watch-glass

[watch-glass]

Fictober - Regency Era edition

Day eight (8/10/21)

Prompt "This is it, isn't it?"

Barnabas didn’t know how long he had been trapped for. It felt like it had been years, but it can’t have been that long. There’s no way. It just wouldn’t make sense. But that didn’t stop Barnabas from feeling that way. He knew that he was doomed by this point. How had he been so foolish as to think that anyone would come and save him? He was simply him. He was an outsider who had appeared one day when Jonah had apparently taken a liking to him. Was this his plan all along? Did he only want Barnabas there to be something else that he could study? It made Barnabas almost sick to think about. He had devoted his life to Jonah. He had done everything that he had wanted. And this was how he repaid him.

Barnabas was sat on a bench in a park that he had used to come to with Jonah. He figured that if he was going to be thinking of that foul man, he would at least do it somewhere that the both of them had liked. Barnabas sighed and his breath came out of his mouth as fog that floated up into the air. He felt so alone, though he knew that that was the whole point. He wondered if this would be the place where he would die. He hoped that it wasn’t, but he knew that hope was useless. This world didn’t care about his hope. It didn’t care about him. He was simply there. He was someone who could be used and wrung dry of every ounce of his being. He supposed that he couldn’t blame this all on Jonah, there was always Mordechai. But at the end of the day, he was the one who had crossed his path. Maybe if he had just thought things through a bit more that day, he wouldn’t be in this position.

He thought about the day that this had all started a lot. A million other scenarios ran through his mind, but all of them came back to him being so careless with his debt. He had the money. He could have just paid Mordechai back. But he had been drunk when he had questioned him about it, so he was not thinking straight. And he knew that Mordechai had known that. Why couldn’t he have asked him about it when he was sober? He would have paid it off there and then. He always carried the money on him just in case Mordechai showed up. He had just wanted to be done with it. Well, in a way, he was done with it now. It was just not in the way that he had hoped.

Barnabas just wanted to curl up where he was and cry. But it had been a long time since he had felt the ability to let tears roll down his cheeks. It was like the cold had frozen all the tears in his body. He was stuck just feeling pity for himself. He felt so embarrassed at all of this. He was supposed to be the positive one. The one that always had a smile on his face. And now he was just…numb. He didn’t think that he would ever feel another emotion again. He was just going to be stuck like this until he inevitably died. He felt weaker every day. He knew that the end would be coming soon. For now though, it was just another round of the waiting game.

Why had all of this happened to him? What did the world have against him? Everything was going well. He had people that cared for him. He was one of the most well-known people in London. He had finally outdone his brother. Then it all came crashing down. This seemed so stupid to him. Him not paying off a debt surely shouldn’t have amounted to this. Was that money equal to his life? The pieces weren’t fitting together for him. Nothing was making sense. He hated not being able to understand all of this. Maybe he should have headed Jonah’s warnings. Staying away from Mordechai was one of the things that he had always been very adamant about. Barnabas had never understood why he would need to avoid him though. He knew that Mordechai wasn’t the most normal of men. After all, the way he acted was a dead give away about the fact that he was less than normal. But he never thought that Mordechai had been capable of anything like this.

Maybe Barnabas should just end it now. There were plenty of things around that he could use. It would be better than just sitting around waiting. If he was going to die anyway, then it wouldn’t make much of a difference. He had always seen suicide as something that was sinful, but by this point, it was a mercy for him. He could finally end this suffering that he was going through. He would strip Mordechai of his sacrifice if he ended it. He desperately wanted to spite that man. If Barnabas couldn’t have what he wanted, neither could Mordechai. He would make sure that he had the last word in this.

Barnabas got up and began to walk again. He kept an eye out for any object that he shifted into this world. After a while, he spied a large piece of broken glass on the floor. The edges were sharp. Sharp enough to slice through skin. He knelt and picked it up. Before he had a chance to change his mind, he brought the glass to the bare skin of his wrists and sliced. He waited for the pain to arise and to feel the blood seep down his arm…but that feeling never came. Barnabas looked down at where he had sliced and instead of blood, mist was rising out of the wound. He was taken aback by this. Where was his blood? Why was there mist? This wasn’t normal.

He decided to try again on his other wrist, but once again, there was just mist. He sliced up his arm, begging for there to be blood. To be pain. To be anything other than that horrible mist. Nothing ever changed though. It was always the same. Barnabas wanted to scream. He wanted to punch everything in sight. But instead, he stayed on the floor with the shard of glass in his hand. He began to be enveloped by the mist that was seeping out of the wounds that he had created but he didn’t try and fan away any of it. He let it wrap around him. It felt comforting in a way. He never thought that he would think that, but it was. He wanted to feel more comfort like that.

In a split-second decision, he brought the glass up to his neck and sliced it quickly. He felt his mouth open, as if to scream, but no sound came. The only thing that had appeared was the mist that rolled down his neck. His body was covered in the foggy white colour that the mist created. He almost looked like a ghost. Was he a ghost? By this point, it would be an accurate description of him. Barnabas could feel himself fading. Finally. This is what he had wanted. A smile appeared on his face, but it was silenced by a hand over his mouth.

A figure stood over him. A figure that he knew all too well. The man fit the colour scheme of the place very well and it was like he was a part of it. In a way, he was.

“You really are a fool, Barnabas.”

Of all the voices that Barnabas would have to hear in here, of course it had to be his. Mordechai Lukas. He was the last person that Barnabas wanted to see. He did all of this to spite him. He wanted to get his own back. But now Mordechai would get the last word in again. His plan had failed. It was fitting. Everything else had failed for him, why would this be any different?

“This is it, isn’t it?”

