veteintruso

[veteintruso]

“The deeper the feeling, the greater the pain.”

— Leonardo da Vinci (via quotemadness)

[veteintruso]

You were a good dream

It's been a year since I gathered all my courage to confess what I truly feel to this guy, the very first time I took all my strenght and I got rejected. Here goes.....

May 2018 when we first meet, it was on my first job right after graduation, yes, he was my workmate. When I first saw him, the thought of having feelings for him never entered my mind coz he isn't really my type, yep ibang iba siya sa mga nagustuhan ko ang tanging pagkakapareho lang nila ay yung surname, okay going back, hindi ko talaga naisip na magugustuhan ko siya na after one year ay irereject niya ako, yes life yes talaga but one thing is for sure, I wanted to be friends with him and idk why.

Months passed, we became close, really close to the point that he easily gained my trust, yep you read it right, i was able to open up to him about stuff that even my friends doesn't know about, in other words I became open to him, he was there when I cry coz of work, he was there to confort me and not to mention, he's so sweet, na isa siguro sa rason kung bakit ko siya nagustuhan coz I was vulnerable that time, I was overwhelmed by stress, stress from work (this is a different issue, I'll write a separate post for this) stress from reviewing for my board exam and stress wether I'll land a permanent position in the office or not and habang nilalamon ako ng stress na yun, he was there to confort me, he's sweet words were there to make me feel at ease, he was there when I needed him the most and I'm ceetain na yun ang dahilan kung bakit ko siya nagustuhan.

January 2019 when I noticed the sudden changes on him, change on his work attire, change on his behavior and a woman' instict is always right, he's into someone else, madaling mapansin sa totoo pang coz one thing I hate about myself is I'm very intuitive, I'm so onservant to the point that it hurts me without noticing. May 2019 when we were talking about our "special someone" little did he know, I was talking about him but he's too naive to notice that and right at that moment he admitted that he likes someone WOAH yung pakiramdam na para kang binuhusan ng malamig na tubig at hindi ka nakagalaw sa kinauupuan mo HAHAHAHA yes that's exactly what I felt when he said that he confessed his feelings for her and he got rejected GRABE ewan ko rin kung paqno ko yun kinaya sa totoo lang, kung paqno ko na mantain yung straight face ko sa harapan niya, siguro kasi I'm used to being hurt by him unintentionally. After that I went to the office canteen with a workmate and there right in the middle of the hallway I hugged her and cried LOL IM SO PATHETIC. I tried moving on of course, I did everything i could pero wala eh sino ba ang niloko ko, how can I move on kung kahit saan ako lumingin sa office siya ang makikita ko? Paano ako makaka move on kung monday to friday 8-5pm ko siyang kasama? Paqno ako makaka move on kung lagi kaming inaasar ng mga nakapa ligid sa amin? Paano ako makaka move on kung alam ko na pumasok siyang naka polo or long sleeves kasi after work ay makikipag kita siya sa taong gusto niya? now tell, how can I move on if ai'm in that situation? HOW?

Siguro kung may medal lang ang pagiging tanga at manhid, ang sakit na ng leeg ko sa dami. I turned a blind eye, alam ko na yung totoo still umaasa parin ako na magugustuhan niya ako, dumating pa sa point na pipilitin ko siyang mag kwento para malaman ko what's the real deal between them, yep, ang masokista ko no? Ayoko ng alalahanin pa lahat ng ginawa, pinagdaqnan, tiniis ko habang umaasa na one day magugustuban niya din ako kasi sa totoo lang, recalling those moments still hurts.

June 15, 2019 when we're on our way home from our team building in Ilocos, I decided to take a leap of faith, i decided to confess my feelings even though I know I'll be rejected, wala eh, tanga ako. To cut to the chase, I did, i confessed and his exact words were "hanggang kaibigan lang talaga, Zhai" and that's it, hindi ko na alam kung paqno ako nakauwi ng hindi umiiyak, hindi ko alam kung paano ko kinaya pigilan yung totoo kong nararamdaman that time. Oo, masakit, sobrang sakit.

Ayoko ng magkwento kasi sa totoo lang, I STILL HAVE TONS TO SHARE pero wag na, kasi everytime na inaalala ko para kong nirerelive yung mga panahong yun.

