:

________

Dick: Tim is very kind and always so polite! He would never be mean to someone on purpose! ❤️

Bruce, who is bullied by Tim an average of 4.5 times a day:

______

Dick: Tim is an absolute sweetheart!

Cass: ... I do not think that word means what you think it does.

_____

Duke, staring at a warehouse that he and Tim just 'accidentally' blew up: ... So how mad do you think Dick is going to be at us?

Tim: Don't worry, I got this.

Dick, landing next to them: Holy explosion, Red Robin! What happened here?!?

Tim: I don't know 😔. It was like this when we got here 🥺.

Duke, whispering: There is no way he's going to believe tha-

Dick: Oh no! Well, I'm just glad you two are safe!

Duke: ... Tim, I need you to teach me your ways.

Dick: hm? Did you say something, Duke?

________

Dick: I don't get it! Why does everyone think Tim is some kind of crazed feral gremlin?!?

Alfred: I believe that is because they have in fact met Master Tim.

Dick: What was that? 🙃

Alfred: ... 😮‍💨 Truly it is a mystery for the ages.

[whelmedchaos]

Dick is for the eldest sibling while Tim is for the parentified children and I think that's the most important difference between them

[whelmedchaos]

i was supposed to go to bed an hour ago dont tell my mom

[whelmedchaos]

almost forgot to post him lol yo boy is flexible

[whelmedchaos]

Bruce, to his kids: Did none of you think this was a bad idea?!

Dick: Oh no, we all did. We just decided to do it anyway.

[whelmedchaos]

hot take: i feel like sowing is much better than reaping

[whelmedchaos]

Where's that tweet about people still living long fulfilling lives even through the fall of the roman empire because I think about it constantly

[whelmedchaos]

Where's that tweet about people still living long fulfilling lives even through the fall of the roman empire because I think about it constantly

[whelmedchaos]

If you voted trump unfollow me

[whelmedchaos]

i love all the predictions like "lol we're gonna find out through supernatural XD" and i wake up and TURNS OUT we're finding out because all my mutuals are reblogging and posting variations of "queer ppl do not kill yourself" which. jesus ok.

[whelmedchaos]

If by some miracle sweet potato Hitler doesn't win come the end of the week, this won't be necessary, but should he win here are some of the first things to be aware of or do.

If you know a trans person, no you don't. Respect them as best you can in private but you know nothing in public.

Be aware that TikTok will likely be banned, find new platforms to spread information. Fuck Twitter and what ever tiktok replacement he's working on.

Learn to Garden, even in winter so you can feed yourself should prices skyrocket

Get an air purifier. The Clean Air Act is likely to be stripped of its power with the EPA deregulated, air quality is going to suffer

Should you have kids, try to supplement history/social studies education. That's the first place they will attack, if you need help ask, history teacher will help

Try and do what you can to be aware of your health before January.

Help one another. That's the best way we can move forward and make change in the future.

[whelmedchaos]

Jason and Damian meet in the LoA AU where Damian vehemently insists that Jason is his only real brother since they have the same mother and father. The others try to tell him that Jason is also adopted, but Damian will just stare at them like they are stupid and go "is Father not his Father in the eyes of the law?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Does Mother not call him as her son?"

"I mean she does-"

"Are they not my Mother and Father as well?"

"Yes?"

"The matter has been concluded, then, Richard."

"What about me? Bruce is also my dad on paper?"

"You get half of the acknownledgement, of course, as you have been getting so far."

"What about Tim, then?"

"I don't see how he is relevant to this conversation."

"I'm just curious where he lands on the brother percentage scale."

"Nowhere. Timothy is a neighbour. Though I shall offer him hospitality while he is under our roof."

"You tripped him on the patrol last night."

"Does the alleyway look like our house to you?"

[whelmedchaos]

[whelmedchaos]

i got too optimistic and forgot kamala harris was dealing with the combined powers of racism and misogyny

[whelmedchaos]

People from other cities: How can Batman keep training these child soldiers for his crusade? It's child cruelty and he should be investigated!

Gothamites: The children yearn to fight crime. At least the birds have adult supervision, cause I sure as hell didn't.

[whelmedchaos]

I like to imagine that Brucie Wayne has a posse of himbo rich friends who are genuinely sweethearts but are just so so stupid. I'm talking about the kind that would comfort someone crying in a bathroom by asking them if they'd like to join them on a trip to Dubai.

Bruce knew them in high-school, used them as a basis for "Brucie," and seamlessly assimilated into their friend group. For the record, they have ZERO idea that he's Batman, but if they ever accidentally wandered into the Batcave, they wouldn't even piece it together. They'd just be like, "OOOO, I didn't know you had all this neat stuff :D" "Who's your supplier?" "Sweet car, bro"