victoriacarole

[victoriacarole]

Birthday Acknowledgement

Just another dream...

My family is moving and we are packing up everything into boxes. The movers are fast. Within 5 minutes, half the room is packed. I am trying to help, but whereas they just packed 50 boxes, I am still working on the same one. The boxes are unmarked and there are dividers in all the boxes (similar to what you would use for packing glasses). My packing is sloppy. Not efficient. Items are mixed together. I see my old Precious Moments doll at the top of one of the boxes.

We are at my O’Grandma’s house. But it is empty.

My mom is throwing me a birthday during this move. Maybe to get my mind off of it? Anyways, she has went all out. There are so many people. And she hired Hunter Hayes to do a personal concert for us. While watching the concert, I start tearing up then full out crying. “What’s wrong?” my mom asks.

None of these people care about me. Not one person has even acknowledged me. I turn around in my seat, and there are the Laurens. (Kind of a funny throwback, Josh B. is with Lauren C.  I just remembered that he broke up with me on a field trip because he thought she would go out with him. None of this matters, but it is funny.) “They don’t even care about me. None of them have even said ‘hi’ to me!�� They look at me. Emptiness in their eyes, then back to watching the concert. “Not even ONE family member has wished me a happy birthday!” I am angry, heartbroken... Broken.

I just want to be acknowledged. Notice me.

[victoriacarole]

July 23rd

Can you see that house? The forest beyond that house? I can see it so clearly. The moss clung to the nearby trees and the swampy river stood still under a rust covered bridge. No one went back there, yet trails snaked through the area. One took you to Tadpole Swamp and another led you to a field where sewer tunnels layed scattered above ground, unused and perhaps forgotten. Many times upon passing the area, I imagined strange things. A traveling soldier in the trenches formed by the rippling effect of the fields or a strange animal amongst the trees following me but keeping a safe distance. I imagined bats flying above me and mythical creatures in war. Then I think back to this place and have visions of a man and me, now, standing on that bridge. I stand looking down at the still water on the decayed bridge. The birds are silent and then I hear a loud crack and turn to face empty space. I sigh and turn back to the water. It begins to quicken and I know I am not alone. He stands at the end of the bridge looking at me and I turn to face him. No I am not afraid but goosebumps race up my arm. His skin glows from the sun that seeps through the leaves above us. A flood of insecurities race my mind as he walks up to me and wraps his arms around my waist. Pulling me in an embrace, I can smell his skin, sweet like coffee and tangy like citrus fruit. His hold is warm and secure. This is it. This is what you read about. And this is real. Not yet full-filled, but something you and I have longed for.

[victoriacarole]

Warp Tour 2009

This is my Warp Tour story.

The day started at 7 a.m. The night before had been painful. Butterflies filled my belly and I couldn't stop the excitement from stirring up my imagination. In total, I'd be going to Warp on 3 hours of sleep.

After waking up, I started with a shower. I was tired but a hot shower, more often than not, aways does the trick. I put on my once-in-a-lifetime-perfect shorts, a black boyfriend tanktop, and a last night creation, 80's tee. I had cut the collar off and made it where it hung off my shoulder. Of course I brushed my teeth, skipping breakfast, and then fixed my hair.

I had practically everything ready the night before. Sunscreen, Addresses, GPS, money, ticket, and videocamera. After a few trips to the car, everything was packed up and ready to go.

So there was no problems getting there. Didn't get lost or anything. It was just smooth driving.

We ended up parking in a close by neighborhood, about a 5 minute walk to the main gate. There was barely a line. We went through security and they just put their hands around our waists checking for weapons and we were in. We waited about 30 minutes in total. We snaked our way through the crowd and merged into the line.

Upon entering, people handed us all sorts of stickers and flyer things, but our first destination was the schedule. We bought one and started circling bands we wanted to see.

Our first concert was We the Kings at the VANS Main Stage. I was excited. It definitely kicked things off to a great start. Then All Time Low came on. Awesome! Our first run in with a mosh pit. Chelsea had to help me get out. One started right where I was standing and she grabbed my hand and pulled me out. After being pushed around a little bit, we decided to move on. We went over and saw Escape the Fate at Hurly stage. They were great. I didn't know their music but Chelsea wanted to go and they are good.

Next we saw Forever the Sickest Kids at Hurly.com Stage. This was my second favorite. Chelsea and I knew all the lyrics so it was great singing along.

