victorbutnotreally

[victorbutnotreally]

WOULD YOU STOP ME?

warnings: smut, toxic relationship.

"If I kiss you right now," your hand held the side of his face, rubbing over his bottom lip. "would you stop me?" There was something akin to fear in his eyes. You didn't understand why. Were you someone to be scared of?

"Is the little prince scared of me? Why?" You asked, your tone disgustingly condescending. He was scared, of course—scared of getting his heart broken, of falling for you and being treated as nothing worthy. You've been using him all along, but he stayed. He stayed for your touch, for the validation he gets while being in your arms.

You've mastered the art of fooling him. He mistakes the gentleness in your touch to be love. He sees the desire in your eyes as love. He sees everything as love. It was all love through his rosy lens, to his naïve mind.

You remember that he still hasn't replied to your taunt, and you wipe away a tear from his eye. Gently. Or in his words, lovingly. "I asked you a question, darling. Would you stop me?" Your voice was firm, but soft, barely above a whisper. Loving.

"I-I don't know.." He sounded so broken. Was it all from your hands? From your love?

"What are we?" Even while asking that, his voice had been shaky soft. He's never hid his vulnerability around you. Whenever he'd dare think you were using him, he'd kill that thought. Or rather, you'd kill it. With your words, with your touch, with your love.

"We're lovers, darling."

He shakes his head, tears streaming down his face.

"B-Baby.." It was pitiful, pathetic to your ears. But you pressed kisses against his skin, reveling in the salt of his tears.

Soon enough, as always, you were tangled in the sheets, moans escaping his parted lips as you ravished him. You'd run your hands all over his body, whisper praises into his soft, heated skin. You'd pet his hair, even hold his hand. He loved it. You loved it. He loved you. You loved it.

His pretty hands gripped your shoulders as he neared his release, hands that should be pushing you away with how much of a villain you were. But he loved you. His moans got softer, more desperate as your thrusts grew erratic. He came, and you held him close.

It was cute how he'd nuzzle into your neck every time, pressing soft and almost worshipful kisses. And as every time without fail, "I love you.." But you wouldn't even say it back in post-coital bliss.

"You're beautiful, Jinnie."

divider by @issysh3ll

[victorbutnotreally]

oh shitt, i forgot — idk abt emojis T-T there are like a lot of emojis to choose from :< can you pick one for mee? <3

— sheepishly, your pookie <3

💍?

[victorbutnotreally]

heyy bbg 😘

haha, thanks! :) but unfortunately my dumbahh forgot that angular & normal velocity are like two different things & i literally did like 4 sums which carries like around 20 marks 😃 im cooked fr — ( sorry for ranting T-T )

anyway lovebug, how was your day?? I hope it went well!! :)

— happily, your pookie <3

omg noooo…it's okay though don't worry <3 this doesn't define you. (rants are always welcome)

my day was just normal. did a whole lot of studying and I had a blueberry muffin. which is great. so..

[victorbutnotreally]

hello stranger ( jeon wonwoo )

▍ wonwoo, a shy poet, finds inspiration in the quiet comfort of a bookstore owner.

content : 1500 words, male reader, bookstore!owner!reader, fluff fluff fluff, wonie is a cutie patootie, requested here.

the soft hum of the bookstore was a kind of rhythm that underscored your life.

the shuffle of shoes on the old wooden floorboards, the distant murmur of the city outside, the faint rustle of pages being turned — it all blended together, wrapping around you like a favorite worn-in blanket.

it was a sound you’d grown to depend on, a steady companion to the otherwise quiet existence you’d cultivated.

you weren’t lonely ; you loved this life.

owning a bookstore was everything you’d ever wanted. people came and went, browsing your shelves, lost in their thoughts, and then disappeared back into their worlds.

and that was fine. you didn’t need much.

but then there was him.

jeon wonwoo had walked into your shop six months ago, though you could still picture the day as clearly as if it had been yesterday.

it was late afternoon, the sky outside a palette of grays and golds after a rainstorm. the bells over the door had jingled softly, and there he was — his dark hair slightly damp, his glasses fogged, and a scarf hanging loosely around his neck.

he’d paused in the doorway, blinking like he’d stumbled into a secret he wasn’t sure he was meant to find.

“take your time,” you’d said from behind the counter, offering him a polite smile.

wonwoo had nodded, ducking his head as if the weight of your words alone might be too much.

you didn’t think much of it at the time.

customers like him came and went — a little shy, a little unsure but most never lingered.

but he did. it became a habit.

every few days, the bells over the door would jingle, and there he’d be, that same tentative look in his eyes.

at first, he browsed without much of a pattern, drifting between shelves like he wasn’t quite sure what he was looking for. but eventually, he gravitated toward the poetry section, where he’d settle into one of the small tables tucked into the corner.

it didn’t take long for you to notice the notebook he always carried. he’d sit there for hours, pen in hand, scribbling furiously onto the pages.

sometimes he’d pause, his lips moving silently as if trying out words in his head, before crossing something out and starting again.

you didn’t ask what he was writing.

it wasn’t your business, and besides, you figured it was probably something personal — perhaps class notes or sketches of ideas for some creative project.

but what you didn’t know was that it wasn’t class notes or some generic scribbles in that notebook.

he was writing about you.

wonwoo hadn’t meant for it to happen.

when he first started coming to the shop, he’d been drawn in by its quiet charm and your gentle, unobtrusive presence.

you were a fixture of the place, sitting behind the counter with a book in hand or meticulously organizing the shelves. but somewhere along the way, he found himself looking at you more than the books.

it wasn’t just your calm demeanor or the way the sunlight hit your features in the late afternoons — it was something way deeper.

something about the way you seemed so comfortable in the silence, so at ease in a world that always felt too chaotic to him.

the first time he wrote about you, it was unintentional.

he’d been jotting down thoughts for a poem and realized halfway through that every line seemed to trace back to you.

he’d been mortified, at first, but the words kept coming.

so he kept writing.

every visit to the bookstore became a way to be near you, to soak in the steady calm you seemed to carry with you.

and though he wanted to say something, anything, he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

“wonwoo,” you’d said one day, surprising him as he passed the counter on his way to his usual table.

he’d blinked, startled that you knew his name.

“you left your receipt in a book last week,” you explained, holding up the slip of paper with his name neatly printed at the top.

“oh,” he said softly, adjusting his glasses. “thanks.”

he’d ducked his head, muttering a quiet apology as he took the paper from you and shuffled to the back of the shop.

after that, though, you made a habit of greeting him by name.

