Text
i think the worst feeling ever is when someone means more to you than you mean to them
339K notes
·
View notes
Text
0 notes
Text
0 notes
Text
Praying for the woman I’ll be in 5+yrs I hope she’s happy, and loved, living life unapologetically, doing what she loves.
544K notes
·
View notes
Text
I look around at the people around me...
I’m not sure who to turn to. I’m sure they’re all tired of hearing me talk about him. Everyone has told me the same thing over and over again. But it’s no that easy to forget about someone you’ve loved for so many years. His words still haunt me which is probably why I’m the way I am since I thought he believed them too. “No matter what goes wrong as long as we try we would work things out” I thought that he meant it. But I’m sure he’s forgotten he’s said that to me before. It was over 5 years ago. I wish I knew who to turn to. I could turn to Aiyah but I just talked to about this yesterday but this morning he dropped another bomb on me. I could talk to Michelle but she’s finally back in San Jose spending time with her bf. Natalie just got back from the DR. I can’t bother her since she should spend time with family. I don’t think Alyssa or Andrea would really appreciate me talking about it to them either. I can’t really talk to Sarah, tbh I feel worse about it after talking to her about things he does but I know she doesn’t mean to and she’s just trying to make me feel better. My other friends in Fresno probably don’t want me to talk to them about this either. I’m so use to acting super happy around them. I don’t think they would be okay with me like this. Besides I don’t think we are considered that close anyways since for hangouts they never think of me I’m a second option for them. I’m not in their group. As the day goes by my misery just grows and grows when I don’t hear from him. I want to talk to him and hug him but he doesn’t. He said he doesn’t even know if he likes me in that way anymore. How did his feelings for me change in these 2 weeks?? I don’t understand. Does he just not want to be with me?? So he’s willing to be with someone else? My heart is acheing. I did agree to go have food with him and volunteer with him though. I don’t know if those plans will actually come through. Since after I see him I will ask about the 100 days. I may not see him again. And I’m scared. I really wish I knew why he feels the way he does. Why did he suddenly change? I know he changed in a day because he still texted me and then last week Monday night he still did. Then after that day he stopped and something changed. Idk why cause he was acting completely normal on Monday. What went wrong. Maybe when I said no to something? Idk if that’s the case. It didn’t seem like it. He was still talking about rustle and tussle Monday... so he had to have feelings for me then. So in a week how did things change? The 100 days picture was posted that Wednesday. I don’t know... what’s worst is that he told me that this morning and I had a doctors appointment this afternoon to get the shot. I felt so stupid as I went to that appointment since it would be bad to just not go. I feel so stupid.
0 notes
Text
A week ago she posted the Disneyland photo saying “Happy 100th days champ 🎉🎊” are you going out with her while still leading me on. Are you cheating on her with me? You slept with me multiple times within those 100 days so what is that suppose to mean. I’m waiting to see you in person before I say anything. If I find out that you are dating her I’m for sure not going to talk to you again and probably tell her you’re a big fat cheater. If you’re not then I want explainations and I don’t want her around. Cause she’s is very suspicious and obviously likes you. Also recently ever since I left back for San Diego you didn’t text or talk to me often since it was finals week. But now that it’s over what’s the excuse now... you have summer school but that ends at 9am or 10am at the latest. It’s just that you have other things you’d rather do than talk to me. You have time. You just don’t want to spend it with me. It’s made me realize I don’t actually have a lot of real friends. I’m friends with them but I don’t come to mind first when they want to hang out. Or they just want to go to dinner and I don’t feel great around them sometimes.
0 notes
Text
While I wait for your call or text you go out with this girl. You went to Disneyland took another picture of you guys being very close. You had her come over to your room. Why am I even here? She’s probably the reason why you aren’t talking to me as much since you’re so busy with her. Well I’ll leave then. You don’t even give me proper responses when you texted me first. I’m slowly losing hope in you.
