venturestuckrp-blog

[venturestuckrp-blog]

FEFERI: -She's walking right into Sollux's office, unbound by the laws of etiquette and instead simply greeting him.- )(-ELLO, S)(oallux! 38)

SOLLUX: -He doesn't respond to her entrance, hunched over his desk with his arms crossed on the surface and his head resting on them. Maybe it was because he had headphones on and could not hear her? Or it could be that he was asleep because that was also something he was in the process of doing.-SOLLUX: -Just a quick power nap after nine straight hours of debugging the safety protocol systems in lab three.-

FEFERI: ... -She steps closer, leaning over his still body. She blinks a few times, then raises her voice.- 

FEFERI: )(----------ELLO, S)(OALLUX.

SOLLUX: -Okay well it's harder to ignore that louder voice, and when he gently starts awake and opens his eyes only to look around and see her RIGHT there, he just very nearly topples out of his chair. He certainly knocks his headphones off.- 

SOLLUX: 2oft human je2u2 CHRII2T feferii. -He grumbles and places a hand over his chest as he calms his frazzled and exhausted nerves.-

FEFERI: 38D FEFERI: Glub glub glub! 

FEFERI: You're awake now! GOOD.

FEFERI: I need your kelp.

SOLLUX: -He rubs his tired eyes and swivels his chair some to better face her.- wiith what volume control?

FEFERI: NO, SILLY!

FEFERI: Wit)( computer t)(ings. T)(at's w)(at you do, isn't it??

SOLLUX: yeah that2 what ii do. 

 SOLLUX: iim the computer thiing help guy.

 SOLLUX: the be2t damn thiing help guy there ii2. 

SOLLUX: -chin hands with his elbow resting on his desk.- okay but seriiou2ly what2 wrong now. -he's pretty sure Feferi barely remembers what an on button is. Poor sweet ignorant child.-

FEFERI: I don't know! I can't get it to work! -Casually dumps her flyPad on his desk.- S-E-E?? It's all black!

FEFERI: -Upon closer inspection, this thing is probably very clearly waterlogged.-

SOLLUX: -He doesn't even need to look closer he can practically hear the circuit board screaming for the sweet relief of complete death.- .......... SOLLUX: -Sits back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose.- ........................ 

SOLLUX: -Give him a minute please.-

FEFERI: ................

FEFERI: W)(AL-E?

SOLLUX: -Nope he's not ready.- 

SOLLUX: ................ 

 SOLLUX: -finally opens his eyes again and wordlessly picks up the obviously water damaged device.- 

 SOLLUX: do you know how your not 2uppo2ed two drop a toa2ter iintwo the ablutiion trap?

FEFERI: A w)(at?

SOLLUX: -HHHHHHHH- 

SOLLUX: -He can't even look at her and is just busy starting to take it out of its flimsy case that it comes with. A good for nothing piece of shit that case is.- SOLLUX: okay new entry poiint iintwo the le22on iim about to 2chool feed you. SOLLUX: 2tartiing wiith the que2tiion of what kiind of water diid you drown iit iin?

FEFERI: 38o

FEFERI: It can DROWN?

SOLLUX: ..... -don't yell at her. He's not supposed to tell people how immensely stupid they are without a bigger cause. Though this is pretty idiotic.- SOLLUX: 2ure. 

SOLLUX: yeah.

FEFERI: )(M.

FEFERI: Well, naturally, it was t)(e ocean.

SOLLUX: ........ 

SOLLUX: diid you try turniing iit on diirectly after? -please say no please say no.-

FEFERI: Well, I did a little w)(ile ago!

SOLLUX: how long ago diid you dump iit iin the ocean before turniing iit on?SOLLUX: or tryiing two anyway2.

FEFERI: O)(, I don't know... I went swimming )(ours ago!

SOLLUX: ......... 

SOLLUX: well. 

SOLLUX: iit2 a good fuckiing chance you friied the ciircuiit2 doiing that. -URGHHH why can't people take better care of their tech??- 

SOLLUX: -DEEP slightly angry sigh.- on the 2mall chance you diidnt iill try the dry out method but even then iit2 goiing to need a thorough cleaniing before tryiing to power iit up agaiin. 

SOLLUX: 2alt water ii2 na2ty for anythiing that take2 a battery fyii. 

SOLLUX: 2o maybe don't fuckiing dunk iin the next one wiithout gettiing the water proof ca2e. -he swivels again so he is turned into his desk, leaning to grasp for one of his standard multi tools and is already in the process of starting to take the flypad apart so he can dry it out in rice grain for a day or two. It would still take a miracle for it to work ever again... But ideally some parts might be salvageable.-

FEFERI: O)()(. )(mm... Okay. 

FEFERI: T)(at doesn't seem very PRACTICAL, but fine. 

FEFERI: I will PROBABLY not drown my next one. 38)

SOLLUX: probably doe2nt cut iit you aren't gettiing a new one untiil you promii2e two 2top chuckiing your electroniic2 iintwo the damn ocean. 

SOLLUX: -He's already made quick work of removing the screen and sure enough it's all damp inside. He doesn't have rice in office this is going to have to be a home job. Gross.-

FEFERI: O)(??? 

FEFERI: You are GROUNDING me? 

FEFERI: I could alwaves c)(uck YOU into t)(e ocean instead. 38P

SOLLUX: you could but iim goiing two a2k you don't. 

SOLLUX: al2o who would fiix your 2hiit when ii eventually drown two. S

OLLUX: but yeah you're grounded untiil you 2top water loggiing your tech.

FEFERI: -FISH LIP POUTING.- 38T 

FEFERI: FIN-E. 

FEFERI: I will )(ave to )(ave somew)(ere to put it w)(en I go back into t)(e water.

SOLLUX: or ju2t iinve2t iin a water proof ca2e. 

SOLLUX: -Bit by bit he takes apart the whole thing, pulling out a small plastic container from under his desk (places there for the exact purpose of holding small bits of electronics) and using psionics he gently deposits the smaller pieces into said container so he can continue working.-

FEFERI: T)(en let's do T)(AT! 

FEFERI: -She quiets, just watching him closely. It's fascinating, watching this all happen. She has no idea what all these things are.-

SOLLUX: fiine iif thi2 one can be 2aved you can get iit one then. 

SOLLUX: -Finishes dismantling the equipment and sets it all off to the side for until he goes home.- iit2 goiing two take at lea2t two day2 for iit to fiinii2h dryiing after ii clean all the 2alt cry2tal2 off.

FEFERI: )(m. FEFERI: So I'm going to miss everyt)(ing on the feeder until t)(en?

SOLLUX: unle22 you magiically have another one iit look2 liike iit. -Hahah, magic pun.-

FEFERI: I don't )(ave t)(at kind of magic. 38(

FEFERI: -casually... climbs onto his desk to sit.- 38)

SOLLUX: yeah ii know that2 why ii 2aiid iit iit2 2uppo2ed two be-- -STARES as she sits on his desk.- 

SOLLUX: uh. 

SOLLUX: fuckiing excu2e??

SOLLUX: can you maybe not get your a22 comfy cozy aquaiinted wiith all my 2hiit???

FEFERI: )(m????

FEFERI: T)(ere's not)(ing else sitting )(ere!

SOLLUX: that2 becau2e ii want two keep iit open 2pace not a locatiion for 2omeone2 butt cheek2. -Shoos his hands at her.-

FEFERI: -chinhands- I don't really see )(ow it matters.

SOLLUX: iit matter2 becau2e ii 2ay iit doe2???? 

 SOLLUX: -Who does this. Who continues to sit here like this.-

FEFERI: T)(at doesn't seem like a very practical -EXPLANATION.

FEFERI: W)(ere else s)(ould I sit?

SOLLUX: liiterally ANYWHERE el2e that ii2nt my fuckiing de2k how about that.

FEFERI: LIT-ERALLY? 38o

SOLLUX: yeah why not.

SOLLUX: ju2t get off my work2pace.

FEFERI: OKAY. -Hops off the desk, plops into his lap.- 38)

SOLLUX: -Okay well. THAT HAPPENED.- 

SOLLUX: -He now has a whole person in his scrawny ass lap just great, this is also probably breaking a handful of work place rules but wait does john even really enforce those? John is such a stupidly laid back boss its ridiculous. This situation is ridiculous.- 

SOLLUX: -He sits there with his hands at his sides, not doing much else other then staring out into the invisible void.- that. 

SOLLUX: okay 2o iit2 not my de2k.

FEFERI: It s)(ore isn't! -keeps staring between him and the phone parts with interest.-

FEFERI: Is t)(is just w)(at you do in )(ere all day? Play wit)( mac)(ine t)(ings?

SOLLUX: -He sits in silence, rethinking his life and just where it went so wrong as to put him in this situation when her question pulls him back to attention.- SOLLUX: okay fiirst of all iim not "playiing" wiith machiine thiing2. 

 SOLLUX: ii repaiire and maiintaiin anythiing wiith wiires and a motherboard iin thii2 place.

SOLLUX: iit take2 2ome 2kiill and damn 2en2e two do what ii do. 

SOLLUX: could anyone do iit after ju2t a briief week cra2h 2chool feediing cour2e on ba2iic techniical problem 2olviing? 

SOLLUX: 2ure. 

SOLLUX: but iim the only guy who ii2 goiing two get iit done fa2t and wiithout out2ourciing two half way acro22 the entiire terriitory.

FEFERI: 38o 

FEFERI: So you're -EXTRA GOOD at playing wit)( t)(em? 

FEFERI: T)(at's COOL. 

FEFERI: You s)(ould s)(ow me )(ow to use t)(em!

SOLLUX: alriight the fiir2t le22on ii2 2top swiimiing wiith your damn tablet. SOLLUX: -She is still sitting on him, incredible.-

FEFERI: -rolls eyes- I already GOT t)(at lesson. 

FEFERI: Tell me somet)(ing more finteresting t)(an t)(at!

SOLLUX: liike what? 

SOLLUX: iim not 2ome 2ort of iintere2tiing fact2 2piittiing machiine do you 2ee a ru2ted coiin 2lot anywhere on me??

FEFERI: You )(ave t)(ose, TOO?

SOLLUX: ........... ii mean ii dont but iif you mean me a2 iin people iin general. SOLLUX: iim 2ure 2omeone doe2.

FEFERI: )(-E)(-E)(-E. Well, I am not conc)(vinced they exist.

FEFERI: Tell me anyt)(ing!

SOLLUX: diid thii2 ju2t become wriigler2 2tory tiime?? 

SOLLUX: you are siitiing on my lap demandiing ii spiin for you the mystiifiiyiing truth2 of thii2 world and all that ii2 contaiined iin iit. 

SOLLUX: thii2 ii2 turniing iinto 2ome 2ort of offiice code viiolatiing and debauched liittle 2eadweller taiil. 

SOLLUX: iif ii actually cared about my job more ii would not 2tand for thii2.

FEFERI: 38)

SOLLUX: not that ii could 2tand for iit now your a22 ii2 2tiill fiirmly planted iin my lap a2 we 2peak.

SOLLUX: ii doubt ii could get up.

FEFERI: I invite you to TRY

.FEFERI: T)(at could be fun.

SOLLUX: fun for you maybe.

FEFERI: Y-------ES! 38D

SOLLUX: but what about me what do ii get out of iit? 

SOLLUX: other then gaiiniing back use of my leg2.

FEFERI: You could see )(ow muc)( you can LIFT.

SOLLUX: not nearly as much as ii used two ii know that much.

FEFERI: O)(??? FEFERI: W)(y naut?

SOLLUX: becau2e 2hiit happen2 that2 why.

FEFERI: I guess?

FEFERI: T)(at sounds like a non-answer to M-E.

SOLLUX: ii could giive you the real an2wer but you never know who2 lii2teniing.

FEFERI: ...

SOLLUX: iim kiidiing.

kitters-09/18/2016

FEFERI: O)( my scrod.

FEFERI: I am listening!! And I want to )(ear the ANSW-ER.

SOLLUX: the 2iimple long and 2hort of iit ii2 that ii friied my own braiin at lea2t twenty fiive percent well done.

FEFERI: ... Like my flyPad?

SOLLUX: .... yeah actually 2omethiing sorta liike that.

FEFERI: O)(...

FEFERI: T)(at doesn't sound very fun.

FEFERI: -looks at him a little more seriously and delicately touches the side of his face.- Is it okay? 

FEFERI: Can you fix it, too?

FEFERI: -kind of inspecting him-

SOLLUX: fun would not be a word ii would choo2e two de2criibe the experiience. 

SOLLUX: 2o yeah iit wa2nt. 

SOLLUX: -He eyes her fingers when they start moving closer to his face and when they actually touch him, even with him having seen it coming, he instantly flinches away.- plea2e can you not do that. 