Barnabas felt the words finally escape his lips. They were barely above a whisper. He couldn’t speak any louder. Not with the gaping wound in his throat. He was just glad that he could say something. If he had sat there silently, he wouldn’t have forgiven himself. Even if he would be dead. He would carry the guilt wherever he would go next.

“I suppose it is. Goodbye, Mr. Bennett.”

Mordechai pushed Barnabas and he ended up laying on the floor. In no more than a few seconds, Mordechai was gone, and Barnabas was alone again. He would die alone. He didn’t expect anything different. He was raised alone, and he would die alone. His story would go full circle. Just as it should.

Barnabas felt his eyes flutter shut as the mist began to fade again. The comfort was leaving again and he was scared. He was going to die. This was it. He couldn’t change what he had done. He couldn’t figure out if he regretted it yet, but he figured that he would before he went. He kept making mistakes. Why couldn’t he do one thing right?

Why?

Why was he like this?

Barnabas couldn’t even finish his own thought.

He was dead before that.

[watch-glass]

Fictober - Regency Era edition

Day seven (7/10/21)

Prompt "That could have gone better"

Barnabas watched the door to his small shop close behind the man who had just left. The man had been a very wealthy client of his who had come in for a fitting as Barnabas was tailoring him a new suit. However, Barnabas had not been the best worker today. He had other things on his mind and messed up some of the things he was doing. The client never cancelled his order when he was here, but Barnabas knew that he was on thin ice with him now. He moved over to his desk and sat down, before resting his head in his hands. He closed his eyes and sighed a shaky sigh.

“That could have gone better.”

Barnabas wasn’t used to messing up when it came to tailoring. He’d been doing it for years now and he had managed to build a name for himself in London. He got wealthy clients often these days and he was very well practiced when it came to keeping himself calm. He just couldn’t figure out why he hadn’t managed to hide everything today. It frustrated him in a way that he couldn’t place. He just had to hope that his slip up today wouldn’t cost him any business.

The bell on his door jingled as the door was pushed open by another man. He stepped inside and cleared his throat, which made Barnabas jump. He had zoned out and, for some reason, not heard the bell. He looked up and immediately sat up straight when he realised who it was.

“M-My apologies, Mr. Magnus. I did not hear the bell.”

Jonah Magnus. He was possibly one of Barnabas’s most important clients. He came to him regularly with requests of things he needed made or things that he needed fixed. Barnabas refused to admit it out loud, but he had become quite fond of the man. It may just be because he paid Barnabas well for his efforts…or maybe it was something else. Barnabas had no time to think about that though. Jonah was clearly here for something.

“It is quite alright, Mr. Bennett.”

“Yes- uhm- well, what do you need? You didn’t have an appointment as of what I can recall.”

“You are quite right about that. I do not have an appointment. I simply wanted to come and pay you a visit.”

“What do you need done then?”

“I do not need anything done. As I said, I simply wanted to visit you.”

Barnabas was taken aback by that. The Jonah Magnus wanted to visit him. Why on earth would Jonah want to visit him? After all, Jonah was much higher up in society than he was. Everyone who was anyone knew about the Magnus family. It tended to be Jonah or his father specifically though. Barnabas could recall the nights where his parents had told him about them and about how you should never get involved with a Magnus if you were even slightly below him. And Barnabas was considerably below him.

“Why- Why would you want to visit me, Mr. Magnus?”

“Do I need to have a reason to visit you?”

“W-Well- no. But- I mean- you are you and I am me. If you were seen with me outside of my work hours, it could put you into disrepute.”

“I like to think that my reputation is slightly more held together than that.”

“Y-Yes- well- I still do not think you just paying me visits like this is a good idea.”

“If I were you, I would let me do as I please. You wouldn’t want to lose a loyal customer, Barnabas.”

He…He used Barnabas’s name. No one of any importance had ever called him by his name before. He was always Mr. Bennet to clients. Some didn’t even bother to refer to him. They simply barked orders at him, and Barnabas listened. He could feel himself begin to flush red and his eyes widened. He quickly looked away.

“Is something wrong, Mr. Bennett?”

“No…No nothing is wrong, Mr. Magnus. My apologies, sir.”

“You really do not have to apologise.”

“But I made you believe something false about me.”

“Do not question my motives.”

“I’m sorry.”

“And stop apologising.”

“Sor-”

Barnabas cut himself off before he could finish the word. He really did not want to upset his most loyal client. He really couldn’t afford to mess up again. He had so much on the line these days and if Jonah put in a bad word about him, he was as good as done for. To try and distract himself, Barnabas began to fumble with one of his needles under his desk. It wasn’t the safest of options, of course, but it was better than nothing.

“I was also here to put a proposition forward to you, Mr. Bennett.”

“Really? Well- I will listen to it.”

“I have an event that I need to attend tomorrow evening. There will not be too many people there. It will mainly be my inner circle and whoever they bring. And I was going to ask if you would like to accompany me or not?”

Barnabas was at a loss for words. Any air that was in his lungs left the instant that Jonah had finished talking. Him? Go to a party with the people closest to Jonah? This could not be happening. Barnabas had to be mishearing things. He was nothing in society, despite being known by a lot of people. But he was only known for his skill with some fabric. Nothing else. And now he was being invited to an event by Jonah?

“Barnabas? I am going to need you to answer me.”

“Oh- yes- uhm- why exactly are you asking me to accompany you?”

“Because I thought that you should meet some people. You are quite well known around here. I am sure that a few of them will have heard of you.”

Barnabas wanted to argue back, but this was his chance to get somewhere in the world. He could finally do something that his parents would acknowledge him for and he could put his brother in his place.