“hey, wonwoo,” you’d say as he walked in, and he’d always respond with a polite nod and a soft smile.

you’d exchange a few words here and there — nothing major, just small pleasantries — but he always seemed a little nervous, a little unsure of himself.

still, you’d noticed the way his eyes lingered on you when he thought you weren’t looking.

it wasn’t until today that things shifted.

wonwoo had been sitting in his usual spot for over an hour, his head bent over his notebook.

from your perch behind the counter, you could see the tension in his shoulders, the way his pen moved furiously across the page.

he seemed different — nervous, almost agitated.

you tried not to stare, but something about his energy pulled at your curiosity. he kept glancing up at you, quickly looking away whenever your eyes met.

finally, you couldn’t resist.

you wandered over to the poetry section, pretending to straighten a few books.

when you were close enough, you spoke, keeping your voice light. “working on something?”

wonwoo startled so hard his pen skidded across the page. he looked up at you with wide eyes, his face immediately flushing red. “oh, uh… yeah. kind of.”

“kind of?” you teased gently, leaning against the shelf. “you’ve been scribbling away in that notebook for months. it must be something important.”

he hesitated, his fingers twitching nervously against the edges of the notebook.

“it’s nothing special,” he mumbled, closing it quickly and holding it protectively against his chest.

“you sure?” you asked, taking a step closer. “it seems like it means a lot to you.”

wonwoo swallowed hard, his cheeks darkening.

he stood abruptly, clutching the notebook like it was a lifeline.

“i should go.”

there was something in his voice — nervous, maybe even a little embarrassed that stopped you.

“wait,” you said softly, the word slipping out before you could think.

he froze mid-step, his back to you.

“you don’t have to tell me,” you said gently, holding his gaze. “but… you don’t have to leave, either. you’re welcome to stay as long as you like.”

for a long moment, he didn’t move.

then, slowly, he turned to face you. his expression was guarded, but there was a flicker of something vulnerable in his eyes.

“i was writing poetry,” he admitted quietly, his gaze dropping to the floor.

“poetry?”

he nodded, his fingers tightening around the notebook.

“it’s not… it’s not very good. i’m still figuring it out.”

“everyone starts somewhere,” you said gently. “what’s it about?”

he hesitated, chewing on his bottom lip.

“it’s…about you,” he whispered, barely audible.

your breath hitched. about me ?

wonwoo’s hand shook slightly as he held out the notebook, his fingers reluctant to let it go.

carefully, you took the notebook from him, as if it were something fragile, your fingers brushing his.

opening it, you found a page filled with messy handwriting, words scratched out and rewritten in the margins. the poem wasn’t perfect, but it was raw and honest in a way that caught you off guard.

the poems were beautiful. they captured the smallest details — the way sunlight fell across your face when you stood behind the counter, golden and soft. your hands, the way they moved over books with care, like they were something sacred. the sound of your voice as you greeted customers. the quiet grace with which you moved through the store.

as you read, you realized the poems weren’t just about you, they were about seeing you. noticing the little things no one else did.

your chest tightened.

slowly, you looked up, finding wonwoo watching you nervously, his lips pressed tightly together.

“this is… about me?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

he nodded, his face flushing a deep shade of red. he stuffed his hands into his pockets, his shoulders hunching as if he were bracing for rejection.

“i know it’s weird. i just… you’re just… i don’t know. you’re here, and you’re… yeah, i don’t really know how to explain it.”

he was rambling now, his words tumbling over each other in his rush to fill the silence.

“wonwoo.”

he stopped, his eyes meeting yours.

“it’s beautiful. really.” you said, meaning every word.

his lips parted in surprise. “you… you think so?”

“i do,” you said, a small smile tugging at your lips. “you have a way with words.”

for a long moment, neither of you spoke.

the bookstore seemed to hold its breath, the quiet wrapping around you both like a protective cocoon.

“can i read more of it sometime?” you asked finally, your voice gentle.

wonwoo hesitated, then nodded.

“yeah,” he said, a shy smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “i’d like that.”

you handed the notebook back to him, your fingers lingering against his for just a moment.

and just like that, the silence between you didn’t feel so heavy anymore.

it felt like the beginning of something.

something good.

[victorbutnotreally]

Hiiiiiii ✨️cookie, I wanted to ask if you saw arcane and if you have who your favorite character

I haven't 😭😭

[victorbutnotreally]

shittt i was supposed to put "neuroscience" 😀 but I was ( am ) preparing for my physics test tmrw soo like I unfortunately put "neurophysics" — T-T

But ahhh your responses always make me giggle, kick my feet & scream haha <3

anddddd i didn't notice it at first but you study neuroscience at harvard?? HARVARD?? wow, that's really cool mannnnnn 0.0

& PLEASEEE do post the hyunjin toxic smut + angst fic of yoursss!!

— happily, your pookie <3

I hope your physics test goes well <3

it really is a dream come true to study here…I hope you can study at your dream school as well, pookie

I've already written it hehe🤭

also please say an emoji you want or i'll give you one myself.

[victorbutnotreally]

you’re a neuroscience major at HARVARD⁉️ that’s- that’s just AMAZING 🤩

ikkkkk it's my dream come true

😭

[victorbutnotreally]

lolol, ofcourse it's you .. like you watch all of the animes that I watch & the series too, i have watched most of them :> ( which just means that you're cultured imo )

you're also learning neurophysics?? it's like smth that i too wanna major in!! :) soo yepp :) ( that just screams "smart" to me )

and like you also stan skz + your personality is chaotic, I love chaos, soo yep! :) i choose YOU to be the loml <3

— lovingly, your pookie <3

omg <3333

(literally blushing and giggling and kicking my feet rn)

i'm majoring in neuroscience, yeah. and you wanna learn it too???? STAHP LITERALLY STAHPPP.