SOLLUX: -He could call attention to his scars and damaged eyes and pretend he was fine with them all he wanted but having someone actually ask about them was pretty different.- 

SOLLUX: and no ii cant.

SOLLUX: no one can really fiix iit.

FEFERI: -Her fins flutter, and her hand pulls away. She frowns.- 

FEFERI: ... I didn't t)(ink so.

SOLLUX: -Dammit he cant even look at her now, he only stares at the container of flypad parts.- 

SOLLUX: ....................... -Awkwardly clears throat.- 

 SOLLUX: 2o uh. 

 SOLLUX: liike ii 2aiid in two day2 come back and 2ee iif ii got iit workiing. -He starts to sit up some to try and give her the hint its time to get off his lap.-

FEFERI: -She resists for a moment, but finally stands again. This stopped being very fun, and she's... not sure how she feels, right now. She isn't used to thinking about such complex things.- 

FEFERI: ... 

FEFERI: Well! 

FEFERI: I will sea you t)(en. 

FEFERI: And possibly before t)(en, too! -Her head tilts to one side, smile finally renewing itself.- 

FEFERI: T)(ank you for t)(e kelp, Sollux.

SOLLUX: -Him legs are free, he isnt standing to use them though and simply turns his chair back to face his desk without so much as a goodbye wave at Feferi.- 

SOLLUX: yeah no problem.

FEFERI: -Her smile drops off again when he turns away, and she stands there for a few more seconds, taking a slow breath and pursing her lips. Then she bounds away.-FEFERI: GOODBY------E.

SOLLUX: -Well that was a god damn social blunder.-

[venturestuckrp-blog]

KURLOZ: =Carrying tablets in his arm and walks down the hall, taking these things to go scan so he can put into his electronic database. Boot-clicks= RUFIOH: =Sure hopes he is at the right place. This did seem pretty “labby” though. Rufioh is standing at the reception desk, looking windswept from his flight here. A stack of stapled together pieces of paper, some worn notebooks and a sketchpad under his arm. As nobody seems to be around, he leans against the counter. Fixing his hair with his free hand for a second before drumming it against his thigh.= RUFIOH: =Hears the boot clicks in the distance, his ears perking. Maybe it’s the receptionist coming? He moves from the desk to try and see the person that was producing the sound.= yooo… anybody around? hear somebody cl1ck-clack1ng. KURLOZ: =Hears the voice in the distance and glances at the stranger from down the hall. Lifts hand and waves. From all the way down here= :o) RUFIOH: =Oh nice! He grins cheerily and waves back at him. He doesn’t want to yell though, so he just briefly looks around then starts walking to the guy.= RUFIOH: hey man. sorry 1f 1’m l1ke… 1nterrupt1ng your bus1ness or whatever. RUFIOH: but 1 was gonna meet someone here? RUFIOH: to del1ver my stuff to? KURLOZ: =Stays right there as he approaches and keeps smiling. Only offers a shrug and tilts his head. He doesn’t know anything about this business. His gaze falls to the papers and notebooks and points to them= RUFIOH: =‘Kay. Silent type, that’s cool.= RUFIOH: =Follows the skelly troll’s gaze and perks.= oh, r1ght. should probably have descr1bed sh1t a l1ttle better, hah… RUFIOH: =Pulls out one of the notebooks from under his arm and opens it with a flick of the wrist. It opens at a random page, this having sketches of a big turtle that had crystal sprouting from it’s shell.= 1t’s just a lotta my draw1ngs and junk, you d1g? RUFIOH: travel all k1nds of places and see all th1s d1fferent dope sh1t… sc1ence gangstas usually want1ng 1t for the1r stuff. RUFIOH: wh1ch 1s why 1’m here. KURLOZ: =Animal science, research scientist, field researcher. Hm. Nothing he’s particularly interested in but even if his interest is lost he doesn’t stop smiling though it doesn’t go up to his eyes. Nods and taps chin…. where oh where could he be directed= KURLOZ: =Gestures back the way he came and walks back to the front desk= RUFIOH: =Carefree smiling all the way, holding the book open patiently while it’s inspected. Then perks at the nod and following gestures.= oh. so you know where 1 need to be at? haha… n1ce. show the way dude… RUFIOH: =Follows.= r1ght… yeah. 1’m ruf1oh, by the way. probably should have sa1d that from the get go. KURLOZ: =Once at the desk he puts his tablets down and rifles freely through the shelves and drawers, looking up to Rufioh to spell out his name in sign language but that’s only if he understands, If not then whoops!= <KURLOZ.> RUFIOH: =Looks at the hand flapping and understands exactly 0 things. Slowly looks back up at the troll, smiling crooked.= sorry man… 1 don’t really have my pan wrapped around that stuff… RUFIOH: really only know th1s one. =Puts his free hand up in a V for victory.= KURLOZ: =Unamused and nods. Anyhow from the desk he pulls a piece of paper and a pen to kind of “map” Rufioh to the correct department. Probably. Hands him the paper= KURLOZ: =Thumbs up pretty boy. There you go, somewhat vague directions to probably where you want to go= RUFIOH: =Oh! Leans over the desk with interest watching him draw out the place. Grins at the thumbs up.= bangarang! =Thumbs up in return.= RUFIOH: m1ght wanna s1gn your handiwork though… l1ke dude. th1s a sweet map. KURLOZ: =Lifts hand and shakes his head, no need. Points to the wall at an actual factual map of the area. The line he drew only correlates with that= RUFIOH: =Looks towards the actual map, then back to Skelly man.= well. 1f not for s1gn1ng the map… then l1ke. RUFIOH: for g1v1ng a guy someth1ng to call you? KURLOZ: =That’s a better request so he does write out his name. Beautifully calligraphed in caps= [KURLOZ] RUFIOH: =Peeps him writing it out.= RUFIOH: daaaaammn… RUFIOH: you got some leg1t sk1lls, yo… bet you can use those hands for all k1nds of cool sh1t. KURLOZ: :o) KURLOZ: =thumbs up and nods, he sure can= RUFIOH: heh. }:) RUFIOH: =Thumbs up back at Kurloz.= cool man. RUFIOH: thanks for the ass1st kurly… 1 apprec1ate 1t. KURLOZ: =Nods and picks up his tablets again= KURLOZ: =lifts his hand to wave at Rufioh and is going to boot-click his way back down the hallway= RUFIOH: r1ght, yeah… better get back to the mystery bus1ness, 1 can d1g 1t. RUFIOH: =Waves back at him.= thanks aga1n man… catch you on the fl1p. =Casually checks out the boots when he goes. They make good clickies.= KURLOZ: =These boots are made for walkin, and that’s just what they’ll do. One of these days– well. You know.=

[venturestuckrp-blog]

KARKAT: =After that semi-decent shitshow of a company get together comes the walk of shame back to his apartment. It was fine sure, but Sollux had also scratched his arm like the little shit he was and Karkat was well on his way to put some antiseptic on these puncture wounds because who even knew what Sollux had festering under his nails= DAVE: -Then it's a good a time as any to hang outside the canplex with his box of leftovers. Like shit was Dave going to turn down free food he didn't have cook. Of course, this meant sharing some hamburger with a stray cat. The human is sitting by the curb of the road, still dressed as he was before except he was actually wearing his jacket when he spots... yep. That sure was Karkat.- DAVE: i know you -says finally, nabbing a tomato slice into his mouth.- shup -muffled.- KARKAT: =Is the stray cat Nepeta? If so he'll give them both a wide berth. But it's probably a literal stray cat so he fearlessly makes his way to the canplex, eyeballing his shitty neighbor= KARKAT: YES YOU DO UNFORTUNATELY FOR THE BOTH OF US. =Well. He can make idly conversation= KARKAT: HAD A GOOD TIME SCORING FREE FOOD? DAVE: uh yeah DAVE: did you -eyes him, as much as it's possible with shades... at night. This was a thing but he doesn't seem to care. Continues breaking off tiny pieces of hamburger and feeding it to the cat. It nom.- KARKAT: =Goddamn that's adorable= KARKAT: AS MUCH FUN AS I CAN HAVE WHEN A TWIG IS SINKING ITS THORNS INTO MY ARM AND JABBING ME WITH POINTY BITS. KARKAT: BUT SURE, IT WAS GOOD TO AT LEAST PUT MYSTERIOUS NAMES TO FACES. DAVE: i mean it looked like yall were friends -Whoops, the twang slipped out. Stuffs it back down immediately.- DAVE: whats a bite between bros my dude DAVE: just a bite DAVE: you cool? KARKAT: =Eyeballs that twang= KARKAT: SURE, BROS. KARKAT: IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO CALL THAT CLUSTERFUCK OF AN EMBARRASSING ASSOCIATIONSHIP THEN BE MY GUEST. DAVE: is it gonna be a thing like DAVE: is security going to have to step into the ring and referee that shit DAVE: im asking in case i need to bring my whistle with me -scritches kitty between ears- KARKAT: NO, SECURITY WILL PROBABLY GET HURT IN THE PROCESS. KARKAT: BESIDES IT NEVER LASTS LONG AND IT'S HARDLY A FIGHT. KARKAT: IT'S MORE LIKE ME MANHANDLING SOLLUX AND SOLLUX PITCHING A BITCHFIT. DAVE: i get the manhandling part DAVE: i dont get the there will be blood part i guess DAVE: then again trolls are hells of more extreme about some stuff DAVE: say you want a slice of cake or something then shank DAVE: theres a fucking trident in the middle of the table DAVE: holy shit DAVE: zero chill -nibbling a small piece of stale burger bun.- DAVE: thats just the kind of shit im gonna be working with so DAVE: looking forward to it KARKAT: OK NO. KARKAT: THAT'S A WILDLY IGNORANT STATEMENT AND I'M GOING TO TELL YOU EXACTLY WHY. KARKAT: TROLLS ARE MORE DURABLE AS A SPECIES THAN HUMANS, EVEN WITH OUR VARIOUS PHYSIOLOGICAL CASTE DIFFERENCES AND I'M SURE SOME MUTATIONS FROM MAGIC EXPOSURE HAVE CAUSED A LARGER SPECTRUM OF VULNERABILITIES BUT STILL WE WERE BUILT TO BE ROUGH AND TUMBLE. KARKAT: OUR SOCIETIES WERE MORE OR LESS FORMED ON THE BASIS OF SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST AND THAT SURE AS HELL MEANT THAT YOU PLAYED ROUGH WITH THE OTHER KIDS IN YOUR LAWNRING SECTOR AND ANOTHER REASON WHY RING SECTORS WERE TRADITIONALLY CASTE SEPARATED. KARKAT: HUMANS HAD A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE TOO, SURE BUT THEY DIDN'T EXACTLY HAVE THE CLAWS AND FANGS TO BE AS AGGRESSIVE WITH EACH OTHER AS THEY'D LIKE. KARKAT: MOSTLY YOUR EARLY WARS AND BATTLES DEPENDED ON WHO COULD MAKE AND WEILD THE BIGGEST STICK. KARKAT: WITH TROLLS YOU HAD TO BE HATCHED WITH IT. DAVE: shit yeah all that rough and tumble shit aint even up for debate DAVE: you see that guy equius DAVE: i dont know what he was fed as a kid but it sure wasnt the captain crunch shit i grew up with DAVE: and hes in my department DAVE: but no yeah i get where youre coming from with that shit DAVE: i think its fucked up no matter which side of the fence youre standing on DAVE: why everything has to be a competition at all when the worlds torn to fuck as it is without people wrecking themselves DAVE: its fucked as a system KARKAT: OH I SAW HIM. KARKAT: HE SEEMS LIKE ONE OF THOSE ASSHOLES WITH HIS HEAD UP HIS ASS ABOUT CASTE STILL WITH HOW HE BOWED TO FEFERI AND BASICALLY NO ONE ELSE. KARKAT: BUT HEY, THAT COULD BE A WILD ASSUMPTION. KARKAT: AND I GUESS SENTIENT BEINGS ARE JUST GOING TO ALWAYS COMPETE WITH OTHER SENTIENT BEINGS UNTIL SOME STRANGER THAT THREATENS BOTH PARTIES SHOWS UP AND MORE OR LESS FORCES THEM TO UNITE. KARKAT: THEN WHEN THEY'VE SUFFICIENTLY STOMPED THAT POWER INTO THE GROUND THEY'LL SHAKE HANDS, MAKE NICE FOR PROBABLY TWO DECADES THEN GET RIGHT BACK TO TRYING TO FUCK EACH OTHER OVER REGARDLESS OF THE LARGER PICTURE SITUATION THEY'RE LIVING IN. KARKAT: =shrugs= WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT WITHOUT DESPERATION PEOPLE AREN'T NOT GOING TO STOP TRYING TO FUCK WITH EACH OTHER. AND I DON'T HAVE TO DIG AROUND IN DUST FOR SIX HOURS TO FIGURE THAT OUT. DAVE: -snorts. Oh wow, an emote.- so thats what you do DAVE: dig in dirt DAVE: i remember reading that vaguely somewhere -tears off another tiny piece of bread. Cautious eating.- DAVE: that or egbert told me idfk KARKAT: JUST ANY KIND OF RUINED BUILDINGS THAT LOOK LIKE THEY'RE A BAD IDEA TO EXPLORE I FLING MYSELF INTO. KARKAT: BUT MORE OR LESS DIRT, DUST, AND SAND IN MY ASS. KARKAT: THAT'S MY WHOLE JOB. =watches him= KARKAT: =Is that the same hand he was petting that stray with? That's filthy= DAVE: -This cat is cleaner than- nah who is he kidding. Dave is a gross boy habits and all.- colorful DAVE: but cool DAVE: vantas the excavator DAVE: wonder what shit youre going to find DAVE: guess well find out DAVE: but youre going to have to tell me because thats where im at DAVE: or not im just the prick in security about to get in you and lispdicks business if he tries to pull more bullshit like that on the clock DAVE: smh KARKAT: =dISGUSTING= KARKAT: WELL YOU ARE THE PRICK IN SECURITY BUT IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING THAT INTERESTS YOU I CAN RUB IT IN YOUR FACE. LIKE. KARKAT: MAYBE SOMETHING... FROM ARKANSAS. =Pronounced Ar-Kansas. Squints at Dave= KARKAT: OR ALABAMA. =Allah-bomb-a= KARKAT: =What was the other one... he's thinking= .... DAVE: ... DAVE: you mean arkansas -Pronounces it as god intended. Ar-can-saw.- DAVE: sweet home alabama -Alla-bahm-ah.- land of peaches and deep fried pecan pie respectively KARKAT: "CAN-SAW"? =Bullshit= KARKAT: =The other thing he can accept= KARKAT: ARE EITHER OF THOSE WHERE YOU'RE BLOODLINE COMES FROM? DAVE: ... DAVE: no im from good old fashioned texas DAVE: and by good i mean it was shit KARKAT: RIGHT. TEXAS. =Y'all was a thing there too= KARKAT: DO YOU MIND IF I ASK YOU SOME STORIES YOU HEARD ABOUT IT? KARKAT: I MOSTLY READ THAT IT WAS ONE OF THE POLITE PLACES FOR STRANGERS. DAVE: cant say for sure DAVE: never went out much DAVE: and our neighbors sure as hell didnt talk to us DAVE: probably because of the puppet porn filming and sword fights on the roof DAVE: who can blame them tbh it wasnt like it was going to do itself KARKAT: =squints= ..... I'M BEING SERIOUS DAVE. DAVE: dude DAVE: ive never been more fucking serious in my life -His expression hasn't changed so of course. It's hard to tell.- KARKAT: =rolls eyes= WHATEVER. AT THE VERY LEAST I'LL FACT CHECK THOSE PRONUNCIATIONS. DAVE: aight fair enough -stuffing the rest of his leftovers away- i mean you help me and i help you i call this a solid deal DAVE: you actually ever had captain crunch KARKAT: I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF IT. KARKAT: HOW DO YOU MAKE IT? DAVE: dude im about to blow your fucking mind DAVE: ill get back to you -And by that, he means he's leaving a box at Karkat's door for him to find in the morning. You get serious cereal privileges when you work with the Agency.- KARKAT: =He's going to inhale this box after 3 hours of scrutinized glaring. Then will shake down Dave for the wtf hows???? Prepare yourself= DAVE: -Dave is ready for the impending shake downs. Come at him bro.-

