welcum2mymind

[welcum2mymind]

[welcum2mymind]

[welcum2mymind]

i have nothing to offer but my dead pretty eyes and stupid insane thoughts

[welcum2mymind]

when someone doesn’t wanna tell me what i did wrong and suddenly i’m 8 years old wondering what i did to make my mom mad again

[welcum2mymind]

[welcum2mymind]

Sorry I Spent all mY spoons this week already and it's fucking Tuesday. We're heading to the knives

[welcum2mymind]

ok so you support the disabled, disordered, and mentally ill. but are you normal when someone takes long to respond to you? or if they have a hard time listening to you? when someone has a hard time giving you their attention? or when their manners aren’t perfect? or when someone makes mistakes that may be obvious or simple to you? or when someone talks loudly or “causes a scene?” are you normal when people have to think really hard to explain things? or when they have a hard time putting their thoughts into words?

are you normal when people’s hair is unkempt or oily or visibly unbrushed? or when their face might be full of acne? or when they don’t have deodorant on for one reason or another? how about if their clothes are dirty? 

are you normal about disabled/disordered/mentally ill people when they make you a little uncomfortable?

[welcum2mymind]

this is not living this is just surviving and i’m tired of working to be alive

[welcum2mymind]

it should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. like no i shut it off and back on again why are you still here

[welcum2mymind]

Margaret Atwood, from “He shifts from east to west”, Power Politics

[welcum2mymind]

anyone else just constantly feel like you fucked something up and you dont know what it is but youre just waiting for the repercussions to happen

[welcum2mymind]

Yep… and I was lucky enough that my managers listened at my second job, I went from 7 hours tops to 4 hours tops, then 3 hours tops & then I couldn’t even work for an hour before my pain got so severe couldn’t stand/think/etc. I then had to quit, even though I was nearly a co manager as i could not do it. My whole body failed, i was 20. I have been bedridden and housebound most of the time since and disabled. My pain and symptoms of my dozens of diseases have never been worse. I should never have kept working, I shouldn’t have worked after my first job that didn’t listen to me about what I could and couldn’t do at 16 years old. Constantly breaking down and balling my eyes out, it was so demoralizing and embarrassing. After 3 times of a severe break down from pain, falling from pain & weakness & fainting once… they finally understood. Then they had to let me go for some made up reason. The real reason was that i could only work specific times & 6 hours.

My diseases wouldn’t be as progressed as they are, and my spine wouldn’t be as destroyed with DDD & arthritis at 19. But god, as I sit here at 27 years old today… I wish I could work so bad. Instead I’m trapped in prison (my room).

I would like to see more people talk about how jobs treat disabled employees.

I used to prep, wash dishes, and cook at mellow mushroom. I had chronic pain that wasn't NEARLY as bad as it is today, but it was still very debilitating. I told my employer "i cannot stand more than 4 to 6 hours. I CANNOT do shifts longer than this due to my illness." And even though i made my boundaries VERY clear, everyday i worked it was 8 hours at the least and 10 or 12 at the most. I would go up to my manager and say "look i really need to leave, my shift is over, my chronic pain is killing me." And he'd say "we really need to here, you HAVE to push through." And so i did, and after one, ONE month of that job my crps got incredibly worse to the point where i could no longer walk my dog around the block which was .5 miles. I quit, and that was FOUR years ago, and ever since that day I HAVE BEEN BEDRIDDEN AND HAVE TO USE A WHEELCHAIR. It is my biggest regret in life.

My best friend who has seen my whole journey has recently developed undiagnosed chronic pain, and she is in the EXACT same scenario i was 4 years ago. Busting her ass at a pizza place with extreme pain that hurts her so much she tells me "im in so much pain i don't even feel like a person." She doesn't feel LUCID. And her manager and coworkers are saying the same thing "if you don't help us you will let us down, we'll be in the shit."

That job thats hurting you isn't fucking worth it. I promise you no money is worth losing all your physical abilities and never getting them back. Your coworkers and boss do not give a shit about you, so don't you dare suffer for them. They will never understand your struggle and they will never try. They truly think being understaffed is worse than whatever pain you experience. They would rather you permanently damage yourself than inconvenience them. FUCK THEM. DON'T FUCKING DO IT!

[welcum2mymind]

[welcum2mymind]

sometimes I forget standing up isn’t painful and difficult for most people so I’ll be watching something like game changer and see the people standing behind their podiums the whole episode and think ‘wow don’t they need to sit down. how can they still think coherent thoughts’ and then I’m like oh. yeah. I have a disease

[welcum2mymind]

Hypervigilance, depression, anxiety, ptsd and pretty much any other mental illness can cause fatigue.

So if you’re mentally ill and feel tired and low on energy - that is not because you are lazy, it is probably because your brain and your body have been working hard fighting for you.

The struggle you’re having is real, and don’t let anyone (yourself included) invalidate it by calling you lazy.

[welcum2mymind]

[welcum2mymind]