SOBBING I LOVE YOU SO MUCHHHH MY POOKIE

[victorbutnotreally]

lmk if you wanna be tagged

[victorbutnotreally]

updating at absolutely ungodly hours

[victorbutnotreally]

making it up to bf!skz after calling them dude

hyung line ver.

warnings: suggestive in hyunjin's and chan's part (just red lights duo things), "divorce" in changbin's part, reader is absolutely whipped for Minho (so is the author ) , skz being dramatic, reader being a menace

Chan:

Minho:

Changbin:

Hyunjin:

[victorbutnotreally]

I was just reading your Minho with a bigger partner hc and omg it's so well written and cute?? are you tall or smth??

also i'm just imagining like an interview (if reader is a member of skz) and they ask Minho if he'd want a size difference between him and his future partner when it was not revealed they were dating. and Minho just enthusiastically says yes, and a lot of people assumed stuff and wrote fanfic about Minho with like a small woman..

and experienced STAYs are just there like "LMAO Y'ALL RLLY THOUGHT HE MEANT SOME PETITE GIRL WHEN WHAT HE WANTS IS ACTUALLY DADDY MN"

like that's so hecking funny to me dude

thank youuuu <3 I always struggle to write headcanons cuz i can't think of things to add. and yes, I am tall which is kinda why I was able to write that much.

and experienced stays know. they just know. 😌😌😌

[victorbutnotreally]

hi vikk :)

oooh and have you listened to the new skz album? what's your fav solo track rn??

hello<33

I did listen, and I LOVE it. For solo tracks…I gotta say Hallucination. That was perfect. And I really like Youth as well. My babie is so cute in that🥺🥺

what's yours?

[victorbutnotreally]

hi!! i got a request for you, if you're up to it. so, lee know and reader (male reader who is a member) have always had a close and comfortable relationship with each other. both of them know that the other has feelings, but chooses not to full on date because of the dating ban. one day, minho goes up to reader (who's like big and strong and always has minho clinging to him) and asks him to "fuck the stress out of him". reader thinks its a joke, but it wasn't, and they end up doing it.

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Loved this idea oml

Sub!minho x Dom!m!reader

Cw: reader calls him bunny// mention of readers body type// brief mention of linos tummy scar// lino being slightly insecure//fingering// biting// some silly bits// fluffy smut

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You were in the kitchen grabbing a snack for yourself when Lino had entered. Wrapping his arms around your waist and pressing his front against your back.

"Hey bunnie, you okay?"

You turn around to wrap you arms around him tightly. His head leaning against your chest as he shakes his 'no'.

"No? What's wrong Min?" You ask, moving your head back to try look at his face whilst running a hand through his hair. "Just stressed out, need you to help me out" he muffled into your shirt. "How can I help you?" You say softly, kissing the top of his head. He hides his face further into your chest before saying something but you're unable to make out what he's saying. "What? Say it louder" you say, trying to move his head from your chest.

"Fuck the stress out of me..."

He looks up at your shyly, the tips of his ears going pink as he awaits your answer. You look at him confused before you let out a chuckle. "What?" You say, unable to take him seriously since you guys have never taken it as far as even kissing let alone having sex.

"Seriously Min, I wanna help you just tell me what I can do" you say softly before grabbing his hand and intertwining it with yours. He just stares at you quietly with a slightly confused look on his face.

"Y/n...I'm being serious, I want you to fuck the stress out of me" he deadpans.

"You're actually serious? a-are you sure?" You can't help but stutter, feeling a little flustered at his request. He nods his head "I know you want to and I really want it too" he says as he leans up to kiss you.

"Okay...okay! I can do that" you say as you lean down to catch his lips, pressing them together deeply. His arms find their way up and around your neck, resting on your shoulders as his finger thread through your hair.

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You lay him gently onto the bed, your hand sneaking it's way up his shirt and onto his chest. You rub your thumb over his nipple as you move your kisses down his neck but deciding not to risk leaving marks behind only biting softly.

His hands are mindlessly roaming your body, gripping and squeezing you and his legs wrapping around your waist, pulling you impossibly closer to him. Pretty little whimpers come from his throat, tucking his head into your shoulder and taking in your scent. You pull away for a second.

"You're definitely sure about this?" You ask.

He nods his head "Yes I'm sure" he replies before you move yourself back down towards him, continuing what you were doing before. Grinding your hips down and into his softly, earning a little gasp from him. His hips move up against yours, keeping the slow but hard grinding of your cocks together. His whole body is on fire as he can't help but feel so flustered by how big you are on top of him, how your hands are twice the size of his and your shoulders are much more broader than his.

Finally you begin to slowly slip off his shirt after you sit up. Both your hands working there way up his torso until the shirt is bunched up to his chest before reaching under and pulling it of. He sits up a little to help you out but gets a little embarrassed once his shirt is off. He tries to cover his tummy scar, a little scared at what you'd think but you grab his hands and pin them above his head so he couldn't cover himself.

"Don't you fucking dare cover yourself, you're beautiful...everywhere, no matter what bunny" you say as you let go of his hands and begin pulling down his trousers. He lifts his hips up so you can remove them easier but he wasn't fully expecting you to take his underwear off with them. He feels so exposed compared to your fully clothed body, his neck and ears turn a deep red as he looks at you with the most adorable sparkling eyes, just begging you to take of your clothes too.

"You looks so pretty Min, can't believe I haven't seen what perfection you were hiding" you say almost gawking at him completely. Your gaze burns into him making him feel like he's a peice of meat ready for you to devour. Your suddenly snapped out of your trance when you feel him tugging at the bottom of your shirt, itching for you to take it off.

Reaching your hands down and hooking under the hem of your shirt before pulling it up and off your body. He's seen you shirtless before but my god it still does things to him. You have have pretty noticeable abs yet a bit of a soft pudgy tummy which he adores so much. It makes him happy about his little pudge knowing you like to flaunt your body to the fans so much. His hands trail up your stomach and towards your pecs, squeezing them in his hand.

"I thought you were more of an ass man?" You chuckle at him. He let's out a breathy laugh "I am but tits are nice too" he smirks.

You move your hands down to the hem of your sweats before undoing the drawstrings and pulling them off.

"You were going commando this whole time?" He says as your cock springs out. You just laugh and nod before grabbing a condom and lube. You rip open the condom packet, throwing it on the nightstand before rolling it onto your cock. Squirting some lube onto your fingers before slowly pushing one of your fingers into him. He's a little tight so you decide to try work him open a little before fucking him. Working a second finger in and slowly pulling them in and out, curling your fingers up to push against his sweet spot.

His sweet honey laced moans spilling out as you push against his prostate perfectly. His hips bucking up as he basically fucks himself onto your fingers. Eventually once you think he's ready you pull your fingers out before pressing your tip against his rim.

"You ready?" You asked, earning a nod from him.

You begin to slowly slide into him, his walla stretching around your cock, hugging you so perfectly. Bottoming out inside him as keep still until he gives you the go sign. Sitting stroking his thigh gently with one hand whilst he holds onto your shoulders.