[venturestuckrp-blog]

First Annual BBQ

== WELCOME TO THE FIRST ANNUAL SERENITY LABS OFFICE BARBEQUE! The recent expansion of staff means it's time for a big old fashioned mixer event for everyone to get nice and acquainted with their fellow coworkers.

Enjoy the quaint scenery of Can Town's public park! There is a lovely little bridge overlooking the natural turtle pond and even a swing set! The usual hot spot for enjoying the beautiful weather today has been set up with paper cloth-covered tables of assorted decorative colors. Some are dedicated to drinks of many kinds (Non-alcoholic, of course. It's a family friendly event!). Others are piled up with chips and classic BBQ sides like creamy coleslaw and cornbread.

Three whole grills are manned by friendly salamanders who politely offered their service for a fair and reasonable price. A storm of burgers, hot dogs, ribs are being cooked up as we speak. Vegetarian options are also available upon request! Veggie burgers, grilled corn on the cob, giant grilled mushrooms. You name it, they've got it! The large cake avaliable is donated courtesy of the Fatherly Confections Bakery. Lawn games are set up and waiting to be used. Frisbee, soccer, and that bean bag toss game Corn Hole.

EVERYONE IS INVITED TO PICK UP A NAME CARD from the round table marked with white balloons. This will let people know who you are and what department you work in. As specified in the staff-wide email invitation, you are encouraged to have fun and make new friends within the different departments. == DAVE: -he's here, out in the public eye. Everyone please hang onto your pants. For the mixer today, Dave dresses plainly in jeans and a yellow t-shirt ft. a dodo bird with a the letters 'dodo' on it. Cherry red windbreaker tied around his waist. Clearly, the most fashionable. Oh he also has his name tag which reads "insufferable prick". Might as well put that on the table where everyone can see it.- ARADIA: -she's here too! and already plastered a name tag onto her sweater vest. she's just kind of wandering around aimlessly, enjoying the quaint park. she loves can town!- LATULA: -guess who else is here? it's latula. she's talking smack at the cornhole set up at every single person that dares walk by. unfortunately, no one's taking her on so far. she wears a name tag that says LATULA in awesome lettering, with her gamertag and other gaming accounts listed as well. "p34c34ndg4ngst4s" seems to be her common username.- LATULA: y4ll r34dy for th1s???? LATULA: whos r34dy to toss som3 b34nz b4gz 1n som3 HOL3Z, 4m 1 r1ght?????? LATULA: wh4t? 1s 3v3rybody 4fr41d to los3 to 4 grl?????? LATULA: so not r4d1c4l! >8[ SOLLUX: -Who forced this insufferable prick out into the actual sun, he's going to turn into the shriveled up husk he is on the inside. Sollux is here and unlike a certain SOMEONE he actually filled out his name tag the way he should; 2ollux captor 2y2tem2 techniiciian. And his outfit is slightly less douchey in that hes wearing grey skinny jeans (that are somehow still kind of baggy on his twiggy frame) and a tshirt with the upside down smiley flipping people off 🙃 🖕 - SOLLUX: -Hes parking it at the drinks table and has little plans to move from it.- [ GILDEROY the salamander spies the wandering sweater troll girl and tries to offer her a giant grilled mushroom for sampling. Seriously, it's as big as your head! Straight out of the LOWAS district! ] JOHN: -He's standing near the grill, chatting away with Francine and Bob. Probably laughing at a slightly off color joke told by Francine. Oh, Francine! That is inappropriate! He's wearing some shorts that show off his hairy legs, flip flops and his shirt is hidden by an apron that says DO NOT KISS ME. I AM YOUR BOSS. :) and affixed to it is a nametag that actually says his name and position because he's not a wiley asshole like certain people named dave.- SOLLUX: -Dave is the wileyist asshole.- ARADIA: -PEEPS- 0h w0w ARADIA: thats 0ne massive fungus -smiles at the salamander. how did he know she was hankerin' some mushroom? she will gladly have a nibble.- [ He knows with his special salamander eyes. It's tender and delicious! Just like mother used to make! ] ARADIA: -JUICY- SOLLUX: -He squints around and his eyes fall on Dave who happens to not be too far from him. Time to try and be social.- SOLLUX: wow ii alway2 knew that wa2 your real legal name. SOLLUX: way two fuck up a perfectly good name tag diickweed. TEREZI: -little dragon scampering around the tables.  STEALING FOODS HERE AND THERE.  There's a helpful nametag near the tip of her tail, but it's awful hard to see it when she's scampering like that.- ARADIA: -wanders some more while she nibbles on this mushroom. eventually she ends up near john. shifts her plate into one hand so she can wave.- hi b0ss SOLLUX: -Shit looks like they have rats. Scaly rats.- DAVE: -somewhere he feels people are thinking of him and his asshole again. His ears itch.- DAVE: youve never checked my birth certificate DAVE: do trolls even have those DAVE: probably not DAVE: also hi again DAVE: this is crazy but-- -Immediately gets distracted.- DAVE: holy shit is that a lizard or a cat or what the fuck who let that in here JOHN: -Peeps Aradia and aproaches with a friendly bounce in his step. He's also eager to get away from Francine a little bit  because her jokes are kinda racist.- hey there aradia! you can call me john y'know. SOLLUX: ii know ii dont but who the fuck know2 a2 far a2 beforean-- holy 2hiit. -watches dragon lady speed by on a table.- DAVE: -takes a picture of the scaly blur.- KARKAT: =FUCKING ARRIVES= JOHN: -spies her mushroom- oh man those are really good. but really fillling? so many wasted years... SOLLUX: pretty 2ure you can po2t that on biigfoot2 fan 2ite and 2tart 2even onliine flame war2. SOLLUX: -Also no who invited Karkat.- ARADIA: -looks between john and the mushroom- i see y0u tw0 have a hist0ry JOHN: well y'know when you eat a lot of bread how it kind of feels like it's rising inside you- DAVE: why the fuck would i do that DAVE: this shit has nothing to do with bigfoot DAVE: -It's Karkat. He's pretty sure he's seen that guy around in passing.- JOHN: -stops everything to greet karkat from across the lawn- hi karkat! KARKAT: =He doesn't need an invite, he's just here. He lives near here, he doesn't need to see these assholes outside of work= SOLLUX: how do you know that freak of nature piilferiing our 2uppliie2 ii2nt biigfoot. SOLLUX: what giive2 you the riight two make that call. DAVE: anyway im ditching you now to hang out with someone who might actually be cool bye -abandons Sollux and heads towards the screaming troll by the bean bags. Hello, Latula. He's here.- TEREZI: FOOT S1Z3 -who even said that she's under a table now- DAVE: -What the fuck.- ARADIA: -haha, he has a pretty short attention span. she doesn't mind. waves at karkat, whoever and wherever he is.- SOLLUX: wow what the fuck??? SOLLUX: okay bye a22hole ii diidnt want to a22ociiate with you anyway2. JOHN: -then he goes back to their conversation- anyway, how are you liking can town? ever been on this side of town before? SOLLUX: -Hes now free to lock his eyes on Karkat and sip soda at him. Feel uncomfortable guy.- KARKAT: =lifts hand in greeting and makes his way deeper in, well things aren't on fire yet. Walks slowly.... staring back at Sollux= SOLLUX: -Its a stare off between assholes.- LATULA: -I AM COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!- YO!!!!!!!!!! how'z 1t h4ng1n ch13f s3cz? you f33lin l1k3 g3tt1n your 4ss k1ck3d tod4y? w3 gonn4 go DOWN! KARKAT: =How is Sollux having a stare-off with himself? Does Karkat have a mirror on his face= KARKAT: =scrunches up his face while angrily fixing his food= KARKAT: =Has yet to blink= SOLLUX: -Wow rude.- SOLLUX: -Anyways hes approaching to troll- SOLLUX: 2up kk. SOLLUX: diid you get my helpful emaiil. DAVE: hey weve just met but i think getting my assed kicked is basically all i ask for when walking up to someone DAVE: so i can tell were going to get along sup KARKAT: YOUR HELPFUL EMAIL FULL OF HORSESHIT AND RADISH? KARKAT: YES. I DELETED IT ON SIGHT. ARADIA: i live here actually ARADIA: but im n0t h0me 0ften ARADIA: as y0u might imagine my w0rk takes me all 0ver the place LATULA: SUP!! -she seems pleased with his response and puts a hand on her hip, grinning- yoooooo! th4t'z th3 sp1r1t!!! SOLLUX: iim god damn offended thii2 ii2 the la2t tiime ii try two help you you ungrateful cretiin.  -He huffs.- SOLLUX: -And also looks at the food he's getting. Hmm. Eating might be a good idea eventually.- KARKAT: YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE ALL YOUR "HELP" IS YOU PANTING AT YOUR DESKTOP, MOISTENING IT WITH THE HUMID BREATH OF THE LONELY AND PITIFUL, AND WAITING FOR ME TO FALL CARELESSLY INTO YOUR POORLY EXECUTED TRAPS. KARKAT: =Takes a breath and bites into a burger= SO THANKS. DAVE: im full of that shit DAVE: team spirit DAVE: team spirit and me we go hand in hand marching in a halftime show gig DAVE: its all about the sport yo were here to win DAVE: are you SOLLUX: 2o you fanta2iize about me pantiing at my keyboard huh. NEPETA: =Dragging up a tarp. a drippy tarp= JOHN: yeah that is super interesting stuff. not that i know anything about it really, but i know we needed one. -picks off a sausage from a passing salamander- JOHN: and that was good enough for me! KARKAT: ONE: PAY ATTENTION, I SAID DESKTOP. SECONDLY: NO. NO NEVER. NOT EVER. LATULA: h4h4h4h4! h3llz Y34H!!!!!! 1m 4LW4YZ h3r3 to w1n! th4t's k1nd of my th1ng. sorry to k1ll your v1b3z! >8] SOLLUX: ii am payiing atteniion the be2t ii can. SOLLUX: iit2 not my fault your overly wordy tiirades are more dry then 2hiity over u2ed 2andpaper. DAVE: shiiiiiit that just blew me out of the water -says in monotone, just standing there.- DAVE: yeah i got nothing yo DAVE: youre names latula? feel like ive heard that name somewhere SOLLUX: new2fla2h we all know you own a the2auru2. ARADIA: -laughs a little- im sure it w0uld be a little 0verwhelming t0 try t0 c0mprehend the specific sciences 0f every0ne w0rking under y0u ARADIA: thats why we are all specialists after all ARADIA: and i f0r 0ne am happy t0 w0rk within an envir0nment which all0ws f0r that kind 0f f0cus 0n my studies KARKAT: RIGHT, RIGHT OF COURSE I SHOULD'VE FACTORED IN YOUR COMPLETE INABILITY TO FOCUS ON ANYTHING THAT ISN'T HUMMING WITH THE EFFORT OF A SYSTEM COOLING FAN. KARKAT: ALSO WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? AREN'T YOU ALLERGIC TO THE OUTSIDE? KARKAT: AND INTERACTION. KARKAT: AND PEOPLE. KARKAT: AND THE CRIPPLING WEIGHT OF YOUR PITIFUL EXISTENCE? [ There's cake, Karkat. Didn't you see it? It's why anyone is here. ] LATULA: of cours3 youve h34rd my n4m3 som3wh3r3!!!! try 3V3RYWH3R3! 