0 notes
Text
It’s been a long time since I wrote something. And I really need it now. I’m losing it. I feel like I am about to burst any minute now. I want to cry. I’m only allowed a few hours of solitude in this apartment. It doesn’t give me much time to hide. I want to talk to him but it seems a new girl has entered his life again. This time if he gets with her then I’ll be officially leaving him for good. I can’t deal with this anymore. My mental health is screwed. My life feels screwed. I feel drained from school life and my personal life. I just want everything to be over. I hate my current life. Lab report after lab reports... also Colin not talking to me as much. He texts me every day but only like one or two things which can’t even be considered a conversation. Last week after he finished finals I asked if he had plans... he said no so I suggested we see each other. Now he is busy going out because people ask him things. So I’m not sure what he expects from me. Does he really think I’ll stick around again? No I won’t. I will see him to maybe kill him but that’s it. I feel dumb. It was only me that wanted to see him before he went on his trip to Japan. If he really wanted to see me he’d text me about it. But he hasn’t. He’s gone to dinner with that girl and has invited her over to his place. I guess he does like her. I guess my time with him has come to an end. Except without me realizing how he was trying to move on the whole time while acting like he still liked me. I feel stupid. Why did I give him what he wanted without requesting that he committed to me? Maybe cause I was scared. I was scared that if I didn’t give him what he wanted he’d get bored of me and leave me even faster. Maybe if I could grab his attention for a little longer. But it’s not like he really wanted to commit to me so no matter what I did it doesn’t matter. Can’t tie down someone who doesn’t want to be tied down. But it always brings me back to him saying he doesn’t plan to date. He says that but look what happened he found another girl. I can’t do this. I really hate this. I just can’t figure out why he doesn’t even try to make things work between us.... maybe cause he doesn’t take me seriously from the beginning. Summer fling or vacation fling is probably the best I can get out of him... I want to scream. I want answers. But I won’t get them. I wish we could have a conversation in person and be honest with each other. Is that too much to ask? Apparently. He doesn’t even try to have a conversation with me anymore. I don’t know what he’s doing but I know he is with someone else he’d rather be with I guess.
0 notes
Photo
78K notes
·
View notes
Photo
220 notes
·
View notes
Text
He got annoyed with me yesterday and after that we didn’t even text each other after the secret Santa lunch we had... I felt bad for telling him the time was 30mins before it actually was... but I thought he’d be late again since every time we went out together he’d always be late. But then he actually showed up on time this one time I tell him a earlier time. I feel like I’m always the one being punished. I don’t get to get mad at him every time he’d late and I have to wait 30 mins... but he’s probably mad since I did it on purpose... our relationship is so unstable it makes me scared but at the same time I’m just tired. He ignored my “messages” since idk what to say to him anymore since when I apologized in person he ignored me and just said annoying. It hurts you know.. I went back to my car so I could cry since someone wasn’t there yet. Turns out I was gone for 20minutes. I didn’t even notice. I just want to know what he’s thinking now...what am I suppose to do other than feel miserable that he’s mad at me. Idk if he’s still mad... idk if we’re even ok. Idk if our relationship is going to be ok. And it was over something so small. Maybe I’ll send a message asking how his day is and if he ignored that then I’ll know...
0 notes
Text
Recently he hasn’t been calling me or texting me as much and I’m guessing it is cause of midterms... but today I got my midterm grade back for quantum...and it didn’t look great... I might get a C or lower in the class... This is not looking to good, what am I going to do... I wanted to call him to make myself feel better but he’s not answering so I texted him and he looked at my text but didn’t respond.... I feel even worst now but I can’t bring myself to cry about it. I hate everything... maybe he has another midterm tomorrow who knows but still... I wanted him to at least respond... I’m starting to feel like our relationship is going to end soon and it scares me so much. I don’t want to lose him and he says that he feels the same way about me but I feel like we are starting to grow distant... I’m scared of this and I’m also scared about my grade... C’s don’t look good for med school... and it won’t look good to my dad either... I really don’t want to disappoint him since he spent so much money for my school but I don’t know what I can do...
0 notes
Text
“A person doesn’t know true hurt and suffering until they’ve felt the pain of falling in love with someone whose affections lie elsewhere.”
— Rose Gordon, Her Imperfect Groom
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
I don't want to say good bye. Please don't make me say bye. I don't want you to disappear in my life. There will be a hole in my heart.
1 note
·
View note
Text
Isn't it crazy how just one thing he says can either make or ruin my day.... he just said I was foolish but it hurt so much and that was hours ago. I still want to cry. I hate myself so much but the tears are having trouble coming out. I hate myself. I hate having to lie to ppl about what it is that is bothering me...
0 notes
Text
I want a love like no other.
I want a fairy tale love with a fairy tale ending.
I want a love that is undeniably love.
I want a love where I'll be able to hold hands with him and talk about anything.
I want to be in his arms and feel secure and have all my worries disappear.
I want to be the goal where others aim to find a love like ours.
I want our days to be filled with happiness and warmth.
I want to talk and laugh with him, play around all day.
I want to tell him I love him
I want him to tell me he loves me.
I want to feel loved.
I want to be loved.
But I only want him.
0 notes