violentcrumbles

[violentcrumbles]

Eggnog and flying do not mix.

Don’t drink and fly.

(I know I’ve been AWOL for a long time, life’s been crazy, but hopefully with this dumb quick doodle I’ll get back into the groove soon!)

[violentcrumbles]

[violentcrumbles]

me reading smut and calculating in my head the positions the characters are in

[violentcrumbles]

[violentcrumbles]

rip mythbusters you would've loved destroying cybertrucks

[violentcrumbles]

Reblog if you're hoping 2011 will be a fresh start.

[violentcrumbles]

[violentcrumbles]

god grant me the strength to write my weird porn, the serenity to write my weird porn and the wisdom to write my weird porn

[violentcrumbles]

112 years ago today, the search party from Cape Evans found the Polar Party's tent under a winter's worth of snow. It's thanks to them that we know their story at all – but what about the story of finding the tent? Turns out, comparing multiple accounts of the same day can yield interesting results, as I wrote at the link above.

(It's on Patreon but it's free and publicly accessible! I did this for you!)

[violentcrumbles]

im in the process of thinking more abt john winchester and so far, my most concrete thought, is that learning to parallel park from him must have been a psychological nightmare

[violentcrumbles]

This is the most chaotic good thing I’ve ever seen

[violentcrumbles]

already october. that'd freak me out if any year since 2019 had been real. luckily they haven't

[violentcrumbles]

After emerging from its egg, the humble squire, but one of a clutch of as many as fifty, gorges itself on porridge oats before finding itself a safe space beneath a shield or within the buttresses of a castle where it can undergo its extraordinary transformation into a knight.

Once safe, the squire wraps itself in spun chainmail which develops into a sturdy, protective cuirass to guard it from natural predators such as clergymen, lords, and even fully mature knights.

After a sennight, the squire begins to emerge from the cuirass as a juvenile knight. This time and energy intensive process, aided by the squires specially developed dagger, can take a full day.

Once freed from the cuirass, it takes a further three days for the juvenile knight's plate armour to harden. This armour is formed of interlocking plates, which depending on the genus of the knight may be made from iron, steel, or in some cases even bronze or copper.

During this process, some sub-species of knights also develop their heraldic colours. These are typically displayed through shielding or upon the knight's cape, which will usually fully unfurl in the few hours after they emerge from the cuirass. These colours are often used to attract a mate, indicate allegiance, or as showy threat displays.

Once a knight has reached sexual maturity, it will develop a lance; a hard, long protuberance used to attack and ward off competitors. Territory challenges are regular and deadly, and mature knights can often be observed jousting in the field, during which they rush at each other with their lances. Often, this results in the shattering of a lance, which will lead to the knight's death.

During breeding season, knights will construct an intricate bower to attract a mate. The choosing of a mate is demonstrated through the giving and receiving of a favour, entering the two knights in a season-long bond. Favour-stealing is extremely common, especially amongst younger knights.

Despite their territorial nature, wild knights are very social, and thrive best in areas where they are able to feast and play fight with other knights. Solitary knights can become depressed and reclusive, and have been known to create vast, maze-like bowers, steal mates, and invade pack knight's feast days. Solitary knights are often easy to identify thanks to the vibrant green patina of their armour.

[violentcrumbles]

DUE SOUTH

I drew this in a fugue state. It felt like the easiest thing in the world. I love Due South. I especially Love Ben and Ray K’s dynamic, and how Ray wears thick-rimmed glasses when he’s aiming his gun. I also love the manga FAKE, which always had these great flowery book covers, and i felt like these two things needed to be brought together. So here you are.

I’ll have prints of this at HeroesCon and Flamecon! You can also buy a print online here. 

[violentcrumbles]

The worst thing that ever happened to Eddie Munson is a spinning studio opening in the building next to the neighborhood store he runs with his uncle.

"That's the third one today," Eddie whines as soon as the door snicks shut behind a woman with a glossy high ponytail and electric pink polka dot Lululemon sports bra and bicycle short set.

"You see her ponytail?" Nancy asks. She's flipping through a stack of flashcards. "Never seen a twenty-five year old look fresh off a facelift."

"I hate them so much. What kind of job is 'cycling instructor' anyway?"

