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my mom called me crying today
honestly what are you suppose to do in a situation like that
I was at school
she started crying right when I answered
it scared the shit out of me
she didn't say anything and sobbed
there was silence
I had no idea what I could say
I was terrified of what was she was going to say
luckily she doesn't have cancer or anything
but something to do with her health
makes me wonder why God is giving me all the obstacles one after another
like one big blow isn't enough
just when I thought I could finally take a break
rest
not be worried, stressed, depressed
I had to hold in my tears since I was still at school
these heartbreaking moments
why
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so sick ... I hate this ... don't want to work and no mood .... nothing to do ...
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in the end i'm just going to tell myself im exaggerating all this and it really is no big deal.
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I hate the feeling of being forgotten.
why did you have to go and forget me?
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I thought i was fine.
I thought I was going to be happy without you. I thought that I was done crying. But seeing you all over again.. i don’t know if i should cry, scream, or punch something. I’ll always exist as nothing to you while you’re still going to be the one who’s always on my mind.
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everything's in the past already and it's time to make new memories
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With time I will forget about the past and not be tied down by it.
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glad Austin liked SNA haha but I felt like I could've spent that time at my own church but then I went cause my friend brought an atheist friend from school and thought it'd be awks if it was just them :/
it made me realize how much I love my own fellowship cause no matter what arguments arise or how dead it is, we're still a family where everyone knows each other and somewhere in our hearts actually care for each other, even if its a super duper small amount. Plus, we're actually quite welcoming, compared to a super duper big church filled with asian teens in different cliques. I think.
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it's as if nothing has changed. haha. when I talk to him it's like I like him all over again but it's completely different. the whole context and situation is different. he seems so helpless and he trusts me to some extent to have told me some things. I wish I could help but there's actually nothing I can do but be a friend and not bring up anything in the past of the both of us. there's actually nothing attractive about him if you really think about it. why do/did like him. he was just so cute. haha. all my friends disagree and think im weird. hhhmmm..... I wish he'd stop hurting/being unhappy.
25/10/11
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20/10/11
“cause right now i get break downs in art. i basically dont have a vision cause i want to do so much and i cant make a choice.. so im always just wandering and lost and I have no direction. just wasting my time doing nothing walking in circles, literaly. But when I actually make art… I reproduce art really fast. I don’t know if it’s a complement … but my teacher called me a machine… :/ I get too arrogant sometimes cause everyone around me complements my art /teachers students. GAH can’t be over confident. “
I GOT A B ON MY EE. i’m actually so happy cause I thought I’d get a C… hehehehhehehe
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19/10/11
Today wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Next week is hell. Tomorrow though I have a TOK journal to finish )’: I actually need to find someone to help me on that because I seriously don’t know what to do. Tomorrow I have BIO (lolreproduction) spare spare (but assembly then seeing guidance). Math (frig I don’t get what we’re doing… It actually makes me so depressed cause if I don’t bring this up I might not even get into university) Art (meeting with Mr Bales though) then ECON TEST. lol which I will study tomorrow. THEN VIVA VOCE at 4pm. WAS going to put in a photoshoot but too last minute.
goodnight world.
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normal conversation with Gay Ray
Chloe L 12:15 AM
i dont know if u can call it lucky or a tragedy to love someone so much
hahaha
he really really likes her
.... haha anyways
i should have slept
ages ago
omg
RaYTuИG :3 12:15 AM
wellllllllllllll
cant say it's lucky
cus it's a
REALLLLLYYYYY
long
torture
esp when the person you like
has a gf/bf already
i mean, if the girl knows/feels the same way
she's probably with him already
and there's no point to love somebody who will never ever love you
Chloe L 12:18 AM
but the fact that you love someone
experiencing love is already a really nice thing
its lucky to those who havent loved 'another half' that deeply
RaYTuИG :3 12:19 AM
mmhmm
how so
Chloe L 12:19 AM
well . to experience love. love is such a great thing
RaYTuИG :3 12:20 AM
mhmm
Chloe L 12:20 AM
of course theres pain
but
its part of it right without pain theres no love
and some ppl havent or dont experience this feeling
indifference i guess ?