“W-Well, in that case, I would love to accompany you.”

“Good choice. I am assuming that you have something formal that you can wear, given that you sew formal wear.”

“Y-Yes, I have sewn myself outfits for other events.”

“I see that you are all sorted then.”

Jonah pulled a small card out of his pocket and placed it on the desk in front of Barnabas.

“The details of the event are on that card. I suggest you go over them tonight, and before the event tomorrow.”

“Yes, of course, I will make sure that I read them.”

“Well, I suppose I shall see you tomorrow then.”

Before Barnabas had a chance to reply, Jonah had already left. Barnabas sat there in silence, trying to process what had happened. This was all very sudden and now he was going to have to close the shop tomorrow to get ready. After all, he wouldn’t want to make a bad first impression with such high up people. Barnabas swiped up the card and rushed to the back of the store where the stairs leading up to his room were. He wanted to prepare everything now.

This was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

And Barnabas was not going to let it go to waste.

[watch-glass]

Fictober - Regency Era edition

Day six (6/10/21)

Prompt "Didn't we already have this conversation?"

Jonathan Fanshawe wasn’t a man who got angry easily. He prided himself in the fact that he had a temper that was hard to set off. Some things, however, broke his calm façade. What had recently happened, was one of those things. Just over a year ago, a man named Barnabas Bennett had disappeared without a trace. No note, no clues as to where he went, no nothing. Jonathan had loved that man. He still did. And he had tried endlessly to try and find Barnabas. He had never found him though. He wishes that he had though. Maybe this all could have been avoided. But no, here he was, stood in Jonah’s study, trying to resist the urge to clasp his hands around the smug man’s throat until he couldn’t physically be smug anymore.

“Didn’t we have this conversation already, Jonathan?”

That damn voice of his. It sounded like he was suppressing laughter. How was any of this a laughing matter? A man was dead. A man that the both of them had loved. At least, one of them had loved him. Jonathan was no longer sure about how Jonah had felt towards Barnabas all these years.

“Maybe we did, but I do not care. Why won’t you tell me what happened to him? Why won’t you tell me about why you know that there is no body to be found? You have no proof that he is dead if you cannot show me a body, Jonah.”

“And you cannot prove that he is alive.”

“Without a body as proof, he is more likely to be alive than dead.”

“That is not necessarily true.”

“You are insufferable.”

“I am aware.”

Jonathan was not one to wish death upon people, but when it came to Jonah Magnus, he wished that he would suffer the most painful of deaths. He just wanted him to disappear. He clearly had a responsibility in Barnabas’s disappearance and Jonathan wanted to know what that connection was.

“Tell me what happened to him.”

“I doubt that you will understand. You never cared much for the subject of the things that exist beyond us.”

“Because none of it is real. Barnabas’s disappearance has to have a logical explanation and I know that you have an involvement in it.”

“If you knew anything, you would know that Barnabas died because of his own mistakes.”

“Stop saying that he is dead with no proof!”

The silence that followed Jonathan’s words was deafening. It was like a thick blanket of fog had clouded the room, silencing any sounds that tried to penetrate it. The room also felt significantly colder, even with the fire crackling on the other side of the room.

“There is really no need to shout, Jonathan.”

“Then stop acting the way you are. It’s like you never even loved him.”

Jonah’s expression momentarily turned to one of hurt but it quickly switched back to the smug look that it had before.

“I did love him.”

“Clearly not.”

“I do not appreciate you accusing me of such things.”

“Well I don’t appreciate being lied to.”

“You really do need to move on. He is not coming back.”

Jonah’s words were stern and sharp, and they hurt Jonathan more than any kind of true weapon could. Barnabas had to come back. After all, he wasn’t dead. There was no way that he was dead. It just didn’t make sense. There were no traces of Barnabas leaving London and he had searched for a body countless time. He had never found anything. So he had to still be alive.

“You cannot keep lying to yourself, Jonathan. Just accept that he is dead.”

“I refuse.”

“Then you are a fool.”

That was it. Jonathan was done. He marched over to Jonah and hauled him up by the cravat. This took Jonah by surprise, and he gasped a little, which caused Jonathan to tighten his grip.

“You are a truly disgusting man.”

“That is rich- coming from you.”

“At least I did not doom the man I love.”

“You do not know- the full situation.”

“That is because you will not explain it to me!”

“And that- is because- I do not wish- to explain it to you.”

Jonathan pushed Jonah to the ground and watched his head hit his chair. Jonah cried out and grabbed his head. He really was dramatic, Jonathan thought. He had barely hit the chair, but he just had to make everything seem worse for him. Jonathan turned around and stormed out of the room and began to walk through the corridor, but something stopped him.

Mist rolled out from under one of the doors and Jonathan began to walk towards it. He reached the door and reached for the handle apprehensively. He pushed the door open slowly and a figure could be made out on the floor. The figure was faint- translucent even. The mist could be seen through them, but not enough to make the figure’s features any less distinctive.

Jonathan felt the air leave his lungs once he figured out who the figure was. Barnabas. It was him. But why did he look like that? He was laying down with flowers protruding out of his mouth. His outfit was stained with what Jonathan could only assume to be blood. The flowers didn’t only come out of his mouth though. They could be seen ripping through his skin and clothes, seemingly growing out of him.

This couldn’t be real. Jonathan had to be dreaming. He wanted to yell but he couldn’t. The sight of his lover’s body silenced him. He looked so scared. His eyes were wide open and there were tear tracks on his cheeks. This wasn’t supposed to be how people looked when they were dead. Barnabas wasn’t even supposed to be dead. He had so much ahead of him. But here he was. Laying on the floor with open wounds, filled up with flowers.