"I'm concerned about the amount of makeup they wear to workout. That's gotta be bad for the pores."

"I'm concerned about the collective IQ holding that operation together. Like, do they know how to get out if there's a fire alarm?"

Nancy shoves him, but snickers too. It's not like he really has anything against the instructors. They're fine. Polite and usually harmless. It's the principle of it. It's not fair, that they get to continue into an adulthood that's still all about them being pretty and popular, without any substance.

"You've done college bio," he says. He notices a couple of cereal boxes have fallen over, hops off the counter to push them back in place. "What are the chances their muscles are so big it's cutting off the blood flow to their brains? Is that a thing that can happen?"

There's no response from the front of the store, which isn't unusual. Mostly, she lets him talk and chimes in when the mood strikes. Since she seems uninterested in offering her input, he straightens the cereal and keeps gabbing.

"The other day, one of the guys came in, and his shorts were so tight, I could see his balls. Not just the outline, but the wrinkles. I could almost make out individual pubes. Is that one of those things where they pretend they're limiting drag, or whatever, to improve their speed? Even though it's a stationary bike--"

He turns, the shelves straightened, and literally only three feet from him is one of the aforementioned cycling instructors. Unfortunately, he's the most beautiful man Eddie has ever seen. Even more unfortunately, he definitely heard Eddie making fun of them.

"Uhh," Eddie says.

The guy smiles. "Sorry, my giant muscles make it hard to get around sometimes."

And Eddie just. Like. What the fuck. "That must make it difficult to cycle." God, god but this guy is so fucking, devastatingly hot and all Eddie has done is antagonize him. And not even intentionally!

"I get by," he smiles and Eddie almost swoons. "Hey, when I bend down, can you let me know about the ball sitch? I have a wholesome image to maintain."

Is he flirting? It seems like he's flirting? But that's weird, right? He caught Eddie talking shit, why would he--

"It would be my pleasure to look at your balls," his mouth says before his brain can catch up.

The guy snorts, smile getting bigger. "I don't know, now I might be self-conscious. Might have a wayward pube."

"How will you know if someone doesn't take a look?"

The guy steps closer, cocks his head to the side. He's got this impressive sweep of hair that barely tumbles, his throat dotted with cute little moles and freckles. Eddie's mouth is watering, why is his mouth watering? "I usually get to know someone a little bit better before they get that privilege."

For once, he's speechless and now he's blushing, can feel it up to his ears and down to his nipples.

The guy leans even closer, breath ghosting against Eddie's skin. "Too bad you hate exercise instructors."

This social interaction has already been a disaster, but he makes it even worse by responding with an indignant squeak.

The guy winks, can't hide his genuine amusement at Eddie's expense. "You ever want to make it up to me, you can come to one of my classes."

With that, he walks up to Nancy at the counter, and Eddie gets his first look at the single most glorious ass he's ever seen. His mouth literally drops open as he watches how it jiggles, perfect and round, and he wonders if it would be too much to fall to his knees and worship it right then and there.

Eddie's dumbstruck for a little too long, almost misses as the cycling instructor heads for the door. "How can I take your class if I don't know your name?" He shouts.

The instructor half turns, the sexiest, smuggest smile on his pretty face. "It's Steve!" He yells back.

"I'm Eddie!"

"I know!"

The door closes and he turns to Nancy. "How--how did he know my name?"

Nancy rolls her eyes, goes back to her flashcards. "You're wearing a name tag, you absolute dork."

Eddie knows he's a man of weak will. Is not completely surprised when, after a month of meanly flirtatious interactions, Steve leans across the counter to taunt, "you do one cycling class with me and I'll take you out to dinner."

He's fresh from a workout, hair still damp and messy from the shower. Eddie thinks he's about to lose his mind, desire a clawing beast gnawing on his bones.

"Oh, so I might finally get the opportunity to check out your balls?"

Steve's cheeks go very pink, and something tight and hot tugs in Eddie's abdomen. "If you play your cards right."

[violentcrumbles]

you RUIN armand's made up stories? you ruin his marriage like the claudia? oh! oh! vampirism! vampirism for daniel for One Thousand Years!!!!

[violentcrumbles]

With special hugs and kisses to @doomcheese for being an amazing bat being 🦇✨