March 13, 2020 ang last day ko sa Engineering Group kasi lilipat na'ko sa office na matagal ko ng pinapangarap, sa HR. I hugged him, yes, I initiated the hug, why? Simply because I'm ready to let go of everything, I'm ready to leave everything behind, ayoko na, hindi ko na d3serve yung sakit na nararamdam ko dahil sa pagkagusto ko sa kanya, actually everything was my fault kasi nagpadala ako sa mga ginagawa niya when in reality he's just being nice, he's just really that kind of guy, ako rin ang sumira ng friendship namin.

And today marks the anniversary of my confession, oo matagal ko ng sinasabi na "tama na" "mag momove on na ako" pwro this time, I really mean it, I MUST PUT AN END TO THIS SUFFERING.

I want you to be happy, even if it's not with me, I want us both to be happy even if it's not with each other. This will be the last time that I would be writing about you. Thank you for the happiness, pain and lessons that you gave me. Thank you for making me strong, I won't deny this but you will always have a place in my heart pero tama na to, huli na to. Alam kong magiging mahirap to but I know that it'll be worth it, everything happens for a reason, right? Hindi ko man alam pa ang sagot sa tanong na bakit ko to naranasan pero I trust in you, Lord that time will come, when I am ready, makukuha ko rin ang sagot. Thank you, Engr. You really were a good dream.

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Yup, I am "that" friend

Highschool is when I got really attached to my friends, when the word "friendship" started to have a huge impact on me til now. I'm always mistaken as the "maldita" and "suplada" kasi daw hindi ako namamansin kaya siguro nag register na rin sa utak ko na yun talaga ako but in reality I AM NOT, ako yung klase ng tao na unang kakausap sa'yo sa pila, ako yung unang kakausap sayo kapag naramdaman/nakita kitang malungkot, ako yung imemessage kita just to say how much I miss you, ako yung magsisend ng selfie ko para inisin at kulitin ka but in a sweet way, ako yung sobrang affected kapag may pinagdadaanan yung kaibigan ko, niloko mo yung friend ko? Lagot ka talaga sakin, I am that friend na kung ituring ang kaibigan ay parang kapatid, ako yung kaibigan na kahit hindi mo na nakikita at kinakausap nanjan parin, para akong bagay na pag iniwan mo sa isang lugar kahit gaano na katagal ay nanjan parin pag binalikan mo and it sucks. I love my friends so muchhhh!!! Kaya siguro ganito na lang ako kung masaktan when I feel like they're ignoring me. But here's the truth, I will always love my friends no matter what, kahit na hindi na nila ako kilala, they're still my friends, so yeah, being "that" kind of friend is both a blessing and a curse.

[veteintruso]

Day 66 of staying at home

Hmmm, I don't know where to start coz I have a lot of things to talk about 😂 but first, let me catch you up on what the eff is happening, sooo basically, it's the 66th day since the President put the entire Luzon on lockdown in order to contain the spread of the COVID-19, yepp, there's a virus wrecking havoc in the entire world, anywayssss here it is, the past 66 days wasn't that "nice" "okay" etc, why?? Well first is everyone is scared obviously and worried coz anyone can get the virus so we must practice proper hygiene folks! 😊

For the past 2 months I wasn't on my usual self since anxiety is crippling down my spine, who wouldn't??? Another reason is because of what's happening on my body, 3 months ago I dicovered that I have Scoliosis and cervical muscle spasm, I've been sick since last November 2019, yeah, tough life 😶. Anyways, so until know I don't have any idea what's the real deal on my body, honestly, I'm more worried about what's happening on my body insted of the virus, I don't know. I've been prescribed with different antibiotics, vitamins andnothing seems to be happening, I even had therapy/rehab, I mean, I'll feel a little relief but for a short time only that's why I'm scared and anxious since nothing's working, basically, I've been living under the relief of my pain reliever/killer for almost 4 months now 😭😭😭. But I'm still blessed coz I'm still alive and kicking. Thank you, Lord! Because of the virus, I can't risk going to the hospital, so all I can do right now is to pray, pray and pray for healing. 😭😊

Thank you, Lord for your mercy, provision and protection. 😊😍🙏

- that's it for now since I have a lot of time to write 😂

xoxo

[veteintruso]

Just something quick and goofy before I start working on a print set (that I’ll hopefully finish this time, ha ha) (;´ρ`)

