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It's quite something to have this post slap you in the face after dusting off the Tumblr app after years thinking "Hey, maybe I should upload some of my content here too"

writing fanfiction is just. i’m being so creative and original. i’m plagiarizing everyone by accident. i’m a genius. i’m cringe. i’m too angsty. i’m too cheesy. this is not in character. it doesn’t matter that it’s not in character because these are my characters now. i love my hobby. this is the worst possible use of my time. i’m seeking validation. i’m projecting my own personal problems onto this story and i’m barely hiding it. i know so many words and i’m using all of them wrong. im on tumblr posting about it instead of writing it.

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Two pictures that were taken of me in my Lady Dimitrescu cosplay at the Elf Fantasy Fair in the Netherlands this month.

I edited the bucket to be yellow instead of red, as if Heisenberg had painted it for Ethan, which is my headcanon for all the yellow paint all over the village.

Had so much fun in this cosplay and got recognized a lot!

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Just another photo of me and @wait-what-pancakes

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My gf @wait-what-pancakes and I cosplayed Lady Dimitrescu and Lord Heisenberg recently at Elfia.

She is Lady Dimitrescu, and me as lord Heisenberg. I still need to finish the hammer tho.

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I’m not like my siblings.

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Karl really did his best!

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Dinner with Heisenberg 🐴⚙️🧲

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HEISENBOOGIE

[x]

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Threesome S1

(FemReaderxChrisRedfieldxKarlHeisenberg)

Rating: Mature18+

Fandom: Resident Evil Village

CW: F/M/M, Oral Sex, Deepthroating, Blowjobs, Cum

Word Count: 1,753

Summary: Your votes came in for a threesome! Chris won! There was a split decision though so LycanxHeisenbergxFemreader will come soon.

-Masterlist-

GENERAL RULES

The way the two men changed their attitude towards each other after your question. You weren’t left wondering about their intentions. Especially with the way Heisenberg shamelessly looked you up and down. You’ve been intimate with the two of them many times before, but never at the same time. Tonight you decided to test your luck. And by the looks of it, they were happy to oblige.

You felt Chris press himself against you from behind. Wrapping an arm around your waist as he steadily rocks into your ass. Not one to be left out. Heisenberg gives you both one last gleam over before inserting himself against you. One of his hands reaches behind Redfield to push your crotches closer. The other hand slides up your thigh and to your hip. The men grind themselves on you from both sides, keeping up a steady rhythm. Chris seems to be keeping his composure. while Karls erection has been pressing against your sex for sometime. Erupting the feeling of desire into your core as you whined.

Eventually Heisenberg gets fed up with the teasing and pulls your face to his. Tangling your tongues in a sloppy kiss. Chris groans and leans down to pepper kisses to your neck, and you thread your fingers into his hair. “She likes it hard, Redfield.” Karl grunts against your lips. Chris groans and stops the onslaught of nipping and sucking along your neck. “Yeah, I know.” His voice was gruff and irritated. The sound of it makes Heisenberg chuckle and you whine.

“Getting worked up already, Hase?” The nickname rolls off his tongue like silk, causing you to grind harder against him. You kiss and grope at each other until you’re lost on who’s touching you. Not that you mind. Redfield moves away from behind you, both men pushing you back against the wall as they tower over you. Heisenberg wastes no time in pulling out his cock, stroking himself languidly. “Feast your eyes Redfield.” Karl teased in pride. Chris scoffed and pulled himself out. The sight of both of them making your mouth water.

“You’re not on your knees yet?” Karl snarked. Your legs trembled and you slumped to the floor. Redfield wasted no time in pulling both your hands towards their cocks. “Let’s see how much you can handle.” You don’t hesitate, the feeling of eyes on you puts butterflies in you stomach, as if you’re in some erotic film.

Heisenberg tilts Redfield's head in his direction, “Let’s give them a show huh?” You hear Chris hum at Karls words before leaning in. The two men kiss and moan into each other's mouth. Your moans joining theirs as you take Heisenberg into your mouth. Reaching your now free hand into your panties. You grind into your fingers, pulling a drawn out moan from the men above you as they side eye you.

