wesofmaldonia

[wesofmaldonia]

does anything about marriage scare you?

No this is NOT for the lie meme, just prefacing with that. But honestly? No. I’m not afraid of being tied down, I’m not afraid of growing up, I’m not afraid of spending the rest of my life with my soon-to-be wife. The only thing I’m a little afraid of? Charlie’s temper, but like, I’ve dealt with that my whole life and I love that part of her. 

HONESTY HOUR!

[wesofmaldonia]

🌻

I’ve had my driver’s license since I was 17, I just never spent much time in a place for me to actually drive as often as I want to, and now I can! 

SEND ME ‘🌻’ AND I’LL TELL YOU WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT.

[wesofmaldonia]

Would you ever be boyfriends with Wayland?

I’d love to but I don’t know -- a boy and the frog that lives in his mouth? It would never work out. 

ASK ME ANYTHING AND I’LL ANSWER WITH DEFINITE LIES.

[wesofmaldonia]

Do you 100% agree with Charlie's new business venture?

I completely believe that relationships are entirely made up on agreeing with each other 100% of the time. That’s one of my core values, thank you for noticing! 

ASK ME ANYTHING AND I’LL ANSWER WITH DEFINITE LIES.

[wesofmaldonia]

charlielabouff​:

It’s not going to be a cotton business once I take over! Why don’t you guys understand? I have a full  plan to turn it into something else, into something meaningful. And I swear to god if you bring it up again, your dick will never see my vagina again. Ugh. Fine. But I’m taking Dramamine. 

I understand, Charmander! And I understand why keeping it is especially important to you now that he’s gone. I was just joking. Have you figured out your exact plans for it yet? 

[wesofmaldonia]

sagegothel​:

Wait, how does a car grow? Is it like, those sponge things when you put them in water and they get bigger? Does your car like, fit an extra passenger every time it rains?

.....Sage, should I even bother explaining metaphors and sarcasm to you? 

[wesofmaldonia]

charlielabouff​:

Sometimes oldschool is the best way! I give it a week before you total the Wesla and I’ll tell you I told you so. If not, then I’l totally go on a midnight drive with you. Though, it does sound pretty damned romantic.  Guess we need to remind the city just how much of a cute power couple we are. 

First the cotton business, now no cars, should I be scared that you’re going all Little House on the Prairie before my eyes? I agree about the power couple thing, and you’d be surprised! I drove that thing around NOLA all summer! I’m an excellent driver. 

[wesofmaldonia]

charlielabouff​:

Nope. I preferred the non-city lifestyle and the aesthetic before. If I wanted to live in a city, I’d live in a city!  Nope. I’m not going to get inside of a death machine. i’m going to keep using my board and my scooter and my anything that’s not a car. Thaaaankksss. 

All the rural rustic-ness was cute and all, but it was so oldschool. Maybe you’ll grow to love this new Walt. You wouldn’t even accompany me on a romantic midnight drive with the windows down? 

[wesofmaldonia]

tiaisms​:

Under normal circumstances, I’d totally make fun of you for being such a d-bag. But honestly? MOOD! Walking everywhere was So basic! My car (that has no name because I don’t suck) was practically BUILT to be shown off in a city as gorgey as New Walt. We are truly living our best lives right now.

Finally, someone understands. Can’t say the same about my fiancee. What did you do to Charlie to make her hate cars? It had to have been you, don’t even try to lie. 

[wesofmaldonia]

charlielabouff​:

Y’know, I feel like I should be more offended that you called your car your life, but I’m too overwhelmed by how different everything is. I miss the cottages! There was so much more room! And – and now I feel like I can’t like run or skateboard or anything  to get around. And fuck learning how to drive. I’m not going to be behind the wheel of a death machine. 

But Charmander!!!! All the lights! Everything’s so shiny and twinkly, I’m obsessed. And lucky for you, you’ve got me to drive you places, and the Wesla, and I could even give you some driving lessons if you ever change your mind. 

