wake-up-sleeper

[wake-up-sleeper]

I return for a brief respite, for in my neglect and often tiredness I turn to the internet for my sleeping rituals instead of continuing my sleep journal. Shame, this inconsistency! But I am not about to let that get in the way of this solemn hour of reflection.

It has been almost a year since my last entry. I am now in my second year in law school, and while I think I am finally seeing a flattening in the difficulty curve, I cannot help but feel that it is all one big, fat lie given the set up.

Perhaps I should cut myself some slack, but I would think it is a legitimate concern. I will not be able to rest easy so long as my fears remain unquenched and unrealized.

Hm, on to other matters.

I have recently resolved to buy a treadmill before year-end so I can get back to shape. The sedentary work environment and this pandemic has really weighed in (pun intended) on me, so this will be a welcome change moving forward.

My family is currently planning a home renovation, and my brother is set to move base in the master’s bedroom after it is furnished. This will leave our current bedroom under my auspices, and I will have the chance to renovate it according to my tastes. Exciting times!

I guess that is it for now. Tomorrow, I will be reviewing for my midterm examinations in earnest. The Lord have mercy on me.

For so long I have missed saying: this is your resident sleeper,

K.C.

[wake-up-sleeper]

As the night sleeps, the moon reveals itself ever clear upon still lakewaters.

It must be the coffee, for I cannot lull myself to sleep. I have wasted a day I could have spent studying, yet the audacity of mine heart to rid myself even of the blessed gift that is sleep! I regret everything and vow never more, never more shall my heart be shaken by the whims of they who would make the Lord’s day streaked with the colors of sloth and indulgence! Sundays must be devoted to the diligent study of the law! Or so I would like to think and believe.

The Lord take me to the garden of sleep, and let me dream of the winds of March and the golden streets I used to walk without a worry in the world.

This is your resident sleeper,

K.C.

[wake-up-sleeper]

I feel that I’ve been slipping lately. Too bogged down with the sheer monotony of my current predicament, and the lethargy of the season in tow, I succumb to a torpor both in spirit and in form.

Now that I think about it, how did I let myself into such a precarious place? I wager that it is most probably because of a moral clash within me. If I had to say it in more discrete terms, it would be that my heart is fighting over what it means to live an authentic life--one free from pretense and self-doubt.

I’m still searching for answers. I’m praying for the Lord’s direction over the dark path which lies ahead, and with His Word as my lamp I know I’ll come across the very crossroads that will define my destiny.

Regardless, I must walk.

Teetering just beyond the frontiers of a dream, this is your resident sleeper,

K.C.

[wake-up-sleeper]

untitled

the shy embers i hear them whisper the sweet midnight songs

and once again

in disbelief i rush out to the frontier of my dream

only to see nothing more fleeting than passing shadows

only to hear their hushed footsteps above the starlit pavement

and once again

i cannot but stop for a brief sojourn in a place long past where the nights are long when the narra blooms e’er and the wind takes them far beyond this dream of mine to finally rest

at last

as cinders for them these shy embers now sleeping ‘neath my heart

[wake-up-sleeper]

My sister is back home to attend to some errands. She leaves again in two weeks after she visits the family dentist and her psychiatrist (I think). She’s in a tight spot of her life right now, so I hope her condition continues to improve for the better.

Our grandmother’s house is to be demolished tomorrow and a new one constructed in its place. I try not to be sentimental about it, especially since we practically grew up within the comfort of its walls and shared many meals in its now vacated dining hall... Drat, and there it goes once more.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Your resident sleeper,

K.C.

[wake-up-sleeper]

I haven’t been able to write a lot of entries lately, and looking back, it’s probably because of stress. Which is ironic tbh, since relieving stress for restful sleep is the raison d’etre of this journal.

But then again, it’s useless to sweat over the technicalities! What matters is that I’m writing again after such a long while. So yeah, ego te absolvo.

***

Lately I’ve been thinking about the things I should be valuing in my life, and whether the things I’ve been doing so far are what I really want to do for the rest of my days. I wouldn’t be so audacious as to call it an existential crisis. Not really.

