wabi22sabi

[wabi22sabi]

Everybody had to come

And ruin it for me

[wabi22sabi]

I don’t trust you

I trust myself with you

[wabi22sabi]

I know I am just 22 and have just started my life. But why does everyday feel like a struggle then? Why does it feel like that no matter how hard I try to reach somewhere, the further it gets away.

Love is not easy. Neither is earning money.

I want a break. So badly.

[wabi22sabi]

Maybe I am not made for this world.

Maybe I am meant to live in my own world.

That way it’s nicer.

At least nobody’s breaking my heart.

And I am not expecting anyone to.

[wabi22sabi]

Where is the other side? I often wonder. Some say it’s beyond the ocean. Some say it’s beneath the land. The songs tell me it’s right at the heaven where whenever you see the light. There they are. How do I find them? Knowing I’ll never be able to know how they are. If they miss me like I do. If it hurts to them not being with me as much as it hurts me.

I wish I could tell them. I wish they knew.

[wabi22sabi]

It is not over until it really is. What was shall be.

[wabi22sabi]

You are good for me. I know this for a fact. I can see a future with you. Holding hands. Sitting on a porch just smiling at being content to be with each other. Aging signs on our faces but it’s beautiful.

But I am stupid because I will always run away from this reality. I am hurting and that’s nothing to the hurt I am giving you. That’s why I am so so so stupid to push you away and you are stupid to let me.

[wabi22sabi]

I realized that I got to know who I am. That’s what I don’t want to be.

I am not sure which path I am walking on right now. It’s ice thin and I feel like there’s nobody to give me a hand now.

[wabi22sabi]

She told me I know how to express pain. She was wrong. If I knew how to let it all out then I wouldn’t be this mess that I am right now.

[wabi22sabi]

For who thou desire if I am not worthy. For who shall live in this torment un desire. For there is no certainty in love. For thou its a curse, but I was the worst. I have been your dent-y in this life of desire. Address me as your own who thou love me. I may not repent but I do feel guilty.

[wabi22sabi]

I know I am hurting you and I am hurting myself. I hate myself for being this lost. I hate myself for doing you wrong. I know no matter how much I try to stay away from you, you will always be the person who’s good for me. Who can make me feel myself. Who can take my shit. You can make me feel loved.

I know you are tired. Of trying to figure out what goes south. Even I am. Trying to explain it to you. We hurt each other unnecessarily only to long each other more at the end.

What the hell is this? I am trying to stay away from you but the heart wants what it wants.

[wabi22sabi]

It is hurting to even listen to you leaving me. But that’s what I wanted right? This is what is right in this moment. Then why does it fucking hurt so much.

[wabi22sabi]

What do you think I feel like?

when you tell me I am not attractive anymore. when even the littlest of things I do is ignored. when you ask me what have I done? when it just doesn’t feel like home anymore with you. when you don’t look me in the eyes when doing it. when it’s always silent after hours. when you find reasons to fight with me. when I have been nothing but honest with you and it still feels like shit not having the belief anymore. when you don’t even complete one series with me. when it doesn’t matter if I fight and leave. when it does not matter what I feel or say anymore. when you are not there when it’s needed the most. when every time it feels like I have to prove you a point. when it doesn’t matter when I cook for you. when it doesn’t matter that I am your girlfriend.

Then I am not sure what to feel now if not the end.

[wabi22sabi]

I cared and I loved. I fought because I found. And I am not even respected anymore. I am not sure what I did to be someone who you can’t stand adoring.

I am losing myself because I have lost you. It’s hurts to be cold to myself because I don’t do what I want. I thought you wanted me. I thought you needed me. But who I fix when you have pulled all the ropes from me.

You give me hope each night and snatch it away every morning.

I was not an object of your love but a person.

[wabi22sabi]

You perceive love in all the different ways that I don’t. How can we come to an understanding then? You think of love in all the different ways that it’s not.

The more love is about loyalty, trust, sacrifice and triumph; it’s also about support, respect and space.

Why does it feel that people in love are so naive?

Being in a same room, they cannot see why the other one gets distant. One can control oneself but they don’t. Out of habit or out of reason, they hurt. Does things…say them. And your world shatters.

So much was lost because of it and now it’s fading away too

[wabi22sabi]

This one is for beauties.

I know each day is a hassle for. That feeling of gaze on you. As if everywhere you look, there’s someone staring. Admirers. And then some who judge. People give u a reason to look at your conscience no matter wherever u turn.

“She must be prude”

“What a show off she must be”

“She must have attitude and would only be rude”

“She’s way out of your league”

“She must be filthy rich”

And what she really is? A normal girl. Whose beauty is a boon as much as it is a bane. What she really thinks is how someone would not just gawk at her and make her feel uncomfortable whenever she is walking down the street. She just wants to smile at strangers without thinking what their intentions might be. All she wants is to wear a dress and feel pretty. Not someone’s centre of attraction. She should not be feeling that she is showing off skin for attention but because she feels confident in being in her skin.

She was born with it but why sometimes she forgets to live in it?

[wabi22sabi]

Sometimes pain is the last resort to holding out on what’s lost. It hurts. But holding onto hurt means there once was a time when it didn’t hurt?