Finally he gives you a nod to move and you move yourself forward and into a comfortable position. Pulling back out of him slowly before sliding back into him a little faster earning a little sharp moan from him. You begin moving your cock in and out at a steady pace. Not too fast but not too slow, grinding your hips against his every time you push into him, hitting so deep.

"Please, I want more, fuck the stress out me" he whines.

Steadying yourself, you pick up the pace, fucking into his hole harder as his hands claw at your back and shoulders. His soft and sweet moans are like music to your ears only urging you on to make him even louder. Jerking your hips forward as hard you can each time just to hear all the pretty sounds he can make. Whimpers and whines sounding so delicate in comparison to your harsh pace, skin slapping against skin echos around the room along with his moans.

His head thrown back against the pillow and his back arching up each time you slam into his sweet spot. You press your body right against his, engulfing him in your hold as your cock hits the deepest spots in him. His head tucked away into your shoulder as tears of pleasure begin to fall. His legs trapping you in, struggling to reach around your larger frame as his body tenses from the overwhelming amount of pleasure.

He can feel teh friction between his cock and your stomach, feeling as his orgasm builds up. He doesn't want you to let go, so he tries his best to wrap his arms and legs around you as tightly as he could. Your stomach rubbing against his cock so perfectly, he knows he's about to cum but before he can tell you, it's already happening. His climax hits him so hard, trembling as a loud shaky moan escapes his throat.

His warm sticky cum shooting between the small gap between your bodies before you follow shortly after with a throaty moan, releasing into the condom. You stay stuck together as you slowly grind into him to ride out your high. Once you've stilled you both just lay there, catching your breath and holding eachother but softer this time.

"Thank you y/n"

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A/n: surprised I wrote this much tbh usually I can't be bothered or just don't know wtf to write.

[victorbutnotreally]

tag your top 5 fav mooties <3

ok this is in no particular order, just my fav ppl on here

@oimitocat @hw4-l1z @theo4eve @straykids-2001 @leezanetheofficial

[victorbutnotreally]

TSWCP — CHAP 3

lee minho x m!reader

chapter summary; you just can’t live with the silence. you can’t bear it. this time, you prove minho you really will risk it all for him. will he take it or leave you with your heart bleeding in your hands?

content warning; subtle internalized homophobia + subtle insecurity + tension + constant change of pov (mainly minho’s) + crying + makeout session

content genre; idol au + actor au + fluff + angst + 9th member! reader

word count — 6.4k | m.list | a/n; this sucks btw ;(

it’s cold. frozen and heavy. 

that’s how you could describe your heart after what had happened days ago. your mind? static. looking for signal. waiting on connection. 

concert tours are coming up. your management had managed to sort something out with the executive directors of the drama so that once you come back from tour with the group, shooting wouldn’t be delayed or a hassle. the thought of it is dreadful. you still have to pull off a few conferences and amidst your tour dates some photo shootings have been crushed into your schedule. 

as much as it pisses you off, it also can’t be helped. 

“what’s your favorite scene?” an interviewer asks. 

you blink, having zoned out. gayoung’s soft touch on your knee brings you back to your current position. 

“me personally,” gayoung says with her fluent english. “i really loved the scene where i had to ride a horse.”

you stare at her before smiling. the other actor, another close friend of yours on set is minwoo, he laughs. 

“i had to help her five times to climb on that thing because she kept slipping.”

“ah, the cons of being a gnome,” you tease automatically.

everyone busts laughing while gayoung gives you an offended expression. she starts an argument, you feed it. 

minho clutches his phone as he watches the interaction from his screen. the video had been posted not so long ago now. he can’t help it, seeing you from a screen and aching. why had he been so stupid? kissing you? confessing? 

you two could never be as perfect as you and gayoung are. your chemistry is absolutely beautiful. it’s so natural. how could he ever compare to something like that. much less now? he ruined what he had with you. was a kiss really worth it? absolutely not. not after the rift he created with you became unmendable. 

“y/n, since the drama is based on a book, it has been said that the first few episodes on the next season you’ll have to portray heartbreak, betrayal and desperation. will that be hard for you?”

he watches how you shake your head immediately, that joyful expression you had dropped “i have to display a raw emotion, most of the time we as actors have to study how to display something we’ve never experienced but in this case, i’ve actually experienced heartbreak and desperation.”

minho’s eyes widened a bit. are you insane? how could you say that with your girlfriend right next to you? 

“could you maybe give us some insight on that?”

“well,” you look up at the ceiling for a moment. then you look back at the screen but for some reason it feels like you’re looking at him. as if you knew he was watching. “as an idol and actor you need to let go of many things you end up carrying, i think everyone does and everyone has someone to seek out and trust enough to simply rant and be yourself with. yet, things kind of change when you grow in the industry… maybe the fans don’t know this about me but i cherish those who i’m close with and will always find a way to keep our bonds, despite how i seem like i’ll let people come and go- it’s nothing like that. filming this drama took a lot out of me…”

“it not only took away my sleep but it took something else away. i loved shooting it, but if i had to do everything all over again…” you pause, sighing, “i think i would… but i’d change a lot of things and work hard not just to keep my career going but to keep those around me too. yeah, maybe we can’t stop people from leaving when they decided they will no matter what but it doesn’t change how horrible that feeling is.’

“you have gayoung though, as a couple i’m sure you share your burdens with her now, right?”

bitterness flashes across your features for a moment. no one has caught that, no one will. only minho.

because as much as it hurts… he’s the only one that knows you more than you know yourself. 

“of couse,” you smile. bitter. “just shows that when someone won’t be there for you, someone else will.” you pause, “and be better.”

ouch. minho turns off his phone, he covers his face into his hands and breathes wetly. he really is the worst, isn’t he?

fans have started to notice the distance between the two of you. bubble messages flood in every now and then saying they hope you and he are doing okay. he sees the comments questioning the silence that has been built between you two. the members know. 

well, they don’t know you two had kissed or that he is inevitably in love with you. 

but they know you two are not in good terms. 

chan had questioned you about it and when you didn’t give him a believable answer he had seeked minho out. all minho said was — “y/n is just too busy to keep what we have, i made sure he focuses on his career.” which in turns absolutely outed the fact minho caused all of this. the look of disappointment chan gave him is the same one he gives himself after crying and looking in the mirror.

even crying feels illegal. 

the worst part is you and jisung share the dorm with him. he hears jisung question you about your distance. he hears you talk to people— to gayoung — over the phone. he bumps into you on the way to the laundry, to the bathroom, in the kitchen. 

he works with you.

he lives with you.

he misses you. 

yet, you’re not his to seek out anymore. you’re his coworker now. 

nothing more… 

“where’s y/n? we’re about to board the plane,” jeongin says with a pout. 

minho unconsciously looks around, equally wondering where you are. they had driven to the airport at around 10 and you weren’t in the dorms. through check ins, you still hadn’t popped up. 

later, however, the video of you running through the airport with your bodyguard and manager blows up. minho finds that out in the van after landing in tokyo. he had wondered why you were so disheveled when you entered the plane. 

