weezord-leezords

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hey don't cry. 7,401 species of frog in the world, ok?

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Ranking the Reptiles of Vintage Men's Magazines

Men's pulp magazines have some of the wildest paintings for their cover art, and some of those feature lizards. Let's rank them!

We are NOT ranking these on accuracy or believability, we are ranking these on how much fun I, your good friend kaijutegu, find them to look at. These were never trying to be accurate. They were trying to sell magazines. Also I'm not allowed to critique human anatomy or we will be here all day.

This man is beset by wantons who ruined a nation! These dragons he's crawling with took him for a one-way ride, and now he has to pistol whip them until they stop biting his leg. I love how these lizards have more than a hint of rhino iguana to them, as well as the Crystal Palace megalosaurus. A tier.

This man looks shocked to discover that sex can be fun. I know, I don't believe it either. The snakes are interesting- I really love the lurid green fangs and tongue on the guy in front, but I would like to see more. B tier, I'm just not all that into it but I am intrigued.

NOW we're talking, this cover has it ALL. Come to beautiful san antonio where our women are clearly wearing skin-colored shirts underneath their regular shirts so they can breast boobily without worrying about a nip slip and our turtles are pissed. S tier.

This cover gets points for the painterly style, but loses them for the rude-ass man. The sex queen of Sicily and the cannibal crocodile they couldn't kill were just having a nice dance, and along comes this man and... how did he make that shot actually? B+ tier.

See that crocodile in the foreground? My lizard makes the exact face when she's begging for sushi. A tier.

There's something so charming to me about the way GIVE ME BACK MY ARM is phrased and like, two of you are going to get what it's pinging in my head but bear with me. Back in the day (literally 20 years ago at this point, jfc), the USPS put out this "put yourself in my shoes" safety notice about controlling your dog, and the goons over at Something Awful got hold of it and decided to have some fun with it and one of the remixes they made, the thing that started a whole big ol' meme thread that got turned into a CG post, was this one:

Something about the GIVE ME BACK MY ARM reminded me of this. Anyways I loved that thread, A tier, thanks for the memories.

I know I said that these were never meant to be accurate, but look at this one, the guy CLEARLY was looking at a reference for this alligator! Don't know why he drew the glottis like that, though. A tier.

Oh this, this I love. Incomprehensible snakes taking their babies on a field trip? Adorable! A tier!

The tongue doesn't go in the glottis. D tier, I know I said they weren't trying for accuracy but come on.

These selfless lizards know that this man is unfit for married love and are trying to rescue that woman from an awful fate. She's going to wed that man, but she's making a huge mistake, and they know it and they're powerless to stop her- but they're gonna try, by god. This is Good Luck, Babe! but with lizards instead of Joan of Arc at the VMAs. It's fine, it's cool, S+ tier.

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Via r/BeardedDragons

I’d play a bearded dragon simulator.

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Reddit loves just recommending random subreddits to me and this is the latest. Love the anti shrimps on land sentiment on display here

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Frilled-neck Lizard (Chlamydosaurus kingii), defensive display, family Agamidae, Australia

photograph by (@yensen_tan)

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🥹

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I don’t understand the Tumblr ads 😭 What does drinking water have to do with snakes? Why does the snake want me hydrated?

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…you right. I was so distracted by snek I missed the wording 😣

I don’t understand the Tumblr ads 😭 What does drinking water have to do with snakes? Why does the snake want me hydrated?

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I don’t understand the Tumblr ads 😭 What does drinking water have to do with snakes? Why does the snake want me hydrated?

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Stinky bastard man who bites shoes

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This lizard was so bastardly when he was first donated to the nature center. He was constantly chasing me around the building to attack my shoes. A few months ago he bit off a chunk of my finger the size of an aspirin. But look at him now!!

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“New Year, new me!” It’s time to shed the old year and welcome the new one. Meet the green anole (Anolis carolinensis), a small lizard found throughout much of the southeastern United States. Did you know? As an anole grows, it sheds its old skin. This process, called ecdysis, helps the lizard get rid of damaged or infected skin and allows for new healthy skin to replace it. In fact, most reptiles (including turtles and snakes) shed their skin as they grow.

Photo: Outdoor Alabama, CC BY-NC-ND 2.0, flickr

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When you hear someone say they prefer standard curbing to cape cod curbing

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Year of the Snake 🐍✨

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Am I getting a good grade in tumblr mutual?