vermiliien

[vermiliien]

i've given up on writing🔥🔥🔥🔥

[vermiliien]

lego piece 32557

[vermiliien]

im losing my shit 🔥🔥🔥🔥

[vermiliien]

just a little rant about writing aha

guys guys guys i wanna quit writing but i also don't wanna stop because i'm scared i'll lose my talent in what i do best and i genuinely love writing, but lately i hardly have any motivation to the point i ask my friends and classmates what to write.

i can't tell if it's writer's block or if i'm losing it because whenever i try to think of something to write, i get a great idea and begin writing but then suddenly stop before i could even complete the sentence.

it's like i'm running out of words to use and the strong spark i once had is quickly wavering either because of a ton of pressure or because of something else. i can't even pick up a pen and paper anymore and start writing. i'm the same as i was before, such an avid writer and always getting an idea from the smallest of things. i want to question myself and have an answer as to why i'm not as creative as before. and i want an honest answer instead of some fantastical lies that would make me feel better about myself.

i have a huge vocabulary (i forgot the majority of the words so i just google up other synonyms) and seeing people with better vocab kinda makes me jealous idk because i've always thought i was pretty good at writing myself.

like for example, when my classmates and i were given a project about making your own short story. i got so genuinely excited because i wanted to show my classmates my talent and while making our stories, my friend showed me her story.

now, she claims to not be good at writing but when i saw how she wrote hers, i felt lost. defeated. i felt inferior. she said that she used the words from ao3 but i was having a hard time believing her because who in god's name would know what this or that word meant without googling it up to refresh your memory?

i suddenly felt not talented or whatever and that's probably when my spark started to slowly die down. of course, i still get a little excited when doing story writing projects, but it just doesn't feel the same anymore, especially now that i know that someone is better than me.

it's probably my inflated ego (i don't even know if i have an ego) because when i first started writing as a hobby, i'd always show my parents first because i looked for approval and appreciation from them. when they showed genuine interest and approval, i was happy and decided to continue writing.

i read several books, watched a couple of videos and all that to try and improve my skills, and they did improve, although significantly. i do practice every once in a while because school gets in the way, and i thought i was improving slowly but steadily.

but jealousy is an absolutely terrible emotion and i hate it. when i saw writers my age or younger and they're so much better and are already making a profit by publishing books, i get so frustrated. i know that we usually have to start off small but i'm not an exactly patient person and i want to get things fast.

i'm probably the reason why i'm losing motivation cause i don't even try. i don't try hard enough to improve and i don't try hard enough to find any time to practice, then just quit.

[vermiliien]

academic rivals. — frenemies (?)

stupidly in love human!itto × painfully oblivious gn!reader.

based on that one convo i had with an itto bot by dearscara on c.ai !!

i genuinely dont know what was going through my head when i wrote this

academic rivals we're supposed to be smart, competing for the top one spot. not you and itto, though. you guys were at the bottom of the food chain, yet the both of you someone found a way to compete against each other instead of racing to your classes or the the school gates. and let's just say that this frival of yours had a teeny tiny crush on you which turns out to be not so tiny at all.

“ah... ah! haha, look, i got 24! beat that, (name)!!” exclaimed an overjoyed itto, waving his sheet of paper in front of your face as a boyish and charming grin bloomed on his handsome face. but you didn't let that bring you down, because with a smug grin, you held up your test paper and showed it to him. you were a mark higher.

“i got 25. beat that, loser.”

naturally, itto's mood immediately soured upon seeing your paper, but with a determined expression, he took your paper and scanned it. “psh, no, no! absolutely no way did you mark a point higher than me. that's impossible! you probably just altered..it...” his voice trailed off when he didn't find and blemishes on your paper, and with a bigger frown, he gave you back your paper.

“that's only beginners luck, okay? besides, i'm way much better than you in spanish class by a whole ten percent,” stated your friend-slash-rival with weakened confidence and injured pride, desperate to avenge himself after such a humiliating loss.

you only eyed itto as if he's a random guy doing those tiktok povs in the middle of the hallway, but merely shrugged. “okay.”

once your attention was averted from him, he took his textbook out of his bag and placed it on the desk, then picked up his pen as he opened the back to begin drawing on the cover.

you looked over at your friend and noted the several doodles and drawings that were on the cover of his book, so you picked up your pen and joined in.

seeing another pen gliding across his book immediately worried itto cause he thought someone random saw his epic doodles and drawings and decided to join in on him in the business, but then relaxed when he realized it was you. he's never met anyone who holds their pen as strangely as you.

firstly, you wrote ‘(name) was here’ on one corner, then you proceeded to practice your ‘celebrity signature’ on a random part of the picture if ever you were to become a famous person. itto watched what you did, looking equally impressed and amused.

