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Chromatica II into 911 but it’s the cast of Drag Race Me To Hell

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Season 12 according to Spongebob

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Cheers To The Off-Season!

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Season 9 in a nutshell.

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Alexis Michelle - gone but not forgotten

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RuPaul: “Alexis Michelle, sashay away.”

Alexis: 

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1. Nina Flowers In The Attic (Season 9 Episode 10)

If Alexis Michelle can re-use concepts, then dammit so can I! The moment we heard Trinity Taylor was paired up with a hot guy, we knew her flirtiness would rank up to the nth degree. It’s no coincidence that Rizzo was born in 1995 - the year of the dickpig…

Peppermint quips that you can tell when a drag queen is nearby by the sound of the tape. I reckon that there are a couple of words that will immediately tell you if a season 9 queen is speaking:

“Girl”

“Honey”

“I apologize for my joke last week”

I’m hoping Trinity can take her experience this week and really apply it to the rest of the season. I’m already placing my bets now - Trinity will win tonight’s Blue Ball.

-4 Funniest Moments From RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9 Episode 10

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2. Crewude Awakening (Season 9 Episode 10)

Poor (Alexis) Michelle just can’t catch a break. Even when she gets to makeover her fellow producers, Alexis is put into the bottom.

People have been clocking for using her entrance look for her sister’s makeover. Some people call it lazy, I call it an inventive collaboration with her neighboring wardrobe department - the RuPaul’s Drag Race crew are firm believers in being green! After all, that’s the only explanation for all of these recycled storylines.

So now back to Alexis. I don’t want to get verbally accosted (P.S. RIP Joan Rivers) but the queen she most resembles is Dida Ritz. Michelle constantly calls her simple and wishes she could elevate her drag. Every single week, there is either a complaint about her hair or her outfits.

I guess it is a pretty apt comparison. The drama this season has been about as dry as one of Dida Ritz’ wigs.

-4 Funniest Moments From RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9 Episode 10

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3. If It Ain’t Winter Green (Season 9 Episode 10)

It’s a new color - Peppermint is really diversifying! I enjoyed this makeover more than any other because the crew really has an understanding and appreciation for the art of drag. And no one expressed this as well as Winter Green.

In fact, Winter Green’s energy was probably the reason why Pepp was spared from the bottom. For a makeover challenge, these queens look nothing alike.

While this moment is funny and all, it does bring up an important moral question - how do you tell your drag sister that she’s adopted?

-4 Funniest Moments From RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9 Episode 10

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4. Ru World Order (Season 9 Episode 10)

A lot of people have been talking about Nina Bo’Nina Brown in relation to mental health this week. While I think it’s important to understand her struggles with depression, let’s not forget all of the greatness she brought us this year. Nina herself has taken her time on the show in stride and makes jokes about her paranoia. To think this all started with the mismanagement of Blac Chyna!

Anyway, since Nina’s exit has been riddled with negative attention, I decided to give her a final moment of humor. Nina would take her paranoia in jest - so so am I. Besides, who doesn’t want to learn Nina Bo’Nina Brown’s thoughts on conspiracy theories? It’s not everyday that you get an expert’s insight.

 Kimora Blac Helicopters. What’s nanobiotechnology?

Why ya’ll acting brand new? Bush did 9/11, and he’s also after Peppermint.

It feels like people are summoning me. Not saying my name per se but…

We love you Nina! Coming to the reunion in a tin foil hat would show everyone that you can truly overcome your inner saboteur...and everything else that you ingested from the chemtrails.  

-4 Funniest Moments From RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9 Episode 10

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1. Vote, Bitch (Season 9 Episode 9)

Shea Coulee and Sasha Velour are such a great pair. I would try to describe their chemistry but I went to public school so let’s just watch their pilot for Teets & Asky instead.

With the makeover episode coming up, I can’t help but think what a shame it is that these two didn’t compete in the Conjoined Queens challenge. Watching Sasha and Shea attached at the brain would have been a joy for us all. In honor of the commercials that play on Vh1 every week - Annie Urysm for Season 10!

-4 Funniest Moments From RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9 Episode 9

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2. The Mask of Truth (Season 9 Episode 9)

Read my lips - mmmhmhmhmhmmmmmtttmmmhmm.

Valentina’s choice to keep on her mask was as muddled as her speech. Whether it was because she didn’t know the words or she had just given up - Valentina’s questionable decision has led to a plethora of memes.

I’d like to keep it on, please. Years from now, Valentina will be known as the spokesperson for Trojans! Well, if anyone knows how to make Lemonade out of lemons, it’s Tyra Sanchez Valentina.

Between sheet masks, Halloween, and bank robbers - Val has inadvertently stumbled upon an entirely new market for her drag. And to that, I say - don’t take that thing out of your mouth.

-4 Funniest Moments From RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9 Episode 9

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3. Come Up With A Read That’s Better Than Hairless (Season 9 Episode 9)

Page 104 of The Psychology of Humour clearly defines this phenomenon, colloquially parsed as ‘irony’, as the literal use of sarcasm and other forms to aggressively poke fun at a situation. For instance - if I were to say that Detox is a neat lady, that would be ironic given that she is unquestionably a filthy whore.

Gosh, I really do love Sasha Velour. As the season goes on, Sasha has become more and more of an unintentionally funny character. Who knew that such a brainy queen would become the breakout star of season 9? Sasha Velour probably thought MaSc4MaSc meant searching for men with Masters of Science degrees.

Still, it is fun to have a girl with such a different point of view this year. So, Sasha wins another challenge with Shea. The two girls celebrate their victory until Ru announces the prizes - a sickening supply of hair care. Poor Sasha just can’t catch a break!

The best thing about her is that this is not the only time that Sasha’s gotten an ironic mention of her baldness.

Sasha is so well-read that even the back of her head contains braille!

-4 Funniest Moments From RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9 Episode 9

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Thoughts and Prayers

I normally like to use this platform as a comedic outlet, but this is no laughing matter. My heart and soul goes out to everyone affected by the Manchester attack tonight. As gay people, we get to choose our family - losing any members of it is devastating. To have them be so young and innocent only exacerbates the heartache. This world makes it continuously harder to believe in good, but if anything (a joke, a shoulder to cry on) helps create a shimmer of hope, my arms and inbox are open.

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4. Creddit (Season 9 Episode 9)

I’m going to take a page from Alexis Michelle’s script and give myself some credit. Since some people were clocking me about using reddit, let me remind everyone about my other accounts. It first started when I heard that Courtney Act was filming music. I mistakenly heard Wigs by Vanity and thought it was a Wings parody so I named myself u/WigsbyLittleMix. Sadly, that username is not the last time I would be let down by Courtney Act…

Speaking of a queen underperforming during her season - here’s Alexis! Alexis Michelle continues to be a thorn in everyone’s side during this week’s group challenge. After not getting the critiques that she wanted, Alexis told the judges that she was more focused on being the producer of her team’s pilot.

Of course, Peppermint takes issue with this. She was just as behind the scenes as Alexis was. Who helped her write lines? Who thought of concepts for the pilot? Who sewed three different pink skirts for them to wear? Peppermint is not excited about getting shafted for her work.

In the end, Alexis evades the bottom two and gains one more enemy. I can’t wait until the end of the season where Alexis Michelle manages to piss off an entire nation by making it to Top 3. It’s fortunate that she’s #subwayfish because she’s gonna need to venture underground to escape the horde of stans stampeding during NY DragCon.

-4 Funniest Moments From RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9 Episode 9