wanderingthoughtsstuff

[wanderingthoughtsstuff]

"Anyone can talk to me if they want, but keep in mind the most beautiful things in life are usually deadly,"

[wanderingthoughtsstuff]

"To be fair, it wasn't entirely my fault,"

"You pushed them down the stairs!"

"Couldn't have done it without gravity,"

[wanderingthoughtsstuff]

"Here's the analysis you asked for,"

He took two big steps in excitedly. He was only an inch or two away, and I can see his muscles under his shirt and he's a couple inches taller and he's so close he's almost stepping on my shoes and if he smudges my stillettos I will kill him. And I need to focus.

"This is great. Thanks so much for taking care of this,"

"Happy to help,"

[wanderingthoughtsstuff]

"That red looks stunning on you,"

"Thank you,"

"Have a wonderful rest of your evening,"

"Wait-"

[wanderingthoughtsstuff]

"You should give him a chance. He was trying to be nice,"

"If I followed that advice, I would be dead, broke, on drugs, or in a mental hospital,"

[wanderingthoughtsstuff]

"You really want to make that my problem? Think carefully now. There are two ways I solve problems. I eliminate the symtom-"

She glanced at the mans bulge.

or the cause,"

She stared him in the eye with a wide smile.

[wanderingthoughtsstuff]

"If he comes near me, the doctor is going going to have their very own scavenger hunt looking for the pervs balls,"

[wanderingthoughtsstuff]

"There are three things that do not belong outside in the rain. Italian sports cars, YSL heels, and my hair,"

[wanderingthoughtsstuff]

"I love that question,"

"Really?"

"Only because its answer has two of my favorite words,"

"What-?"

"Fuck. No,"

[wanderingthoughtsstuff]

"Selfish? Of course, I'm selfish. What good has putting someone else first ever done?"

[wanderingthoughtsstuff]

"Leave them alone,"

"Don't interfere. It's been a while since I've been able to tear into someone,"

"You're mental,"

"Don't forget it. I promise you won't need reminding a second time,"

[wanderingthoughtsstuff]

"Why are you 23 minutes late?"

"Do you really want the answer to that?"

*staring match*

"I woke up 6 minutes late, I spent another 7 minutes wondering if launching myself out my window would be less painful than being subjected to your horrendous 1995 "Malibu Barbie meets a convent" fashion choices. Then I got hungry on the way here, so I spent 4 minutes 30 seconds eating a blueberry muffin and 2 minutes 30 seconds drinking an iced mocha frappuccino with a triple shot of Italian espresso. What is that? 19 minutes? Yeah. Then I fed a squirrel the rest of my muffin for 5 minutes,"

"Detention,"

[wanderingthoughtsstuff]

"You want a kiss?"

"Well, yeah,"

"Did you buy my lipstick?"

"No?"

"There's your answer,"

[wanderingthoughtsstuff]

"If you don't want to hear what I have to say, leave. The door is right there. Otherwise, sit your ass down and listen,"

[wanderingthoughtsstuff]

"Did you go swimming?"

"No,"

"Then why are you soaked?"

"It's sweat. Don't worry, it's not mine,"

*sniffs*

"Yeah. Definitely not mine. I'm going to shower,"

[wanderingthoughtsstuff]

"Hey quick question,"

"Shoot,"

"If I told you I would rip your balls off with an ice cream scooper, then use them to play catch with my dog. Would you consider that a sufficient threat?"

"Define suffient,"

"You would never look at me again,"

"Probably,"

"Cool. Thanks,"

"Am I getting context or-?"

"It's not your balls, don't worry about it,"

[wanderingthoughtsstuff]

"They don't like you, you know,"

"Oh good. It's mutual,"