“we have four concerts here in japan,” seungmin mumbles to himself, “we have one day to roam around, one morning left and then we’re off to the states.”

“doesn’t y/n hyung have a private conference in the states?” jisung asks.

“what?” minho frowns.

chan sighs, “he really needs to take a break. this whole year is going to be packed.” he rests his head back on the seat, “he barely managed to pull off the concerts in korea.”

“well we do have a few free days in between our concerts,” seungmin offers, “he’ll have some sort of rest.”

minho swallows. are you really that busy? 

he still doesn’t get to see much of you. he’s had to hear hyunjin recap how you have 2 interviews a day before flying with them to japan. how you had to pull an all nighter to review a script for a morning commercial schedule. it’s crazy, he thinks. how are you alive. 

when all of you come to the venue to rehearse, he sees you thrudge in after chan, who seemingly had to drag you here. your hair is everywhere, your face puffy from sleep, your large hoodie and baggy joggers make you look small. minho forces himself to look away, his heart clenching at your adorable sight. 

practice goes alright, minho thinks. sound check goes well, jisung and changbin goofed off with the autotune. they had tried to pull you into their fun scheme but minho noticed how you grimly looked at them. it didn’t change how you still went along with it, always willing to entertain the guys. they’re your family just as much as they’re his. still, everyone is tense around you two.

because they know.

they know their favorite hyungs are in weird terms. they don’t ask, they don’t have to. it’s visibly written in the air. 

“minho can you go check on y/n,” chan asks him the morning of the official concert. 

everyone went through the same checks and passed. everything is ready. minho hadn’t really seen you today regardless, despite dancing and singing beside you. he truly does not recall you being around other than on stage, not even during lunch break. 

“why me?” he asks without thinking, it even comes out bitterly. 

chan stares at him for a moment. no one is around, just him and minho. “are you really going to drag this out?” he asks, tone evidently showing how angry he is, “everyone else is checking up on him except you. what are you two doing?”

minho looks away, fists clenching at his sides. “we’re just… not in a good spot-“

“and how long will that last? huh? y/n isn’t prideful like you are, so who is dragging it out?”

that was like a slap in the face. 

“minho, don’t shut me out.”

yet minho closed the door and never dared get near it. you never begged again. verbally. he took notice of your sad eyes after the fight. he felt your presence begging to call for him. yet you didn’t. because you knew the door that was slammed in your face would never open again. 

“i’ll check up on him before we get on stage,” he says softly. 

chan sighs, “i’ll take it.”

backstage, as he’s getting in his outfit, he sees you thrudge around. on your phone. clearly you’re talking to gayoung. he sees you smile for a second before walking out. he can’t help but follow you out discreetly. you step behind a wall, he stays around the corner. 

“i’m screwed,” you whisper. “so fucking screwed, you have no idea.”

minho steps back. well you’re alive and that’s all that matters. why would he check up on you? you don’t need him. you have the guys. you have gayoung. that’s clearly who you’re talking to.

he doesn’t need to overstep. your life isn’t something he’s involved in. 

“minho! y/n!” 

minho whips his head around, his heart pounding. does hyunjin have to be so fucking loud!? outing him like this!? he should leave before you realize he was right behind you- he makes the mistake of turning around again and coming face to face with you. 

he’s caught. 

he swallows and stares up at you. your dark eyes boring into him. you’re all ready to get on stage. he couldn’t even speak if he wanted to. there’s nothing to say. 

the way you walk past him makes his heart drop. 

the act was unfamiliar until 2 months ago. that’s how long he’s been dragging it out. that’s how long it’s been when he hurt your feelings and smashed his along. it felt like so little time but it felt like an eternity ago.

an eternity that is burned into his skull and haunts him. 

not even the roar of the fans when they come on stage silences the thousands of thoughts in his head. 

he’s on the stage feeling like a puppet. except his strings tangle with yours. the amount of times you bumped into him from stumbling were too many to count. he hates it. 

and he hates how much he worries. 

above all, he hates that he can’t near you. 

and it’s his fault. 

it’s probably the fourth concert day, the last concert in japan. they’ll be here for a day or so before flying back to korea. 

your chest feels tight. 

you get nauseous a lot. you can’t really stomach much. at most a soup you get at the hotel you’re all staying at but even that leaves you with an upset stomach. 

you had filmed a commercial in japan, gayoung had been flown out here. it frustrated you, didn’t matter where you went, gayoung had to be involved somehow. the girl isn’t at fault, it’s the company, you know that. 

“oppa are you sure you’re okay?” she asks.

you raise your head and look at your phone. the video call started thirty minutes ago when she finally landed and finished going through security. you don’t hate her, she’s a good friend. you haven’t kissed her, both of you strictly left that for the scenes only. you hug her, you cuddle her, you carry her but she’s not who you love. maybe as a friend. not as a lover. 

“you look like shit ever since we finished the drama, i didn’t want to point it out,” she says, there’s a bit of a teasing tone but she’s also dead serious. 

“a pretty girl like you shouldn’t curse,” you say with a sigh.

she stares at you before starting a string pf curses. you chuckle softly, shaking your head. you groan, your migraine returning. she immediately pauses. 

“oppa, i’m worried for you. joking aside, you really do look like shit.”

you grunt, looking around the room, “i think i’ll feel better when i’m back in korea…”

she puts the phone close to her face, as if she could see you more clearly that way. “i hope so or we’ll have to shoot a ‘taking care of my boyfriend’ blog.”

“ugh no,” you whine.

she laughs, “just kidding, the company is going to make me show my concern though if something happens.”

you give her a face, “nothing is gonna happen gayoung, i’m fine. just not a hundred percent.”

