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Dream journal time!

So it takes place in a big spooky forest but like in the way a spooky forest looks in a scooby doo cartoon. There was a bunch of people like probably 100 or so. We were all gathered in a clearing because we were competing in a gauntlet of some sort. There were a bunch of old worn out looking sheds and each one had a bath tub with a shower in it, like classic rounded rectangle tub surrounded on 3 sides with square tiled walls and a built in shower head.

We were put into teams of 3 and each team had to go into their shed and stand in the tub and turn on the water (still clothed) and choose one person on their team to be the backflipper who would stand on the other 2 teammates and have to do 3 backflips in a row without slipping. I was chosen as the backflipper and I completed all 3 flips perfectly and the fastest so my team got to move onto the next round and was ranked number 1. For the next round my team got in an argument of some sort and decided not to use me as the backflipper but one of the other ones instead and they failed immediately so we were all put into the big group of all the other fallen.

The final round now brought back in all the fallen for a sort of team tag/man hunt. All of the finalist players were allowed to tag out any other player but the fallen players could only tag out finalists. There was a small amount of prep time given so I climbed a big tree near the centre of the clearing and thought to myself how I could really hurt myself if I fell but remembered “I have a wind glider like in Genshin impact” (full actual thought from within my dream, how ridiculous) so I climbed up to a big high branch and looked across to a nearby tree where there was Thomas Thorne from BBC Ghosts also clinging to a branch with the same plan of jumping off to ambush the finalists. (Side mote he also was wearing round glasses which had no significance to the dream but weird it was included in my dream) we both jumped down and I managed to tag 2 finalists but I quickly got trampled and tagged out along with Thomas where we were sent to a beautiful vast shallow ocean (like 2 foot deep but forever with nothing beyond the horizon), it was sunny and perfectly warm. we floated face down in the ocean slowly drowning and succumbing to our trample induced injuries.

Fun time, not as traumatic as many of my other memorable dreams as all of it felt quite lighthearted despite dying. I think this was my first dream with a Ghosts character! I usually don’t have many dreams including fictional characters or the actors playing them despite how much I think about them daily but the only other dream with a person I think about a lot I can think about is when Charlie Day was my wood shop teacher and he got eaten by a Kaiju in front of me, (Pacific Rim must have been on my mind) I was pretty shooken up all day from that one, it was pretty gorey and realistic, not fun.

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I have gone full blown brain rotting obsessed with the Starkid musicals.

I have been binging all of the Team Starkid content and last night was up till nearly 4 in the morning drawing Jon Matteson’s face, today I coloured it, it’s beautiful and I can’t stop looking at it

I might make the background more whole and darker but like wow there he is! That’s Richie! That’s my boy! And he loves being alive!

Considering actually adding tags to this but like ehhhhh idk

Currently watching Nightmare time 2 episode 2 part 2 as I type this out. Virginity does rock, hell ya.

I actually watched Nerdy Prudes Must Die as my first Starkid Musical which is basically most recent in the HatchetField series and then I watched The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals, then, realizing “hey this shit is connected” I decided to watch every musical from the beginning, I love them all.

Ya I’m not going to tag this, if I do tidy up the background more I will post the fully finished piece with tags and stuff (attention whore)

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Been meaning to create a list of all my favourite shows and movies that are like this (I think it will take awhile because it’s nearly all of them)

I like my comedies two steps away from emotionally devastating at all times.

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Apparently I made this tumblr account 3 years ago. Crazy.

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Weeping

When the day came that Robin got sucked off, the group practically cheered and screamed and clapped, wishing him good luck as the bright light shone above him. He wanted to say goodbyes and wish them luck, but he couldn’t speak; he was too full of shock and disbelief, he couldn’t even take his eyes off them as he floated into the invisible veil.

Everyone’s cheering and clapping and tears of joy subsided long after the light had gone away and left them with the empty space Robin stood in just moments ago. Their giddy smiles and beaming eyes soon faded, their faces falling into ones of loss and mourning; they felt truly lost without him. They gathered around the dusty armchair at the fireplace corner and stared down at it, no words, only silence.

Julian made no snide jokes, Fanny didn’t brush off the loss as a long time coming, The Captain didn’t ask for a job to take his mind off it and Kitty couldn’t even cry.

It was nightfall by the time the group finally left the house and stood on the misty lawns, looking up at the sky.

“Which one?” Asked Fanny, her nose wrinkled as she gazed between the twinkling stars above them.

"That ones Annie's, that one's Mary's...so maybe-" Thomas began, cut off by Julian.

"No no, that one was already taken. Somebody- can't remember the name, think it started with W"

"I'm sure Robin wouldn't mind any star, he loved them so much, he'd probably be hugging it if he could..." Pat smiled.

