whattheactualhela

[whattheactualhela]

Andy Zaltzman is one of the Taskmaster contestants of all time. He shows up to the Taskmaster house in full cricket gear, including shin guards and a bat. He offers powdered trampoline as a prize task. He continuously dresses in costume in the studio for no adequately explored reason. He created a children's television character with the catchphrase "You can't eat ice cream when you're burning in hell." His team correctly deduced that he was being compelled to lie when he claimed to not know what velvet was. He nicknamed his penis The Nexus of Truth. Absolute legend

[whattheactualhela]

[ID: Three screencaps from Taskmaster. Sam Campbell says, "Can I ask questions?" Greg Davies replies, "You can ask me one." Sam asks, "Are you a child of divorce?" End ID.]

[whattheactualhela]

TASKMASTER S01 E05, "Little denim shorts" (2015) TASKMASTER S18 E08, "Nexus of Truth" (2024)

[whattheactualhela]

What kind of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.

--Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

[whattheactualhela]

I was having ideas after listening to The Sink: A Sleep Aid

[whattheactualhela]

girl who's only ever played birdman playing snakes and ladders: getting a lot of birdman vibes from this

[whattheactualhela]

artist who usually draws horses draws a wolf

[whattheactualhela]

I had somehow forgotten the detail from The Truth that when Vetinari was under suspicion of murder, the four guild leaders who voted in his favor while they were trying to select a new Patrician were all female and included the heads of the guilds of Exotic Dancers and Seamstresses.

“What an interesting life Lord Vetinari must have led” indeed.

[whattheactualhela]

Cut-me-own-throat Dibbler x Ea-Nasir rivals to business partners 500k slowburn

[whattheactualhela]

life on mars textposts because i can think about little else atm

[whattheactualhela]

part 2 of life on mars x the onion (?) bcs I think I’m hilarious

[whattheactualhela]

I love Sam Tyler because he has Schroedinger's competency. He's a brilliant detective but he seemingly has little to no knowledge of actual active legislation. He's polite and charming but will randomly tell strangers that they don't exist and are a deranged part of his psyche. Enthralling.

[whattheactualhela]

Fun new game I invented: take any British crime show. If something terrible happened to each of the cops in that show, which one would Gene Hunt get on the best with?

[whattheactualhela]

Do the girlies even still know that Sam Tyler was named after Rose Tyler or have the ancient secrets from 2006 been forgotten?

[whattheactualhela]

If I had a nickel for every piece of media from the '00s with a British policeman named Sam suddenly time travelling 30ish years into the past, I would have two nickels. Which is weirdly specific, but I'll take it.

[whattheactualhela]

sam vimes is actually the character ever. when we meet him he's absolutely fucking WASTED in a gutter bc he's grieving a subordinate and a friend. he gets his shit together bc he's an adrenaline junkie. he told the patriarch of ankh morpork to shut up TWICE in like, five minutes (and vetinari let him). he annoyes rich people constantly and consistently. he has arrested two armies (INCLUDING his own city's). he survived being chased by werewolves. he's "vetinari's terrier". he recognizes ankh morpork streets by the feel of different COBBLES under his too thin boots. he's sober but keeps a half empty bottle in his drawer to keep himself in check. assassins have tried and FAILED to assassinate him countless times. he can make armor look rumpled. he HATES kings and gods and journalists and kings and stupid rich ppl. when he's angry he punches the wall outside of vetinari's office and vetinari LETS HIM. he's malewife. he's so so great.

[whattheactualhela]

you can throw all the “dark and handsome brooding” character you want at me but nothing will ever top the peak and i mean PEAK characterization of that trope in monstrous regiment, where the suave and ✨mysterious✨ vampire spends only the beginning of the book seeming put-together before he plummets deep into caffeine withdrawal, starts vividly hallucinating and is functionally useless for the rest of the plot while ambushes and infiltration plans are going on. 10/10.