“damn. and you've the celebrity signature!” commented itto, laughing. you snickered quietly along with him, then created absolutely terrible doodles of stars around the book cover. itto joined in by drawing onikabutos.

he soon drew one stickman that looked like it was kissing air and wrote ‘me’ above it, then drew another stickman that was kissing him and wrote ‘you’ above it. the drawing was complete. he liked you, that much was obvious, but you were so damn oblivious that it actually hurts to watch as you friendzone him repeatedly.

you casually finished it with the usual ‘kissing the homies goodnight’ right below his sketch, causing the two of you to silently laugh and distract the students seated around you both. itto, admittedly, was a bit saddened when you friendzoned him yet again.

after long and agonizing years of switching between classes and listening to teachers ramble on and on about new topics, lunchtime finally came around, serving as the hero for every student and teacher.

you and itto + his gang sat at your usual spot in the canteen, munching away and discussing projects and quizzes in different classes. most of them were complaints instead of actual discussions.

while you were engaged in a conversation with shinobu, talking to her about what course you want to take if you ever make it to college, itto's attention was all on you. i mean, he was partially paying attention to his gang but he kept on looking your way as if you were eye candy.

itto watched your eyes light up when you brought up something that made you nervous yet excited you, but whenever that light would dim just the slightest bit because you thought of something that disappointed you, his heart would slowly tear into two, making him want to reach over the table and pick you up under your arms then place you on his lap, hugging you while comforting you.

okay, maybe his imagination went a bit too far but he'd like to do that to you some day.

“itto, you're staring,” said his green haired friend once she saw him staring at her friend who was happily conversing with her. when itto saw your rather uncomfortable smile, he swore that another him in a different universe just suffered a heart attack.

he looked away and at the boys, then back at you then at shinobu. “i wasn't staring,” itto remarked, completely and innocently unaware of the fact that he'd been staring at you long enough to make you uncomfortable.

as she was about to chide him for lying, you placed your hand on your friend's shoulder to calm her down. “just leave itto be, shinobu... besides, he's probably thinking about something.” yeah, thinking about you.

as much as itto liked you, he couldn't find it in himself to man up and confess to you or tell his comrades. in fact, he'd rather hurt and watch as you find another guy to spend time with than tell you how he felt in fear of ruining the friendship the two of you carefully formed over the years.

yes, he'll feel happy for you, yes, he'll be happy if you're happy, but he'll be dejected once he realizes you aren't paying as much attention to him anymore by the time you find someone to love.

itto has listened to you rant about your crushes that lasted either an hour, a day, or a week, yet he never complained. why? because he cared for you. he'd rather die than break your fragile heart.

school, the most torturous thing a child, teen and a young adult could experience, finally ended. it was absolutely the best and the worst feeling; school would end and you're free from such torment, only to be tormented again by studies, homeworks and projects. when will this abuse ever finish?

the oni walked you to the bus stop just like every other day, but the only unusual thing about the journey was that he was uncharacteristically silent. normally, he'd tell you some stupid stories or introduce you to new shows and movies and new songs, so his sudden silence concerned you.

“hey, man.. what's up?” you queried, eyebrows knitted together as your lips curled in concern. itto's odd behavior was something you weren't used to unless if you knew what was upsetting him.

snapping out of his daze, the oni glanced at you with a guilty smile. “about earlier, uh... sorry for staring at you.” he admitted sheepishly. “that was real uncool of me.”

you opened your mouth to forgive him but then saw that you were at the bus stop. he followed your gaze and sighed. “welp, guess this is where we say bye.” he turned to you and gave you one last smile, then walked off. “see ya', (name).”

never in his life had he walked away so fast. he felt like turbo the snail, but faster. your gaze awkwardly followed him as you stood underneath the waiting shed, then shrugged off his silly behavior. he's always like this... maybe. you didn't know.

ambling back to his place, he silently thought about school (you), the upcoming projects (your smile), about the possible surprise tests (your laughter) and the view from the rooftop (your eyes).

itto then thought how it's so unfair that he was only able to walk you to the bus stop before he returns home himself. he wanted you to be his neighbor. it's literally so lonely without you, he ends up sending you late night messages (which explains why your sleep schedule is so messed up.)

at last, the young man arrived at his house and entered his humble abode. “i'm home!” exclaimed itto for the house and for his kind granny to hear. a quiet yet gentle ‘welcome back, itto.. dinner's ready’ could be heard in response, followed by the moo of his pet calf, ushi, which in return made itto smile.

he took off his shoes and placed them on the shoe rack, then walked further into his house. itto left his bag on the couch in the living room then proceeded to enter the kitchen to greet his granny.

he leaned down to her height and hugged her, kissing her temple. “hi grandma,” greeted itto warmly, earning a chuckle from his sweet granny. ushi then lazily walked to itto, hooves clacking against the wooden floor as he moo'd. “and you too, ushi.”