RaYTuИG :3 12:21 AM
mhmmmm
Chloe L 12:21 AM
i dont know what im saying haha
thers always a good and bad side to everything aight? hahaha
RaYTuИG :3 12:22 AM
or
there's sth
and absence of sth
Chloe L 12:22 AM
you lost me hha
RaYTuИG :3 12:22 AM
I FOUND YA
http://stipageti.tumblr.com/post/11610872817/the-link-between-man-god-is-faith
and i would knoww
there's the goood side of love
and there's
pain
Chloe L 12:24 AM
haha ive seen that before . its good
RaYTuИG :3 12:24 AM
yeah
do you agree with that
?
Chloe L 12:25 AM
thats what im saying you would know so you would think its not lucky cause, human nature is to be selfish, and as you think about yourself you think about the pain
but as for someone who hasnt experienced love
its different
RaYTuИG :3 12:26 AM
that's true that's true
http://d3uwin5q170wpc.cloudfront.net/photo/86722_700b.jpg
^ that reminds me of your "ZOMG IM FAT" comment
LOL
anyway
okay sorry. was being too subjective
Chloe L 12:30 AM
OMG BWAHAHHA i like that
no no its okayyy hahha we're just talking
i see it that way because ive never experienced it . but you have so you see it a certain way .
RaYTuИG :3 12:31 AM
i know what you mean
i was there before
Chloe L 12:31 AM
omg this is like one of the normalist conversations ive had in a while ..
hahah
RaYTuИG :3 12:31 AM
as in
with me?
AHAH
Chloe L 12:31 AM
LOL that too
RaYTuИG :3 12:32 AM
the first month
and before i asked her out
those were the BEST TIMES
ever
EVER
Chloe L 12:33 AM
haha well no duh its the honey moon period
im starting to believe in the 'chase'
RaYTuИG :3 12:33 AM
the chase?
Chloe L 12:33 AM
hahah watch greys season 1 first ep
ANYWAYS
like
.. oh um
translate chase into canto
RaYTuИG :3 12:34 AM
oh
you meant THAT??
HAHAHAH
Chloe L 12:34 AM
like . getting the girl . or being chased or wtvr
OMG WHATS SO FUNNY
RaYTuИG :3 12:34 AM
nothing
it sounds kinda weird
in english
Chloe L 12:35 AM
HAHAH
add oil sounds friggin weird
RaYTuИG :3 12:35 AM
OMG
I
AGREE
Chloe L 12:35 AM
the chase is english too ya know
RaYTuИG :3 12:35 AM
yeah but never heard of somebody
using that word to describe
that
HAHAH
Chloe L 12:36 AM
OMG FINALLY SOMEONE AGGREES WITH ME srsly i learnt it from vanc ppl and i could never get used to it .. its like .. uhhh s:
hHAHA
RaYTuИG :3 12:36 AM
mehhh?
agree with what
LOL
IM LOST
LOL
Chloe L 12:36 AM
and like 8por and like omg HOT AIR. srsly -_-
RaYTuИG :3 12:36 AM
oh
HAHAHHAHAHAHAH
WTF
THAT"S O
SO
HONG KONG
HAHAHAH
Chloe L 12:37 AM
YES
RaYTuИG :3 12:37 AM
like local hong kongers do that
A LOT
Chloe L 12:37 AM
i learnt it from my bro/friend . hes from hk so i guess... UGHH
hot air .. REALLY? ... its so
s:
RaYTuИG :3 12:38 AM
AHAHHAHAHAHA
omg
"light bulb"
like
"being a light bulb"
Chloe L 12:39 AM
OMG YEAHHHH
RaYTuИG :3 12:39 AM
HAHAHHAHAHAHA
Chloe L 12:39 AM
hahha ppl say that?! omg hahahhahaha
RaYTuИG :3 12:39 AM
YEAH
AHHAHAHA
wellllll
ppl from my school dont say that
but umm
local hongers do that
HAHHA
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