[veteintruso]

Insensitive

I really don't get why there are people who doesn't know how to be sensitive. Like, hello, I'm already offended so stop talking! Okay this post is all about this one person at work who doesn't practice the act of sensitivity 😑

Here goes,,,,,, I was talking with this particular workmate and the topic about "love" came up, so we talked and we talked and little did we know we became 4 in the room and the flow of the conversation is going smoothly UNTIL "he" came and joined the conversation, they told me to tell and ask "him" everything that we talked about so I did, who am I to refuse right? So I walked "him" through the entire conversation and this is where the room became small for the two of us. He kept on insisting that I was talking and asking based on my experience but in reality I AM NOT! I mean Im not that dumb to tell them my personal experience especially when it comes to LOVE, eww. Right at that moment, I can't help but feel sad about "him" coz Im sure if "he" doesn't change, the number of people holding grudges on him will surely increase.

I wonder when will he realize that sometimes, he's way out of the line. 😊

[veteintruso]

She’s back

Yeahhh, you read it right. I’m back after a long hiatus 😂😂 Well, I decided to download tumblr again coz I wanna get these thoughts out of my mind coz if not, I’ll surely explode. There’s a lot that’s been going on soooooo I’ll catch you up, tumblr!! Wouldn’t miss even the slightest happening about me for the past 2 years. Just sit back and relax coz this is gonna be a shitty ride 🤪🤪

[veteintruso]

make me choose: remus or sirius

asked by @reyskywalkar

want one?

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You might belong in Gryffindor,

Where dwell the brave at heart, 

Their daring, nerve, and chivalry 

Set Gryffindors apart;

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grumpy

okay so, since my contract ended, I haven't got a good and satisfying sleep! so yeah, this whole "I can' t fucking sleep" fiasco is giving me a hard time, is making me feel awful, annoyed, stressed, dammit it makes me throw up! so let me tell you what my day has been, slept at 12am woke up at 2am, forced my self to sleep again which I succeed by the way, woke up at 4 tried to sleep again and finally, woke up for the third time at 6am. so basically, I'm awake since 6am til now and any simple thing irritates me, not having enough sleep makes me grumpy and I hate myself for that! feel so guilty about how I acted towards my parents and lil bro awhile ago. 😭😭 hoping to get my sleeping sched back to how its supposed to be because this kind of set up is fvcking the shit out of me 😭😭😭😭😭

[veteintruso]

It’s like when someone says, ‘How are you?’ Do you say, ‘Well, my head hurts and I’m lonely and depressed and I’m worried about everything and the world is collapsing and full of evil’? Or do you say, ‘I’m fine’?

Sara Shepard, The Visibles (via wordsnquotes)

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sepanx? LOL

okay, so my summer went a bit smooth, yes, a bit and it's all because of my summer job, well the whole experience is surreal it's just that I don't REALLY enjoy what I'm doing or maybe because, the job is tiring, dealing with irate customers and resolving their issues through phone and computer, still, I enjoyed because of my wavemates, if not for them, I wouldn't be able to finish my contract. I'm kinda glad and sad that my contract has ended, glad because I survived, sad because I'll surely miss everyone and everything. Well, I can still go back next year, who knows so let's see

[veteintruso]

vernon dursley: you can’t do magic outside of school!

harry: yOu cAnT dO mAgIc OuTsIdE oF sChOoL

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BAKIT WALANG SPARKS?! what the heck is happening to me? nagkatitigan kami, tangina lang talaga, ang landi niya kasi! okay to cut the story short, magka group kami kanina, fuck talaga, of all people siya pa? nakaka gago diba? so yeah magka group kami kanina and he keeps on pestering me, keeps on ruining my mood, in short HE’S BEING ANNOYING! yung tipong nagsusulat ako sa yellow pad tas bigla siyang tititig sakin so mapapatingin ako sa kanya, at pag tuluyan na niyang nakuha ang attention ko, makikipag eye to eye siya while smiling, so anong pinaglalaban ko? simple lang, kung si J yung ka eye to eye ko kanina tangina baka nangisay na ko sa sobrang kilig pero nung sa kanya? na bwisit pa’ko. so yeah, mukhang tama nga ang mga kaibigan ko, they’re fuckin right. FUCK YOU INFATUATION!

[veteintruso]

hello from the other side