"He already has a place..." Kitty spoke, calm and collected.

The group looked down to her as she rose her finger and pointed to the obvious.

"He's there now"

She pointed at the brightest one in the sky.

The moon.

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When your precious little meow meow has black hair, pale blue eyes, freckles and is a little bit evil(maybe a lot evil eh it depends). I will not specify which character this is about because it is actually about three characters (I think I may have a type)

Just realized Loki also nearly falls under this except he doesn’t have freckles. There’s also probably other characters I really like that fall under this I just can’t think of them right now.

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I wanna cut my hair so bad but I don’t even know what style I want to go for all I know is I want not what I have right now because my hair is at the exact length where it curls directly into my ear randomly which is a feeling I would wish on nobody.

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I just remembered that I’m turning 21 in a month. What. What the hell. Earlier today we were just discussing what we’re going to do for dad’s birthday cause his is also next month but mines actually sooner which is why I feel so shocked that I remembered my birthday because I genuinely forgot how soon it is. I wonder if I’ll be able to have some friends over for a party, I haven’t had anyone over in a couple years and I would quite like to show my new friends my house. I actually don’t remember the last time I had friends over, I’m going to look through my photos and see… wow quite literally a couple years, 2 years well guess not even quite 2 years yet as it won’t be exactly 2 years till my birthday. Anyway wow that’s wild. Like I have literally since then gone to college and graduated that is messed up. I don’t even really talk to the people that were at my last party. Like I talk to one of them and I don’t even actually text him that much, we used to talk all the time and even tried being in a relationship TWICE! That’s sad. Now he’s gone and gotten a partner and they’re planning on moving in together. Happy for him but it hurts because he was the only person I ever really felt I had a chance with. Finding out he had a partner was also the moment I found out I am the only one out of all my close friends that isn’t in a relationship. And all of theirs seem quite serious like they’re either actively planning on moving in together or already are living together while I rot away in my parents basement an hours drive from all the rest of them. The aforementioned ex boyfriend used to live in my hometown but moved to the city for university so now I feel quite lonely and left behind. I told myself I would try and go to bed earlier tonight but now it’s 3am. I’m just glad I haven’t seen 5am because of my staying up in a while. A red hue has just come over the bottom of my keyboard and I’m not sure as to why. Evil keyboard activated. Hehehe I love typing everything that comes into my head. It made my class laugh for one of my jokes in my standup performance so I continue to do so cause maybe I’ll give a good chuckle at it or potential viewers that have decided to read my ramblings for some reason (it’s because they’re in love with me, ya that’s why and no other reasons whatsoever) I’m typing on my tablet as per usual as that’s where I have tumblr downloaded but I am loosing my mind because the keyboard is orientated slightly different from on my phone so I end up hitting the wrong punctuation and I don’t like it, I will continue to go back and fix my mistakes but gosh it’s annoying.

Back to being sad about aging and being alone and stuff. I think I don’t even actually understand what it means to be in love romantically, like I’ve looked up the definition of a romantic relationship because I just don’t get how it’s different from just being best friends. Maybe I’m just deeply in love with all of my best friends, which I have been assuming as I’ve confessed to all 3 of the people I’ve deemed my best friend in my life so far. I only got my feelings recuperated once, was with the again aforementioned ex boyfriend. The first time it was in grade 8 and it wasn’t directly a confession to her but that was what I was going to try and lead to but when we were laying together on the pull out couch in the shed at her grandparents trailer park and I told her I really wouldn’t mind dating boys or girls and she went quiet. I don’t;t even think I realized at the time that I essentially came out as bisexual to her. In the morning we walked out to the rocks by the lake and she asked me about what I said last night and asked if I was kidding and said we couldn’t be friends anymore if I wasn’t kidding so obviously I lied and said it was all a joke and I was kidding. What else was I supposed to do. My best friend just said we wouldn’t be friends anymore. Though I never was her best friend because her best friend was a girl from her old town. It really hurt how every time I said she was my best friend she would remind me that I wasn’t hers. It makes me feel slightly less guilty for accidentally ghosting her the next year. We haven’t talked since but I do still feel guilty. I often wonder if we would still be friends if she hadn’t changed to home school in grade 9 and if I had seen her “hey”. I ate lunch alone in a dark corner of the school next to a forgotten pair of washrooms (very nice washroom cause no one used them since they were so tucked away.) Time by Ben Folds is playing right now (thank you YouTube for this mix that is literally just Ben folds/ben folds five cause like ya that’s the good stuff) very on theme. I often catch myself missing who I was in my past but have I really changed all that much. I think I just miss the circumstance of not “now”. I find it weird looking at old photos of myself because I don’t seem to recognize myself like did I really look like that? Do I reflect any of that now?