Jonathan dropped to his knees and reached out to the ghostly figure. However, the minute his hand reached him, the image just turned into fog. Jonathan clenched his hand shut and got up, stumbling backwards. He was shocked at what had just happened. He also felt quite sick. Finally, he made the decision to turn around and run out, not stopping to look in any of the other rooms. He burst out of Jonah’s house and continued to run, ignoring the looks that people shot him.

He couldn’t stop seeing it.

That figure.

His lover’s corpse.

He needed to try and figure out what left his beloved Barnabas like that.

[watch-glass]

Fictober - Regency Era edition

Day five (5/10/21)

Prompt "I'm not saying I told you so..."

It had been two weeks since Barnabas had escaped The Lonely, with thanks to Jonathan. To say that he was still completely emotionally unstable would be an understatement. The slightest thing could send Barnabas into gut-wrenching panic attacks. The house feeling the slightly too cold; Jonathan being gone for too long; any mention of Mordechai. Not to mention the fact that if anything reminded Barnabas of one Jonah Magnus, he would shut down completely. It could be hours before Barnabas would so much as mutter a word again. Jonathan always kept him close during these times. He didn’t want Barnabas to be alone when he was most vulnerable, even if they weren’t in London anymore. They had moved to the countryside a few days after everything had happened. Neither of them wanted to be there anymore. Jonathan wanted to be rid of Jonah and Barnabas could not see the streets of London the same anymore. They just made him think about the Other London that he had been trapped in.

Jonathan didn’t understand much of what had happened. He knew that it had something to do with what the others researched, but he had made a point to stay away from such farfetched things and he knew that Barnabas had too. He had had everything described to him by Barnabas, even if it had taken a while as he could only talk about so much of it at a time before it became too much. Jonathan never forced him to talk about it too much though; he didn’t want to ruin Barnabas any more than he already was. He figured that Barnabas would most likely have some long-lasting mental damage after all of this though that he would not be able to fix. He felt so guilty for that. He was a doctor. He was supposed to make people feel better. But he couldn’t cure the person that he loved the most. Did that make him a failure? No. He wasn’t a failure. He knew that mental health is completely different to physical health. He would just have to accept that the only thing he could do is try and make things easier for his beloved.

The pair were laying on the sofa together. Barnabas had his head on Jonathan’s lap and was curled up beside him, while Jonathan had a book in his hand that he held slightly to the side of Barnabas’s head. He did this so that he wouldn’t block the view of the man’s face below him. He looked different. His eye colour was slightly duller than before and there were patches of his hair that were lighter, which gave them the illusion of being shrouded in fog. Jonathan didn’t mind though. He thought that Barnabas was just as handsome as he was before. Barnabas was less accepting of it though. He couldn’t bare to see himself in the mirror. There were multiple times that Jonathan had found him collapsed in the bathroom, his face hot with tears as they streamed down his face. He would always have to hold him on the floor, whispering words of comfort to him as he sobbed into his shoulder.

Barnabas shuffled around where he was and buried his face into Jonathan’s thigh; it was clear that he was trying to get his lovers attention. Jonathan closed his book and put it down, before running his hand through Barnabas’s hair.

“If you continue to shuffle around like that, you will fall off of this sofa.”

“I won’t. I will make sure that I won’t.”

In no more than a few moments, Barnabas had shuffled around again and, like Jonathan said, fallen off the sofa.

“Now…I’m not saying I told you so…but I told you that would happen.”

Jonathan moved off of the sofa to help Barnabas back up and before long, they were sat next to each other again.

“Are you alright, dear?”

Jonathan leaned over to give Barnabas a kiss on the cheek, which caused his lovers face to flush light red.

“Y-Yes, I am quite alright.”

“Are you sure? You hit the ground quite hard.”

“I am sure, love. There is no need for you to worry.”

“Alright, I will take your word for it.”

Barnabas shuffled closer to Jonathan so that he was tucked up against him. Jonathan put his arm around his lover and held him close, before giving him another kiss. It was slow and delicate, their lips barely touching. But it wasn’t long before Barnabas had been manoeuvred to sit on Jonathan’s lap and the kiss turned to one of passion and heat. Jonathan had his hands placed on Barnabas’s hips, holding him where he was. They stayed like this for a while before they both ran out of breath. Jonathan pulled away but kept his hands where they were.

“Does that prove to you that I am alright?”

Barnabas’s voice was laced with smugness, and he was smirking.

“I suppose it does, but I may have to perform a physical examination.”

“Maybe you should do that now.”

“Not here, come on, get off of me.”

Barnabas shuffled off Jonathan’s lap which allowed him to stand up. He grabbed Barnabas’s hand and pulled him up, before promptly disappearing into their bedroom.

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The two lovers layed next to each other, staring up at the ceiling. The only thing that could be heard was the sounds of their breathing. Barnabas rolled over and buried his face in Jonathan’s arm. The blanket that was over them kept them where they were as they ached for the warmth it supplied. Barnabas was clearly on the verge of falling asleep as his breathing was beginning to slow. Jonathan would probably be awake for longer though. He didn’t mean that. He would get to see Barnabas sleeping peacefully, and that was always a nice sight.

Whenever Jonathan could see Barnabas in a state where he wasn’t worrying about anything, he longed for that moment to last forever. Sleep wasn’t even an escape for Barnabas most nights. He had frequent nightmares that would cause him to wake up screaming and shaking. But it looked like Barnabas would be alright tonight. At least, Jonathan hoped that he would be alright.