“I’d say she’s plenty interested.” Chris said, pulling away from Karls lips. Hinting at you to stop your ministrations. Heisenberg lifted you off the ground, and you wrapped your legs around his waist. You aid him in removing your panties and he smirkes. “Chris..” Heisenberg holds out his hand expectantly. Redfield huffs, “Why do you get to fuck her first?” He grunts, pulling out a condom and placing it in Heisenberg’s hand. Heisenberg smiles deviously at the other man and throws the condom at his chest. “If you’re gonna be a shithead might as well make yourself useful.” Chris gave him a confused expression, “Well? Are you gonna stand there all day or help me put it on?” He snarked. You could feel yourself get impatient as the two men scuffled. Chris taking notice of that with a flushed face. He shook his head and approached. “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?” He grabbed Karls cock, making the man holding you groan in pleasure. “Maybe, but I think you like that.” Karl teased before moaning as Chris pumped his hand down his shaft.

“I hate to interrupt whatever this is but can one of you fuck me please.” Your voice annoyed and desperate.

Karl chuckled and squeezed you closer to his chest, “Let’s not keep the lady waiting.” He mused, Chris hummed at that and slid the condom around Karl. Your breath got heavy as you felt his tip rub up and down you sex. Gliding through your slick folds and along you clit, making you gasp in pleasure. You heard a sharp click and looked up to see Karl lighting a cigar. Inhaling deeply before blowing the smoke at Redfield’s face. You gasp and tense. Heisenberg’s fat tip prodding at your hole as he secures his arms around you. one arm holding your hip and the other wrapped along your waist. He spreads your legs wide, and you arch yourself into him wrapping your arms around his neck. Heisenberg leans back, bringing you forwards with him as Chris goes to line up the other man with your pussy.

A rush of adrenaline fills you as Karl pounds into you. You feel pornographic knowing Chris is rubbing himself to the sight of you moaning like a slut. You wanted to prove yourself to them. Show them how freaky you are and how much you could endure, in hopes of this becoming a regular occurrence. But from the position you were in. All you could do was moan and clench around Heisenberg's thick cock as your slick dripped down his balls.

Removing his hands from his cock, Chris reaches beneath you. You hear Karl groan, and then glare at the man behind you, “Keep doing that and I’ll come Redfield.” Chris chuckles darkly. “What, can’t take it? I’m surprised. I didn’t take you for the sensitive type.” Heisenberg gasped and his hips stuttered before he rutted into you harshly. You moaned loudly at the new sensation, your eyes rolling back as a mixture of gasps and moans left your lips. “After all,” Chris continued, “I’m just touching your sack.” He laughed.

Being watched intently by both men made you clench around Karl’s length. Chris put both hands under your thighs lifting you more. You placed your arms around the back of his neck, giving Karl a nice view of your bare chest. He groans at the sight, pulling out of you and taking a knee to begin licking your wet pussy. He places your legs around his shoulders. Plunging his tongue into you, his nose grinding against your clit. Your toes curl and your thighs shake helplessly around his head in tandem with his thrusts. He begins to suck on your clit as you moan. Suddenly you feel Chris run his tip against your folds. Pushing in quickly and starting to fuck your quivering pussy. He hisses as you squeeze around him, Karl keeping up a quick pace on your clit. “Ah, she’s so wet.” Chris moans, Karl moans in agreement beneath you. “I wonder what her ass feels like.” Heisenberg said briefly before continuing to suck you. Chris hums, “Maybe next time she’ll let us fill both holes.” The implication of a next time sends you to orgasm. Thighs jolting and pussy clenching tightly around Chris. He grunts at the intensity pulling you down onto him and coming. Making you moan in ecstasy as he continues to pump his cock deep inside you.

He pulls out soon after, cock twitching, then pulls the two of you down to the floor. Karl rises to his feet. “Let’s see how good you two work together.” He says, slapping your cheek with his cock. Your pussy clenches and you scoot towards him, cum leaking out of you.

You begin to swirl your tongue around the base of his cock. Chris moving to lick long strokes on his head. Pulling back and swallowing the precum before sucking his tip. You watch Chris diligently as you busy yourself with licking and sucking on Heisenberg’s balls. Making a mental note of how Chris knows exactly what gets Karl twitching. When Chris takes him completely, not even hesitating, as if a giant cock wasn’t in his throat. Karl groans, and holds him there until The black haired man gags needing air. When Chris pulls back he opens his mouth to show the man above him the thick cum coating his tongue. “Share.” Karl huffs.