My head hurts and I keep feeling dizzy but not quite dizzy and not quite woozy just like woogly or something I don’t know, bad I guess. I should really try to sleep maybe it will be nice tomorrow and I won’t think of my woes and I won’t pick all the skin off my face. I feel like I’ve been holding in tears but like they’re not falling just on standby I guess. I am probably forgetting many words in this long ramble because my brain is behind my body so to any potential readers, if you’ve noticed any missing words, no you haven’t. Thanks.

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I got my blood drawn today (maybe we will find out what is wrong with me! :D ) AND I fainted for the first time ever! I’ve gotten close to fainting before but I was able to bring myself back quick enough. I was particularly nervous for some reason even though I’ve gotten blood drawn many times before and remained relatively fine, though I’m not sure I’ve ever had this much taken at once before so that might have been what drove me over. It was quite humorous to me because the doctor had even asked me if I was ok and I said yes because I was just feeling my normal amount of weary anxiousness then before long she said we were on the last vial and even began to loosen the arm band and then I noticed my ears were ringing so I just tried to focus on breathing and the song that was playing on the radio (which was that rise up song, not sure if that’s what it’s called but it sure would make sense, I don’t like that song I find it annoying and it always gets stuck in my head) and I remember thinking to myself “wow what a funny song to faint to just a repeating “rise up, rise up” when really that is all I want to do, I want to stand up and walk out of here and not have a needle in my arm anymore” and then I felt a slight chill on the back of my neck and the doctors telling me to wake up, I came to and my dad hadn’t even made his way to where I was yet so I mustn’t have been out long, he estimated about 10 seconds. It was really funny as I was loosing consciousness(but not realizing) all I could hear was “rise up, rise up” getting quieter and swirling around my head and when I came to the song had finished so like perfect timing on my part.

Tomorrow (technically today as it is now officially past midnight) I will be getting X-rays done at the fancy hospital in the city so we’ll hopefully soon find out what’s wrong with my back. I’ve had back X-rays before but these ones have more angles to really see what’s up. Maybe this time I’ll get to see the X-rays, I wanna see my bones but everyone won’t let me! Even when I got my wisdom teeth removed they wouldn’t let me see them! Preposterous! I am more understanding of them not letting me keep them as per my first request, but I don’t even get a glimpse?! They’re my teeth! I grew them! I cried the whole drive home I was so upset. I will specify it was a pitiful little whimper not like a full out sob or anything, just tears slowly, quietly falling down my face. I am still peeved about it obviously as I often think about it every time I look at my teeth in the mirror.

Ugh side note: I had two bandages on my cheek to try and stop myself from picking at my skin but they’ve since peeled off (I peeled them off because they were getting loose) and now I’m mindlessly picking at my skin again and I wish I could just stop.

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Ough, cramping so I curl up into little ball but then my hips hurt from being in little ball, when will it end?!

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#Thomas would smell like horses and horse shit

No one asked for this but here's what I imagine each Ghost to smell like: 

Cap: 

・Pipe Tobacco 

・Fresh Envelopes

・Lightly heated metal

・Boiled sweets

Pat: 

・Copper wires from an old radio

・Freshly cut grass

・Sugarless Tea

・Tree sap

Julian: 

・Cologne 

・Extra Strong Mints

・Faintest hint of Sweat

・Vodka

Thomas: 

・Black tea

・Liquorice 

・Fresh paper

・Quill Ink

Humphrey: 

・Smoked Meat

・Red Wine

・Wax Candles

・Mossy cobblestone from the river

Robin: 

・Fur Musk

・Well worn leather

・Wood smoke

・Skin Musk

Mary: 

・Smoke

・Fresh milk

・Pressed apples

・Wicca baskets

Annie: 

・Freshly baked bread

・Cotton Musk

・Dry Straw

・Juice from a Clementine 

Kitty: 

・Lemon Peel

・Chamomile 

・ Silk Musk

・Mint

Fanny: 

・Dried Lavender 

・ Rosemary

・Magnolia 

・Slight hint of Pet dander 

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We were sitting in a circle on the floor, like children in kindergarten just talking about what ever came to mind. We got on the topic of eye colours and it was remarked by the majority of the group that I have blue eyes. I was confused as I don’t have blue eyes but he was the first to point out that I have hazel eyes, and to my surprise he elaborated on a thought that only I had thought before, that my eyes matched my hair. A small detail but no one else has seemed to notice or at least mention it before. I stare at myself in the mirror for much too long so it only makes sense that I would notice silly little things like how my brassy dirty blond hair matches my gilded green and brown eyes.