It hurt to see Barnabas so upset all the time and he resented Mordechai and Jonah for what they had done. He resented Jonah the most though. While Mordechai had been the one to cast him away, Jonah had betrayed Barnabas. He had ignored him when he cried for help. Barnabas had been so crushed. He was always so devout to Jonah, so he didn’t understand why he was ignored. Jonathan told him to not try and ask him though. And for once, Barnabas listened to him.

Jonah had sent letters to both of them. Jonathan never read them though. And he never let Barnabas know that they were being sent. He didn’t want Barnabas to end up reading something that would send him spiralling. He was done with Jonah’s lies and his schemes. He had ruined so much already, and he would not let him ruin anything else. Barnabas was safe now and he wasn’t about to let that change.

[watch-glass]

Fictober - Regency Era edition

Day four (4/10/21)

Prompt "Fine, I'll give up."

Jonah had fallen asleep in his study again. His head rested on pieces of paper that were strewn all over the desk. They were covered in his neat, cursive writing; he always made sure that everything he wrote was neat and readable. Recently, Jonah had been so caught up in a project of his that he had just forgotten to sleep. Forgotten to care for himself. This had become a fairly common thing over the past few months. Jonah would work him half to death and Doctor. Fanshawe would always have to deal with it.

Now, Barnabas was usually the one that would have to find Jonah...and today was one of those very occasions. The young man had been bringing his lover another cup of tea, but as he had entered the study, he noticed the sleeping figure of Jonah. He sighed and placed the cup down on Jonah’s smaller table, before walking over to where he was. Using what very limited strength he had, he lifted Jonah up and carried him out of the room.

Barnabas was very accustomed to finding his way around Jonah’s house, so he found his bedroom quite quickly. He managed to get the door open and stepped inside, heading straight to Jonah’s bed. He gently placed him down on it and pulled the blanket out from underneath him so that he could tuck him in. Barnabas had a gentle smile on his face as he did this. Jonah always looked so wonderful and he was just as beautiful when he was asleep. His auburn curls fell onto his face and the light that came in through the window made his hair shimmer ever so slightly.

Barnabas sat down by Jonah on the edge of the bed and brushed a curl off of his face. He tried not to move around too much, in fear of waking up the sleeping man. Jonah really did need to start getting more rest. People had been trying to tell him that for quite a while now, but Jonah never listened. Barnabas was worried about his lover. Over the past few weeks, he had had to get Doctor. Fanshawe to come over several times to try and tend to Jonah’s exhaustion. Oh how he wished that Jonah would just be a bit less stubborn when it came to his health. He couldn’t bear to continue to see Jonah hurt himself like this. It pained him in ways that he could not put into words. But there was nothing that he could do about it.

As Barnabas sat there, lost in his own thoughts, Jonah began to stir. His eyes opened slowly and he noticed Barnabas sat there with his head in his hands. He shuffled around and cleared his throat to try and get the other man’s attention. Barnabas jumped, startled and turned to face Jonah.

“O-Oh- hello, dear. I did not realise that you were awake.” “I know you didn’t. That is why I got your attention.”

Jonah pushed himself to sit up and patted the spot next to him, indicating to Barnabas that he wanted him to sit there. Barnabas got up and walked to the other side of the bed, before sitting down and shuffling to where Jonah wanted him to be. Jonah wrapped his arm around the smaller man and pulled him close.

“Did you sleep well?”

“I believe that I did. I would have preferred for you to wake me up though.” “I figured that you needed to be left to rest. You really have not been sleeping well recently.”

“You have told me this and I have told you that you do not need to continue to insist on me sleeping.” Barnabas sighed and rested his head on Jonah’s shoulder. Every time he tried to talk to Jonah about his sleeping issues, it always ended up going like this. However, Barnabas wasn’t going to let him off easily this time.

“I worry about your health, Jonah. So is Doctor. Fanshawe. If he has to come over here again, he may just put you on bedrest.”

“He knows that he cannot stop me from working.” “He’s a doctor though. He knows what he is talking about. You need to listen to him and stop working yourself to exhaustion.” “You know that I need to finish the project that I am working on, Barnabas.” “I don’t care about your project. I have been worried sick about you these past few weeks. One of these days, you are going to seriously hurt yourself. And I don’t want that to happen.”

Jonah Magnus was an infuriating man and he knew that. It was a quality of his that he wasn’t ashamed of. But when it came to moments like this, he believed that he may need to tone it down. He never wanted to upset Barnabas, but his lover just didn’t know the importance of what he was researching. He never would. He kept himself distanced from Jonah’s work, no matter how many times Jonah had tried to show him what he was doing. He just wouldn’t listen. He wouldn’t believe anything that Jonah talked about.

Jonah believed that was one of the only things he didn’t like about Barnabas. He was so close-minded. There was a whole world of fascinating anomalies out there but Barnabas refused to acknowledge any of it. There were things that could give you so much if you just knew what to do. But Barnabas was fixed in his ways. He would not get involved with the things that his lover did.

“Jonah? Jonah, are you even listening to me?”

Barnabas had been talking while Jonah had been thinking and he hadn’t heard what he had said. So, Jonah just shook his head. He might earn a pout from Barnabas; he may even raise his voice slightly. But Jonah had ways to make him forgive him.

“Fine, I’ll give up. I cannot win with you.”

Barnabas’s voice was sharp. It always got like this whenever he was mad. Jonah didn’t like it when Barnabas was angry with him, but at least it showed that the man had a backbone. Barnabas was the type of person that prefered to get lost in the crowd. He tended to get overshadowed easily and didn’t speak his mind around people. So to see him like this made Jonah proud in a way.

