what-am-i-doing-with-my-non-life

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tim "faking" a bicycle accident to get his neighbor to come help him, based on @upswings's post, which gripped me by the throat the moment i read it

extras:

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Bruce: We're going to put everything we love in this box.

Jason: Can I put Dick in the box?

Bruce: no

Tim: Can I put Dick in the box?

Bruce: No.

Damian: Can I-

Bruce: NO YOU MAY NOT PUT DICK IN THE BOX!

Dick: *cries in My Brothers Just Admitted They Love Me*

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Clark: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them?

Bruce, watching Jason screaming, Damian trying to set a sleeping Tim on fire, and Dick choking on air: I don't know either.

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Cass is face blind, not like oh she’s bad at remembering faces but in an actual cannot for the life of her know who she’s looking at kinda way. Instead of faces she uses context clues, body language, and voices to tell who she’s interacting with. She’s gotten pretty good at it each of her family members having an obvious tell that it’s them. Some of them include how Dick always has blue incorporated into his outfit. Jason always smells slightly of gun powder and cigarettes. Tim’s posture is so bad Cass can tell it’s him from a mile away. Damian has green eyes, Steph has blonde hair, Babs has red hair. Cass wishes all the boys had different colored hair, as it would simply make her life a lot easier.

The face blindness really doesn’t impare her abilities during patrol cause all of the Gotham rogues and heroes wear such dramatic outfits Cass doesn’t need to see their face to know who they are.

Unfortunately problems often arise when she’s in civilian form,

Cass: *at starbucks*

Dick: oh my god Cass! is that you?

Cass: *confused but polite* hello.

Dick: hey, how’s your day been?

Cass: *is unsure why this random guy is talking to her but once again polite* good.

Dick: *confused on why his sister is acting weird*...that’s good.

Cass: *grabbing her order and attempting to leave.*

Dick: Wait don’t you want a ride back to the manor?

Cass: No. *rushing away and is very uncomfortable.*

Cass: *halfway down the street, realizing she’s heard that voice before, immediately pulling out her phone*

Dick: Hello?

Cass: Starbucks?

Dick: Yea..

——

Jason: *recently dyed his white streak black cause he was feeling insecure about it*

Cass: *stands next to no streak Jason sitting at the batcomputer* Bruce?

Jason: I beg your finest pardon

Cass: Oh, Hi Jason.

Jason: *on his way to bleach his streak back cause never again.*

——

Bruce: *brings Clark to the manor, they’re both in civilian clothing looking identical.*

Cass: No metas, too confusing.

Cass: *staring directly at Bruce thinking it’s Clark* I. Don’t. Like. You.

Bruce: *has not been this heartbroken since Khoa Khan.* Clark, I think it’s best for you to leave

——

Cass: *staring at the blonde person in the kitchen thinking it’s Steph* oh wow your hair..

Bernard: *also face blind.* Tim…You sound different.

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op turned off reblogs but this needs to be shared

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12 year old, 4'4ft Jason: Tall people really act like they earned their height

17 year old, 5'10ft Dick: Short people really act like we stole their height

Bruce, internally: [don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh-]

-

[Years later]

19 year old, 6'2ft Jason: Hey, remember when I stole your height? Good times

24 year old 5'10 Dick:

Dick: First oF ALL, YOU SASQUATCH SIZED BITCH-

Bruce, internally: [DON'T LAUGH, DON'T LAUGH, DON'T LAUGH-]

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Tim: We all have a skeletons in our closets.

Damian: You do?

Jason: Some more than others.

Damian: I don’t… anymore.

Dick: It’s perfectly normal.

Damian: You said it’s illegal to do such a thing.

Tim, Jason and Dick processing what he said: Wait, no!

Dick: We’re not being serious!

Jason: It’s an idiom, kid!

Tim: It means having past secrets that are either bad or embarrassing.

Damian: Oh. Then I don’t have any skeletons in my closet. You all know my past now.

Jason: I gotta get you an idiom booklet.

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Red Hood comes back and everything's the same except Bruce doesn't realise that while Jason's still pissed at him, it's more of a familial feud than it is a genuine casting himself away from the family forever. Jason's under the impression that what's going on between him and B is just normal teenage rebellion- after all, Dick basically did the same shit when they were younger, he remembers sitting on top of the stairs and listening to the arguments, hell he remembers eating popcorn while stood in the middle of a couple of them. they're a family of fucked up vigilantes, it makes sense to him that their father-son brawls are just as dramatic as the rest of their lives.

after the rooftop showdown where Bruce saves the Joker he gets into the batmobile, slightly depressed that he has to go back home and tell Alfred that he failed oh so spectacularly at convincing Jason to come home and probably actually made things a 100% worse and oh god when he finds out about the batarang-

Red Hood opens the passenger door and gets into the car

Jason: jesus christ B are you THAT fucking stubborn? YOU ALMOST DECAPITATED ME WITH THAT THING

Bruce:

Jason: whatever. actually, don't fucking talk to me. I'm not continuing this until next patrol where trust me I WILL be shooting you in the neck.

