victorbutnotreally

[victorbutnotreally]

hello, i'm literally so ashamed to be asking for help yet again but this time i'm really drowning and this is my only hope.

this week i had a scan and it revealed that the chemo ive been on for two years has caused necrosis in my lower jaw. it's intensely painful, because my bone is basically dying. while we're working on a treatment plan, i need drugs in order to kill this pain and i just can't afford them any more.

ive spent all of my savings and sold my belongings to pay for meds, rent, and therapy. people on tumblr have donated and shared my posts, my friend has even sold their artwork to raise money to help me and that's why i'm so incredibly ashamed to be asking for help again. bc you've already helped.

i've got kpop merch to sell that i had in storage, so if you're interested in nct, seventeen, ateez, woodz, oneus, and other misc boy groups, please feel free to dm or reply or send me an inbox! be aware that i'm in the uk (so postage might cost a little more depending on where you are)

i'm linking my paypal here too in case anybody has even an ounce of change to spare.

and any reblogs and shares are greatly appreciated. i wouldnt ask if i wasnt so desperate.

thank you!

[victorbutnotreally]

tw:death,suicide

so. 

hello.

the reason i've been gone for so long is because my best friend back in sweden passed away. losing her took a toll on me. she was my first friend, really. the kind of friend you make a promise with to stay friends forever. i remember crying my eyes out when i came to the us and i had to leave her. we went through everything together. all the hard exams, fun school trips, snowy days in with hot chocolate and warm blankets, she was there for everything. i was there for her first period, and she was there when i wanted to kill myself. i loved her more than anything. i wanted to share everything with her. i wasn't able to go home for christmas when i usually would go every single year. we'd make our gingerbread houses and have our candy. i'd be the architect, putting the gingerbread house together, and she'd decorate it to be something out of a fairytale. i hate the taste of ginger, and she always made fun of me for it, telling me how i have "baby tastebuds". i won't eat the beautiful gingerbread houses, joking that it's because i'd hate to ruin her creation. but this year, i wasn't able to do that. and i never will. she was the one who pulled me out of suicide, and now i've lost her. i'd do anything for a single second with her. i've been throwing myself into work to not feel. because i knew the emotions would be too strong. but i broke down one day, and i found myself on the top floor of my dorm. it took a lot to not jump that day, but i managed it somehow. i cried and cried until my head throbbed and i turned into a robot for the next couple of days. i broke down again today. i don't think i can handle it. i have never imagined life without her. she was always my everything. the best memory of my life was going to norway with her by train. just us. i was going to go to stray kids' paris show with her, explore the city, and then go back to swden for a while. i gave away the tickets to some friends because i couldn't go without her. i don't think i'll be posting for a while. i still haven't come to terms with her death. god, it feels wrong saying that. to lose someone so full of life, to lose someone who is the whole reason you're alive, is something i hope none of you have to ever go through. 

rest in peace, darling. i hope you knew how loved you were. 

[victorbutnotreally]

"Shh"

Yang Jeongin x Male Reader

title credits to lovely anon.

warnings: brother's best friend, three years age gap if that's a thing, jeongin calls Mn "hyung" during sex, size kink kinda, choking, sex with clothes on, spit as lube (doesn't work but it does in fiction)

He's been obsessed with Mn ever since he was a kid. Mn was three years older than him and always came over to play with his brother. And even his brother's less closer friends were considered by Jeongin as his brothers, but not Mn. Oh absolutely not. That laugh, those hands, the way he would always bring him a candy or something when he came over?? The way he would help him with his homework and teach him better than his teacher did?? Jeongin used to debate in his head if he should run away and hide or go spend time with him. And as they grew older, the attraction grew too. And then he became and idol, and Mn moved to France for university.

Right now, Jeongin was home. Finally on a well-needed break from idol life as he lazed on the couch, eating chips and binging shows. He heard the doorbell ring, but he was one with the couch now, ain't no way he's getting up.

"Eomma!!," he called, hoping his Mom would answer the door. He could hear his mom tsk affectionately as she made her way over to the door and opened it.

He couldn't see who was at the door, but his mother's excitement and the way his brother bolted down the stairs made the butterflies in his stomach return. Was it Mn? He slowly got up and went towards the door, carefully for some reason, as if approaching a snake. He almost choked on his chip when he saw who was at the door. Mn. Mn, whose cuteness was still there despite him losing his baby cheeks. Mn who looked like a damn model. He grew up. A lot. Seeing Mn's sculpted body, and his mature face which still had the boyish charm made the butterflies in Jeongin's stomach turn into birds which clawed at his stomach. In a good way, of course.