[wesofmaldonia]

Well....Walt...it is fantastic to be back, and I’m so glad you all get to see me again, truly. But the real star of this town can no longer be me. As soon as I walked up to find my baby -- my love, my life -- in my parking spot at the dorms? I knew I was instantly outshined. This kid has never left my parents’ garage and..Wow, I’m getting choked up just thinking of letting my little boy spread his wings and fly across the haters. Speeding down the street at 1 am like it’s 2 Fast 2 Furious, the best film of the franchise. Walt, might I introduce you to...The Wesla, my everything. God, they grow up so fast. 

[wesofmaldonia]

TEXT 🐸 WESTANA

Tia: Hilarious looking maybe. Who even cares how funny you think you are when your face did most of the work? 🤔 We're gonna stay together F O R E V E R this time!! But how long do you guys plan on being engaged anyway? Long engagements are like SO stupid and I really don't want to be engaged at the same time as my bestie and baby sister, all offense. I know words, Weston!!! Especially words to describe how much you suck!

Wes: Wow. WOW. WOW. I'm...how did we EVER live together?? And we toooooold you we're waiting til after Charlie graduates. But after the Big Wedding Debacle last year, maaaaybe it'll be sooner. We'll see. We're just going at our own pace. You'll probably be engaged AND married before we finally go through with it, tbh.

[wesofmaldonia]

TEXT 🐸 WESTANA

Tia: Yes, exactly! 👸🏼💅🏻 You're not funny so I wasn't SURE if it was or not! No, that's not any of HIS business since we're not going to be off and on ANYWAY so he doesn't need to know about any secret windows. You did NOT make that a trend, you just forced everyone to look at it for WAY too long! That's not a trend is terroristic.

Wes: I'm HILARIOUS. Only someone funny would've been able to play Donkey! Oooookaaaaayyyy, whatever you say. I do have faith that you and Kai will stay together longer this time. We're all adults, out of our teens....who knows? You might be engaged alongside Charlie and I! And I'm going to choose not to listen to you calling me a terrorist. :) Mostly because I'm shocked you even were able to make up that word.

[wesofmaldonia]

TEXT 🐸 WESTANA

Tia: True, but no one cares how it feeeeels, just how it is. Also I don't think people "become gay". We ALL knew she was way way way before she ran off to do it. In the NOT HAPPENING event that Kai and I break up and get back together again, we're either only getting back together on my birthday or on his. Which is just 4 days before mine, so who cares. I DON'T KNOW! SOMEONE! It's not me, last time I plotted on your downfall you kept your hair blond for way longer than anyone wanted you to.

Wes: Wow, you have sex with TWO WOMEN AT ONCE ONE TIME and you're the voice of the bisexuals. I KNOW that's not how being gay works, especially for Charlie. Sometimes people joke. lolololol does HE know you're only allowed to get back together in the very tiny five-day window? Hmmm you're right, if you tried to curse me I'd just turn it into a trend. 💁🏾

[wesofmaldonia]

TEXT 🐸 WESTANA

Tia: You weren't only broken up for like 6 months??? Huh wild. 🤔 but No. I think it's cooler if both me and Charlie's anniversaries are on our birthdays, so I'm making an exception. Joke is not on me! You are soooo the worst. Someone's DEF plotting on your downcast somewhere

Wes: We were but half of the time before that, she was off becoming gay and punching referees in the face. So it felt like longer. So will that birthdayversary stay if you and Kai break up and get back together again? 🤔 WHO'S plotting my downfall? 👀 Is it you? That'd be the twist of the century.

[wesofmaldonia]

TEXT 🐸 WESTANA

Tia: But we broke up for over a year so it doesn't count anymore. It's been four months 😌 That's so stupid! A cursed coconut makes SOOOO much less sense than you being turned into a frog so someone can steal your kingdom or get revenge!!!

Wes: So Charlie and I have only been together for a year and a half by your logic?? Well joke's on you, no one would have any revenge to get on me. I've been nothing but an angel to everyone in my life. 😇

[wesofmaldonia]

TEXT 🐸 WESTANA

Tia: It's been four months! I don't know what Pseudo means, but i do know he's not even going to be the boss because he has an older sister!! AND if they want to knock me out with a coconut to steal Kai, why would I need to be cursed too!??! Think how smart people think AT LEAST!!!

Wes: ??? Y'all have been on and off since you were SIXTEEN, ma'am. Way longer than four months! They'd curse you just to make sure you stay down! It's a cursed coconut!