watercolored-life
The Key Of C
124 posts
This is mostly a vent blog
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watercolored-life · 4 hours ago
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I could have been something, couldn’t I?
Yeah kid, I don’t know.
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watercolored-life · 3 days ago
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I spent all of new years even crying over the fact that I can’t do it again. I don’t want to do it again. I can’t do this again.
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watercolored-life · 5 days ago
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Hoping for a better year than the last while also trying not to get my hopes up. Shit this is exhausting. I’ve been hoping for a better year than the last for like five years now. What is the point anymore.
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watercolored-life · 19 days ago
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Where is the place for the girls with dead eyes? Where do we go for solace? For comfort? The girls who lost themselves on the way. The ones who were so bright and happy as children that are now just going through the motions. Messy hair and bruised under eyes. Tired feet and mixed up heads.
Where is the place they can go to feel whole again? Because it sure as hell ain’t here.
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watercolored-life · 19 days ago
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One day I would like to be wearing a pretty New Year’s Eve dress sitting in my apartment with my best friends in the whole world. One day. But for now I will keep my head down and bide my time. Leaving dreams for the night.
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watercolored-life · 21 days ago
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How can I forgive myself for all the things I didn’t become. How can I face the little girl inside me so filled with life and tell her how things turned out? She was so happy and excited and ready for life and now she’s been stamped into the ground. Trodden on and disappointed, beat down until she feels she can’t take one more punch.
How can I face her and let her know what has transpired?
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watercolored-life · 21 days ago
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I’m so scared. I’m so scared that my sister is going to grow up and away from me. That she isn’t going to love me in the same way as when we kids making pillow forts and playing make believe.
She is so smart and talented and I’m so proud of her but it scares me just a little. Because what will I be left with? She just keeps growing up while I feel like I am staying the same.
I don’t want things to change but if they have to I want is to grow together. I want to grow up by her side but she seems intent on making sure we grow apart.
I just hope she knows that I love her. I love her more than anything and I would die if it saved her. Why doesn’t she know that? I only want the beys for her. She’s going to go so far and do so many great things and I truly believe that. I just wish she would let me be apart of the at.
I hope she knows that I never want to hold her down in any way. I just want to be in her life. I just want her to know that I love her and am proud of her and want the absolute best things for her because she is going to go so far. My baby sister is going to go far, I know it.
But I just don’t think she knows that when she does go far, I will always be in her corner.
God why doesn’t she know? How can I tell her?
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watercolored-life · 23 days ago
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It was good only because I didn’t know it was going to be bad.
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watercolored-life · 23 days ago
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But I don’t think you’d be proud of the person I’ve become. I don’t think you’d love me if you knew about the darkest parts of me. The ones I work so hard to keep hidden but can’t seem to keep in the dark. I just don’t think you’d be proud of me if you saw what I’d become.
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watercolored-life · 23 days ago
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Sometimes I am hit with the overwhelming amount of people in this world and then I realize just how much I don’t want to be one of them anymore.
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watercolored-life · 25 days ago
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It’s like I’m living and my heart has stopped beating. My chest is just an empty cavity filled with temporary things
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watercolored-life · 1 month ago
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Sometimes being alone is too much of a cross to bear. I need to be by other people even if they don’t know I exist.
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watercolored-life · 1 month ago
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How is it that I have so many selfish dreams and fantasies? My parents are helping to put me through college and pursuing my dreams would be selfish and stupid. If this is all the at I’ll ever be, I at least want to be good at it. I look at all this other kids and I wonder how is it that your parents are willing to go into debt for you so that you can accomplish your dreams? How is it? I have already taken so much from my parents. I have taken their hopes, dreams, aspirations, and their lives from them. I am the reason they couldn’t reach their full potential. They gave up their lives for me, so that I could be provided for. So how is it that I will ever reach my dreams and aspirations when they have already sacrificed theirs for me? How selfish would I have to be to pursue something like that? They’ve given up so much for me, the least I can do is try to give back.
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watercolored-life · 1 month ago
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Salvation Army shoes and hand-me-down clothes turned into community college and rice for every meal. It may not be the best life but it’s mine and I’ve never known anything else.
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watercolored-life · 1 month ago
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Messy hair, dirty clothes, bruises that won’t quite heal and scars that won’t fade. The light in your eyes is fading and you smile less. Did I only just notice that? There is no more grass stains on your knees and your that scab is a scar now. Weren’t we kids yesterday? There used to be hope in your face and you’ve replaced coloring pages with to-do lists. Far off dreams of tomorrow became today as we tried to wish the past back into thin arms. Where did we go? Your cheeks are sunk in and there are track marks in your arms. You’ve traded your future for needles and pills. What happened to the little kid I used to play with after school?
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watercolored-life · 1 month ago
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I think much more than anything... I want to be heard and listened too. I want people to value my opinion and know that I have things to say. I want there to be someone out there who will listen to me regardless. It's just hard because there is nobody out there right now that will do that for me. If I post on my story, nobody will see it and nobody will care. Even these words mean nothing. They are only for me at this point. I don't know. I just want someone to know that I have things to say and what I say matters. Sometimes it feels like I'm so alone that I'm screaming to the void and nobody hears me but I promise I have things to say.
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watercolored-life · 1 month ago
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Though… why is there always some comfort in the error of my ways?
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