Bruce: ...w-

Jason: CAN YOU HURRY UP AND FUCKING DRIVE ALREADY? Jesus it's fucking freezing out and the heater isn't even on!

Bruce has absolutely no fucking clue what's going on. He continues to stare in the very rare Batman Bafflement that only his kids have ever managed to get out of him.

Is Jason... coming home with him?

He's so shocked at the sudden turn of events, so scared of flinching slightly in the wrong direction and ruining whatever the fuck convinced his son to actually get in the car with him, that he decides in a moment of pure panic to not question it. He turns the car on, silently turns on the heater, and proceeds to white knuckle the steering wheel and stiffly drive back to the manor, terrified that even breathing too loud will disrupt the way the Red Hood is spitefully messing with the radio station until it's playing Bruce's least favourite station at a way-too-loud volume.

when they get home Jason flips Bruce off and goes straight to the kitchen, dishing himself up some food from the dinner table with a couple of casual greeting grunts as if everyone isn't staring at him in shock and awe. Bruce comes in behind him and shrugs helplessly. Dick's face has gone white, and he's clutching his glass so hard it's started to splinter in his hands. Tim's the only person who manages to get past it all, blinking up at Jason's massive hulking frame.

Tim: I thought you hated us now

Jason: *eating, gives a questioning hum*

Tim: you keep fighting with Batman

Jason: yeah, fuck batman. I'm so pissed at him right now

Bruce: h-

Jason: Shut the fuck up I'm still mad at you.

Jason, to Tim: it's family tradition to hate Bruce and strike out on your own. Doesn't mean I shouldn't be allowed Alfie's impeccable cooking.

Tim:

Tim: ...you also tried to kill me

Jason: you replaced me as Robin. an attempt on your life is also family tradition. Dick tried to kill me a month after I took up the mantle

Tim:

Dick, so exasperated it breaks him out of his shock: oh come on, it was not a murder attempt-

Jason, slamming his fist on the table: I HAVE A PEANUT ALLERGY AND YOU TRIED TO FEED ME A SNICKERS BAR!

Dick: FOR THE LAST TIME I DIDN'T KNOW-

Bruce, desperate: boys-

Jason, whirling around: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT TALKING TO ME?

Bruce:

Jason: oh that reminds me. hey Alfred? guess what B did like twenty minutes ago.

Alfred: ..?

Bruce: Jaylad please-

Jason: he threw a batarang at my neck.

Alfred:

Bruce:

Alfred: master Bruce-

Bruce quite honestly would have preferred it if Jason was a villain instead of a rebellious teen.

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slowly approaching bear

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the concept and idea of “you can always start trying to be a better person” is extremely important to me both in media and irl and i continue to be deeply deeply disturbed by the trend on this site pushing that these ideas in media are bad writing or even morally reprehensible

because theyd rather someone stay terrible or just straight up die than become a better person 

from a compassionate point of view it’s deeply distressing and from a pragmatic point of view it’s outright frustrating

it’s fucked up. 

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Before they got together :

Roy loved to joke around by acting like Jason needed protecting despite him being a fully grown, tough-as-nails adult. He’d throw out lines like, “Hey, baby boy, want me to handle this one ?” or “Careful, Jay, don’t want you getting hurt.” Whenever Dick teased Jason, Roy would step in, saying, “Hey, back off. My guy’s had a rough day,” just to mess with them both.

But one day, after giving Bruce a “cut him some slack” look during a conversation, Roy noticed something. Jason’s usual eye-roll was missing, replaced with a hint of a blush and a barely-there smile. Turns out, he didn’t just tolerate it; Jason secretly liked feeling protected. And now that Roy knew ? He leaned into it even more, happy to be the one Jason let his guard down with.

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Dick: I was protecting my siblings. I will always protect my siblings.

Dick when his siblings do something stupid and reckless without him: I'm on my way to murder my siblings.

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losercore girlcore sitting in her roomcore

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pspsps batfam fans, come get your dose of batfam sibling betrayal.

Based on [this] post by @justmythoughts-j !

I cant help but doodle this. I find it funny c’: Also tried drawing Tim with longer hair for funsies.

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