whataduck

[whataduck]

My 4 year old nephew loves to paint his nails. Any time he sees someone wear nail polish he asks if he can have some too. The most difficult part is getting him to decide what color, because he he wants all of them.

Nail polish is for everyone.

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one of the more upsetting things you notice if you look back at older european weapons is that nobody fucking named any of the types of flail so you've gotta describe them by appearance every single time

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Care for a drink?

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Permission to blow up?

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nuclear power is impressive until you get up to why. "we use the most precisely engineered machinery ever created to split atoms to release energy" oh yeah how come? "boil water to turn a fan" get the fuck out

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"User liked your post" cool

"User reblogged your post" Wow!!

"User reblogged your post "#some silly little tag"" AAAAH THEY LOVE ME OMG!!!!

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"stress" by yoan capote - made of bronze and concrete

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this frame from the fallout tv show is so funny i nearly puked watching it

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Somewhere very far away

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Tumblr is unique bc like. It's collaborative shitposting and you can't opt in or out. You can just say something about your day then an evil wizard shows up to turn your post into something humorous

Every other site is just one and done, but here a post is a welcome mat to be funnier than you

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Source

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tried to tell my faithful eunuch Tucker that he was basically tumblr famous, but he was too focused on defending the homestead to care

[whataduck]

On my first day in Germany I got to my hotel and I couldn't get the lights to turn on. And I was like "Eh, fuck it, I'll just take a shower in the dark." And then the shower wouldn't get hot. I waited and waited and it stayed ice cold.

So I go down to the front desk and I'm like "My lights won't turn on and my shower won't get hot" so they send this guy up with me. We get into the room and I flick the switch and nothing happens so I'm like "See?"

And he goes "You must put your card in the slot."

"I... what? I have to put my room card in the light switch?"

"Of course!"

Now I have been in many hotels in the US and never encountered this concept, but apparently it was something most of their guests already knew. So I'm looking like a fool at this point. I feel like an idiot. The dude is fully grinning at me. I put the card in the slot and voila, the light turns on.

Then he's like "Ok, let's see if the shower works. You know you must wait for the hot water?" and I just know he's thinking I'm an idiot who also can't use a shower. This stupid American can't wait for the hot water! She can't even use a light switch or a shower!

And I guess he was distracted by these thoughts of my stupidity, because this dude fully stepped into the shower. In his nice dress shirt and slacks. He just. Gets into the shower.

And turns it on.

Have you ever seen a playing field get leveled instantaneously

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