1 do pro sk4t3bo4rd1ng tourn13z 4nd 4lso k1ck 4ss 4t pro v1d3o g4ming! LATULA: 1 W1N SH1T!!!!!! KARKAT: =motherFUCK= SOLLUX: ye2 ii am giive crediit and thank2 two the guy who pay2 both our paycheck2. SOLLUX: -Nods in the direction of John, oh... and Aradia is over there. Okay, he's still getting used to her presence.- JOHN: -nibbles on sausage- heheh! well damn if i don't try. but it's not like i'm going to be shimmying down cliff faces and playing hot potato with misc. irradiated rocks! i mean i think i'd be decent at the shimmying part but then why pay all these licensed proffesionals? SOLLUX: iim iin the proce22 of 2lowly pa22ing on in ab2olute and 2ilent agony. KARKAT: GODDAMMIT JOHN. JOHN: -bork? did someone say his name?- JOHN: :B??? ARADIA: i appreciate it ARADIA: but i still enc0urage it simply because its fun! -looks when john is called too, by virtue of being near him at this moment- KARKAT: =GODDAMN YOU JOHN= ARADIA: he seems upset DAVE: hold the shit i think i just realized im talking to the shit DAVE: capital tee ess its kind of a big deal DAVE: also why the shit am i here then oh yeah DAVE: youre going to kick my ass in hacky sacks or DAVE: bean hole or whatever the fuck this is SOLLUX: agreed one hundred percent. SOLLUX: iim goiing two try two quiit agaiin over thii2! -He says loud enough for John to hear as well.- SOLLUX: -Its gonna happen one of these days...- KARKAT: WHO ARE YOU KIDDING YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE SHUT THE HELL UP. TEREZI: -She's scuttling out a bit more, hopping around on various parts of the park.  Now she's stealing a few confections, too.- KANAYA:- She has ARRIVED and has taken her nametag and done a totally normal thing, which is wear it.  It says Kanaya Maryam, which is what she expects a nametag should say when she's wearing it.  Anyways.  She's just.  Here.  Standing.- SOLLUX: ye2 ii am you dont know what the fuck iim doiing. NEPETA: =stares at Kanaya= ARADIA: -oh right, and hello sollux. waves at him too with a smile.- [ Gilderoy the salamander sees the scuttling lizard rat and tries to shoot it from the confections. These cookies were donated generously! Back beast! He waves the broom threateningly. ] KANAYA: -Coughs- KANAYA: -Holds up her hand- TEREZI: -it's too bad, Gilderoy.  she is TOO QUICK FOR YOUR BROOM.-  She's got a big cookie in her tiny mouth.- LATULA: -stands proudly- d4mn r1ght 1ts a b1g d34l!!!!! 4nd y34h, cornhol3. 1 gu3ss you h4v3n't pl4y3d 1t b3for3? NEPETA: =crawls over, leaving her tarp of SUCCULENT MEATS unattended to climb the friend= NEPETA: :33 < hi clawnaya!! KARKAT: NOTHING. THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE DOING. [ What a world... what a world... The rest of these are going to have to be covered by a lid then. And guarded HEAVILY. He's watching you, lizard. ] TEREZI: -A CHALLENGE.- KARKAT: =eats the rest of this burger. sCARFS, or rather big bites= SOLLUX: no that2 iit iim quiiting riight now ju2t two 2piite you--- SOLLUX: -Scrunches up his face watching this.- SOLLUX: ...dude. KARKAT: =chews and stares at him= SOLLUX: you are almo2t a2 dii2gu2tiing a2 me how do you 2tiil not know how two eat liike a per2on. SOLLUX: iim a2tounded. KARKAT: ..... =Furrows eyebrows= DAVE: dont even fucking talk to me about cornhole DAVE: back in texas its all i did DAVE: stuff lobs of corns in holes so often it was obscene DAVE: the c and the h in champ stands for corn hole for the record DAVE: i cant make this shit up -Yes he can.- KARKAT: ?????????????? KANAYA: -OH.  She's not sure if Nepeta is going to do that literally or figuratively, but she lowers her hand after... about thirty seconds of keeping it up after Nepeta speaks.- KANAYA: I Expected That This Venue Would Attract You KANAYA: Considering Its Proximity To Processed Meats And Outdoor Greenery KANAYA: You KANAYA: Are Enjoying Yourself I Assume KARKAT: =Stares at Sollux= YOU EAT?????? KARKAT: I'M ASTOUNDED. SOLLUX: everyone ii2. SOLLUX: everytiime ii take a biite iit2 headliine new2. LATULA: d4444444mn, pr1ck! p33 r33zy! you got 4ll k1ndz of l1t3r4l on m3!!! NEPETA: =Definitely climbing the friend literally= NEPETA: :33 < i just got here but it s33ms fun! NEPETA: :33 < i brought meowre food! KARKAT: PROBABLY BECAUSE IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE YOUR MALNURISHED FRAME HAS SEEN A SINGLE CALORIE THAT WASN'T THE DIRECT RESULT OF FILTER FEEDING LIKE THE STAGNANT FUNGI YOU ARE. DAVE: its a sad job but someones gotta do it -Holy shit, he has been standing here talking and talking for like ten minutes.- DAVE: speaking of sad jobs im the prick in security whats up LATULA: 1m th3 pyrop3 1n publ1c r3l4t1ons h44444444y! SOLLUX: eatiing ii2nt my maiin priioriity 2ue me. SOLLUX: iim hiigh functiioniing on low fuel. KANAYA: Oh KANAYA: KANAYA: Would You Say That Is A Pun On The Words Meow And Your As Though To Say I Brought Meowr Food But It Does Not Sound Correct Without A Slightly KANAYA: Increased Emphasis On The Latter Half Of The Word KANAYA: Suggesting That You Have KANAYA: Food That Belonged To Me At Some Point KANAYA: -another pause- KANAYA: Or KANAYA: In Hindsight It Is Probably Not That No KARKAT: OH BULLSHIT. NEPETA: :33 < h33h33h33 maybe! who knows it might have! NEPETA: :33 < im pawfully sneaky! KANAYA: For The Sake Of Argument KANAYA: I Will Assume You Were Being Sneaky In A Different Way KANAYA: And Bringing Another Kind Of Food With You DIRK: -arrives on the scene... roxy said she'd meet him here, but she's NO WHERE TO BE SEEN. that's just... that's just fine. he can handle a social gathering without her to hide behind. he just has to look completely disinterested with everyone and aloof and hope they form favorable opinions of him based on that. like wow, what a cool and mysterious guy. let's fill in the blanks all on our own about him instead of actually approaching him only to find out he's basically only capable of speaking in bird squawks.- SOLLUX: youre ju2t jealou2 becau2e ii dont need two 2hove half an aniimal down my throat two keep bodiily functiion2 liike you clearly do. KARKAT: =Wow who is that mysterious douche over yander= DAVE: shh dont DAVE: dont hay DAVE: hay is for horses its like DAVE: all you need to DAVE: yep there he is DAVE: i spoke too soon -gazing at Dirk.- SOLLUX: -He already doesnt like the look of this guy.- DIRK: -wouldn't YOU like to know...- KARKAT: =Oh no, absolutely not= DIRK: -gazes back at dave- KARKAT: =Judges him over here with Sollux= LATULA: -looks in the direction of dirk- w41t 4 m1nut3 4r3 you s4y1ng th1s 1s som3 k1nd4 hors3 guy???? KARKAT: YES I'M SO TERRIBLY JEALOUS, IF ONLY I DIDN'T HAVE A FIT AND IN-SHAPE BODY THAT DIDN'T BLOW AWAY IN THE WIND. SOLLUX: be gentle yell any louder and ii might turn two du2t kk. KARKAT: I CAN ONLY HOPE. DAVE: im saying hes exactly some horse guy DAVE: who should probably get his ass over here and play cornhole SOLLUX: you want two fuckiing murder me. SOLLUX: ii 2ee how iit ii2. NEPETA: :33 < purrrrrhaps! h33h33h33 did mew bring anything? NEPETA: :33 < or did mew you bring yourself? NEPETA: :33 < both are good to nibble on! SOLLUX: ii mo2tly 2ee iit anyway2. KARKAT: NO BECAUSE THEN I WOULD HAVE TO TOUCH YOU. KARKAT: IT'S NOT WORTH IT. KANAYA: I Was A Bit KANAYA: Uncertain KANAYA: Regarding The Etiquitte KANAYA: And What Is Actually Appropriate To Bring KANAYA: ... KANAYA: I Mostly Brought Napkins KANAYA: You Wont Really Get Anything From Nibbling Them DAVE: -crossing park to awkwardly approach Dirk. The awkwardness runs in the family. Parks himself in front of him for a full second before talking.- hey DIRK: -nods.- Sup. -is this communication? yes.- SOLLUX: -Fakes a sigh of relief.- SOLLUX: thank fuck ii wont diie today. SOLLUX: diid you hear that world karkat vanta2 ii2 beiing the merciiful pii22 wiiggler he ii2. SOLLUX: ii doubt you could kiill me anyway2. ARADIA: -suddenly by sollux and karkat- did s0me0ne die SOLLUX: -Oh hey.- SOLLUX: yeah my hope2 and dream2. KARKAT: WHAT PART OF ME NOT WANTING TO TOUCH YOU DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? KARKAT: NO. THANKS FOR EAVESDROPPING BY THE WAY. ARADIA: :) DAVE: -Yep. Definitely communication.- DAVE: so DAVE: you made it DAVE: thats cool DAVE: wheres that roxy chick DAVE: thought she said she was coming with you or something DAVE: hand up in icepicks so now you dont have to worry about icebreakers DAVE: if she was in trouble youd tell me right NEPETA: :33 < can i nibble you then! NEPETA: :33 < i dont really get much furom it but its fun! NEPETA: :33 < its pawnding! SOLLUX: your liip2 say no. SOLLUX: but your obviiou2lly attracted two my hiidiiou2 body. SOLLUX: -Looks at Aradia.- hey aa how2 iit goiing. KARKAT: =EUGH= SOLLUX: welcome two priick2 viille. KANAYA: Ah KANAYA: Ha KANAYA: Yes KANAYA: Okay KANAYA: We Will Pawnd KANAYA: -She ducks her head down slightly because she's a LITTLE worried about Nepeta's balance there.- KARKAT: I'M NOT SO DESPERATE FOR LOVE THAT I WOULDN'T SOONER FUCK A CONCAVE CACTUS THAN TOUCH TIPS WITH YOU. KARKAT: =wait... double negative= KARKAT: =LOOKS AT ARADIA= SO WHO ARE YOU? SOLLUX: Niice iimagery dude. DIRK: Yes. -please chill out you're making him nervous...- DIRK: She's fine. As far as I know. DIRK: Probably lost track of time or something. DIRK: Or she got lost in the deep green oculars of the latest dreamboat slash dork she's swooning over. KARKAT: SHUT UP NO ONE'S TALKING TO YOU I'M TALKING TO THE EAVESDROPPER. ARADIA: hell0 im aradia ARADIA: -points at nametag- im an archae0l0gist ARADIA: and an 0ld friend 0f s0lluxs which is why i invited myself int0 the c0nversati0n s0 readily -she probably would have done it anyway tbh- DAVE: what the fuck thats adorable DAVE: i mean shes adorable but i guess we all know that DAVE: dont tell her i said that -He can't chill out, Dirk. HE'S NEVER CHILL HIMSELF.- DAVE: you met john right DAVE: big boss DAVE: egberticus dorkholeifus DAVE: hes chilling by the salamanders if you want to say hi KARKAT: SOLLUX HATES OLD FRIENDS, SORRY TO SAY BUT YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW HOW MUCH OF A BAG OF LITERAL WASTECHUTES HE IS. KARKAT: ARCHEOLOGY IS COOL THOUGH. =Extends a hand to her= KARKAT VANTAS, CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGIST. DIRK: Yes. I met him for my interview. DIRK: But I've avoided socializing as much as possible since I got the job. SOLLUX: -He has no comment and finishes drinking his soda.- NEPETA: =She might be half-blind but her balance is SO great, leans on Kanaya nad purrrs. Nibbles her= NEPETA: :33 < do mew know anyone else? KANAYA: Several KANAYA: But They Seem KANAYA: Busy DAVE: thats fair i mean i dont blame you DAVE: this shits fixing to become an asshole rompus around the ballpark yo DAVE: and were up to bat DAVE: but hey theres cake i heard so DAVE: might as well hang ARADIA: -!!! ANTHROPOLOGY BUDDIES. she takes his hand to shake excitedly.