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every time i jump my dick hits me in the face & i die

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one of my brother’s cousins is 17 and running this weed instagram where he invents weed slang that’s outlandish even by california standards and the house has slowly stopped speaking english as we imitate it

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I got accepted for a position and right now im going through the background check and drug test and i missed the first one bc i didnt see the email and i did the second one but i had a specific amount of time to do it and so i drank a ton of water but then my test was too dilute so it was inconclusive so i went back for my third one and now im anxious bc if its too dilute and inconclusive again i dont get the job. ill literally lose a job bc i drank too much water. i havent even done drugs and i cant sleep bc im so anxious about it

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Can i just say that its incredible what a few days/weeks can do. recently i posted that i was super depressed and jobless and hated my apartment and now i have a job as a scientist for a huge company lined up and were going to move into a dream apartment in less than a month and i am so excited. As someone with horrible depression and severe anxiety, i know it can be hard to just wait until good things happen but if possible putting any effort or finding people who will hep you through is crucial and if anyone doesnt have/needs that kind of support i am here

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Consider this:

Bob’s jealousy of Helen does not make him a bad husband. He would be a bad husband if he let that jealousy control how he treated her and lead him to refuse to support her or take care of his family. He did none of those things. He felt the negative emotion, got over it, and did the right thing anyway. That is character: not the absence of negative emotions, but the ability to deal with them appropriately. Y’all need to quit acting like humans are one dimensional robots incapable of feeling multiple things at once.

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The inherent embarrassment in desiring anything

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Women are sharing their side profile selfies to show noses of all sizes are beautiful

Freelance journalist Radhika Sanghani created the #SideProfileSelfie campaign in a bid to celebrate larger noses, which she feels lack representation in the entertainment and fashion industries.

Sanghani’s article: Reclaiming The Side Profile

Tweet 1 | Tweet 2 | Tweet 3 | Tweet 4 | Tweet 5

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You’ve heard of Old Friends Senior Dog Sanctuary. Now get ready for New Enemies Junior Cat Battleground.

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Geoff and the others losing it on Off Topic 143

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god all american kids cartoons really do have that one outstandingly scary episode no matter what do u guys fucking remember this

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I just saw a video of Britney Spears tearing apart a group of men who called her body guard the n word. He had to hold her back because her knee jerk reaction was to maul them like a mama bear on the loose. And then she walks away while holding a comforting hand on his back.

I’ll never not stan her. Catch me playing Lucky at my funeral bitch.

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remember kids: rats are the capri sun of the vampire world

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JOB HUNTING RANT

i just graduated college with my degree in biology this past may (hooray me) and ive applied to almost 100 jobs in four months. All entry level, all relating to my experience, which i do have a decent amount of. I STILL CANNOT GET A JOB and its so insanely depressing. my anxiety and depression have increased exponentially. ive had jobs leave me voicemails saying im the perfect candidate then tell me i dont have enough experience for their entry level job and its so discouraging. i am not strong, i am not someone who can do a lot of lifting or physical work in those ways, i always depended on my brain and how smart i am and to see it getting me nowhere is really fucking me up. i havent posted or been on here in a very long time but i just needed somewhere to say it. and i live in the middle of baltimore where there are so many companies and jobs available and I CANNOT GET A FUCKING JOB. if anyone has any news//advice please because i know ti doesnt seem like too long but im losing hope. 

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Friendly reminder that Ed ate an entire slide because there was a pebble in his shoe.

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hey look at this meme I made for my cats

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I made these in response to hate crimes in my community. They are full size and free to download and print if you’d like to use them, too.