To put it bluntly, I guess my first semester in law school has really made me question my idea of service, and whether it’s possible to serve without the fetters of jargon, pretense, or even ambiguity. I know I must not be articulating this as I clearly as I understand it, so I’ll leave this here for now and promise to put my feelings into writing after I reflect on it more.

Till then, this is your resident sleeper,

K.C.

[wake-up-sleeper]

Night has yet to fall, but as the augurs of sleep have come to play nevertheless, I find that it is within the powers I’ve conferred unto myself to write about things which help me sleep at night, even if the act of writing itself is not immediate to the act of sleeping per se. Or so I would like myself to believe.

Anyway, I physically reported for work today due to some matters on payments which need to be ironed out. Said matters have weighed on my mind for so long that it had acted to the detriment of my slumber and fed my many great fears, so now I can take a breath of relief. Finally!

Wide awake and sighing in relief, this is your resident sleeper,

K. C.

[wake-up-sleeper]

I received news from my batchmates that a dear professor of ours passed away yesterday.

I grieve with deep sorrow. Sir D— was a warm and comforting figure to many, myself included, and our Thursday Japanese classes were my most anticipated meetings during my days as an undergraduate student. He will be sorely missed—but not for long—since I have in me a firm hope that we will meet again to be with our Lord.

Our sorrows are plenty tonight, but even dusk must yield to dawn. The Lord is sovereign after all, and our hopes for the future are not hollow.

My thoughts and prayers are with the bereaved,

K. C.

[wake-up-sleeper]

I met up with my blockmates late this night to jumpstart the resumption of classes tomorrow. Law school is hard enough on its own, so the lethargy and the attending feelings of uselessness only serve to exacerbate any and all difficulties. Our meeting was to mitigate some of those feelings, and may be considered to be well-spent.

On to other matters, I’ve mentioned before that I bought a Nintendo Switch (did I?) and I just want to manifest that I’ve been enjoying my playthrough on The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. It’s such a wonderful game, and I can’t wait to play more of it!

But that will have to wait till Saturday, for ever true is the old adage: the study of law is oft a jealous mistress. I can’t afford to take a slip.

My eyes grow heavy, and I must sleep.

Your resident sleeper,

K. C.

[wake-up-sleeper]

I did not study tonight, which is regrettable to say the least. Tomorrow, and most definitely the weekend, will be a grueling day for sure.

I’ve mentioned it to my classmates the other night that I’ve been experiencing withdrawal symptoms ever since I’ve abstained from studying. Of all things, studying!

But I guess that’s law school for you.

Oh and before I forget, I just want to manifest in writing the joy in my heart, for this morning I learned from my newsfeed that my batchmate had just moved in to their new house, constructed by no less than the fruits of her profession as an actuary! Again, what a joy to see her earnestness bloom!

Looking for wolves, this is your resident sleeper,

K. C.

[wake-up-sleeper]

Cheers, for the day is strong and merry.

In the afternoon, we went to the mall and bought some stuff for our annual Christmas shopping, except it’s just actually my mother and I who took our chances today. My brother and sister would probably indulge themselves at a later date.

My mother, in keeping with her spending priorities, bought two shirts, one of which was unbearably neon orange in color. Likewise, my priorities led me to purchase a Nintendo Switch for the family’s use.

Praise be to the Lord, who blesses us with the bounties of His grace, and allows us the opportunity to enjoy them anew with each passing hour and each passing day.

A luminous night from your resident sleeper,

K. C.

[wake-up-sleeper]

Well met, visitor! Welcome to my sleep journal, where I write about random stuff to wind down, relax, and lull myself to sleep.

I know, it’s strange to name a blog that is on its face antithetical to the purpose it intends to achieve, but that is only if you’re trying to construe the blog’s title in a specific sense. An alternative reading would take one to a different course, but let’s leave that to the imagination.

I’ll endeavor to write an entry every night, and hopefully finish writing said entry before sleep takes me at last. I pray that it jives well with my current setup.

I guess that’s it for now. We can talk about the intimate stuff as we go along.

Good night!

Your resident sleeper,

K. C.