He watched as his brother tackled Mn in a hug, and Mn returned it. He could only watch as Mn's forearms rested on his best friend's back, flexing due to the strength of that hug. He gulped, smiling awkwardly when he saw Mn's eyes on him.

"H-Hi hyung," Jeongin smiled, a laugh coming out when Mn hugged him as well.

"Hi little rockstar."

Jeongin, his brother, and Mn were watching a movie. Everyone else was asleep. He could hear Mn's laughs at the movie. He wanted to smile and admire how pretty the older man's laugh is, but his mind just had one image: Mn's forearms. God. Not just his forearms, but him in general. He loved how big Mn was. How he was always bigger than him. He tried keeping his thoughts pg, but his mind was just not letting him. He put a pillow in his lap to hide his erection, but the ever so observant Mn noticed. He smirked and put an arm around Jeongin's shoulder, feeling how the younger tensed under his touch.

As the movie ended, Jeongin's brother went to the kitchen to see if they have snacks, knowing damn well they don't. He sighed and went back to the living room.

"We have no snacks. I'm gonna go get some, wanna come with me Mnie?"

"Nah. Jet lag, man."

"Alright."

Now, Mn knew how much time his best friend would take at the convenience store. He knew he'd get carried away, he'd walk around, get tired, and then end up eating ramen or something at the convenience store, then resume his shopping, and then walk home. He had plenty of time. Once his best friend left, Mn turned to Jeongin.

"What's with the pillow, hm?"

Jeongin was too enamored with Mn's forearms to notice that accent before. His cheeks tinted pink, he spoke, "Nothing."

"I know it's not nothing, innie. Don't worry, love, it happens to all of us."

His tone made Jeongin want to pounce on him, and so he did. He crashed his lips to the older's, relishing the taste of his chocolate chapstick. Mn smirked against his lips, hands moving to rest on Jeongin's waist. He nipped at his bottom lip, sliding his tongue in as the younger let out a moan at the soft bite. He could feel Jeongin's hands up his shirt, exploring the muscles underneath. Mn broke the kiss to catch his breath, but dove right in once he saw Jeongin's hands slip down his sweatpants. He let out a low moan once Jeongin started stroking his dick.

"Need you, hyung. Please."

"Aw, look at you. So cute."

Mn's spat on his fingers and slid them in one by one into Jeongin's hole, peppering kisses down his neck, making the younger moan more. He moved his fingers in a scissoring motion, and Jeongin grabbed his hand and led it to his throat, making Mn smirk as he wrapped it around his neck.

"You like that, baby? God, you look so good right now. Makes hyung wanna devour you."

"Please do, hyung…please.."

Mn had to control himself when he saw the slight pout on the younger's lips. He pressed a soft kiss to it before pulling out his fingers and spreading Jeongin's legs with that hand. He slowly slid himself in, watching as his mouth gaped open, gasping at the intrusion. He started moving once he bottomed out, hips snapping against him at a pace which made the other male moan so loud. He put a hand over Jeongin's mouth to muffle his moans.

"As much as I want to hear your pretty sounds, baby, you gotta stay quiet, yeah? Don't want your family to hear now, do you?"

Jeongin shook his head frantically, eyes rolling back as Mn's thrusts grew stronger. He hooked Jeongin's leg over his shoulder to go deeper and moaned as the younger clawed at his back. He captured his lips in yet another kiss, tongue exploring his mouth as he quickened his pace, the searing kiss swallowing both their moans.

"Hyung…I'm gonna cum"

"Go ahead, baby."

Jeongin threw his head back as he came, soft whimpers leaving his pretty lips. Mn pulled out and jerked himself off. He pulled up his pants and went to the kitchen to grab paper towels to wipe everything off after washing his hands. He cleaned Jeongin up who quickly put his pants on when he heard footsteps. Mn settled himself casually on the couch, wrapping an arm around Jeongin's shoulder, looking up when he saw his best friend.

"Finally. What did you eat at the store today?", he asked, as if he wasn't just fucking the man's brother minutes ago.

"Tteokbokki."

"Mhm."

taglist:

@forever-atiny

[victorbutnotreally]

??? why is he literally me????

So, I decided to make an OC bc why not. I don't have any faceclaims, so you'll have to use your imagination. But speaking voice claim is kennysong on youtube

name: Victor Lee Monet

nickname: baek.

