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アンドロイド18

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Friendships as a teenager: we used to talk 5 hours every night now it’s down to 3… are we still friends 🤔? I wonder if they don’t like me anymore

Friendships as an adult: omg I’ve finally cleared up 20 minutes of my schedule to talk to my friend I haven’t spoken to in 4 months #bffs #we will find eachother in every life

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Richard Siken… Richard Fucking Siken. You asked RICHARD SIKEN if his poems were inspired by BUDDIE. Gay men do not exist in people’s heads except as props huh?

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its funny that a lot of conservative cultural sticking points right now are just slightly more advanced versions of what they believed as somewhat dull children, like "teachers are evil actually" and "vegetables are poison"

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Always very funny to go from tumblr culture (Harry Potter basically, like, anathemized) to coworkers or relatives just casually bringing it up with zero idea about why the franchise would even be controversial. Unironically one of the bigger bubbles I forget I'm in.

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You’re in your 20s saying seggs and unalive… Maybe worry about that

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things you need to read 100000 times per day when you're working

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"Oh, so should I care about not hurting men's feelings?" You should care about not hurting anyone's feelings. That's like pre-k shit. You're an adult, you should know that

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wanted to share my favorite reddit post ever

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oh so we're doing scooby doo crimes now

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remember when steve from blues clues was upset that people thought he died in a car crash, not because people thought he was dead but because they said he was driving a dodge charger and "that's a cop car"

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There's an open pit in the middle of our office plan that drops down into a bunch of very sharp spikes that kill you instantly. This is bad. People keep falling in there and dying. Someone put a sign up, the other day, all bright yellow so you can't miss it, that says "Beware!!! Spikes!!!"

The office immediately split into two factions over it. One says that if anyone falls in the spike pit it's their own fault for being so stupid and not watching where they're walking, so we should remove the sign. The other says that the sign is an insult, there shouldn't be a spike pit in our office at all, and having the sign up like that is just normalising the existence of the spike pit, so we should remove the sign.

We ended up removing the sign. Probably for the better. Still... for a while there it looked like it might have worked...

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this is how you know Twitter is officially cooked

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“Let me worship you”