- thats awes0me ARADIA: i imagine we will be w0rking t0gether a l0t in that case DIRK: -crossing arms- Food is typically a good incentive to be at a place. DIRK: As like, a basic human need for survival I guess. JOHN: -he paused the socializing for a bit to grab himself an orange soda and some corn on the cob. watches the cornholing from afar as he nibbles on  cob like a rabbit.- NEPETA: :33 < but still furrriends! you should go say hi! DAVE: hey john you son of a bitch DAVE: boss man DAVE: dude DAVE: psst DAVE: john DAVE: hey DAVE: bro DAVE: yo DAVE: john DAVE: hey DAVE: over here KANAYA: That Is Somewhat Of An Option I Suppose TEREZI: -casually pries up one of those lids put on the food earlier with her tail.  SNEAKS SEVERAL MORE THINGS.- DIRK: -(bryson tiller voice) don't- SOLLUX: -Wait fuck his two childhood friends are going to be working together?- ARADIA: -WELCOME TO HELL WELCOME TO HELL- JOHN: borf??? someone def. just said his name this time. oh it's just dave. he bounds over. dave. you son of a bitch. -goes in for a weird hand grasp thing- KARKAT: OH YEAH MOST DEFINITELY. KARKAT: I FIND A LOT OF SHIT THAT'S NOT REALLY "MY AREA" BUT IT'S STILL COOL SO I TAKE IT ANYWAY. KARKAT: I'M SURE I COULD SHOW YOU SOME OF IT OR EVEN FORK IT OVER IF YOU WANTED TO OBSERVE SOMETHING MORE CAREFULLY. SOLLUX: of cour2e you both ended up hi2tory nerd2. SOLLUX: of fuckiing cour2e. KARKAT: UM.... WHO SAID YOU COULD TALK? SOLLUX: ii diid. DAVE: my god -there is no unironic bicep close up because Dave is too busy looking into the camera. As in Dirk. He's looking at Dirk while this happens.- SOLLUX: ii have a voiice and a wiill. KARKAT: SORRY THE JACKASS DOESN'T GET A VOTE. JOHN: oh hey guy! i remember you from the interview. -puts hands on hips- SOLLUX: iit2 weak but-- SOLLUX: your forum 2hiit ii2 a2 lame iin per2on a2 iit ii2 onliine. NEPETA: :33 < =bounces a bit= well who pawre they? NEPETA: :33 < they want to s33 you i bet! DIRK: Are we just going to reinact the entirety of the Predator? DIRK: If so I would like to play the role of the Predator so I can camouflage myself and duck into some trees for a while. DAVE: classic KARKAT: IT'S NOT WEAK. YOU'RE WEAK. ARADIA: -grinning as she looks between karkat and sollux- JOHN: i wanna be ahnold. i mean who knows if this shit doesn't go down the tubes i could probably run for governor! SOLLUX: ii am not my phy2iical therapii2t 2aiid iim not. KANAYA: Okay KANAYA: Um KANAYA: That Is Karkat KANAYA: And KANAYA: You Are Right There KANAYA: Obviously KANAYA:  And That Is John KANAYA: He Is The One Who Employed Me KANAYA: And KANAYA: -SORTA STARES BLANKLY- KANAYA: Should I Actually Continue KARKAT: I'M SURE THEY MEANT IN TERMS OF YOUR PHYSICAL CAPABILITIES. THOSE BEING NONEXISTANT. =Eyes him= NEPETA: :33 < YES NEPETA: :33 < but we can start furrrom there! NEPETA: =puts her hands around her mouth= NEPETA: :33 < HI JOHN!! =big waves while on Kanaya!= DAVE: guess that leaves me in the role of dillon DAVE: get myself impaled as a motherfuck by the predator DAVE: my dying screams will alert the real dudes to the fight and thatll be it DAVE: my whole contribution to the plot DAVE: thanks john KANAYA: -OH OK THAT'S HAPPENING- JOHN: sounds about right. -scratches under chin- JOHN: h-ey ladies! -WAVES- SOLLUX: -Flipping him the bird.- SOLLUX: ii would 2torm off from your iin2ult2 but you two wiil probably talk 2hiit about me the moment ii leave. SOLLUX: fuck that iim not enabliing your go22iip 2e22iion. NEPETA: =pats Kanaya's face= KARKAT: =YOU IDENTITY STEALING ASSHOLE= KANAYA: ... KANAYA: -LOOKS UP AT HER- KANAYA: -then over at John- KANAYA: -she slowly approaches- KANAYA:  This Is KANAYA:  Acceptable Weather For A Gathering KANAYA: Dont You Think JOHN: heheheheh. isn't that cute? how she just kinda...climbs on people? JOHN: i think it would be less cute if somebody else did it. JOHN: but it's cute when she does it. JOHN: -chatting to dave and dirk about this- DAVE: -oh shit, more people are coming. Glancing towards Dirk. Is he actually still there?- DAVE: .... DAVE: is nobody else going to talk about the meat pile on the ground DAVE: because that sure is a thing happening over there JOHN: -doesn't even skip a beat- hey there kanaya! NEPETA: =YOU'RE WELCOME= JOHN: i think it's great weather for a gathering. nothing says bbq like scorching heat am i right? DIRK: -HE'S STILL HERE. FOR SOME REASON.- NEPETA: =purrs at them= NEPETA: :33 < hi! DIRK: -cautions a glance at... meat pile?- NEPETA: =S T E A K= KANAYA: -she does not seem to notice anything unusual about the meat pile, either.  Seems pretty normal, for a meat pile.- KANAYA: Yes KANAYA: I Have A Certain Degree Of Nostalgia For Intense Sunlight JOHN: -hey there cute kitty girl. he gives her an extra wave-. DAVE: sup DAVE: im the insufferable prick in security DAVE: ... DAVE: do you actually work with us -to Nepeta- JOHN: dave don't be fucking rude. she's in medical. KARKAT: THAT INSINUATES YOUR PRESENSE MAKES A DIFFERENCE. SOLLUX: -Its dave strider hes always fucking rude.- JOHN: -true tho.- Nepeta: :33 < im a doctor! DAVE: i mean yeah okay DAVE: shes scarred to shit and missing an eye but thats okay DAVE: its like--- DAVE: yeah DAVE: dammit DAVE: shes perfect SOLLUX: iit doe2 becau2e unliike you aradiia i2nt a complete tra2h talkiing a22hole friiend. JOHN: i'm sorry. he doesn't get out often. JOHN: he doesn't know that commenting on people's EYE BLINDNESS is rude, god dammit dave. DIRK: -he's gonna go... eat a hot dog. fades away throwing a peace sign.- NEPETA: :33 < h33h33 i still have the eye! NEPETA: :33 < my furrriend offurred to cut it out and repawlace it but thats DUMB =she's unfazed and drops down to stand on her own feet= NEPETA: :33 < its ok! KANAYA: -BLINK.  Little legs at her sides twitch.- KANAYA: Its Fine KANAYA: Which Is A Thing I Say On My Own Behalf Mostly KANAYA: What KANAYA: Is That Really How It Happened DAVE: see john DAVE: shes cool unlike you JOHN: -pshhhh- whatever! DAVE: -offers nepeta a fist for bumping- NEPETA: =Almost punches but slows down at the last second to give the gentlest.... bunp= JOHN: -fuck that's the cutest thing he's ever seen. he wants to bite his fist. instead he bites this corn cob- DAVE: this is going to be the start of something fucking beautiful -Shades glint. He can already tell.- NEPETA: :33 < h33h33h33h33 i f33l the same! SOLLUX: anyway2 ii thiink we are 2uppo2ed to 2ociialiize wiith people we dont know. SOLLUX: 2o move your a22 over two the formiing group 2o ii have an excu2e two have a few word2 wiith egbert about haviing an event out2iide. DAVE: -Okay, that's enough personal contact for one day. He's shuffling off for the bean bags again.- you ever play cornhole before -to Nepeta.- KARKAT: FUCK YOU I HAVE TO MOVE. SOLLUX: or iif you know anyone el2e iintroduce me. KARKAT: WELL, DO YOU KNOW KANAYA? KARKAT: SHE'S KIND OF OVER THERE WITH JOHN. JOHN: so kanaya. i heard from you. because it was on your application. that you carve a mean topiary. SOLLUX: no. -He didn't even look over to where she was.- NEPETA: :00 < whats that? =follows this stranger= KARKAT: WOW YOU SUCK, ALRIGHT LET'S GO. =makes his way over to John and Kanaya= KANAYA: Oh KANAYA: Yes KANAYA: I Was Not Sure That Would Be Relavent To The Job KANAYA: But I Have Never Had To Fill A Resume Before KANAYA: That Is Indeed KANAYA: ... KANAYA: An Accurate Representation Of My Interests SOLLUX: -Hes grabbing a plate with one whole hotdog and following.- DAVE: its like DAVE: you put corns into hole but first you have to imagine the corn doesnt exist DAVE: and the hole is the list of existential questions you ask yourself when youre alone at night DAVE: also its got bean bags that you have to hacky so DAVE: altogether makes some kind of game JOHN: psshhh! irrelevant. you know what the board would really love in front of our bulding?- -WHOOPS HERE COMES THE DORK TRAIN. BEEP BEEP.- NEPETA: :33 < cant i just eat the corns? isnt purr mouth a cornhole? it still exists then! SOLLUX: -Its true... they are dorks.- KANAYA: No KANAYA: I Dont Think Ive Met The Board KARKAT: HEY KANAYA. HEY ASSHOLE. =Kanaya and John respectively= JOHN: well no- by that i meant i have. and i was gonna tell you. it was kind of a lead in.- JOHN: hey guys. enjoying yourselves? -grins at sollux- TEREZI: -Now that she's content with raiding the food tables, she's just gonna jump down from a perch and SHAPECHANGE back into a normal troll.  Mostly-- a troll.  A not very normal troll.- KANAYA: Oh KANAYA: I See KANAYA: You Can Still Do That If You Want SOLLUX: wow you know john2 2peciial niickname and everythiing already. -Squints at John's grin. Do not smile at him. He aggressively shoves hot dog into his mouth over this.- DAVE: okay new plan well go with your idea DAVE: we eat as much corn as possible DAVE: and then come back and figure out what to do with the bean bags DAVE: -changes his direction to head towards the food places where Terezi is shapeshifting.- DAVE: DAVE: okay that just fucking happened DAVE: whaddup JOHN: yep. we're already on a familiar friend level, which is what i take that nickname to mean. TEREZI: >:O TEREZI: 1 R3FUS3 TO 4DM1T 4NYTH1NG H4PP3N3D 3V3R TEREZI: TH4T 1S 3NTR4PM3NT SOLLUX: 2ure why not iit2 totally 2omethiing liike that. NEPETA: :33 < !!! NEPETA: :33 < its purrezi!! KARKAT: THAT'S MORE OR LESS WHAT IT MEANS. DAVE: except what nepeta saw with her eye DAVE: shes a key witness DAVE: with way more connections than cat puns it looks like DAVE: purrezi DAVE: do i get a nickname JOHN:  -HE'S GOING TO AGRESSIVLEY SMILE AT YOU SOME MORE.