vic0518

[vic0518]

Here I am

AGAIN

Kicking freinds out my life slowly for my jealous fucken bf idk what my problem is

Man they touched my soul I had fun with them mentally and physically not sex involved I could actually relate to those people not just breaks my heart

And creates sort of a resentment towards the one I’m supposed to be madly in love with

[vic0518]

I can’t workout anymore

My ed is coming back and I don’t want to deal

Ugh why why

[vic0518]

Update

Still alive

Still with my man he’s doing better

My knees are fucked

I can’t do what I love anymore

I’m really fr starting to get depressed again

Kaiser does not care about me period

😞

[vic0518]

I did it now time to spiral downward today 🥲fuck my heart hurts so much 5 years bro

[vic0518]

I really can’t do this anymore…. .

[vic0518]

He barely gets me gifts lol we’ve been dating for 5 years n it feels like he knows another woman better bruh I feel my heart just break it’s to weak to hold together

[vic0518]

Yo I’m at my breaking point 🥲I really don’t think I can be in a relationship with this man lmao it hurts but this flame is gone

[vic0518]

Let’s start off my mom is a Gemini and so am.I I believe there’s the actual two face bitches and chil Geminis my mom being the bad

So my bf loves Kanye he’s a Gemini and he was telling me Kanye brought life into me and I was being playful and said that’s what gems do

I kid you not yo…

He turned a quickly and looked me in the eyes with a serious ass voice and sad not all of em

Bruh I was like ok I see u n then tried to brush it off as if he’s playing and then tries again about my mom I also forgot my mom was not mentioned before I said anything

😒🖕🏼I get it bro I got depression don’t like it leave me

[vic0518]

Says I’m hot and cute but barely wants to *** me 👎🏼

[vic0518]

I forgot to mention he still doesn’t have a glow or big smile like he used to in the past anymore I think I made him depressed and he’s following suit about how I deal with depression if my toxicity is speading to him I’m for sure breaking up with him deadass bro

[vic0518]

I get people have there own lil things about them n ours is totally different 

First off he’s more specific how he like everything and expects me to do that which I’m not gonna do he wants me to clean the most but I end up making him

He says he likes hiking but I don’t believe out of 5 years he has not tried to make a hike or camping trip amazing or romantic n he knew since the beginning that I love nature dirt all that jazz

He’s more city life type of guy he likes events with crowds packed Atmospheres and always dressing nice even going to the most basic places he’s honesty way more High maintenance than I

Me I prefer pants n jeans even when I was fit basic clothes for a basic bitch lol I hate packed atmospheres that’s why my days off are on weekdays when nothing is crowded and I hate the city and people brush my hair no makeup and I’m set I’ll be going out looking like a bum

Even in the car like a child do eat,smoke,drop or let the dogs all over the car dirty shoes all that stupid shit well to me I still do all those things except I cover the backseat with blankets also my money went into that car and it’s a city car not great for hikes it’s fast though

Me I wouldent care bout all that in the car I’ll end up cleaning it that week or every other week and if it is dirty you explain to yo friend why for me if always be out camping if I had my own

He’s not one but romantic everything that he tried is either what he likes or what he thinks I like even though I’m pretty clear on what I like with him when we get a motel to be romantic I do the roses and candles and romantic scene but him no or he forgets or didn’t think about jt

I’m always romantic well I stoped like last year or this year becuase I was tired of being my own man sometimes I’m like just leave him and fall in love with yourself finally n it sounds freeing

Ok I used to not cuss I was a goody goody I would say fudge or butt or motherducker now since life came at me I’m a baby sailor mind I know when to not cuss it’s not a habit I just hate the world so when I can I will those words don’t bother me anymore

Ok I want to go everywhere not crowded my days off are on a weekday I don’t even go to the gym crowded I just leave but everything is like an hour drive or the place we went to was an hour drive but the next place or center is 30 mins even I offer to drive he says no or he’ll drive n be all passive aggressive n doesn’t make that shit fun

But then again when we go out to the city and shop for clothes or anything that goes on my body I always have a panic attack becuase I hate dressing up

I love him I do and there’s nothing wrong with what he likes and don’t like but yo I can’t live my life unsatisfied I’m already miserable enough becuase I barely do the things I love the difference are starting to become-to great and I don’t have anymore patience in this relationship I’m not trying to be a dick but I feel it’s the reality

He’s trying and I’m trying to make this work but man I still feel like In 3 months ima let my world my best friend go plus I’m toxic becuase I’m always irritated becuase of depression n he doesn’t deserve my bitchy moods he’s a good man just not compatible sometimes I wish on our last break we never got back together and he’s the one that wanted to end it forever the first time I might do this time

[vic0518]

Ok everyday my bf is proving how much we aren’t compatible n I already threatened to leave this 5 years relationship Becuase lve had enough of the difference

[vic0518]

[vic0518]

I can feel this so deep in me...

[vic0518]

[vic0518]

I hate when I mean it I gotta have weed on me it’s not an addiction think but it saves me from over thinking it’s so hard to stop even if I hit my head I couldn’t stop torturing myself

[vic0518]

I’m scared of therapy sometimes I think my therapist don’t want me I’m to annoying