verbal-vomitt

[verbal-vomitt]

i don't know who i can talk to about this. i've felt off all day today. i woke up this morning for work from one of those dreams that felt real. i was outside talking with you. i remember talking to you about going to your showing but being emotionally unable to go to the funeral. and telling you how hard i took your death, how i blamed myself so much. i told you i don't think i could ever handle losing a friend again that means so much to me. i'm not going to type the stuff you said back to me in the dream, that is for me only. but it felt so real and at the same time i think i really needed that, you to visit me like that. i love you.

[verbal-vomitt]

[verbal-vomitt]

[verbal-vomitt]

my facebook memories have been killing me lately. on october it'll be 5 years you've been gone. sometimes i still expect you to just pop up saying hey. but that's not going to happen, i saw you in that casket.

i still remember when i found out. i was with my friend at planet fitness to cancel her membership. i stayed in the car and i kept seeing these fb statuses your boyfriend was posting and i was messaging everyone trying to figure out what happened. and then i got the memo you had over dosed and died. i was sobbing my heart out when niki got back into the car. i don't think ive ever cried as much as i did that day.

and the thing is, once i got clean and distanced myself from you, i would have nightmares about getting that call. i had those nightmares for 6 years and it never happened, until it did. my worst nightmare had come true.

i still get upset about it all. why me? why couldn't you get clean too? why didn't i try harder, why didn't i reach out to you? i still feel guilty.

i don't think i'll ever get over your death. you were my best friend for 17 years, you kept me alive during my high school years. i've hated the world since you died, and sometimes i hate you for dying. i feel like an asshole admitting that.

i love you, and i know i'll see you again some day..

[verbal-vomitt]

ANDY BIERSACK ✯ BLACK VEIL BRIDES - WAKE UP MV ↳ for @mt07131

[verbal-vomitt]

my mental health is such trash😂🥲 there's a handful of people in my life that definitely have been keeping me alive lately, wether they know it or not. i have to be honest with myself right now and acknowledge i am really not okay. and i've fallen back into bad coping skills. and part of me honestly doesn't give a shit.

[verbal-vomitt]

andy❤️

[verbal-vomitt]

[verbal-vomitt]

"how you hurt yourself on the outside, to try to kill the thing on the inside"

- Girl, Interrupted

[verbal-vomitt]

please can i cut, please? i need to feel okay again. i dont care if is only for a moment, i need to feel okay again.

[verbal-vomitt]

[verbal-vomitt]

[verbal-vomitt]

IN THE END, AS YOU FADE INTO THE NIGHT WHO WILL TELL THE STORY OF YOUR LIFE?

[verbal-vomitt]

SO TAKE YOUR HAND IN MINE, IT'S OURS TONIGHT THIS IS A REBEL LOVE SONG

[verbal-vomitt]

why do i wanna watch myself bleed everytime im sad

[verbal-vomitt]

Truth

[verbal-vomitt]

i made a really good friend on twitter. he's been amazing. i always enjoyed his posts. they always cheered me up when i was down. he made a video edit for me with my fave bvb song. i got him a cameo video as a thank you for how much he's helped me. and now he's upset with me and it really hurts. and i don't know what to do. i don't want him mad at me and i don't want to lose him as a friend😞😞😞