“well as long as you get back home safely,” she says softly, “i care for you y/n.”

all formality is out the window. it always has been with her, you see her as a little sibling from how long you two have worked together for. almost a whole year and a half. you had known her before the drama but contact wasn’t fully established until then. 

“i have to get going to the venue,” you finalize, dread expressed on your features.

“okay~,” she sing songs as she gets inside her van, “don’t push yourself, okay? see ya!”

“bye,” you throw a peace sign and she quickly mimics you before hanging up. 

you drop your phone on your bed before scrubbing your face with your hands. sometimes you’re thankful that you’re dating a friend instead of someone you don’t know, you’ve heard companies do that so this isn’t bad. yet, it isn’t good either. 

you’ve been like a zombie these last few weeks. taking all sorts of pills and gummies that would give you energy and help you get through concerts with a smile. you know the guys are worried about you, but you’re not the only one feeling overworked. still, you’re the one with the worst of it. 

“let’s put on our best show,” chan says as he pats everyone’s backs. he pauses when he comes to you, “let me know if you need a break-“

“hyung, seriously,” you grimace. “you make me feel like i don’t belong sometimes.”

he frowns, realizing he overstepped. “shit, no. y/n that’s not what i meant- i just- you know that i know.”

you stare at him, almost mortified. “uh-“

“please get to the stage quickly!” a staff member says. 

chan gives you a once over before heading out, you follow suit. your migraine hasn’t stopped. the roaring of the fans feels like a hammer being pounded on your skull from the inside. you genuinely contemplate taking up chan’s offer, especially when you zone out and step on minho’s shoe accidentally. 

“my bad,” you say automatically, stepping away like you had been burned.

and maybe you were, with the way he looks at you annoyingly. when did you feel so left out like this? 

you execute the choreography perfectly, smiling at hyunjin whenever he comes across you on a part. fans fawn over each and every one of you. yet, when your part comes during the bridge, you stop mid verse when something oozes out of your nose onto your upper lip. immediately, you look away from the camera and wipe it with your sleeve. the worst part is minho was behind you for the formation, his brows furrowed when you immediately stumbled when walking to the next formation. 

“are you bleeding?” jisung asks ushered as jeongin sings. 

you walk past all of them, jogging to the backstage. the bleeding won’t stop, normally you can just wipe it away and it’s unnoticeable but you knew this isn’t as easy. you’re hyper aware of your physical status. 

“oh, here let me,” a staff member says as they guide you to a chair. 

the fans are worried, chan clarifying that you’ll be fine makes it worse. how weak could you be?

“the bleeding stopped,” you say as you look at the clean tissue you pull away from your nose. 

“ah, are you sure you want to go-“

“thank you for your care, if anything comes up i’ll let you know,” you bow low before heading back out after the second song. 

there’s a moment where the members speak and chat, you anxiously return to the stage as jisung speaks to stay. you could stand beside anyone, they’re all dear to you and have been with you during tough times. yet, you unconsciously went to minho’s side, awkwardly standing there when you realize you shouldn’t have chosen him. 

even now, does he really give you comfort? why are you lying to yourself like this? 

“oh! hyung! are you okay?” hyunjin asks out loud on the mic. 

you swallow before looking down at your mic, “minho hit me with his mic when i went to formation.”

what. 

minho spins and looks at you. you clearly lost your mind. 

“i’m good though hyung, no need to apologize.”

everyone on stage is looking at you like you really have lost it. minho’s eyes are like saucers. he hesitates before bringing his mic up to speak, looking away and nervously fidgeting with his inear. 

“uh, my mistake, i didn’t realize you were that close when we turned.”

“hyung doesn’t realize his strength either,” hyunjin jokes nervously. 

there’s no way to verify or deny that fact. in the formation you and minho are pretty hidden, so in the end, it’s a possibility no matter how slim. 

“the fuck was that,” minho grits when all of you are backstage for an outfit change.

“hey, don’t fight,” changbin huffs. 

you stand there stiffly, changbin between the two of you. everyone has run off, not wanting to get caught up in it. chan comes up to you two. minho glares at you before stepping back. 

“i didn’t mean to hurt you,” he says, like he really did hurt you on the stage.

“but you did.” you say automatically. 

“hey, hey, what matters is that you’re okay,” chan says, believing the words that came out of your mouths. 

neither chan or changbin know that minho’s apology and your accusations are not from what happened minutes ago, but from what happened two months ago. you look away, turning to change. 

now, things are worse. the anger you had from what minho did dwindled down into your suppressed sadness. you meant everything you said- you’d leave anything and everything to keep him. yet, why didn’t he want you? 

you cover your face before your stylist fixes your makeup, you ask for a few moments and she goes on standby. your head is killing you, you want to cry from frustration, you absolutely want minho. 

he always knew how to make you feel better. 

how come the last time you fought him he kissed you? isn’t he hurting too? why is this so difficult? 

by the time you’re back on stage with the other members, you can’t really stay focused. you trail behind anyone and everyone down the stage when some of the songs are free reign across the stage. you stick to jisung, the second closest member to you… well, maybe the first one now that minho wants nothing to do with you. 

you watch him across the stage. 

during the song there’s a beat pause. everyone looks at each other playfully, but minho’s eyes latch onto your gaze. 

you smile at him, painful but yearning. 

he at least has the decency to wave back. 

and the flame of hope ignites in your heart again. 

your life feels suffocating. 

you can’t remember how many times you’ve been seen only as gayoung’s boyfriend. the idol with an outed relationship that bloomed from a drama. you get back to korea. you fly out for concerts. you fly out for interviews. 

it’s constant movement. 

everyone found out your nosebleeds come from stress and your lack of sleep. chan knows the most of it, he does lack sleep too. still, your life is busy even with not scenes to shoot. 

minho isn’t handling that well. he hasn’t exactly stepped up to confront you about the situation between the two of you. nor has he approached you on terms outside of fan service. it’s not even as often as before, it’s crumbs of what the two of you used to do. ever since you started a relationship there’s constant war between fans when a member is too touchy with you. 

you’re not an object, you don’t belong to gayoung. if only they knew the relationship was strictly a job on top of all your jobs. you were called in for modeling, for drink commercials, a cafe wanted to have a theme with the drama and you and gayoung had to sponsor their promotions for a week. the drinks were okay. 

the food was okay.

nothing could beat minho’s cooking. sadly, you don’t think you’ll ever get the chance to eat it ever again. you and minho’s situation hasn’t gotten better nor worse. it’s just.. still. 

you often stare at your ceiling at night when you have the luxury to be home early to rest. it’s not often but when you do… your mind drifts. 

to how soft minho’s lips are. to the hunger you two had demonstrated. the way his soft breathes ignited a fire in your stomach. he took that chance and built a wall between the two of you. 

