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PSA!!!!

I am archiving this blog.

FIND ME: inexhaustiblywild.tumblr.com

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hi guys! sorry i keep coming and going. there is a lot happening in my life and i am struggling as of late. i am hoping to get back to regular writing. thank you for your understanding. 

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Ernessa liked him, she decided. She liked him because he didn’t like her on principle and she respected people of principles. Ernessa herself lacked morals mayhaps but she did not lack principles. It was a rather complicated internal system she had, one years of therapy couldn’t safely untangle so she pushed those thoughts aside and smiled at Hayes instead. “Blackburn and the other cake eaters as you put it would perform a little dance and a song routine for me if I asked ever so graciously. No, I care very little of their opinions but yours however is what I asked. So once more Master Chief Hayes may I observe your team this afternoon?” Ernessa cared for his opinion because he was the team leader and the moment the mission started everyone, herself included, would fall under his responsibility. She had no intentions to fight him, unlike what most people assumed she knew how to take orders. All she wanted was the chance to observe the BRAVO team, they functioned like one mind and body and Ernessa was about to be the foreign object thrown into that. She wanted to learn them and so she could adapt to them fast. 

Ernessa frowned ever so slightly but it was not him, not truly. She understood where he came from, she shared similar beliefs about outsiders herself. Her division had always been a tight knit group, and they did not exist as far as their government was concerned so of course there had always been minimal overlap. “I suppose they can not give you the information they do not have but I can tell you why I am here. Putting aside my other very specific abilities, I have a particular talent at finding people who do not wish to be found. I am a professional hunter of sorts, if you will.” There was a proud glint in her eyes but also there was hunger. On the outside it could not be told but she was the butcher sharpening her knife before a slaughter. “I hunt human traffickers. I find the people they wish the world would forget. I can not always get them justice the way they deserve but more often than not I can cripple their operations enough that they’ll be forced to look for other sources of income. Have you ever seen a slave Master Chief? There are no limits to the cruelty people can extend to one another given the right incentive.” She cared about these people she saved and not once she bothered to hide that part of her. “I am an American citizen though if that helps.” She was smiling at him know, earnest in a way she rarely was. “I think you now know as much as your superiors if not more. If you bother to ask, you will find that I do answer.” 

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Ernessa’s eyes flared in fury and calmed down the moment she laid them back on Caroline’s. Her boss, knew nothing of Caroline, knew nothing of the treasure they had. ‘Overeager’ was often used in a derogatory way, to put down women for their passion, for their excitement. Caroline was beautiful, she was full of curiosity and passion. She imagined that Caroline would have a million questions for her and yet this boss of hers saw it fit to label her as anything but extraordinary. She wondered how many times Caroline had been dismissed because she came across as too invested and excited, how many times had she hold herself back from what she truly desired. The idea set her blood on fire. Caroline deserved praise not remarks about her curious nature. 

She took a calming breath and let it out through her parted lips. She then smiled at Caroline. “Never apologise, least of all to me, for loving what you do.” Her boss, knew nothing. As Ernessa spoke she could physically feel Caroline’s oozing excitement. It vibrated through the car and settled on her bones. She would give the world to this woman if it meant to make her smile like that. To think she had just met her. “It is a delicate balance, as you said people should know that we exist and that we are here to help but equally we must reserve some degree of anonymity in order to protect ourselves and most importantly the people we set out to help.” She smiled to Caroline, her eyes filled with light and adoration. Then she turned back on the road, allowing the silent brew between them in a comfortable manner. 

Ernessa herself never feared silence, she found beauty to it, in that emptiness she could hear the music, the echo of the gods. Caroline seemed to fear it though as she rushed to fill it once again. She seemed genuine about her wish to repay her for her favours. Ernessa however, refused adamantly. “I can not allow you to carry such a burden on your shoulders. You are not indebted to me nor to anyone else. I have everything in abundance and I have never been one to hoard my wealth nor my resources. You are more than worthy of such things.” She hoped to reassure the girl, she wanted her to understand that Ernessa saw something magnificent in her. Something worth investing time and labour. “Do what you love, never apologise for it. You can thank me by doing so.”

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Ernessa made a surprised sound as he caught her and led her to the couch. She ran her fingers through her hair and scoffed at the mess she felt. Normally she would despise the idea of eating microwaved food but she was starving. Everything felt so off, she needed a shower, a change of clothes, and some sleep. Hopefully Eric could provide some of those within the next hour. “Do you remember the Matisse they unearthed about four months ago?” She didn’t necessarily await his response, it was major news at the time. The painting had been stolen and changed hands several times since the war and finally it was found in the basement of a dead german. “It got stolen three weeks ago, and two weeks ago someone stole it again.” None of this had been news though, German authorities were working with Interpol to solve the first theft and had no idea about the second one. “A friend of mine who is in the business of art liberation informed me that there is a bounty on your head. The original thief thinks you stole it from him.” She swallowed, her mouth felt dry from thirst. “I don’t know if you did or not but I am inclined to think not. He sounds so sure that you are his thief so I think he has what he thinks is irrefutable evidence. For the past week I have been trying to find out who framed you and who wants you dead.”

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Ernessa had no allegiance to the constitution of the United States of America but when they called on occasion to ask her for a small favour here and there she granted it to them. She did so out of curiosity mostly, she enjoyed the ways they bent backwards to accommodate a mission they had no business executing. Ernessa was an englishwoman so she knew a thing or two about countries crossing borders without an invitation. Alas, there they were once again talking about infiltrating an allied nation to extract a spy they placed there. The whole ordeal amused her yet she managed to keep a serious face through it. That was until then their CIA contact explained how they sort of misplaced their spy. She couldn’t help but laugh and she didn’t want to insult anyone's intelligence by trying to cover it up with a cough. 

