waitwhatsgoingonagain

[waitwhatsgoingonagain]

V

Vlog. 

It’s a weird word. A word that sounds like something you want to cozy up next to a fire with. Wait, that’s GLOGG. okay. focus. focused. 

HI! 

I’m thinking about making a video blog for my winter spent in the rockies. I feel like I have some definite thoughts about things, and I would love to not only update my followers and prove to my mother i’m alive, but showcase the beauty the rockies have. Because WOW. 

With this, I need to figure out some good gear for this. Right now I’m working with an older camera, that has about no attachments. So I need to figure out some fun vlog add-ons. 

Thats all I got today. 

S

[waitwhatsgoingonagain]

“The time will pass anyway. You can either spend it creating the life you want or spend it living the life you don’t want. The choice is yours.”

— Unknown

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i love housesitting because it’s the opposite of rent…like ur gonna pay me to pet your cat and eat your perishables and shower in your fancy bathroom? ok?????

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Yesss. A WHOLE TOWN OF DAD JOKES. 

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The Best Bags Spotted on The Spring 2019 Runways

I’ll take one of each, please.

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[waitwhatsgoingonagain]

Do I even?

I got a job offer. 

(Don’t get too excited for me, though...) 

This offer is contingent on one thing. 

Which is funny, because this takes me back to a breakup conversation I had once. 

I was sitting on this patio with my kinda boyfriend at the time, and we were trying to figure out if we were going to actually make this happen or not. 

At one point he said he would take me back if I to phrase it short “changed everything about myself”... 

Which brings me to now. 

i get offered this job. 

Cool. 

Awesome. 

Great. 

Money. 

But. 

I have to now take this course to get certified in an awfully boring, horrendous, and soul sucking licensing course. 

I never finished college. There was I reason for it. i hated it. 

That was my gut telling me there were better things. Which, there were. 

I’m a fan of following my gut.

Today, right now. My gut tells me no. 

[waitwhatsgoingonagain]

1 year.

I used to get told the same phrase over and over, yet never truly grasped it. 

“You never know what can happen in a year” 

Time is such a mundane, confusing concept. A year. 365 days. 12 months. 56 weeks. How are you supposed to gage that? In seasons? In fiscal periods? In semesters? 

Last year about this time I was living in a fabulous loft, running an awesome collaboration, and managing a pub. I was living the life paying my dues to the city in meetings and events, running a successful studio and pub, having a to-die-for social life, and leaving my worries behind. 

Today I sit in a coffee shop 600 miles away from that life itching to figure out where I belong in this world, and wondering at the possibilities this year could present. The fabulous life I had was perfect on paper, but took a toll on my psych, relationships, and health. By the time I truly realized I was unhappy everything had been taken away from me. 

I was left partying my doubts/fears away, living in a friends guest room, and farther away from myself than I had ever been. 

After months of reflection, I’ve come to realize how far away from myself I truly am. I’ve come to see how much I’ve neglected my self-esteem, my health, and truly lost touch with who I am. 

So a year. 

There’s death, life, aspirations, and complacency. 

There’s a year. 

In this moment of this year, I sit lost, unsure what I’m even looking for. 

Thats all for now. 

S

[waitwhatsgoingonagain]

September 8th : thoughts.

I’ve decided to start being real with myself. 

I never thought I’d get to the point in life where I would be lying to myself, filling my head with these thoughts that I’m not sure I even believe. 

I’ve decided to be real with my thoughts, real with my emotions. 

I’m lost. I’m tired. I’m starting to get further away from my heart and soul. 

I’m not hear to fill minds with positivity that I don’t even have inside of me. I didn’t leave a place I was miserable to push happiness and self-knowing motivation onto others who are lost. I left to work on myself, and I’ve been avoiding me to keep up the look of happiness. I can’t keep myself out anymore, and I’m not looking to keep the world out either. I’m looking to learn. I’m looking to improve. I’m looking to be real. 

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Public libraries are not going anywhere.

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Northern Ireland Coast (by ohlovelylies)

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Eternal Youth Co.

Photo by: Evan Perigo

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I talk about believing in yourself all the time, I tell my nieces if they believe it they can do it, I tell my mother to believe in herself more often, and I tell anyone down on themselves for even just the slightest second to believe in themselves. Because if you believe in yourself, then thats at least one person rooting for you, right?

What happens when I preach that day in and day out, and I’m struggling to believe in myself for just long enough to be happy? 

It’s 2018. I told myself I was going to believe in myself more this year. 

My business closed. 

When that closed, my heart closed back up, my creativity took a complete nose dive back into the cellar, and my motivation, belief in myself, and happiness disappeared. 

It’s been a hard year. 

I can’t help but think that through all of this, there is some sort of light at the end of it. There has to be some sort of good ending, some sort of good middle. I had os much ambition in that place, and it screwed me into the ground. I had so much creativity spurting out of my bones, and its shoved way back deep down. 

I feel like I’ve taken the most giant step backwards in life. I’m living in Michigan...with my parents...unemployed. I am an absolute catch right now. 

I’m searching. I’m searching HARD for what’s next. 

I’m trying to find some sort of belief in myself in all of this, because if I believe in myself, then at least there’s one person rooting for me. 

Until next, 

S

[waitwhatsgoingonagain]

It’s 2018 and I have some thoughts to share. 

Let’s start with how 2017 really shook me. 

I wasn’t expecting to go on such a roller coaster ride, but alas, I went up and down, upside down, and around the track. 

I opened a business in 2017. 

I fell out of love with my ex in 2017. 

I fell back in love with myself in 2017. 

I learned how to open up in 2017. 

I fell back into depression in 2017. 

I fell into a rut I couldnt get out of in 2017. 

I gained 10 pounds in 2017. 

I brought home a fur baby in 2017. 

I questioned myself if I really was out of love with my ex in 2017. 

I figured out I need help in 2017. 

I figured out I want love in 2017. 

I ended 2017 on a wobbly note. 

I started 2018 with a lot more self confidence. 

I started 2018 knowing I need to believe in myself more. 

I started 2018 ready to challenge myself. 

Those are my thoughts. 

I’m ready for a challenge in 2018.

I’m ready to believe in myself more. 

I’m ready to kick-ass in 2018. 

[waitwhatsgoingonagain]

David Spade overheard an unconventional pick-up artist in Portland recently…

[ Part 2 ]