wevulcan90

[wevulcan90]

I still miss you.

It's going to be a month since you broke up with me. I begged for you to be with me. I wanted you to fight for us, for me and I wanted your support. You couldn't or won't.

I was never the greatest boyfriend I know I had my issues, but don't say I didn't try. I wanted to be the best for you. The best on what I can do despite my situation. I wanted you to love me and treat me as your partner.

You couldn't be with me because you couldn't or won't do the thing I need from you which at least try to be my partner. You were tired of waiting for me and I'm still pushing despite everything to fight for you. You couldn't it anymore. I don't want to keep holding you back.

I wanna let it go. Even if I want to let go just know I miss you, not one day has passed still I haven't thought of you. I miss you still.

I miss your smile, your laugh, your voice, your hair, your eyes, I miss our nights which in your case your day, vice versa, I miss your stories, I miss your snores, I miss waking you up, I miss our dates, I miss your reminders, I miss singing for you, I miss complimenting you, I miss your teases, I miss giving you random facts, I miss kisses, I miss making love to you, I miss calling you boo, I miss being your shoulder, I miss telling you stories, I miss cooking for you, I miss your smell, I miss telling I love you, I miss being yours and I miss you loving me. Even though you don't want to love me anymore.

You were everything to me. I will always carry the memory of you. It's going to bring a lot of pain, regrets, fondness and happiness.

I know I'm mad at you, angry at you and so broken right now. However I will love you or I still love you. My hazel nut eyes, my heart, my bestfriend, my everthing, lablab, and baby boo.

You gotta live your life now without me. I have to do the same. I love you. My Allie. I need to let you go now.

Yours truly

-Your boo, koala, Francis.

[wevulcan90]

“Wait for the one who will find you in the dark, and listen to you in the storm.” - JmStorm

[wevulcan90]

I think of you, and everything in me breaks.

[wevulcan90]

Everday.

“You don’t know why you’re exhausted? You’re fighting a war inside your head every single day. If that’s not exhausting, I don’t know what is.” - Unknown

[wevulcan90]

I was in love with you. Maybe it was stupid. Nevertheless I was in love. I knew now what love is and I knew what it would feel like next time.

[wevulcan90]

It has been awhile ...

My last post was 3 years ago. It has been rough and that's the nicest way to put it.

A lot has happened since 2019, I quit school and pursued working full time instead of part time, I was on-off while working did not have the patience at all (Customer service gets to you), at that time I learned a lot, then COVID hit and then was jobless at that time for roughly 6 months and between those months my grandmother died. From there it just sucked, we were back to work however limited but this time I was working with a different company, met people, grew as a person, actually liked worked, and then was promoted into a position early 2022. My girlfriend also was going to study abroad in the same year which sucked. While working in a position, it was hard. It was hard to work in a position, making decisions that could affect people and their livelihood, fighting off out clients, trying to raise morale, and caring for them. It grew me as person but at the same time it was miserable. There's the constant thought people have it out for you, people will hate you, your friends when you were on their same level will treat you differently, and people even higher will have your head if you f**k things up.

It was dark and I had to get away from made even worse that you also have your own personal problems. My own family feels like I'm just another piggy bank (some of them), long distance is really hard but making it work, and health issues. The same year I thought I had a stroke after one my colleagues noticed my right face is drooping, eyes are not blinking the same time and as well as my taste not working properly working. I thought I was tired and after checking with the company doctor I could have a mini stroke while I was asleep and was sent to the hospital for proper check-up and tests. It turns-out I had Bell's Palsy, possibly because of the stress or due to a viral infections.

After all that happened I decided to just change things. I wanted to resign.

This year I had resigned. Now working on a way to get to Canada as well as a student same route as my girlfriend. It has been rough financially and emotionally. I just wish I can push through it.

There's a lot to tell but I don't think it would be appropriate (specially the details in between these stories).

The reason why I'm venting this all-out is because this platform is small and it's not as toxic, and I remembered I actually had fun here. I don't like doing diaries they get lost and I don't like putting notes and saving in the cloud I want to share this with some people, the reason I dunno? It could be I just want to see this for their context, possibly to just vent, all of them or possibly because f**k it.

There has been a meme going on for awhile that after COVID it just the world went downhill, I'm inclined that's true since reading everything I wrote it would be the same for me as well but I am thinking it is my decisions. Whatever the case COVID or not it would still be the same I would be in the same place because I suck at making decisions but I do hope whatever decision I make it would be done right in the end ... It would matter. No matter how much it f**king sucks right now it was worth it.

I might post again, depending and I hope I get to see this again and whoever reading this thank you.

[wevulcan90]

8 months with this lovely girl. I can't believe it... I never thought I'd get to this point. I could never get sick at looking your beautiful face, appreciating your amazing body and admiring your intellectual mind. So many memories, so many fights, so many laughs, so many sadness, so many happy moments, I can't believe I'm doing it all with you my baby boo and I have never regretted those memories. Happy 2 months as a couple and happy 8 months. I love you my baby boo so goddamn madly in love with you.I hope to be longer with you my baby boo. Always?

[wevulcan90]

Hi there. It's been 8 months since I've started dating you and I never felt happier and luckier that I did. I will never get sick of looking at your beautiful face, appreciating your amazing body, piqued of your intelligent mind. I will never get sick of it, I will always be thankful of everything you are including the ones I wrote down. We've made some memories, memories of us fighting, laughing, kissing, crying, talking, getting mad at each other, being jealous, being scared, being stupid, being in love ... So many memories and I can't help being thankful for them all and thankful that I'm doing all of it with you. I'm glad you picked me, out every guy you could've fallen for... it was me, I'm really glad you picked me and I'm glad that I fell for you. I love you boo...

You maybe wondering why I chose this photo to post it's because this I think where you're most beautiful at. And this is the face I looked at most nights when we first started the face that made me fall for you harder.

You are the most incredible girl I've met so far and the most incredible girlfriend I'll ever have. I love you my baby boo congratulations to us for being a couple for two months and congratulations to us for making it to 8 months. I want to be with you longer baby boo ... I love you. Always?

[wevulcan90]

Almost going to 5 and never been any happier.

[wevulcan90]

I dunno what's heaven like but I think I know how it feels. Just being in her arms feels like it.

[wevulcan90]

Falling with you was one of the best things have ever happened in my life. I'm happy and thankful that you gave me a chance. ❤️💓

[wevulcan90]

[wevulcan90]

I'm sorry if I'm not successful, handsome, and outgoing. But I am really trying for you to like me...

[wevulcan90]

There is no one out there for me. How much I try I get ignored, lied to, cheated, and .... I'm tired. I don't want to look anymore. I'm just so tired.

[wevulcan90]

It's what happened I'm hurting right now, it's what she did after leaving me broken without a bother in the world.

[wevulcan90]

I just don't know if I can handle anymore heartbreaks.

[wevulcan90]

No... No... Please. I don't wanna fall in love specially with you. I don't want to fall.