whatidealwithasastemfe-male

[whatidealwithasastemfe-male]

[whatidealwithasastemfe-male]

can we talk about the way we encourage women to enter stem fields but then do nothing to change what makes stem environments hostile to women

[whatidealwithasastemfe-male]

I’m going to be head author on a conference paper! Starting to actually get somewhere :)

[whatidealwithasastemfe-male]

Alright, bc my baby sister’s life is basically a soap opera, let me share this maniac convo she has had with this kid (with her enthusiastic permission of course - please roast him).

Setting the stage: boy who has been confessing and flirting with her regardless of his girlfriend, her (now ex-)boyfriend, and her non-interest. She’s uncomfortable with the situation so she asks him to back off. This resulting conversation is the culmination of 3 weeks of him still not backing off.

The kid is left on read for 12 hours.

A paragraph follows.

This was 3 days ago, and she has since deleted their conversation. Suggestions on how to respond when he texts her again? Cause he will.

[whatidealwithasastemfe-male]

[whatidealwithasastemfe-male]

If I have to hear one more comment about someone being an anti feminist I might lose it.

“Well I think girls should just get over it”

“Engineering needs more women.” “Define needs.”

“My cousin can’t get any jobs because of this”

“My sister was forced into the job and she hated it”

“That’s just my unpopular opinion”

“I’m fine with having my gender roles”

“I’ve never been discriminated against and I’m in engineering”

“I hate children but I’ll love my babies”

Every time I try to have a conversation about any of it she shuts it down with comments like this. Like I’m glad you’re content with the lot in your life but not everyone is. I’m just trying to give women the opportunity to stay in the STEM field, not trying to force a 50/50 gender split. At the moment women are forced to either leave the field or never be able to get well paying positions. And I’m tired to hearing that I’m making everything up.

Had to write an essay on gender effects in the field so I’ve just been thinking about it more and it irritates me.

[whatidealwithasastemfe-male]

Sometimes the guys that seem nice are apparently still frickin creepy

[whatidealwithasastemfe-male]

You know this kind of makes me uncomfortable and I’m not real sure what to do

My mom says things like:

Your legs/nails are disgusting

You’re gaining weight

You don’t look pretty with your hair not blow dried

People have to look at you so at least put makeup on

(When I talk about wanting to wear a suit bc they look cool and I would feel good wearing one) you know your femininity is a gift, dress like a girl

At least pluck your eye brows they look horrible

Girls like that become lesbians because they’re lonely

Uses words like r*tarded and gay like they’re bad - she used to try not to say those things but she’s gotten back into the habit

When I mention something I’m self conscious about, like my weight, she makes it seem like I’m not allowed to feel that bc I’m thinner than her

Constantly makes fun of me and my siblings interests, saying that it’s a waste of time

Whenever I try to bring up something she does that stresses me out or makes me upset/self conscious she says that it really hurts her feelings and that she’ll cry about it later

She also puts up with so much crap from my step dad and refuses to do anything about it. At this point I want them divorced and I want to never see/speak to him again

He reads her text messages, like the ones between her and her children

Refuses to back down in any kind of argument

Anger issues galore, has thrown food at the wall before, cussed at the children, etc

Treats my little sister like she is less than he is because she has some extra weight

Controlling, manipulative, narcissistic

Will not even attempt to change or listen to legitimate criticism

Does not let her have her own bank account

Refuses to help me pay for college when I am working non stop over the summer to pay for most of it - I only got anything in the first place out of him bc of court stuff with my dad and my mom arguing non stop

Physically intimidates and degrades a 10 year old boy, called him a ‘pissant’

Has kicked them out of the house over an uno game

Tells my mom implicitly and explicitly that she is a bad mother and wife, that her children are all failures

Etc.

He has no idea how much all of us and his own children cannot stand him.

And yet my mom tries to defend him and say that he is “trying to be nice/helpful”

He’s only doing that bc he knows that my mom will refuse to pay him any attention if he doesn’t.

———————

If anyone has any suggestions, I would appreciate.

[whatidealwithasastemfe-male]

From my experience anyway, a guy in STEM does not know how to interact with women on any level. Either I get comments like this, the guy will refuse to look at me or even continue a conversation, or they think they’re entitled to my attention.

This dude is one of the rudest I’ve met but not the worst probably.

I’ve been stalked before by some “nice guy” who thought it was fine to completely ignore what I outright said to him in writing. It was borderline gaslighting with the way he tried to manipulate me into going on a date with him.

Let me just say

That the last thing that a barely 17 year old girl in her first engineering math class at college wants to hear is: “the only reason you got here is because they give out participation prizes”

And, no, it does not mean that if she gets upset or offended at that comment, that you are allowed to rudely ask her in front of a group of people if she is “on one” (a period, I mean)

You, my good sir, are just an A-hole.

[whatidealwithasastemfe-male]

Let me just say

That the last thing that a barely 17 year old girl in her first engineering math class at college wants to hear is: “the only reason you got here is because they give out participation prizes”

And, no, it does not mean that if she gets upset or offended at that comment, that you are allowed to rudely ask her in front of a group of people if she is “on one” (a period, I mean)

You, my good sir, are just an A-hole.

[whatidealwithasastemfe-male]

‘Nerdy nice guys’ can’t -

Take a hint to save their lives

Treat a girl like a real person

Stay out of a female’s personal space

Deal when a woman is smarter than him

Understand that some people have lives

Get that a smile is not a flirtation

Be quiet when they don’t need to talk

Look at someone else’s perspective

Quit saying “not all men”

Listen to a Woman In Charge

Let someone else get the credit

Enjoy something even slightly feminine

- and shouldn’t - get the good things in life

Don’t empower them

[whatidealwithasastemfe-male]

The kid who wouldn’t get a hint

The guy who I now refer to as ‘my stalker’ is in ⅔ of my classes and lives in the same portion of campus as me. He’s also in my ward at church and still goes to the one club I was in, which I stopped going to for obvious reasons. I eventually straight up blocked his number and stayed far away from him since.

I put up with his crappy manipulation tactics and personal space invasions for about a month, and told him multiple times, very clearly, that he made me uncomfortable.

That I was not interested

That he was making my anxiety worse

I deliberately refused to talk to him, told him several times to just go on walking with out me.

He continued to ask me out, multiple times. Told me that I was giving ‘mixed signals’ that i wasn’t clear. He once stood behind me and waited for me to finish talking to someone else after I specifically told him to leave.

Nonstop texting

Came over to my appt

And said things like “after this I’m probably just gonna stop dating for a while, if it just turns out like this all the time.” As if I was going to give him sympathy for harassing me????????

I went to an adult. I told our bishop that this kid was making me uncomfortable and anxious and this man blew me off bc

“Some guys are just like that”

I stopped going to class. I had panic attacks when I would work on hw. I would see his head and my heart would just stop. I stopped talking to my friends and I so angry all the freaking time.

Why do men get to get away w stuff like that bc they’re awkward, or lonely, or whatever else the hell they think makes it ok.

I am not a body. And I don’t deserve to be somebody else’s prize

Leave me alone.