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truly the most american thing is Big Drink. more than late stage capitalism, more than an unparalleled cultural focus on individualism, more than 9/11 jokes

what binds all americans together culturally is Big Drink

and you might be saying "is this fat shaming" or "but mayor bloomberg outlawed Big Drink in nyc" or "gays are so annoying about their iced coffee" or some other dumb comment but no open your minds, Big Drink isn't just sugary or caffeinated beverages

every day i see one of you hydration bitches (affectionate) on the train with a water bottle so big a toddler could drown in it. that too is Big Drink. we literally invented a bigger beer can (tall boy) in wisconsin in the 60s in the service of Big Drink

anyway i never feel more american then when i have Big Drink in my hands

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Me, sitting on a White House Aide’s shoulder: Just do it. Slip a pre-emptive pardon for Luigi Mangione into the pile of executive orders to be signed. You know he doesn’t read them. Just do it, it’ll be so funny.

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We ask your questions anonymously so you don’t have to! Submissions are open on the 1st and 15th of the month.

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op turned off reblogs but I want this forever

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doomed by the narrative AND haunted by the narrative AND a secret third thing (mourned by the narrative)

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official elon musk hate post reblog to hate like to hate reply to hate

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these teenagers and their dog are trying ruin our money laundering business. no tony put the gun down were doing this the old fashioned way. were gonna dress up as monsters and scare them

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a watched nut never busts. or something. i dont fucking know what you people find funny anymore. 9/11.

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Polycule but it’s just two people in a romantic relationship with each other and their third who’s pretty obviously aroace but also somehow so deeply intertwined in their lives that it’d just be wrong to not count them as involved. Is this anything.

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Yeah hey mom I know it's been a while since I called. I have bad news. My cigarette broke in half. Yeah.. yeah Google said no way to fix it either

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I'm not even like deaf or hoh but if you're adding subtitles to something I think you should always transcribe foreign languages too. None of that [Speaks Spanish] shit. You don't need to translate it to english. But you need to at least give the option for a deaf person to read it and understand it themselves. I don't care if it's not important to the plot. I don't care if it's just them saying like Okay or Damn or whatever the fuck. Write it down

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In 2025 you have to fag it up as much as possible. Goth it up also. Godspeed. Gothspeed, even.

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trump dies of congestive heart failure before being sworn in charge to like cast to reblog

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trump dies of congestive heart failure before being sworn in charge to like cast to reblog

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trump dies of congestive heart failure before being sworn in charge to like cast to reblog