We originally planned on going to see Meg and Dia, but I decided I really wanted to see Aiden even if it was only for 10 minute. So we went over to the bus stage they were playing. We were over at the side where the barriers stop. So Aiden walks out on stage right and he's like (and pardon my language), "What the fuck is up with this space? Everyone fill it up." So Chelsea grabs my hand and we get in there like super fast. We end up standing on the barrier (cause there is a little shelf) and the security is b*tching. And Wil, the lead singer says, "Security, get the fuck out of here." They were PO'ed but left and now me and Chelsea are only feet away from my favorite band! So they begin singing and Wil like looks into my eyes more than once. He really does have this intensity about him. They sing We Sleep Forever, Die Romantic, and Scavengers of the Damned. During one of the songs, Wil actually points at me and it's like I imagined it when I watch his videos at home. He's standing there and reaching out to me and it's my dream come true. Chelsea even looked at me and said, "Dude, he's talking to you!" Anyways, we got what you'd expect in the front, drinks spit out at us which I was just like YES! THIS IS THE GREATEST! But when Wil drank a Monster Energy Drink and made it come out his nose, that was a little too much for Chelsea. Anyways, Wil told us that the people in the front needed to move out for their next song and Chelsea and I left during that time. It was the best part! My favorite! I loved how people were getting on stage with them and then jumping back into the crowd. GAHHHH. I LOVE IT!

I owed Chelsea BIG TIME because her favorite band is Meg and Dia, so we ran over there and she caught the last three songs. I was happy because we both got what we wanted.

After Meg and Dia, we went back over to where Aiden had played and I got my shirt signed by Wil. By the way, his signature looks like a lifeline which is actually pretty fitting.

We also got our picture with him.

We waited around a while. We saw 3OH!3 but quickly got bored with them, but they they actually were pretty good live. So then we walked over to where Cobra Starship played. They were good. It was very planned...ran out of time because of his talking...Yeah, it was rigged.

OKAY, A DAY TO REMEMBER. Our strategy was to get to the front so we could be up against the barrier. This was a very well thought out plan because then we figured that we wouldn't be pushed in all directions and such. However, this did not work out and we made it about 10 feet from the barriers and in the center. NOT GOOD. We were in Mosh Territory. First song, good song, the danger semi. Second song, I am ready to go. I have Chelsea and a friend of ours Ulysses holding on to me and they are protecting me. We are being thrown about and then two mosh pits start on both sides of us and there's one not far behind us. Chelsea yells that we need to get out, so she crowd surfs her way to the front. Uly tells me it's my turn and I'm like, "Please, don't make me!" Because I do not want to crowd surf especially in this crowd. So he grabs me and pulls me around until we are out of there. We went through one mosh pit and I was so relieved to be out.

We sat around a few minutes after their show, just listening off to the side in the grass.

Afterward we got to the car, we went to Subway for dinner. I was grumpy...I hadn't eaten anything all day and only had the free water they offer. But that first sip of soda....AHHH BLISS. Sandwich was even better.

I had so much fun. I can't wait till next year or the next concert!!

[victoriacarole]

I am thinking about starting a fitbler because I need to lose weight. Not because I am overweight but because I want to get to my ultimate goal weight/body by the summer. It is possible, but I lose motivation for weeks at a time. UGH I wish I was born naturally skinny and didn't have to really work for it.

[victoriacarole]

So once again we are moving. Not across state, not across town. Just across the highway and then maybe 3/4 of a mile. I am pretty excited, also have Old Navy orientation on the 30th and 1st. Got to call about college and get into the biotech class for a decent job but yeah. Moving forward.

[victoriacarole]

I was drawn to all the wrong things: I liked to drink, I was lazy, I didn’t have a god, politics, ideas, ideals. I was settled into nothingness; a kind of non-being, and I accepted it. I didn’t make for an interesting person. I didn’t want to be interesting, it was too hard. What I really wanted was only a soft, hazy space to live in, and to be left alone.

Charles Bukowski (via vamoose)

[victoriacarole]

[victoriacarole]

So I never got a call back for Olive Garden, but better things did come along. (: I had an interview at Old Navy yesterday and thought I had blew it being all nervous and then chipmunk exploded energy burst. They called me back hours later saying I got the job and today they called again to give me times/dates for orientation. I'm just so excited and happy!

[victoriacarole]

[victoriacarole]

[victoriacarole]

untitled by Tommie Ohlson on Flickr.

[victoriacarole]

It will be hard, but it will be so worth it.

[victoriacarole]

Leonard: So, uh, do they have a name for a first date with someone you used to go out with?

Penny: Oh, that's a good question. How about "awkward'?

[victoriacarole]

[victoriacarole]

[victoriacarole]

[victoriacarole]

Job interviews suck. So much for the optimism of the previous day. To be fair, I didn't want the job that much anyways.