He looked at me through my eyes and called me handsome with a smile on his face. I’ve only ever been called pretty; and not often at that. I don’t much like being called pretty, it’s usually only said to me because they don’t know what else to call me. They think I’m a girl and what girl doesn’t want to be called pretty? Maybe I’d like it more if it didn’t feel like they were lying through their teeth. Maybe I’d like it more if they were saying it cause I was pretty like a boy, not like how you call a girl pretty. When he called me handsome I shut down, completely struck that almost out of the blue this sincere, observation? Compliment? I’m not sure, would be said to me and by him no less. He even made note of how I shut down with a chuckle. He is too observant for his own good. I fear he will look too closely and see how sincerely I care about him.

He went on to say many more small things throughout the night that meant so much to me.

Then he went on to break my heart that night but not from anything he said. Nothing I said either. I don’t think it was his fault and just to keep my sliver of hope I like to think that I must have been mistaken and I will hear all about what actually happened. I hope he had a good night regardless.

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Hey, not an ask but I really like the idea you had behind making your tumblr account. I always thought the same for myself but never really went through with it because I'm too shy (also an infp here). Just wanted to say, keep up doing what brings you joy and satisfaction :)

It’s really nice to see someone who feels a similar way! Also just nice to see another infp! I hope whatever I continue to post is relatable or entertaining! You get the grand title of second ever follower and first “ask”! I am not even more intrigued as to how Tumblr recommends my account with my few amount of posts and not too too much interaction with other posts as I’ve only really liked six idiots related content, followed one Mat Baynton fan account and posted one comment. I now wonder if thee have been more people that have seen my account but have not interacted in anyway, very intriguing. Anyway thank you for your pleasant “ask”!

Edit: I misread the notifications and you do not follow me so I retract the second follower title but you get to keep the first ask title!

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I feel quite pitiful when I hold my face in my hands when I cry when I’m alone. Who am I hiding my tears from? Myself? Maybe I just want to feel held in some capacity, a desperate attempt at comfort.

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I remembered I made this account randomly

Not so randomly as I searched up a character x reader fanfic that had popped up as a suggestion when I was just looking at pictures of said character. I was reading it on incognito not because it was spicy but because I am plainly too embarrassed that I even clicked on a character x reader fanfic, let alone for which character it was.

Ok I give in it was Thomas Thorne from BBC Ghosts.

Anyway the fic was on Tumblr so I clicked on the link and began reading and it was incredibly well written, none of the characters felt different from how they would talk or behave in cannon! I was reading pleasantly (pleasantly being naked curled up on the floor of the shower because I was going to take a shower but I remembered the search result “bbc ghost Thomas x reader” and was too filled with curiosity to continue my current activity of taking a shower.) until right as “I” was going to realize I could see Thomas a pop up thingy blocked the entire screen and told me to login. I was appalled! How dare Tumblr request to have my reading of this fanfic on “file”! I still have not finished reading the fanfic as of actually logging in. Even though I am directly talking about my reading of the fanfic I’m still unsure as to if I want to continue it. It is not only for embarrassment reasons but also because I am worried the fanfic will become sexual in some manner and I simply don’t enjoy seeing characters I like in that way. As an asexual I find I often headcannon characters I especially relate to as also asexual even if they really don’t show any signs of that being true.

I have just remembered that I don’t remember if any of my friends follow my account and that someone reasonably could see this and, gods forbid, read it! Oh no second thoughts on posting my silly little ramble. Hmm what to do. Oh well I’ve always known I’d post it anyway because what else will I do with it? Delete it?! No, of course not! I hate deleting anything that I have put any amount of effort into even if it is silly and embarrassing like this. The potential viewers must know exactly as I am thinking as I awkwardly type this out on my massive iPad. (I hate that iPad autocorrects to be capitalized like its proper name. I wish to disrespect apple.)

Other side note, the “Add tags to help people find your posts” button makes me chuckle cause my whole experience with this tumblr account is for no one to see it except me and whoever manages to find it. My goal is not to have people see it but it is framed in a way that people can see it if they manage to.

OTHER OTHER SIDE NOTE! I just hit the post button but a pop up came up and wanted me to rethink my decision to not use tags! I’ll never give in! (Lie, I very much will give in at some point because what am I but an attention whore)

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I’m in classs

Rory just coughed then sneezed, great day ahead

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I just made this tumblr account because I watched a video about INFP's (my mbti type) and I felt it was time to let others have access to what is always going on inside my wacky little brain. A very small and simple way to romanticize my life but it will do for now. There is no need for a title on this so there will be none.