CIA wrapped it up pretty fast after that. She stood up from her uncomfortable metal chair, brushed off her trousers and picked up her bag from where she left it last. “Masterchief Hayes a moment please!” she called out to him as the room started to empty out. “Ernessa Matthews, pleased to make your acquaintance.” They had been introduced briefly but not really. She shuffled a few papers and pulled out the one she needed. “I see here that you and your team have few drills scheduled for this afternoon, I would like to observe them. Additionally, I think it would be best if we had a candid talk. I understand there may be some concerns about me joining your team and I’d rather such issues come out before we are airborne.”

It was strange to see herself slip back into that old military mold she had left long ago. Her posture had always been perfect but now she carried herself less like a lady and more like an officer of the navy. Even her tone and speech had adapted. More to the point and less honeyed than usual. She knew people like Hayes, people who cared deeply about their country and their service. She herself had never been one but she had learned to respect those that were and fight alongside them with the same passion. It was the least she could do on the rare occasions that she was one of the good guys. Even if it was on pure technicality. She assumed Hayes and his team may have some problems with her, seeing that she was a foreigner and a civilian. No one in that room had the clearance to read her unredacted file so she doubted Hayes was made aware of her military past either. To him she was just some girl and that could be deadly in a mission such as this. Establishing trust was paramount. 

@masterchiefhayes

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“I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart.”

— Vincent van Gogh

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“Danger. Everything about her spelled the kind of danger that could make order crumble.”

— Nikita Gill, from “Great Goddesses: Life Lessons from Myths & Monsters,”

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Mahmoud Darwish, tr. by Ibrahim Muhawi, from “Journal of an Ordinary Grief,”

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The hunger in her alone could swallow up every God, every woman, every man, every person, the whole universe.

Nikita Gill, from “Great Goddesses: Life Lessons from Myths & Monsters,” (via violentwavesofemotion)

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Ernessa took a step forward, the sudden burst of light confusing even more and causing her to lose her step. “I am fine, just malnourished is all.” She leaned on the wall to regain her balance. “You look a mess.” Her voice was soft and she reached out to touch his cheek. His stubble tickling the inside of her palm, she smiled. “I have missed you. Do you think I can sit down for a bit and then we can talk?” She was starving, tired, and entirely out of it but she loved seeing him again. Her thief. She had grown very fond of him and that was why she was in this situation in the first place, because she cared about him. She cared about him a great deal. 

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Ernessa had no worries about Talon’s plans, she was a quick study and he had an excellent reputation. Most importantly for her, her instincts were seldom wrong. That twinkle of mischief she caught in his eyes was enough to convince her that he had something delicious cooking for their victims. “I am very excited to see you work. It has been awhile since someone took such creative license with one of my assignments.” She did not know the details and that was one of the reasons she was on the edge of her seat. This was an entertaining puzzle for her to solve. “Thank you.” She smiled at the waitress and gave her some coin for her trouble. The food smelled delicious, two of everything they had to offer. Her attention back on Talon she smiled. “Where do you think we should start?” She looked at the food, trying to select one to begin with. 

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Ernessa found it a good mental exercise to break into a thief’s home though tonight she had no energy to play those games. She was exhausted from the night she had, and she had been in a fight, almost shut at, and she hadn’t had a thing to eat in two days. To put it simply, she was not in the mood. However, there was just something so calming about her thief, she could never yell at him not that she was known for ever doing so in other circumstances. She adored him and all she had been doing in the past few weeks was to protect him. “In the flesh.” Her reply wasn’t as playful as it normally would be. It was evident that something was bothering her, but still she cracked a smile when she saw his baseball bat. “You know I can take that away from you before you can get to swinging it?” Seeing him really seemed to calm her down a bit. “Do you have something to eat? Can we talk?” 

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Ernessa had an odd habit of turning up at Eric’s place at odd hours with even stranger requests. She hoped that at this point he was used to the fact that she turned up unannounced and she simply led an interesting life. However this time she seemed different. She had no odd requests, she just seemed confused. She was dressed in a silver dress covered in glitter so it was obvious that she had been out and about. Her makeup on the other hand was a mess and looked like it was a few days old. “Eric?” She called out his name into the dark apartment she had just broke in. “Eric? There is something we need to talk about are you awake?” 

@ericbrandonrp

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8 PEOPLE I’D LIKE TO GET TO KNOW BETTER

ONE / ( ALIAS / NAME )

Cricket

TWO / ( BIRTHDAY )

September 

THREE / ( ZODIAC SIGN )

Libra

FOUR / ( HEIGHT )

163 or 164

FIVE / ( HOBBIES )

Crime podcasts, Creative writing, Board games, Binge watching the same show for a million time, Eating baked goods.

SIX / ( FAVOURITE COLOUR )

Depends entirely on my mood but today I am feeling Blue. 

SEVEN / ( FAVORITE BOOKS )

The Secret History, Harry Potter series, LOTR series, Gone Girl

EIGHT / ( LAST SONG LISTENED TO )

Something from a Japanese pop band my friend showed me. 

NINE / ( LAST FILM WATCH )

Fast & Furious: Hobbs & Shaw. Love a good dumb action movie. 

TEN / ( INSPIRATION FOR MUSE )

Life. Poetry. Art. 

ELEVEN / ( STORY BEHIND URL )

I was reading this article about the distinction between venomous animals and poisonous ones and I realized Ernessa is both.

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@ericbrandonrp

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