“child, why don't you take a seat at the table?” suggested granny as she pulled away from his embrace to seat herself at the table as well. being the gentleman he is, he pulled out a chair and pushed it in once his granny was seated.

itto sat across her and scooted his chair forward, then clasped his hands together. “thanks a lot for the food!” exclaimed an eager and hungry boy, then dug in. granny only smiled at his enthusiasm then clasped her own hands together, muttering prayers of thanks under her breath before helping herself a small portion of food.

as she ate, she glanced at her dear boy. “how was school, itto?” her question made itto pause, awkwardly clear his throat, then drink water. he ran a hand through his hair, eyes nervously flitting between ushi who was lounging underneath the table then at his granny. he didn't wanna talk about how he literally made you feel uncomfortable after his staring and about how dramatic he was feeling right now.

“school... uh, it was okay, i guess,” murmured itto silently as he continued to eat. his response slightly surprised granny because she expected a much more enthusiastic response, followed by a long story about what happened. “oh..? itto, what's wrong?” asked his granny, a worried frown evident on her wrinkled face.

he shook his head and hastily ate his food, stuffing his face full until he couldn't speak. chewing and chewing, he finally swallowed then laughed awkwardly. “it's nothing. just had a bad day.”

he stood up from the table and washed his own dishes, then left for his room, leaving his concerned granny alone in the dining room. he felt incredibly guilty but he didn't wanna turn back because he'd only feel even more guilty when he sees her frowning.

so he simply locked himself in his room, hoping to forget about today's events.

BONUS:

itto did indeed forget about the events after a long, relaxing soak and after watching marley & me for the 28th time. it was very late at night already. he couldn't sleep. he's been tossing and turning under the covers, unable to get a wink of sleep.

he ended up grabbing his phone from the bedside table just to send you another of his nightly dms.

meanwhile...

an exhausted you wanted nothing more than to sleep after doing a stupid project that was due tomorrow when your phone pinged several times.

frustrated, you picked up your phone only to find that it was itto, sending you those stupid and millenial core facebook gifs in a never ending pattern.

so you texted him back just to shut him up.

this action had consequences. you ended up staying up the majority of the night trying to understand itto's logic when he began to talk about elon musk creating waterproof water so that people with waterproof belongings could wash them.

yahoo after trying to find synonyms and accidentally deleting this draft several times finally paid off

thank you for taking the time to read, and i certainly do hope that you enjoyed it!

[vermiliien]

agahagahh what am i doing🙏

i kinda got bored and i wanna do itto headcanons☺️ (not exactly a headcanon idk)

gn!reader

SO. we're talking about the sweetest, handsomest, funniest and sometimes most annoyingest boy in INAZUMA!!

ARATAKI ITTO !!! (but he likes u and u dont know it... maybe)

we r gonna b talking abt how he acts around inazuma when ur right by his side cause ur his right-hand man yk and he needs you by his side cause he genuinely can't do everything by himself even if he says so

every morning itto likes to bring u crimson staff, his beetle battle warrior (it's a poor excuse just to talk to you)

he talks as if he won beetle fights (when in reality, u won the fights for him. he just wont admit it because he'd hurt his pride if he did)

when going to restaurants, he's gonna make u do a taste test just to make sure that there aren't any beans. what a nightmare.

he actually just wants u to taste it first cause he likes ur reaction to the flavors (he's not stupid enough to order food with beans)

he's such a sweet boy, he'll protect you even if ur just walking on a perfectly safe road

like, he'd suddenly jump in front of u at the sound of leaves rustling or a twig snapping

he would adventure with u, looking for onikabutos and then would say “(name), look, look!! i found an onikabuto instead of some stupid lavender melon!!” and then would proceed to say he's the best onikabuto hunter in all of inazuma

you actually just put the onikabuto there cause u felt kinda bad that he keeps finding lavender melons

when the two of u got some alone time together, he would take advantage of that and would take you to his special and favorite spot in inazuma city, hoping that you'd like his favorite place too

eventually, it became a little ritual of the both of u to visit his favorite spot whenever the gang was away

in return, you brought him to your favorite spot as well, giving a breathtaking view of... of i-dont-know-where, but definitely a stunning sight

itto swore he felt his heart explode into millions and billions and trillions of butterflies when you brought him to your favorite spot, and that made him feel special

we are getting sidetracked

when he and his gang are together, itto is very, very chaotic, always suggesting something dangerous that could possibly get the tenryou commission involved