“yah,” a voice calls out.

you jump, sitting up and whipping around to face your door. 

“i made dinner.” 

you look at the door as if minho opened it and stared at you. he’s behind the wooden pallet. he’s talking to you. your body twitches before you stiffen. 

no.

you can’t. 

you’ve waited all these months for this but you just can’t. something won’t let you. is it your self restraint? you don’t want to fight again. if you tried to bring up the topic he’d run away. he’ll somehow blame you. he’ll do everything possible to keep you at a miles distance. 

he’s just being a coworker. 

he’s obligated to show interest and care. 

“i know you’re awake,” minho says.

is his voice trembling? 

“i’m good.” you say softly, staring at the bottom of the door to see his shadow. it’s loud enough for him to hear. 

if you accepted, two things could happen. you argue and make things worse. or you lose all control and take the riskiest bet of them all. 

neither is good. 

you don’t particularly care for your fame. you have enough in your bank to survive if you get fired or blacklisted. you have backup plans. yet, you’re not ready for it yet. you’re just waiting on minho to accept that he’s the one at fault, even if it’s indirectly.

when that will happen? you don’t know. maybe him wanting to eat a cooked meal was it. yet, your instincts tell you not now. 

so you lay back down, hearing minho huff and stomp away. 

he definitely thinks you hate him. you love him, but you want him to feel a little sting. it’s nothing compared to the scalding he gave you months ago, but giving him a little taste of his medicine won’t hurt.

at least you don’t hope so. 

he has to reach out the right way. 

and… you close your eyes and toss and turns…. and if he doesn’t do it before you finally decide, then you’ll have no choice to make the move. 

just a little longer…

you hope your heart handles it. 

he doesn’t near you. you’re used to it now, despite how much it hurts you. 

it’s the end of the year and all of you are preparing for the award shows. you have many to attend— mma , mama, the baeksang arts awards. probably some more. 

the biggest is mama. it’s one of the ones at the end of the year. the acting award is in may, or so you heard. thing is you’re a nominee and they’ll announce that further on, right now your main focus is the award shows of the month of december. it’s a stressful time, but not as stressful as when you were fresh of the drama. 

since last month, you’ve had more time to breathe. to sleep too. 

you do have the obligation to keep going on dates with gayoung. instead of being home alone with minho when jisung is stuck in the studio you choose to hang out with her. unknown to you- that hurts minho. well, maybe you do know. 

“sound check done, thank you!” 

all of you bow. 

“hyung!” changbin runs to you, “i’m hungry!”

“yeah! me too!” seungmin yells. 

you smile, adoring how cute changbin looks as he clings to your side. “and what do you want to eat? we have to start getting ready for our performance tonight.”

“crab!” changbin pouts. 

“i want something else,” hyunjin argues. 

you laugh, “just order what you want… you know where my card is…” everyone screams happily, “and remember to watch your intake, i don’t need anyone with an upset stomach during or after performance. also!” you point at them, “just buy food, i don’t want to recieve a bill of some video game purchase.” you eye felix who whistles.

minho simply watches you from afar. these past few months weren’t easy. still, he can’t bring himself to face you yet. why would he? your life is as perfect as it gets— you have a successful acting and idol career. you have a beautiful girlfriend. you have millions of doting fans. what would he speak to you for? his feelings? those are worth nothing for you, it’s destroy your image. 

assuming you really did mean what you said all those months ago, what benefit would you get? he can’t do that to you. he can’t bear to think that you’d leave everything you worked so hard to build just for him… if he had ever said yes. 

but he knows better. 

and he knows his spot is exactly where he’s in- watching you from afar. seeing you work as an idol beside him. 

“alright guys, let’s go show them what we’re made of,” chan says with a whoop. 

minho simply won’t intervene. 

despite how much rest you’ve had compared to a few months back, you still don’t feel your best. still, your performance is full of energy and charisma. the whole performance is full of crazy moves and entrances. the acts hyunjin and you pulled were the highlights of the whole stage. 

by the second act, your place was to do a flip between two dancers, so that they would soon do a dance break with you. you’d have to wait for a few moments until felix finishes his line and everyone files to the side for you to do your part. 

you’ve rehearsed this plenty of times, you know when to enter and when to wait. you know how many steps to take and when to turn. when to breathe and when to blink.

yet, you take the wrong step and fall six feet off the platform stage. bodyguards run to you as you groan, your trembling arms helping you push yourself off the ground. jeongin’s worried eyes are on you, he’s hidden from the amount of dancers before him. 

“are you okay!?” a staff asks as they help you get to your feet. 

you had fallen on your hands and knees. the impact was rough but the adrenaline makes it feel like you’re fine. your hand hurts bad though, or is it your wrist? you just stare down at your shaking hands, scratched and getting red. you wobble, your knees almost giving out. you need to get back on stage-

the dance break starts. 

“help me get up!” you yell, panting. 

“if you’re injured we have to-“

“you have to walk all the way around-“

“y/n-ssi you need to get checked-“

everyone is talking but not moving. you growl, grabbing a bodyguard and your stare was enough for everyone to get the gist. they hunch over and hook their hands to give you leverage, your foot wobbles from weak balance as you boost yourself up with their help. clearly everyone is confused and worried, yet you crawl onto the stage and quickly get on your feet. 

the impact is starting to reveal where you’re hurt. your ankle is probably sprained, each step is killing you. your shoulder aches, your elbows sting. 

still, you run and when your backup dancer catch you on their peripheral vision, they immediately step back to sync with you when you backflip and spin to the floor in a breakdance pattern. it’s the final steps of the formation you were supposed to perform, yet it still blew everyone away and regained the attention of everyone. 

going through the rest of the choreography was killing you. it took everything in you to not wobble as you did your lines and performed with the rest of the members. 

the worst part? was that after forcing yourself to stand still for approximately one minute as the performance comes to an end for the cameras to stop rolling, you lose your balance when going down the stairs and once more, you fall from the three foot high staircase that lead to the backstage. 

“hyung!” jeongin cries out, catching everyone’s attention. 

medical staff already surround you as you lay on the floor, groaning and grunting. 

“what’s going on?” minho asks, eyes wide and his heart pounding. 