He's French-Korean and his mom's last name is Lee which is his middle name. And his parents called him Baekhyun at home growing up (bc who calls their child victor amirite).

group: stray kids

he's an all-rounder. just like the other members.

height: 6'4 gasp a tall guy?! in stray kids?!

MBTI: INTP

eye color: sapphire blue

hair: dark brown

face: pale skin, strong jawline, sapphire eyes, sharp nose and cheekbones, thin lips (not like tom holland or anything tho)

humor: dark, sarcastic, sassy, but there is the occasional corny stuff

Makes a LOT of references. Could be science, history, memes, music, pop culture, movies, shows…whatever he knows, he'll make references.

He was born and raised in France, lived there until he was 22 and moved to Korea to become an idol. He has a slight French accent while speaking English. He debuted in stray kids when he was 22. He had always learnt ballet and knew how to play instruments (more on that later) so he passed training in a few months.

born: November 11, 1996

he's tall and muscular but not the bodybuilder type and more the dancer type. He can play ze piano, violin, and guitar, but he likes violin the most. He is good at boxing, did ballet for 8 years back in France (you know what that means…✨thighs✨), and knows krav maga. He likes physics, and all things numbers, and he likes to read. He's also a great cook.

He watches movies and is a film enthusiast who notices the cinematography, dialogue, acting, plotholes, details….everything. He LOVES movies.

He has really nice hands. Like, they're strong, but also very delicate-looking. He got them pianist hands. and they're so. goddamn. beautiful.

He's a bit cold on the outside, but is genuinely a nice and loving guy. He cares about his members and loved ones a LOT. He's very protective of them, and loves doing random cute little things for them. Which is just..adorable.

He has a very elegant and powerful aura…like, the way he carries himself, his strong features, his deep voice…he's an elegant man. But also an adorable goofball around his members.

baek's favorites:

food: bread, pasta, chocolate, ramen, tteokbokki, pizza (obviously), meat

drinks: black coffee, water, cranberry juice

He loves to write and is a poet at heart which makes him an awesome song-writer. He loves vocalist more than the other group positions.

Oh, and he's bi as hell

[victorbutnotreally]

hey! do you know what happened to @oimitocat ? im concerned cause its been days since he last updated on his blog🙇🏻‍♂️

I actually don't know. I've tried reaching out but he hasn't responded. Let's hope he's just busy

[victorbutnotreally]

here at victorbutnotreally, we're all horny af. welcome to the fam😌😌

just a horny minho thought btw (cuz of course it's him)

minho performing Juno as a solo cover and next up is reader's song, so as minho is singing the "have you ever tried this one" part, reader is elevated onto the stage lying on his back (yk like how the stage tile moves and stuff? idk how to explain it) and minho straddles him and like opens his shirt like a bag of chips, buttons popping since reader's outfit for his solo is actually an unbuttoned shirt.

I CANT

@hw4-l1z

[victorbutnotreally]

WELL HE IS PERFORMING SABRINA CARPENTERRRR

just a horny minho thought btw (cuz of course it's him)

minho performing Juno as a solo cover and next up is reader's song, so as minho is singing the "have you ever tried this one" part, reader is elevated onto the stage lying on his back (yk like how the stage tile moves and stuff? idk how to explain it) and minho straddles him and like opens his shirt like a bag of chips, buttons popping since reader's outfit for his solo is actually an unbuttoned shirt.

I CANT

@hw4-l1z

[victorbutnotreally]

I wanna know what you look like cus I'm lowkey picturing a tall dude with brown blonde hair (you know the color??) and green eyes. (sorryyyyy I just picture you as really forking addractive)

Hello?? Do you think I'm a model or smth lmao 😭😭😭

i actually have a really dark shade of brown hair (you can't even tell it's brown) and I have blue streaks cuz why tf not?

and I got blue eyes. not green. but I am tall however

(well I'm lowkey kinda fine ngl)

[victorbutnotreally]

as of Jan 3, '25

age: 21

height: 6'5 lol

grade: final year bachelor's

confidence: 9.5/10

happiness: 6/10

gender: male

sexuality: bi

romantic: bi?

favorite food: bread

favourite show: good omens atm

favourite movie: dunkirk atm

favorite song: Bambi (baekhyun)

favourite artist: skz, dpr Ian, hozier, isak danielson

relationship: singleeeeee

favourite color: black

favourite season: winter

followers: 502

End of year stats!

Age: won’t say but minor

Height: 5’5

Grade: won’t say

Confidence: 7/10

Happiness: 5/10

Gender: gender fluid

Sexuality: asexual

Romantic: aroflux

Fav food: probably ramen?

