wastelandprincess - Tumblr blog

[wastelandprincess]

Well well well if it isn't my biggest fear in life come to royally fuck me up...

After a lifetime of body image and eating issues trying to be tamed with thoughts like "it's better to be healthy and happy than to be skinny" and the like, turns out the reason I've not been getting laid lately even though I'm living with my fiancé is, would you have guessed it, because he's no longer attracted to me because I have got fat.

To be clear, he has not pressured me or insulted me or done anything even remotely close to a red flag, I just had been thinking that was the problem for a while and in an attempt to clear my unhelpful negative thoughts out I thought hey you know what I'm gonna be a healthy communicative partner and share my worries, it'll be good to hear that thats definitely not the case and I'm just being my usual zany anxiety machine. And yet, bless his sweet dumb heart, he froze, and stammered, and said pathetically " I don't want to lie to you ". Of course you don't my love because you're an absolute angel and it's not your fault, we are simply attracted to what we are attracted to and it's beyond our control. But nevertheless you have in fact just ruined my life with your honesty so thank you very very much for that

"I love you so much and I want to be with you forever, regardless of what you look like" yes yes I know my dear and that's just lovely but unfortunately my wobbly bits are in fact so incredibly repulsive that they're now putting off the person who loves me most in life from wanting to touch me with a ten foot pole, so isn't that just absolutely splendid. Not only is my weight affecting my life but also affecting the lives of those around me. Superb.

And my fucking stupid ass is 2 years sober and 3 years balls deep in to therapy so I of course no longer WANT to starve myself and go back on the ole Devils dandruff to lose the weight as quickly as possible, do I. Noooo , no no no, I need to do it in a 'healthy' way. The kind of way that takes fucking years.

This is for sure a dear diary moment. One of the worst moments of my life. A realisation that hey for once I'm not crazy I really ammm JUST. THAT. FAT.

It's kind of like when I was suicidal and doing my best to stay alive if someone I loved had said 'yeah, it would really be better for us all if you actually did die btw". Like wow ok thanks for being the physical embodiment of the demons inside my head, that doesn't make it harder at alllll..

Hahahah. I'm so fucking done. If there is a god he is pissing directly in to my eyes and laughing about it.

[wastelandprincess]

Anne de Marcken, from It Lasts Forever and Then It's Over [ID'd]

[wastelandprincess]

Anaïs Nin, Delta of Venus, originally published: 1977

[wastelandprincess]

Show me your thorns and i'll show you hands ready to bleed.

[wastelandprincess]

Introducing Samantha Frison

IG: SamanthaFrison

Represented by Next Models

📷 Matias Arado

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Renee Herbert

IG: ReneeHerbert_

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