- TEREZI: TH4T, 1 SUPPOS3, 1 W1LL H4V3 TO 4DM1T TEREZI: TH4T 4S F4R 4S N3P3T4 1S CONC3RN3D MY N4M3 1S PURR3Z1 TEREZI: 4ND TH4T 1T M4Y OR M4Y NOT B3 TRU3 >:] NEPETA: :33 < hmmmmmmm =rubs chin at Dave= JOHN: anyway i was just gonna tell kanaya that i think she should do her topiary thing in front of the building if she gets the inclination. DAVE: can i call you purrezi TEREZI: 1 DON'T KNOW TEREZI: YOU DON'T R34LLY S33M TH3 TYP3 TO 4GGR3SS1V3LY K1TTY C4T 4BOUT W1TH YOUR T41L R41S3D H1GH TEREZI: TH4T SOUNDS L1K3 TH3 KIND OF 4CT1ON F1TT1NG TH3 PROF1L3... TEREZI: OF 4 S3R14L POS3R >:o!!!! KARKAT: OH YEAH, YOU SHOULD. SOLLUX: ii2 that goiing two be 2ome attempt two make iit look nice? SOLLUX: al2o hey kanaya. SOLLUX: iim 2uppo2ed to iintroduce my2elf. SOLLUX: 2ollux. SOLLUX: there we are all 2et. JOHN: (proud of you buddy). SOLLUX: (do not do thii2.) JOHN: (prouuud of youuu) JOHN: -trollface.jpg- SOLLUX: (ii wiill 2ma2h all your 2hiity humor mug2.) DAVE: she went and stone cold stunned this motherfucker DAVE: bagawd he had a family DAVE: calling me out for the furry im not apparently DAVE: all because i dont have paws or a tail DAVE: but what she fails to see is the furry was inside me all along DAVE: its discrimination is what it is DAVE: dis fucking crimination DAVE: i cant believe this SOLLUX: (ii know where you keep them.) NEPETA: =LEANS AT DAVE, go on= TEREZI: YOUR DR4M4T1CS 4R3 H1GHLY CONV1NC1NG, HUM4N! BUT YOU F41L TO T4K3 ON3 TH1NG 1NTO 4CCOUNT TEREZI: DUR1NG 3V3N TH4T CONS1D3R4BL3 R4NT TEREZI: YOU D1D NOT M4K3 3V3N 4 S1NGL3 PUN 4BOUT YOUR R1D1CULOUS FURR3D 4LT3RN4T1V3! TEREZI: WH1CH COULD P3RH4PS B3 1GNOR3D TEREZI: BUT FOR 4 COMPL3T3 4ND UTT3R L4CK OF 3MB4RR4SS1NG 4N1M4L NO1S3S TO PUNCTU4T3 YOUR H1GH 3MOT1ONS -she clasps her hands together- TEREZI: 1 DOUBT YOU H4V3D Y1FF3D 3V3N ON3 S1NGL3 TH1NG JOHN: (i know you love these little conversations of ours but we should stop talking in parathenticals, i think we are excluding people) JOHN: woo! DAVE: oh i have yiffed DAVE: i have yiffed so hard in my day you dont even know DAVE: you smell that its called my natural musk DAVE: purr even for the catsona thats literally happening before our very eyes DAVE: a cat awkete DAVE: awkete purrmusk DAVE: nice to sniff you NEPETA: 833 TEREZI: HMM TEREZI: 1 SUPPOS3 TH3 SM3LL OF PURRMUSK 1S S1M1L4R 3NOUGH TO TH3 SM3LL OF YOUR NO DOUBT CONS1D3R4BL3 SH4M3 >:P TEREZI: YOU 4R3 OFF TH3 HOOK TH1S T1M3 4WK3T3 SOLLUX: -Good talk john- SOLLUX: 2o anyway2 what are you doiing job wii2e kanaya. SOLLUX: not that ii offiiciially care but iim pretendiing two iin front of our employer. KARKAT: WOW, FUCKING LEAVE. JOHN: dude, that's so rude. SOLLUX: iim ju2t 2ayiing ii dont de2criimiinate job2. SOLLUX: damn. SOLLUX: -But no he doesnt really care.- DAVE: thank purrezi DAVE: nepiddy paws DAVE: shit there it is the best nickname in existance JOHN: his official title systems technician. but you know what he really is? tech support. JOHN: he is support for every tech. TEREZI: 1T'S 4LL DOWNH1LL FROM H3R3 >:'[ SOLLUX: that2 me. NEPETA: :33 < h33h33h33! NEPETA: :33 < the hill could be in a valley and it pawlso goes uphill furom here too! DAVE: god what the fuck even DAVE: who are you DAVE: i think im gonna die everything you say is like gold DAVE: make a market off that purrdorkable shit DAVE: you do calenders? NEPETA: :33 < no but i can make one spawcifically fur you if you want NEPETA: :33 < fur a price! :PP DAVE: i would buy the shit out of that DAVE: youre hired NEPETA: :33 < you havent even heard the cost yet silly! TEREZI: WOW TEREZI: W3LL YOU KNOW WH4T TH4T M34NS TEREZI: YOU H4V3 NO CHO1C3 BUT TO OFF3R TH3 MOST R34SON4BL3 PR1C3 YOU POSS1BLY C4N >;D NEPETA: :33 < h33h33h33h33 itll be the fairest purrrice there is! SOLLUX: -Hes eating the rest of this hot dog. Its impressive because wow nutrition.- SOLLUX: -And it wasnt freezer burned or anything.- JAKE: -A faint rumbling in the distance, this can only mean an old-fashioned MOTORBIKE is pulling into the parking lot. Carrying two passengers even! The driver appearing to be a young man with tattoos all along his burly arms. On his head is a green skull-shaped helmet which compliments the cute pink cat helmet he gifted to Roxy. Why it's none other than Jake English! Should anyone know him? Only if you work for Skaianet! Or if you're John! Once he's parked, Jake is swinging a hairy leg off the bike and standing straight, fixing up his puffy vest.- JAKE: ... -Oh yeah! He still has his helmet on. Time to clip that off his head. Behold the boyishly cute coif of black hair, scuffy square chin, and big adorkable grin.- Saint mary and joseph roxanne! It looks like we made it! SOLLUX: -What an entrance.- DIRK: -mid bite of hot dog while this happens- KARKAT: =Great more douchebags= ARADIA: -hey she works at skaianet! thats her!- SOLLUX: -Connections are incredible.- SOLLUX: -Jabs a point elbow into karkat.- look at tho2e douchebag2. KARKAT: =GRUNTS and scowls, shoving Sollux= I SEE THEM. I ALSO SEE THIS ONE. KARKAT: BUT ALSO I SEE THEM. ONE OF THEM IS OBSESSED WITH HUMAN PHALLUSES. I WON'T SAY WHICH. ROXY: -She made sure this was definitely no kind of computer helmet, for the record, to avoid any of that weird brainwashing bullshit. It is absolutely adorable, though. She would be grinning, but she's feeling a little sick, her hair a little windswept from all that... well, wind. She is feeling just a little sobered up from all that drunk riding she just did.- ROXY: whhheeeeew rly??? ROXY: -pops off helmet- all i can see is whizzin colors and all i can smell is hotdogs ROXY: someone point me in the direction of the trashcan pls DAVE: -hovering around Nepeta and Terezi still.- okay so whats youre definition of a fair price DAVE: are you talking money or DAVE: do i have to crouch and let you rub my tummy or something DAVE: cmon talk business with me DAVE: you mediate this exchange purrezi make sure nobody does nothing underhanded FEFERI: -When did she get here? It's uncertain, but thanks to someone she is wearing actual clothing! Frankly, the tiara is the most important accessory, in her opinion.- FEFERI: -She's been watching for some time, but now she's discreetly swallowing chunks of barbequed meat whole. Once she's done doing that, she might actually greet someone. She's pretty excited about it!!- DIRK: -he's near the trashcan, where he belongs.- SOLLUX: -Dont shove him his brittle. Except not really, he hardly stumbles and just shoves right back even though he started this.- SOLLUX: can i gue22? SOLLUX: iit2 the giirl right? NEPETA: :33 < its simpawl really! NEPETA: :33 < i want to see meowre of pawkete 833 ROXY: -excuse u she is obsessed with any kind of phallus- SOLLUX: unle22 iit2 the dude tryiing two compen2ate for 2omethiing. KARKAT: DON'T START SHIT SOLLUX AND YES IT IS THE GIRL. JAKE: -big smiles and oblivious to Roxy's condition.- That would be my fault roxaroo. All those left turns? Im surprised as all blazes we made it at all! JAKE: JOHN YOU TEETERING SON OF A GUN. WHERE ARE YOU? -he yell- SOLLUX: that 2omethiing beiing hi2 own 2hriiveled human phalla2. DIRK: -THIS AGAIN???- SOLLUX: iim not 2tartiing 2hiit. KARKAT: YOU'RE DEFINITELY STARTING SHIT BY NOT KEEPING YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF. ROXY: bluuuhhhh -Is that Dirk??? She would greet him but she's too busy greeting this trash can. BRB y'all.- JOHN: jaken bacon! -RUNS AT HIM- JOHN: -FULL FORCE- JAKE: Hah! There you are! -arms out, ready to catch this large man flying at him.- COME HERE YOU. DIRK: -he's grumpy because he's been in public far too long and he thought roxy would be here earlier. giving her a look. which is just his usual look, but it's INTENSE.- JOHN: -chest bumps- hey man! it's been forever! SOLLUX: what you mean liike thii2? -elbow jabs him again.- SOLLUX: 2orry your ju2t iin the way of my natural movement2. SOLLUX: move or deal wiith iit. JOHN: i didn't think you'd show! JAKE: Ahhh well that would be my fault. -laughs sheepily and rubs the back of his neck.- JAKE: Its been some time since i vouyered on this side of town! ROXY: -BLUIUUUHHHHHHH. Sorry Dirk, she still can't deal with you right now until she's done.- ROXY: -Which is incidentally about fifteen seconds later or so. Smacks her lips.- ROXY: wow i feel grate now ROXY: oh shit hi KARKAT: =ALRIGHT, SHOVES= DIRK: -VOUYERED???????- KARKAT: WHOOPS. DIRK: -he's never leaving his bat cave again- ROXY: wtf u doin JOHN: i think the word you're looking for is ventured my dude! -slaps his back- JOHN: but no hard feelings. get some cake. JOHN: mingle~ SOLLUX: -Okay this time he teeters some.- SOLLUX: -Holds his arms out to steady himself again. Fuck karkat was no peepsqueak after all.- SOLLUX: do you even liift ii hardly felt that. DIRK: -stares at her after she just... horks right there.- Uh. DIRK: Losing my appetite. KARKAT: DON'T MAKE ME LIFT YOU. JOHN: (also is your friend okay she just threw up) FEFERI: -She has discovered cake. She isn't certain what it is, but she is sniffing it, and also stroking her fingers over the icing. Oooh!- ROXY: cool thats good SOLLUX: you wouldnt embarra22 us both liike that you coward. ROXY: hows the party KARKAT: WANNA BET? JAKE: If you dont mine! Im starving! -Doesn't even realize what he said before...- Uh.... JAKE: I take it all has to do with the sharp turns and whirls and such? KANAYA: -she is kinda hovering now near John too.- (Yes That) KANAYA: (Regarding The Vomiting) [ Gilderoy the salamander is throwing such a bubble at the cake getting desecrated by fishy fingers. Cease miss! For the love of glub! Glub glub glub glub! ] SOLLUX: yeah iill bet on iit ii could u2e the extra-- =spots feferi at the cake for a moment.= SOLLUX: what the fuck. DIRK: I don't know. I've been on the outskirts the entire time. -offers her a mint?- FEFERI: Glub glub glub GLUB glub!!!! [ GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB PROTESTIVE GLUB! ] FEFERI: GLUB. SOLLUX: karkat there are fuckiing cake 2tealiing fii2h giirl2 here. FEFERI: -Licks the icing off her fingers while staring Gilderoy in the eyes.- SOLLUX: that2 fucked up. SOLLUX: anyway2. -SHOVES HIM HARD.- SOLLUX: -It was all a ruse. Thank you random icing feferi.- [ He has seen wars but nothing like this before. He sheds a single salty tear. ] KARKAT: SOLLUX PLEASE. KARKAT: THAT'S OUR DISGUSTING THEIVING CO-WO-- =SHOVED= KARKAT: ALRIGHT YOU KNOW WHAT CAPTOR! =GRABS HIS SKINNY WAIST AND LIFTS. It's graceful and beautiful and people should probably throw roses only its not that at all= ROXY: -grabs and DEVOURS mint.- waaaat srsly??? ROXY: come on man ROXY: u been holein urself up for enough centuries im like 200% sure SOLLUX: -fUCK!!- JOHN: woo! i think that chest bump brought up my internal temperature. -removes apron.- DIRK:  It hasn't been nearly enough. DIRK: Did you know it's been some time since your buddy vouyered around this side of town? JOHN: -shirt says VOTE MAYOR and the current year.- FEFERI: -She is satisfied. 38)- FEFERI: -Also eyeballs the Sollux lift.- 38O FEFERI: -Is this another land dwelling bonding activity??? Maybe she should find someone to lift.- ROXY: ........ ROXY: sounds like ur the one doin the voyeuring SOLLUX: are you 2hiiting me right now?? -Hes glaring down at him. This uh, probably would have been more intimidating if he could still do anger sparks around his eyes and horns.- ROXY: 2 the surprise of literally no one KARKAT: GUESS WHO'S GETTING PUT IN A FUCKING TREE? THE ASSHOLE. THAT'S WHO! =mARCHES for a tree= ROXY: wait hold that thought ROXY: i think my buddy karkat is bout to lay the smackdown on a nerd DIRK: It's not my fault he's screaming in tongues. Like, what even is his aestheti-- -holds that thought- DIRK: -GRUMPILY- JAKE: Hah! Its only the goal my bro! JAKE: Shall i go check on roxy? JAKE: -Don't mind if he does! He's trotting over here with Roxy and Dirk.