Chris grabs you roughly by the back of your neck and kisses you deeply, swapping the cum between the two of you. You whine as you swallow, only getting a moment of air before Karl forces your mouth on his cock. You place your hands on his thighs and relax your throat as he fucks your face. The action makes your eyes water, and drool to coat his cock and drip down your chin. Chris pushes your face up and down his cock in tandem with the gray haired man's thrusts.

Each time he plunges into you mouth his legs tremble. And you don’t try to stop the gags coming out of you as your drool drips down your neck. And your glossy makeup streaked eyes roll back. Pulling you back to catch a breath, Chris takes your place and gags himself on Heisenberg’s cock. The two of you take turns deepthroating his cock until Karl pulls back himself. Ordering the two of you to place your faces together.

You watch as he jerks himself quickly. Moans and grunts leaving him before his breath hitches and he coats your faces in his cum. He leans his head back for a moment to catch his breath before taking in the sight of you two completely wrecked. His softening cock twitches at the view, but he tucks himself into his pants. “Why don’t you two clen yourselves off?” He smiles.

Chris responds immediately, taking your face in both hands and licking the cum off you. You whine, and lick back, momentarily intertwining your tongues together. Heat pools in your stomach again but you ignore it seeing Chris stand and sort himself out.

Karl kisses you deeply, and chuckles. “We’ll definitely be doing this again.” Chris nods at that and you smile. Karl turns to the dark haired man and smirks. “Next time I’ll fuck you silly, can’t lie you’re one sexy slut when you follow orders.” Chris’s face flushes, then rolls his eyes. “Shut up freak.” Karl laughs at that. Before he stomps off Chris kisses you then pulls away. “I’ll call you.” He says walking out.

“And you’ll definitely hear from me.” Heisenberg remarks following suit.

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One more serious post before I go back to being a shitposter

I really don’t understand why people keep getting mad at people for liking the lords but condemning Mother Miranda.

Like if you play the game and look into the lore everything that happened in Village was because of Mother Miranda. She’s the one who discovered the cadou, made herself into some god like being, took the lords away from their homes and did experiments on them, made an isolated village keeping both the lords and villagers in the dark from the outside world, and so on and so forth.

That’s literally how a cult works. That whole village wouldn’t have existed if it wasn’t for Mother Miranda.

We can also see the lords as victims while also still condemning them for their actions. Those two can exist. I can acknowledge that the lords being taken from their original homes and experimented on and used as a pawn for Miranda’s goal while also acknowledging that people they have killed and experimented on was also fucked up. I’m aware there are people who acts like they did no wrong but I’m not referring to that.

We can acknowledge the lords were manipulated and used. Which is how it works in actual cults. In some cults people are trained or raised to believe what they’re doing is right. When you are in an environment that is saying this way is the right way or this is the law you’re going to believe it, especially if you’re conditioned to follow it. We can see what they’re doing is wrong but they don’t see their actions as wrong. (I’m not saying that’s the case here with the lords. Just saying that’s how it is general)

I’ve read and listen to stories from ex cult members and it’s a very hard process to unlearn the things from that cult. There’s a lot of damage to unpack. And I would like to imagine if village went a different route where the lords survived and left they will have to go through that process of unpacking the trauma they went through. Same with the villagers.

But I’m getting sidetracked

I can even sympathize with Miranda. She did all of this to get her daughter back. I feel for her, truly I do, but it doesn’t excuse her actions and the crimes she committed. We can also sympathize with her while also acknowledging her being a pos.

All in all I don’t know why I ranted about this, maybe because It’s getting tiring seeing people getting huffy at others over the silliest things. At the end of the day it’s a game, it shouldn’t be taken so seriously. Let people do them if it’s not hurting anyone

Also if you’re a mother miranda stan hiiii I don’t ever here from y’all and I’m worried

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So you mean to tell me the other lords didn’t hear that big boss fight between Ethan and Lady D? All that damn noise they was making and the lords didn’t hear shit?

I bet they was looking out their windows like

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“im getting old” starter pack

“this is way too sweet”

“they’re remaking that movie already????”

“my back hurts”

“wait, people get mad about that now?”

“I can’t eat that, its gone fuck my stomach up”

“hold on let me check my calendar first”

**turns on the radio** [groans]

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i hope your onions caramelize. i hope my onions caramelize. i hope we both sauté our root vegetables to perfection. slow cooked onions in loving pan.

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The idea of him painting stuff yellow to help Ethan out