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maybe it’s bc my workload is picking up again. my manager is talking about me finally returning to the office, which is only once a week but the thought of that makes me want to kms. maybe that’s why i feel shit. idk i hate it all

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anyway i’ve been sad for no reason all week and i can’t tell if it’s hormones or bipolar. i hate that i just will spontaneously feel depressed for absolutely 0 reason

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could you be any more annoying.. lol

Easily

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me nd my bf broke up and i nearly kms but then i had some leftover k from a party and started doing that quite a bit and then my therapist was like nope ur not going down that path and then he got this neurodivergent dbt workbook to go through and it’s so cute and also nice. he also emailed me every day to make sure i didnt kms. me and my ex are texting every day now and are still obsessed w each other tho we haven’t called bc he’s worried about how much it’ll break him. i feel okayish now bc he’s still here and hasn’t fully abandoned me but oh my god i forgot how bad bpd makes abandonment

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hi i forgot this existed

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Sign of life?

omg someone cares that’s so cute, dw we still alive 🫡

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even on a reduced work schedule i’m still having these bad periods. how am i ever going to function in this world? i don’t even know why i feel so depressed so i can’t even try predict it ???!!!

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i can’t remember the last time i did my makeup. i can’t remember the last time i dressed up. i can’t remember when i last rebraided my hair. i’m a fucking mess rn

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i hate myself

i hate life

i hate how bad my fatigue is

i hate how much i don’t wanna do anything

i hate how i can’t rest this weekend because it’s back to work on monday

i hate how i didn’t do any work last week and i have so much catch up on monday

i hate how i have to be at the station so early tomorrow

i honestly feel like killing myself is easier

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it’s getting sunnier and i’m meant to be excited to go out and do things, but i’ve been struggling bad with fatigue this week bc of my period. it’s one of my best friends bday and she wants to go to the beach, so ofc i need to go but a part of me hopes that if i attempt to kms maybe i don’t have to deal with the consequences of going / not going tomorrow

and yeah it’s meant to be fun. i’m gonna enjoy myself! just go ! but i just fucking wish i didn’t have to trick myself into doing anything social. i just want to lie in bed all weekend to recover. i fucking hate this so much

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Go easy on me, I'm suicidal and anything can be the end of me

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there are two types of people with bpd

people who feel at their absolute lowest when they have a fp

and people who feel at their absolute lowest when they dont have a fp

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I met another person with BPD and the way they referenced it was “ever since I can remember I have felt such a great sadness in me, no matter what” and yeah besides the way bpd affects relationships and external circumstances I feel like theres this understanding shared among ppl with BPD of just.. sheer pain, emotional agony

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“communication is key” i say, as i ghost all the people i care about because i cannot express my feelings due to trauma