“hyung fell off the stairs!” changbin exclaims.

“he also fell off the stage,” jeongin sobs, “and he still hopped on and kept going-“

“hey, hey, let’s let them work,” chan says, gathering the kids away despite his anxiety skyrocketing. 

minho doesn’t budge at first, his glassy eyes fixated on your body as the medics put you on a stretcher when you say how much it hurts to move. he’s worried sick, you really pushed yourself that bad? he can’t wonder if you’re insane or passionate. no one really enjoys the rest of the ceremony. during the speech chan mentions how passionate they are for their dream, even mentioning how y/n pushed himself to give the best performance even when he shouldn’t have. 

back in the dorms chan texts the chat, saying you had dislocated your left shoulder and wrist. you’re bruised on your elbows and knees, the height would have fractured them but you had placed all your weight in the impact in your hands, causing one wrist to suffer more. two to three months until you’re fully recovered. 

they still have to perform. minho can’t help but cry, he knows very well the company will make you keep going through promotions and schedules no matter how hurt you are. 

and he’s nervous. how will he put aside his actions in order to care for you? you live right next to his room, how could he feign interest when you’ll be in need of assistance for a while? hyunjin was the same, so how could he not intervene? 

his biggest fear is this— what if you don’t let him? 

he’d deserve it of course. you have every right to refuse his help and care. 

it gnaws at him for the three days straight that you’re in the hospital. it was per your request to stay for a little longer. how will he face you? is now the right time? no. yes? 

he isn’t sure if he’s crying from guilt, self hatred or anxiety anymore. so when he hears your familiar footsteps inside the dorm he freezes. jisung is with chan and changbin again, coincidentally saying he’ll be home extremely late, he enters a frenzy. 

he hears your gruttal sigh as you walk inside your room, your door closes. 

well. it’s now or never. 

you either reject him all together — reject what? he doesn’t know. he has no idea what he’s going to say, no idea if he’ll ask to console you or to apologize for what happened or what. something has to be done, though, and if you never let him get close to you again then he’ll understand that it’s the consequences of his actions. 

he takes a deep breath as he heads out of his room. he swallows the knot in his throat when he stands before your door. 

“leave me alone, minho,” you say before his fist even makes contact with your door to knock. 

he stares at the door as if it was it that spoke to you that way. “y/n… i-“

“just leave me alone they way you said you would. you don’t need me so i don’t need you either.”

minho breathes shallow, “y-you don’t mean that-“

“the fuck do you want?” you groan, “what? i get hurt and now you decide to speak to me?”

your voice cracks at the end of your grievance. it breaks minho. 

“i’m sorry,” he sobs, “i shouldn’t have been selfish! i shouldn’t have hurt you like that!  shouldn’t have shut you out!”

he hiccups and takes a step back when you open the door. through blurry sight, he looks at you. you stare down at him, why are your eyes so tender? 

“but you did…”

“i just knew if i didn’t i’d have no restraint,” he sniffles, “i love you.” he whispers, looking down at the floor, “seeing you with her hurt so much. knowing you smell like her made me nauseous. knowing she was your new focus made me feel like i didn’t belong in your life anymore-“

“minho,” you grab his chin with your free hand, tilting his face up. “why does it take me getting hurt for you to speak to me again?” 

minho shakes his head, “i just can’t come between you and gayoung-“

“me and gayoung are dating by contract, not because i love her.” you confess, finally letting that out. “you think i want to be with her?” 

minho pushes your hand away, hot tears streaming down his face again. “what will the company think? we won’t work! you have so much to lose and-“

“you think i give a damn about all of this!?” you push him forward until he’s trapped between you and the wall. “i love you, lee minho.” you stare at his mortified expression, “i stand by what i said. for you, and only you, i’d give up everything.” 

“your career-“

“none of this means nothing if you’re not in it!” you grab his chin again, “you don’t have to love me back, you don’t have to accept my feelings! just, just talk to me again, please,” you beg, your own eyes glassing over, “don’t just be my coworker, be my friend again. be my safe place again. i-i’ll put away my feelings for you, we can forget that i love you but don’t shut me out again.” 

“y/n…” he stares at you, realizing how truly broken you’ve been since that day. 

“that’s what i meant that day… none of this is worth it if the one person that made me feel like i belonged isn’t with me.” 

“oh, y/n…” his bottom lip trembles, “have we really been that blind?”

you close your eyes and sigh, “i understand you’re scared of the public eye…”

“i am…” he whimpers. 

“but i’d walk through fire if it meant i’d have you as mine for the rest of my life.” 

he locks eyes with you, drowning in the warmth of your orbs. his heart hammers in his chest again, would he do the same? what is he really scared of? loving you and risking his career? 

no, he concludes. 

“y/n….” he says shallowly before leaning in to kiss you. 

he’s scared of losing you and realizing everything he has isn’t worth that. 

you kiss him with passion. his soft lips syncing with yours, saliva mixing with yours as your tongue grazes his. your hands grab his waist and pull him flush against you.

“ngh- y-your wrist-“ he tries to say as you eat his mouth. 

“don’t care,” you grumble as you attack his lips without remorse. 

the pesty sting in your bone doesn’t matter when he’s finally in your arms. his whimpers and moans make you want more. you know he’ll sound even more beautiful beneath you in the sheets, taking all you have to offer. 

just the thought accelerates your heart rate. the beautiful man you’ve always wanted is finaly before you. the kiss means more than a confession. you place your hands behind his thighs, he makes a noise when you lift him up. 

“ah- your shoulder-!”

“it’s okay baby, what you make me feel is bigger than the pain,” you tease as you carry him to your bed. 

he can’t scold you or complain because you attack his mouth again. you grin into the kiss as you sit on the edge of the bed with him on your lap. it’s probably the hottest thing minho will ever experience. he straddles your waist for more comfort in this position, hands running through your hair as you kiss along his jawline. when you kiss a certain spot, he twitches and whines. 

with a lazy smile, you pull away and look at him. 

“let me take you,” you beg softly, panting.

he swallows, looking down at the tent in your shorts. “but gayoung-“

“can you stop mentioning her?” you growl, pulling him down by the hips so that your boner pokes him through his joggers. “she will never have me the way you can.” you kiss his ear, making him shiver, “the way you will.”

“i’m scared,” he voices out. he wraps his arms around your neck, “i-i want to say yes but… there will be no going back, y/n…”

“it was never a choice,” you say.

and he lets you push him down onto the bed. 

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