Jonah didn’t say anything as Barnabas stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. He knew that the other man would be downstairs in the kitchen, making himself a drink and he would probably hide away somewhere. And he also knew that in a matter of time, he would come back to Jonah, begging for him to forgive him for the way that he had snapped. And Jonah would forgive him. Both of them would get what they wanted.

That was just the way they lived.

It was hard. Their personalities clashed regularly and recently, Barnabas had been keeping to himself more and more. He refused to explain why to Jonah. But he figured that he would find out soon enough. Jonah had a sneaking suspicion about why he was being so secretive, but he hoped that it wasn’t true. Because if it was…

Jonah knew that he would have to leave his beloved.

[watch-glass]

Fictober - Regency Era edition

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34202902/chapters/85210993

Day three (3/10/21)

Prompt “I’ve waited for this.”

This was it. 

Jonah had won. 

He stood in his Panopticon and looked out on the world that he had worked so hard to achieve and he smiled. He smiled more than he had in years. Two hundred years of hard work had finally paid off for him. This is what he had wanted for so long and finally, he was given what he rightfully deserved. 

Power.

That’s what Jonah wanted. What he needed. It was the thing that had helped keep him going for all of these years. His pride and ambition were there as well, in full bloom now that he had achieved all of this. Oh how he wished that his old acquaintances could see him now. He knew that a few of them would most likely look at him with shame, hurt, and disappointment, but that did not bother him. Their opinions did not matter now. They are all also long gone. Lost to the flowing river of time. 

Jonah missed those men sometimes. After all, they had been who he chose to acquaint himself with. He wasn’t ashamed to be shown by their side. They were all people with respectable lives and fair amounts of wealth; Jonah had taken advantage of that quite a lot. None of them were truly supportive of his ambitions though. They always said that he was “thinking too big.” How wrong they were. 

The man who stood in the Panopticon was not the same man that had lived so many years ago. He had changed. Both in appearance and in sense of self. It had been a change for the better, of course. He was so much more confident of himself now. He always had been, but in his earlier days, doubt had been a constant thing that would swirl around his mind. Not anymore though. He was sure of himself and his status in this world that he had worked to create. 

He couldn’t take all of the credit though, after all, his Archivist had been the one to read the incantations. He had been the one who went through all the Fears. But at the end of the day, Jonah had been the one who dedicated multiple lifetimes to his cause. And he wanted to be in The Eye’s favour. He had done so much for it and it had given him all the knowledge that he could ever want. 

Jonah was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice a light blue figure flicker in and out of view. It was almost like a hologram. But how could such a thing be here? A few moments passed and it made what had happened seem like a strange anomaly, but eventually, it appeared again. It was clearer this time and you could make out the shape of a person. The blue was a light, misty colour that was slightly translucent. 

As the figure stood there, it began to stretch and move different limbs. It was like it had put all its energy in trying to get here and now it needed to stretch all the effort out. Jonah saw the glow of the figure out of the corner of his eye and turned to face it. He immediately recognised who it was. The slightly disheveled curls on its head; the way it wore its corset slightly higher up than any regular person would; the gentle curve of its face. He knew all these features well.

The figure that stood before him was the figure of Barnabas Bennett. The first man he had loved...and the first man that he had betrayed for his ambitions. A gentle sadness could be seen on the man’s face and Jonah couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt in his chest. The feeling caught him off guard as he had moved on from Barnabas so long ago. But he knew that he was not mistaken about what the feeling was. The ghostly man was looking around, seemingly trying to avoid making eye contact with Jonah, but he inevitably did. There was a rage in his eyes that Jonah had never seen before and he almost felt scared. Neither of them had said a word in the few minutes that passed and it was apparent that they were both waiting for the other to talk. 

Jonah didn’t even know if the ghost could talk. Was the ghost even there? Or was he just hallucinating? No. No he was definitely there. He had been moving around. And Jonah had a sound state of mind; he could not be going crazy. 

“Why are you here?”

Jonah could not hide the quiver in his voice as he spoke. It was very apparent and the ghost seemed to notice it. 

“I do not really know why I am here.”

His voice.

It really was his voice.

Jonah had not heard that gentle voice for so long and he wanted to hear it more. He had not realised how much he had missed it. Barnabas had always been a man with a gentle voice. Words came easy to the man whenever he set his mind to thinking about what he was going to say. Jonah remembered that he had always been one for poetry. That was why he was good with words. However, when it came to regular conversation, especially with people that he wasn’t familiar with, he stumbled with his words often. He would stutter and struggle to figure out what he wanted to say. Jonah had always found that particularly attractive in Barnabas. He could be like two different people sometimes. 

The silence that had filled the room while Jonah reminisced was deafening. The ghost had folded its arms and was waiting for the other man to say something else in response to him. Jonah tried to move past his thoughts so he could focus on the conversation at hand.

“Did you choose to come here?”

Jonah figured that that would be an appropriate question to ask. He wanted to figure out if his ex-lover had been forced here or if he had chosen to come here of his own free will. Well, whatever free will you have when you are dead.

“I...I think that I chose to come here. Everything that came before this is quite vague.”

There was one of Jonah’s questions answered. It was as vague as an answer could get, but at least it was a start.

“Were you really that desperate to see me again, angel?”

“Do not call me that.” Barnabas’s answer came quickly. He didn’t even seem to think about that. He just answered. Jonah felt a stab of pain in his chest. It wasn’t physical pain. It was emotional. He knew that Barnabas had loved being called that and to see him reject the name upset him. 

“Why ever not?”

“We are not together anymore, Jonah.” Another remark. Another stab of pain for Jonah. Barnabas had been so devout to him all those years ago. He was like a dog. He never left Jonah’s side and would fawn over him at any chance he could get. To hear that he didn’t want to be with him anymore shocked him in a way.