- Ahoy there! JAKE: Have you found your sea legs rubix cube...? -What? Is there a brawling happening? Jake is distracted.- TEREZI: DO YOU N33D ROP3 >:O -YES HI LET'S STRING UP A NERD- SOLLUX: -NO- SOLLUX: hold the fuck up!! -Hes grabbing hold of Karkat's arms and digging in his nails. Do you feel them claws??? - DAVE: wow -just kind of watching this. Amazing.- JOHN: -it's okay he's following- guys JOHN: GUYS. DIRK: -eyes angrily downcast at hairy thighs as they approach. he hates this.- SOLLUX: ii am goiing to wreck you iif you arent puttiing me down riight NO-- SOLLUX: ........................ SOLLUX: 2up john. KARKAT: =Turns to Terezi= ...... YES. KARKAT: I AM HOLDING THE FUCK UP! THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING. REMOVE YOUR FILTHY FUCKING CLAWS BEFORE I GET AN INFECTION. KARKAT: WHAT JOHN? I'M BUSY. SOLLUX: claw2 come out when ii go down nookbreath. JAKE: -They're the kind of thighs that trek mountains and climb trees to rescue stray kittens. Not too sculpted, not too soft. Just right.- KARKAT: WOW!!!!!!!!!!! DIRK: -NO.- JOHN: i set up all these games if you wanna horseplay. put down the tech support. JOHN: -hands on hips- KARKAT: THAT'S AN INTIMATE DETAIL I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW. AND NO JOHN. KARKAT: THIS ISN'T A GAME. KARKAT: THIS IS REAL FUCKING LIFE. ROXY: -snRKS at the spectacle and then peeps at Jake- o ye ROXY: i got this shit locked the fuck down now ROXY: aint no kinetic force gonna ruin my day nemore TEREZI: H3H3H3 TEREZI: TH3Y N3V3R GO W1THOUT 4 STRUGGL3 TEREZI: -SHE DOES HAVE ROPE THOUGH. WHY WOULDN'T SHE- TEREZI: 1 4M NOT SUR3 1F HORS3PL4Y C4N R34LLY COMP4R3 TO UP-STR1NG1NG LATULA: -runs back into the scene, where the hell has she been? who even knows. it looks like she's missing something awesome, though- d444444444444444mn d1d 1 just W4LTZ my w4y 1nto a troll l1ft1ng comp3t1t1on???? PR3P4R3 FOR TH3 OWN ZON3!!!! SOLLUX: yeah you need me iim a preciiou2 commodiity. KARKAT: I DON'T NEED SHIT YOU HAVE TO OFFER. SOLLUX: oh yeah then diid you actually fiix your computer yet?? LATULA: who w4nts to b3 on th3 w1nn1ng t34m? 4k4 MIN3! TH3 B3ST! grlz only! JAKE: Oh if youre sure... -hovers at Roxy.- Would you like something to drink? Some water or fruit juice? JOHN: if you put sollux up in the tree everyone is going to expect candy to come out when you beat him. but all that's going to come out is salt. FEFERI: O)(!!! Lift M-------E! -At Latula.- JOHN: and then everyone will be super disappointed in my party. JOHN: and it'll be all your fault karkat! KARKAT: THERE'S NO ROOM FOR ANYTHING TO COME OUT OF. KARKAT: =rattles Sollux a little. Like a shit because YES. He lifts= FEFERI: Or.... should I lift YOU? DAVE: -don't mind if he stands behind Nepeta a little bit.- LATULA: YOU GOT 1T F1NZ3R3LL4!!! -and there she goes, running over to feferi at full speed and lifting her before she has a chance to be the one who is being lifted- h1y4h!! NEPETA: =is smol and watching= SOLLUX: -HISSS- SOLLUX: -If hes going up hes holding onto karkats arms with his needle nails.- ROXY: i absolutely would like something to drink thank u sir :3 KARKAT: FUCK! WILL YOU STOP THAT!? JOHN: there's not even booze at this party. i mean seriously guys...what the fuck... JAKE: Righto! Right as uh. JAKE: As soon as this all settles down? -eyes the commotion.- KARKAT: =Know what. Drops his ass= DIRK: -grunts- I can grab you something. FEFERI: )(-E-E )(-E-E )(-E----------E! -She is LIFT. She's a bit heavier than she looks, but she's holding her balance pretty okay.- KARKAT: OKAY, JOHN. YOU DO REALIZE SOLLUX IS SOCIALLY INCAPABLE AND PUSHES EVERY SINGLE FUCKING BUTTON THERE IS RIGHT? DIRK: -reapositioning...- FEFERI: Are we WINNING? JOHN of course i realize that. do you know how long i've worked with this guy? SOLLUX: NO! SOLLUX: 2ee john thii2 ii2 what happen2 when you hiire people why of all the fe2teriing excu2e2 of troll diid you piick the 2econd wor2t fuck iin-- -OOF. He lands on his feet thanks to a very brief cushion of psionics.- KARKAT: SECOND WORSE?? JAKE: Would you? Youre a peach mister-- JAKE: Well damn! I guess ill shuck my own corn here huh? -laughing as Dirk moves off.- Are you sure youre feeling well rox? We can always book it! Just give the word! ROXY: -gives dirk a LOOK. a look that says......... why? but also a look that says...... 👀 - SOLLUX: -Hes dusting himself off.- yeah 2econd wor2t you arent even good enough of a fuck up to be be2t at that. DIRK: -HE'S GONE. and then he's back a moment later with a bottle of water.- LATULA: -sure, she wasn't as light as she tHOUGHT but that doesn't mean she's going to DROP her or anything! the SECOND sollux is dropped, latula eases feferi down onto her feet before pumping her fist in the air- w3 won b4b3z!!!!! KARKAT: OH FUCK YOU, IF THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I'D BE THE BEST AT IT WOULD BE BEING THE WORST SO YOU CAN PISS RIGHT OFF WITH THAT ATTITUDE. MAYBE NEXT TIME KEEP YOUR ELBOWS TO YOURSELF. SOLLUX: john are you 2eeiing how he talk2 two me? SOLLUX: thii2 2ack of mu2cle bea2t 2hiit ii2 2uppo2ed two be my friiend. SOLLUX: do you get what ii have to deal wiith? -Not that he had to deal with it for eight or so years.- JOHN: -sollux and karkat are giving him a headache. he can't handle both of them at once. he walks off.- KARKAT: LOOK AT THAT. YOU'VE BROKEN HIM. GOOD JOB. SOLLUX: wow look what you diid karkat. -Watches him boss go.- ROXY: aww shucky darn jake ROXY: yeah im all good here i wanna hang with my peeps!! ROXY: specially after alla that i think i earned my prize ROXY: thank u tho you adorable manfeast <3 KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK? kitters - Yesterday at 10:14 PM ROXY: -wtf Dirk when did you get back here- JOHN: -to make his speech!- JOHN: alright everybody! can i get your attention for a minuite! SOLLUX: john ha2 delt wiith my shiit forever obviiou2ly iit wa2nt me who broke hiim. SOLLUX: al2o 2hut up he2 2ayiing 2omethiing. NEPETA: =Eating steaks by Dave, SCARFING= DIRK: -just in time to hear "man feast."- NEPETA: =looks up= :?? FEFERI: -THEY WON!!!!! She screeches momentarily before John starts happening.- SOLLUX: -You have his attention boss man.- DIRK: ... -offers her the bottle.- LATULA: 4w y34h!! -faces john- l3ts g3t PUMP3D!!! ROXY: ..... 8) ROXY: -takes it and twists it open slowly. this is weird.- DIRK: -THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ASK HIM TO COME OUT INTO PUBLIC. HE MAKES THINGS WEIRD.- DIRK: -he hopes they've all learned a valuable lesson.- TEREZI: -She's a small dragon again, paying a LITTLE attention to the boss.- ROXY: -gdi dirk- KANAYA: -well ok this is happneing JAKE: Right you are lalonde! Couldnt have said it better myself! -snaps his fingers into a finger gun.- ;D JAKE: Feast of a man all by myself! Hot dog! JAKE: ... JAKE: By jove its a mountain of hot dogs! -scurries off for the FOOD.- DIRK: -watches him leave.- ... JAKE: -Oh wait, is John happening? He can listen!- ROXY: (there he goes....) - 👀 - DIRK: -solid snake noises- JOHN: haha, nice enthusiasm latula.  -this is why he hired her. shes better than a bar recruiter- LATULA: -DUHHH!!!!!- DIRK: Anyway, as I was saying. DIRK: What's his deal? ROXY: what u mean whats his deal ROXY: like JOHN: anyways! i just wanna thank all of you for coming out today. and i especially want to thank our friendly salamanders, Bob, Gilderoy and Francine for manning the grill. you guys did a great job. if you all like these salamander products please consider voting in the upcoming local elections so we can help get these salamanders the right to vote. ROXY: why-- hold that thought x2 JOHN: it's really messed up that they can't vote. DIRK: -HE'S BEING SO RUDE.- KARKAT: =WHAT THE FUCK THEY CAN'T VOTE?= DIRK: -whats this about salamanders.- KARKAT: =Pay attention u tool, they can't VOTE LOOK AT THEM. GODDAMN= FEFERI: -Wtf is a vote? 38D- DAVE: -taking a snapshot of John with his VOTE MAYOR '69 shirt. No caption needed.- NEPETA: =Something dumb she's sure but they should be able to DO IT= ROXY: o no... these poor manders KANAYA: -She glances around.  She is one of many people who has never been able to vote in an election before.- KANAYA: Is KANAYA: That What We Were Here For KANAYA: I Mean Its Fine I Just Did Not Realize That Exactly JAKE: -Is confused and also concerned but politics aren't exactly his forte... He thinks John knows what he's talking about though and trusts him immediately. Thumbs up for John!- JOHN: -HELL YEAH THEY SHOULD- anyway. i just wanted to say that i really believe i hired the best people for all your respective jobs. we're all very different but i'm sure we can come together for a common goal. which is first and foremost to give people a secondary option to crockercorp anywhere we can because crockercorp is evil, and secondly to uncover the mysteries of wild magic for the common good and stuff! JOHN: so keep relaxing and having fun...and get ready to work your butts off, because we are not gonna have it easy like those snobs. JOHN: -mike drop- JAKE: -CLAPPING! HORRAY!- SOLLUX: -Yeah everyone fuck crocker corp it aint that great.- SOLLUX: -Has great health plans though.- DIRK: -well said. now that he started paying attention.- DIRK: -ah... is he supposed to clap? what are social cues.- NEPETA: =claps!!= DAVE: -gets sprinkled by sauce as Nepeta claps. He's still chilling by her.- KANAYA: -politely claps- KANAYA: -looks at a salamander- KANAYA: Sorry KANAYA: I Have Been Living In The Desert KANAYA: And A Temple There In Part KANAYA: But Voting Is Probably A Thing That Will Happen Once I Have KANAYA: Concise Instructions On How One Does That NEPETA: =Sure.... sauce= ROXY: YEA FUCK CROCKER CORP!!!!! DAVE: -Sauce...- JOHN: -he likes your friend jake- SOLLUX: alriight. SOLLUX: that wa2nt actually half bad. SOLLUX: not that that commentary ii2 meant for anyone iin partiicular but at lea2t a few of hii2 redundant 2peeche2 are semi-viiable. ROXY: -this was a delayed yell because she was sipping water.- LATULA: whooooooo!!!!! [ Gilderoy glubs in appreciation of Kanaya. Would she like a cookie? ] DIRK: -c... claps....??- SOLLUX: -Hes probably saying it at karkat though.- DIRK: -shit did he start clapping too LATE?- DIRK: -he hates parties he's never going to another party in his life.- KANAYA: Oh KANAYA: Thank You JOHN: -he still heard it. he always has an ear attuned to sollux's super tsundere compliments- JAKE: -It's fine Dirk! Jake is clapping and clapping in his stead.