well.. that's only until you're around. he gets very shy (sometimes)

when you're with him and his gang, he's suddenly calmer, only suggesting activities such as playing hide and seek, looking for onikabuto together and beetle fighting

and he'd often make up fake stories to impress you, and it works like a charm

when you're away for longer than an hour, he'll start whining to shinobu, complaining about how it's so lonely and gloomy and depressing without you

and if you catch him in the middle of his crocodile sobbing and he'd see you, he'll get embarrassed but will cheer up nonetheless, talking about how it's been ages since he'd last seen you

sometimes, when you're away, his gang (mostly akira) would immediately start talking about how itto should already confess to you, causing the others to agree

of course, itto would get far too flustered and would immediately turn down their suggestions in fear of rejection “oh, what? h- pssh, no! nonononono NO! they aren't gonna like me back, no! (name) already thinks im annoying enough!!”

the gang would just roll their eyes. they know and you know that you like itto, too

at some point, they'd managed to convince itto into confessing his feelings for you, saying that someone else would steal your heart and that he'd lose his chance

god knows how itto managed to believe them in spite of their very obvious dramatics

“c'mon, boss! y'gotta tell 'em at some point,” exclaimed an agitated mamoru, following an obviously anxious oni around as he paced back and forth in an obviously nervous manner. in the background, akira could be seen catching a fainting genta in his arms. shinobu merely watched in slight amusement.

akira said something incoherent, followed by genta who nodded along in agreement, so mamoru decided to mimic genta's movements. “uh-huh, what akira said!”

with pursed lips, itto stopped dead in his tracks and placed his fists on his hips, feigning a look of false determination. “yeah... yeah! i'll confess to (name)! in fact, i'll confess to them right now!” at that, his gang cheered (with only shinobu sighing in exasperation).

it actually took a while for itto to muster up enough courage to meet you.

the oni genuinely didn't know where you were so he merely roamed the streets of inazuma, whistling a tune in hopes of easing his nerves.

but then he saw you, making him panic and have a mini heart attack. itto had half a mind to jump into a bush and hide instead of confronting his feelings.

when you looked at him, he wanted to turn back time because he's already regretting agreeing to his gang.

“hey, itto.” you greeted him casually with a small wave of your hand, a bit concerned with how his face is so red but decided to just ignore that altogether.

itto, in the meantime, was panicking and geeking out at the same time. he wanted to giggle, to scream, to pull his hair, to kick his feet like an absolutely infatuated middle school girl, but he also wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

“h.. hi...” he mumbled shyly, which is quite unusual. your brows furrowed and you began to grow a bit more concerned. “are you okay? y'don't look too good.” you murmured, sounding incredibly concerned.

inhaling deeply, he gathered what little confidence he had left, and blurted out his feelings in one breath. “ilikeyousomuchithinkaboutyouallthetimeandyou'resofunnyandprettyandamazingandfunandhonestlyyou'rethebestpersonininazumacauseidon'tknowwhereiwouldbeifihadn'tmetyou—”

you hastily cut him off, which was a good thing because he might waste all of his breath just to tell you something. “wait, wait, slow down! don't just.. i can't understand you like that. can ya' say that again?”

the oni immediately went silent, clasping his hands in front of him in a polite manner as he stared at you awkwardly.

“um,” he started in a meek voice, averting his eyes from your pretty ones. when he looked back at you, his face turned as red as his makeup (if that was even possible) and he looked away again.

eventually, he sighed and decided to just say it. this time, he was bold enough to meet your gaze. “i like you, (name). i've always liked you.” itto stated quietly, then pursed his lips, anxiously waiting for your response.

you merely stared at him in shock, then started laughing in disbelief. the sweet, sweet oni was caught off guard and looked at you, then pouted. “don't laugh. i'm actually being serious here.” he said sternly. but your laughter and smile was so infectious that he couldn't help himself and smile as well, a quiet chuckle escaping him.

you soon calmed from your laughter, then gave him a huge smile, your face also turning a bit red. “i like you too, itto.”

at your words, he wanted to just “AAAAAHHHOH MY GOD. THEY LIKE ME. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OHMYGOD.”

BONUS:

giggling and laughing and smiling, itto brought you to a secluded area, then plucked out a pretty looking flower from a bush and put it on your head cause he didn't know how to put it behind your ear.

“you're as pretty as the flower,” commented your sweet boy, his bright smile accentuating his blushing cheeks.

your face reddened a bit and you smiled softly. “and you're as handsome as the sun.”

normally, that would've stroked his ego.

but instead, he's geeking out, squealing and running away and running back to you, only to run away and jump up and down like a kid.

he's a silly guy, but he's your silly guy.

ok guys bye thats the end of the video make sure to like and subscribe