“Who said that we are not together anymore? You chose to come to me. Clearly you could not resist the chance to see me again.” “Do not be so full of yourself. I came to tell you that I do not love you.”

Jonah had to stop himself from immediately trying to yell at Barnabas in protest. Why would he still love him? Jonah had left him to die. But he had been so head over heels for him. He hated to feel so confused but he would not let the ghost know that he was getting to him.

“Oh Barnabas, you aren’t still caught up in what happened so many years ago, are you?”

“Of course I am! You left me to die after I begged for your help, Jonah!” “I would have helped you if I could have.” “I know you could have helped me! So do not try and lie to me!”

Barnabas shouting was not something that Jonah was accustomed to. He didn’t think that he had actually heard Barnabas yell before. It was something that he wished he could have continued to go on without hearing. His voice was wracked with pain and hurt and it threatened to break as he yelled.

“I am not lying to you, dear. I am simply trying to make you understand that I had other things that I needed to achieve and I could not help you.” “Are you saying that letting me die was something to- to help further your research?”

“I am.” Jonah tried his hardest to keep his voice calm and smooth as he spoke. He knew that this would probably just anger Barnabas more but he was not going to let his true emotions show. The look of pain that was plastered on Barnabas’s face was as clear as day and Jonah hated to see him like that. But he knew that nothing that he could say would change what he had done, so he may as well be as truthful as he wants.

“You- You bastard! I hope you rot!”

“Come now, love. You do not mean that.”

“Yes I do! I mean that more than anything I have ever meant before! I cannot believe that I loved you! You are the worst man to have ever set foot on this earth!” Barnabas’s figure had begun to flicker again. It was clear that he didn’t have long left here and Jonah was glad about that in a way. Barnabas deserved to rest. Free of all the troubles that were clearly making him so angry. But Jonah also wanted the man to stay. He had wanted to see him again for so long and to see him on the verge of having to leave again crushed him.

He knew that nothing lasts forever though.

“And all of this...how do you feel about this, Jonah?” Jonah took a moment to think about how to phrase his answer and spoke again once he had figured it out.

“I have waited for this for a long time, Barnabas.”

That was all he could say in response. By the time he had finished speaking, the ghost of his lover was gone. Jonah did not try to hide the tear that ran down his cheek at this. But there was no point in being sad. Barnabas was simply a memory. He was another thing that had helped Jonah get to where he was now.

And Jonah appreciated that.

He turned back to look at the world below his tower and smiled again. It was beautiful. 

He just wished that Barnabas could have seen its beauty with him.

[watch-glass]

Fictober - Regency Era edition

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34202902/chapters/85170988#workskin

Day two (2/10/21)

Prompt “You have no proof.”

Jonathan Fanshawe was a man who liked things to be orderly. Neat. Tidy. Unfortunately for him, he loved a man who was the complete opposite of that. Barnabas Bennett was running around his house, throwing his clothes haphazardly into a case that he had. Jonathan had warned his lover that he would end up getting incredibly disorientated if he left packing to the last minute, but of course, he had not listened.

Barnabas was clearly getting frustrated with himself by this point, throwing curses and words of protest around. Jonathan could hear him from the room that he had confined himself to and was debating whether he should intervene or not. However, it was once he heard Barnabas’s voice break on one of his shouts, he decided that he needed to check on him.

He found Barnabas curled up on his bed with his head pressed into the pillows. Trying to stay quiet so as to not startle him, he moved over to the bed and sat on the edge.

“Barnabas, whatever is the matter?”

His voice was as quiet and slow as his movements. He knew that whenever Barnabas got himself worked up into a state like this, he just needed people to be gentle. The slightest loud noise or raised voice could send him into floods of tears and a silence that would stay for hours afterwards.

“N-Nothing. You do not need to w-worry about it, Doctor. Fanshawe.”

There it was. That usual dismissal that came about whenever Barnabas was upset. Jonathan knew it well. He had had to deal with it many times over, so he knew what to do. He shuffled a bit closer to Barnabas and put his arm around the smaller man, forcing him to sit up. Barnabas’s eyes were puffy and red from the tears and his cheeks were flushed red, but not in the usual way they were.

Jonathan brushed away a tear that was rolling down Barnabas’s cheek and placed a gentle kiss to where it had been. His face was warm and his cheeks left a salty taste in Jonathan’s mouth from where the tears had cascaded down. Barnabas sniffed and tried to shy away, but Jonathan kept him close.

“You cannot lie to me, dear. Look at you. You’re a mess.”

“You have- You have n-no proof.”

Oh Barnabas. Dear, sweet Barnabas. Ever the one to try and get people to dismiss his feelings. He’d been like that a lot more recently. Ever since Jonathan had saved him from that...place, he’d been struggling to let anyone in. That’s why they were moving to the countryside. To try and get away from everything and everyone that had caused Barnabas so much pain.

Jonathan sighed and gently pulled Barnabas into an embrace. He rubbed Barnabas’s back and let him bury his face into his chest. He hated to see his lover like this, but he had learnt that it would be a long time before Barnabas would be anywhere near stable again.

He resented Mordechai and Jonah for what they had done to him. Jonah more than anything. Barnabas had explained that he had written to Jonah, begging for him to help, only for his pleas to be ignored. Jonathan did not see the logic in that. Barnabas had been so devout to Jonah. He would do anything and everything for him. That did not amount to Barnabas being thrown away like he was. And Mordechai. Jonathan had never trusted that man. He kept away from him whenever he rarely attended the events that Jonah or Robert held. But he never suspected that the man would hurt someone like he did. Jonathan suspected that he had most likely done it to other people as well and that made his blood boil.