Fav show: b99

Fav movie: not any

Fav song: too many to pick!!!

Fav artist: wallows or dayglow

Relationship status: single

Fav colour: green

Fav season: winter

Followers: 358 (as of Dec 29 at 2 am)

[victorbutnotreally]

...was not expecting for this to hit so hard

@hw4-l1z

[victorbutnotreally]

Thanks for the tag, sunshine 💕

favourite color : black

favorite holiday: Halloween

animal i'd be: cat (literally all my friends call me a black cat so...)

Np tags : @hw4-l1z @oimitocat and anyone else who'd like to join <3

yknow what i wanna be cool and make a tag game

so if you wanna:

do this picrew

and then answer the questions:

What is your favourite colour?

What is your favourite holiday?

If you were any animal what would you be?

So for me:

What is your favourite colour? Green

What is your favourite holiday? Christmas maybe?

If you were any animal what would you be? Crow or bear probably

tags:

@sotiredimbored @mildlybizarrecorvid @chickencentaur @bucketsandraincoats @rorys-bullshit-dot-com @choucon @someones-here-fore-sure @arandombiped @forestgromlin @emilem-forevermore @demigod-jack-hearth @37x3 @your-dazzling-sun

+ open tags

(btw lmk if you wanna be removed or anything i tried to think of poeple who tag me in stuff normally lol)

[victorbutnotreally]

just a horny minho thought btw (cuz of course it's him)

minho performing Juno as a solo cover and next up is reader's song, so as minho is singing the "have you ever tried this one" part, reader is elevated onto the stage lying on his back (yk like how the stage tile moves and stuff? idk how to explain it) and minho straddles him and like opens his shirt like a bag of chips, buttons popping since reader's outfit for his solo is actually an unbuttoned shirt.

I CANT

@hw4-l1z

[victorbutnotreally]

hiiiii pooks <3 your pookie is here to annoy you 😘

lolol, I thought that you celebrated christmas and i was basically panicking bec i wanted to wish but I was studying — 😭 anddd did you seee BUZZCUT HYUNJIN and BLUE HAIRED JISUNG AND BLACK HAIRED FELIX??

and now that all of the solo mvs are out, which one is your fav? personally i'd say railway bec i really like the concept of it and the fighting scenes – 😩 but I'd love to know abt yours! I'm placing my bet on the youth mv bec of your bias and how cute & cool he looked in it ..

and the "marry me" fic is SAUR AFIGTHTDHB I love ittttt 😭😭 and all of the wips have got me excited!! 🤩

anyhow, how are youuu?? I hope life has been treating you well!! :)

— lovingly, your 💍!!

omg yes I saw the haircuts!! I have mixed feelings about the buzz cut but jisung and felix slayed so fucking hard bro

For a top three, I'll say hallucination , railway and youth. I also really liked Ultra. My mans 😔😔

thank youuu <3 I won't be posting fics for a while because of exams and extra curriculars, but I'll try to post if I get motivation

I've been fine, just really fucking busy

also, how did your exams go?

[victorbutnotreally]

just popping up to wish you a merry Christmas! I hope you and your family are enjoying this day!

& yes i'd love to be the 💍anon!! & i'd really like to talk more but im extremely sorry I've my chem exam tmrw — I'll talk to you more tmrw!! :( — lovingly, your 💍!!

merry Christmas to you too! we actually don't celebrate Christmas, but i'm enjoying it with my friends and lots of cake lol.

no worries, love. do well on your chem exam, ok? good luck <3

[victorbutnotreally]

NAVIGATION

MASTERLIST

disclaimer and guidelines

WIP

About me: Victor he/him 21 bi Neuroscience major at Harvard Swedish

[victorbutnotreally]

DISCLAIMER

What I'm writing does not represent any idols in real life.

I am not trying to assume anyone's sexuality or preferences in any way.

What I write is purely fiction and it does not go beyond that.

If it takes me a long time to do one of your requests, please be patient. I am a neuroscience student at Harvard and I am busy.

If your request is not in my WIP, then I may have chosen to ignore it because I am either uncomfortable with it, or I could not write it.

It is not guaranteed that I write everything in my WIP. I could get writer's block and abandon it :(

RULES

What I will write: Angst Fluff Smut Crack AUs boypussy platonic kinks except the ones listed below.

What I will not write: Female reader Bottom Reader Any kinks related to urine, feces, or vomit ABO Age regression Yandere Non-con/rape/Sexual harassment Hybrids Incest/step Poly