But regardless of his feelings, Jonathan knew that as of right now, Barnabas just needed someone to be there. So he would stay. He would stay until Barnabas had calmed down. And then he would most likely finish his packing for him, just to make sure that he didn’t get overly stressed again.

As the minutes passed, Jonathan could feel that Barnabas had stopped shaking and his cries were beginning to fade away. He continued to hold him though. He didn’t want anything to start up again.

“I’m- I’m sorry, Jonathan. I did n-not intend- for this to h-happen.”

Jonathan just about heard the mumbled words but when he registered what had been said, he felt his heart ache slightly. He knew that Jonah had never let Barnabas be vulnerable like this. And he knew that that had affected Barnabas immensely. He moved back slightly so he could cup his hands around Barnabas’s face and tilt it upwards so that they were looking at each other. He stayed like this for a few moments, just looking into his lover's eyes. Once a light, vibrant blue, now a duller version of the colour. Jonathan was determined to get that spark back into Barnabas’s eyes, no matter how long it would take.

Once he recollected his thoughts, Jonathan leaned down and pressed his lips against Barnabas’s. He felt the tension leaving the other man as he held himself close to his beloved. It was moments like this that made all the struggles that they had faced worthwhile. They could just forget about the world around them and focus on the way that the other’s body felt.

The kiss lasted for what felt like an eternity. This is all they wanted. All they needed. If they had each other, everything would be just a little bit easier. Barnabas moved to wrap his arms around Jonathan’s waste and he let him. They really needed to finish getting Barnabas packed up to leave, but they could spare some time. After all, they had all the time in the world now.

This was it.

They were happy.

And they knew that they were loved.

That was all the pair had wanted to feel for so long. They had strived for it. But Jonathan had been too wrapped up in his practice and Barnabas had given himself to Jonah. Thinking back, they were both so oblivious to the truth. Barnabas had missed every single red flag with Jonah and Jonathan had just decided to ignore everything. Maybe if they had both been a little more observant, things would be different now. However, the one thing they both couldn’t deny was that even if they had made mistakes, those mistakes had brought them to this moment.

They wanted this to last for the rest of their lives. Their bodies falling back so that they were laying down. Their beings becoming intertwined in an experience that they both knew well by this point. Everything was fine in these moments and they would let it stay that way for as long as they could.

They would not let their peace be shattered again.

No matter what that could cost them.

[watch-glass]

Fictober - Regency Era edition

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34202902/chapters/85101916

Day one (1/10/21)

Prompt: “I need you.”

Barnabas had never been one for goodbyes. The word made him feel like he would never see the person he spoke it to ever again. So he had always refrained from saying that.

He regrets that now.

Here in this wasteland that he had once called London, he realises that he had not said goodbye to his lovers before he had disappeared. How long had it even been since he had left? Barnabas had given up on trying to keep track of time a long while ago. He just didn’t see the use of it. There was no point in just tracking how many days he had been wandering the desolate streets as the cold bit at him from all directions. 

His mind wandered as he walked around today. He never liked it when his mind wandered. When you’re trapped alone for so long, having idle thoughts can turn dark in a way that Barnabas never thought they could. But he did not stop it from happening. He had many passing thoughts that didn’t mean much to him, but it didn’t take long for his mind to turn to his lover.

Jonah.

He had asked for his help.

Where was he?

Barnabas did not want to admit it, but he had almost forgotten about the letter he had sent to his dear Jonah. He did not want to focus on it too much after he had left it. But now it was in the front of his mind and it began to make him panic. Surely Jonah should have come and helped him by now. So- So why wasn’t he there?

In a decision that caught Barnabas off guard, he began to sprint to where he remembered Jonah’s townhouse to be, in hopes of finding something- anything- in there. He burst through the door and stumbled up the stairs, going to the room where he knew Jonah to be in the most. The drawing room. He entered the room and almost had the breath knocked out of him.

There. He was there. It was very faint, but his silhouette could be seen sitting at his desk, reading what seemed to be a letter. Barnabas could not make out what the writing was on the parchment; the words were far too faint. But that didn’t matter to him. All that mattered was that he could see his Jonah. 

Barnabas tried to call out to him, but no words escaped his lips. Anything he tried to say just crawled out of his mouth as wispy fog. He felt his chest ache as he tried to take in more air. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. He could feel his trembling get worse as he stared at Jonah’s figure, sat up straight as his desk. He could feel his knees beginning to give out, and Jonah turned to stand up. As he stood there, he looked directly at Barnabas.

And Barnabas knew this wasn’t a coincidence.

Jonah knew that he was there.

He knew.

As Barnabas felt himself grow weaker, he tried to talk one last time. He just wanted to say something to Jonah while he was standing there. And he could tell that Jonah was waiting to hear something as well. He contemplated trying to beg for his help again. Maybe this was his chance at getting out of here while it was too late. But he knew that his efforts would be in vain if he tried that. Jonah didn’t care. He never did. 

Did Barnabas do something wrong t0 make Jonah feel like this?

Has- Had he messed up in some way?

Barnabas had done everything for Jonah. His Jonah. He didn’t understand why he was just watching him wither away in this wretched place. 

He knew that he was running out of time by this point. He needed to say something. Just one short sentence. He didn’t care anymore. He just wanted to say some words to his beloved.

So, he forced the fog in his lungs to part for a moment and whispered the words,

“I need you.”

That was it. Those were the final words of Barnabas Bennett. 

He dropped to the floor and landed at Jonah’s feet. The man stared down at him for a moment, before simply passing through him. For he was never truly there. He was simply a memory of a man long gone.