- SOLLUX: -You just love the sound of his lispy voice.- ROXY: -she's not even clapping, she has a water bottle in hand- JOHN: -glows at everyone and sips soda- DIRK: -just pretends they're all reenacting that scene in eva- SOLLUX: -He will actually tell you it was good when they arent in public. He has an image john.- DIRK: -congratulations... congratulations....- SOLLUX: -if people knew he could be nice then they would expect it from him.- ARADIA: -she's gonna tell EVERYONE- JOHN: -if that's what you need to do, you dot hat dirk.- FEFERI: -She's snuck an entire handful of cake now. Who is the wiser? No one. She's munching it next to Latula.- JAKE: -BOUNCES TOWARDS THE HOT DOGS and rubs hands together.- Who can go wrong with free food? No one actually! -laughs all by himself and starts grabbing up his own food serving.- ROXY: .... -SIGNS LOUDLY at the direction of Jake's ass.- ROXY: so neway ROXY: like u were sayin ROXY: or like i was sayin JAKE: -His ass is present and looks great in khaki!- ROXY: i forgot where we left off TEREZI: YOU KNOW 1T R3M41NS OV3RWH3LM1NGLY L1K3LY TH3Y'R3 GO1NG TO ST34L TH3 3L3CT1ON 4NYW4YS TEREZI: -a dragon says that from the food table- TEREZI: 1TS NOT 4S THOUGH 4NY OF TH3S3 1NV3ST1G4TORS KNOW TH31R W4ST3 CHUT3S FROM 4N 34R C4N4L TEREZI: -STILL THE DRAGON SAYING THIS- FEFERI: -suddenly looks at the dragon on the food table- LATULA: -gasps at feferi- wh3r3 th3 fuck d1d you scor3 TH4T C4K3 g1llz? DAVE: -gazing at the dragon. He can't believe dragons have political opinions.- FEFERI: -Does... Does that need to be speared??? Food probably isn't supposed to be talking.- DIRK: It's nothing anyway. -crosses arms again.- TEREZI: -DONT U EVEN TRY IT >:o- FEFERI: O)(! I got it from t)(at platform t)(e glubby fellow is guarding. 38) FEFERI: Glub. FEFERI: -BUT???? LISTEN. FOOD????- ROXY: oh pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffff ROXY: PFFFFBBBFBBBRFBFFBBRT LATULA: mmmmm!! c4k3 pr3p4r3 yours3lf cuz 1m gonn4 34t y4!!!! -runs over- JAKE: PARDON YOU. -says, bringing his plate o' food back to Roxy and Dirk. Time to chow.- ROXY: why are you bein such a gd downer ROXY: like moren usu-- -oh hi Jake- ROXY: :T DIRK: -HE WON'T STOP KEEP HAPPENING.- JAKE: Whos a downer! Not mister cool fellow here! JAKE: Come now! Its a festive gathering! FEFERI: .... -She wants to watch this girl eat the cake. She likes this girl. She's so enthusiastic. Feferi can relate.- DIRK: -is he making fun of him- ROXY: -no dirk that's his secret he's literally just this pure- JAKE: Theres even free food! -Of course not. Everything Jake says is 100% genuine.- Whats there not to enjoy? LATULA: -makes a big scene over cutting a piece of this CAKE. EXTREME!!!!- ROXY: nothin imo DIRK: -the social anxiety, mostly- Eh. -shrugs- ROXY: -SEE??? GET WITH IT DISTRI.- FEFERI: 38O JAKE: Would you like to give the old soccer ball a swift kick? -asking this to Dirk clearly. Maybe he can help him have fun?- FEFERI: Does it kelp to eat t)(e cake.... more -EXTR-EM-ELY???? EQUIUS: -He is here now. Or was he here the whole time? As HUGE as this troll is, it's kind of easy to miss him.  He's wearing his weird body-hugging armor thing and standing with his arms crossed near the outskirts of the party.- DIRK: -slow blink behind shades. soccer...? is he being invited to play.... sPORNTS?? this can't be real.- DIRK: Uh. DIRK: Sure. Why not? DAVE: -Holy shit.- ROXY: o ye dirk is a pro at ye olde SPORTSball NEPETA: !!!! LATULA: -looks over at feferi- w3ll y34h!!!! you gott4 show th3 c4k3 wh4t your3 m4d3 of!!!! NEPETA: =SCAMPERS AND TACKLES HIM= NEPETA: =get wreked= EQUIUS: -Darn it Nepeta, he was attempting to survey the- He's wreck'd- ROXY: ..... -him big.- JAKE: Hah! Only one way to prove it! -let him scarf down two or three of these hot dogs here.- So whats your name again? JAKE: Its gone and slipped my mind. -Oblivious to bigs at the moment.- NEPETA: :33 < hi equius! why pawre mew wearing your silly spandex? :PP EQUIUS: D --> That is your first error JAKE: Starts with a dee... JAKE: And youre great friends with roxy i recall. JAKE: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! EQUIUS: D --> Among a 100ng train of similar errors FEFERI: )(mm... I t)(ink I understand! FEFERI: )(ow's T)(IS? -She's equipping her 2x3dent and twirling it over her head for a brief moment before STABBING the cake. And possibly the table.- EQUIUS: -Holding her at arms length like bby simba- DIRK: -just... watches him guzzle down these dogs.- Dirk Strider. FEFERI: -THUNK.- EQUIUS: D --> It is not spande%, it is a STRONG synthetic material of my own design EQUIUS: D --> And what else would I wear FEFERI: GOT IT. 38D NEPETA: =hangs there= NEPETA: :33 < something that doesnt empawsize purr butt all weirdly! JAKE: -shoots his hand out for a quick shake- Jake english my fellow! A damn great pleasure! :D ROXY: (deez nuts) DAVE: -startles as the trident happens. Welp.- EQUIUS: D --> This is my professional attire and I will not wear aneighthing else -STUBBORN SNORT- EQUIUS: D --> Now tell me if you are enjoying yourself at this social gathering NEPETA: =grabs her own feet= NEPETA: :33 < i was eating and making furriends! FEFERI: -It's a little bit difficult to pick up the cake like this, and most of it falls apart, but there's still some on the prongs, so that basically counts.- NEPETA: :33 < so yes! DIRK: So are we gonna clasp hands together and do an unironic bicep close up? ROXY: -slowly facepalms next to Dirk- alicici - Yesterday at 10:45 PM LATULA: >8[] LATULA: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL!!!!!! JAKE: ??? JAKE: Say rx. Isnt that a reference to a meme? JAKE: If so then yes! -LAFF and shakes his hand VIGOROUSLY- Put er there chum! FEFERI: 38D!!!! FEFERI: -She's looking at Latula for approval. That face seems approving enough???- FEFERI: GLUB GLUB GLUB. EQUIUS: D --> -sets her down- I suppose that is satisfactory EQUIUS: D --> If these friends of yours are worthy subjects DIRK: -this backfired terribly. TRIES TO KEEP A STRONG GRIP WITH HIS NOODLE ARM.- ROXY: you got it jake ROXY: u nailed it down real quick im proud o u EQUIUS: D --> -Judges coworkers appraisingly.- ROXY: nothin gets past this guy huh NEPETA: :33 < they are! =scampers over to Dave and pokes him in the back= LATULA: sw33t 4s FUCK!! m4n you just 4bout bl3w m3 4w4y w1th sk1llz l1k3 th4t!! SOO R4D!!! NEPETA: =Equius is gonna make friends= JAKE: I nailed it rough and swift with nary a pause hello! -says all this while shaking Dirk's noodle arm. Finally releases him.- Hah! EQUIUS: -Marches along after her stiffly- ROXY: ...... -mmmmmyep.- DIRK: -mmmmwhatcha saaaaaay.- DIRK: -mmmm that you only meant well... well of course you did...- ROXY: -here lies dirk & roxy- DIRK: So about kickin' balls around. DIRK: Why did I say it like that. DIRK: -WHY DID HE SAY THAT OUT LOUD- ROXY: -fuckin.... snORTS???- ROXY: i got like 3 gueses and the first 2 dont count JAKE: Right! Theres one right over there! -spies the soccer ball over yonder.- Ill go warm it up for us! JAKE: -scampers off, abandoning his food plate.- NEPETA: =Pokes Dave right in the BUTT= DIRK: He's going to warm it up. ROXY: gallopin off again like a majstic gd stallion DAVE: eep -monotone. He was spacing out staring at the defeated cake.- ROXY: -steals whatever was left on Jake's plate.- ROXY: -nom.- DIRK: I guess I'm gonna go. DIRK: Play soccer with your special friend. EQUIUS: -HORSE SNORT- D --> Nepeta that is inappropriate DIRK: Enjoy the show. NEPETA: :33 < this is my furriend, the new one! this is my old, old, old, old, OLD furriend EQUIUS: D --> -squints. why so much emphasis on old. u sayin he old.- NEPETA: =So old= EQUIUS: -SQUINTS HARDER. HE'S A YOUNG FRESH STALLION- FEFERI: GOOD. -She's bouncing on her heels now, all riled up and licking sugar off her pointy weapon.- T)(at was fun! FEFERI: -Peers around at their audience. Is that a guy staring in their direction???- DAVE: old old old old old old old old DAVE: -faint beat boxing.- DAVE: sup equius DAVE im insufferable for short DAVE: prick for long and uh DAVE: yeah fuck it that basically sums up me DAVE: -sweats. No, he wasn't staring. It's the shades.- ROXY: i am ROXY: absolutely gonna do exactly that with or w/o your permission thank u :3 EQUIUS: -flabberghasted- D --> I see NEPETA: =She saw that= DIRK: -grunts and... slinks off after jake.- EQUIUS: D --> -This human is raunchy.- NEPETA: 833c JAKE: -giving the old ball a kick! And a kick!- HIYA! LATULA: 1t w4s th3 MOST fun!!!! b4s1c4lly b3c4us3 of how 3xtr3m3 1t w4s. EQUIUS: D --> Human you will tell me what department you work in EQUIUS: -This is how you talk to humans.- DAVE: -sitting there straight faced through this all.- DAVE: security DAVE: aka the best department EQUIUS: D --> That is also my department EQUIUS: -Ok he socialized- NEPETA: =equius dont be rude, but dave is chill she just chinhands and "GASPS"= EQUIUS: -Are u happy Nepeta- NEPETA: :33 < what a clawincidence! NEPETA: :33 < mew have so much in common FEFERI: Y-----EA)(. -She's still staring at Dave, and grinning. Maybe she should go greet that little group there, too?? She looks at Latula again.- FEFERI: I like you. FEFERI: W)(o AR-E you?? DIRK: Kick that over here. DAVE: -The cat puns... they kill him...- DAVE: yeah DAVE: i got spandex too DAVE: so thats another thing we have in common EQUIUS: D --> You are wrong, we do not have that particular thing in common EQUIUS:  D --> For this is not spande% I am wearing currently, but a synthetic material of my own design JAKE: -grins as Dirk comes over.- Its about time! Its just about ready for a serving! -lobs the ball right at Dirk.- NEPETA: :33 < (hes touchy pawbout his spawndex) EQUIUS: -Flicks ear at Nepeta. >:C- DAVE: oh DAVE: ok DAVE: but you see why i would think it was spandex right LATULA: -that's affirming, too bad it's fleeting as hell- 1m r4d grl 3xtr4ord1n4r3 4lso known 4s l4tul4 pyrop3!!!! NEPETA: =mrrp, looks up at= DAVE: -internal weep at the mrrp..... Shit.- LATULA: 1 do th3 publ1c r3l4t1ons sh1zz for th1s pl4c3!!! EQUIUS: -She is very cute. But stop saying he's wearing spandex. He sees you.- DIRK: -surprise, he easily stops it and rolls it up on top of his foot, then proceeds to show off by bouncing it on one heel, then over to the other. suddenly he's in his element.- EQUIUS: D --> -huffs- No I cannot say that I do EQUIUS: D --> Security employee, Dave NEPETA: :33 < its meowstly because of purr butt i think NEPETA: :33 < also other pawrts that are REALLY detailed in that! EQUIUS: D --> Nepeta! JAKE: Holy macaroni! JAKE: Would you mind that coordination? JAKE: That finnese? JAKE: I think were in the presence of some kind of professional here folks! -does the camera angle with his fingers. This is very silly.- FEFERI: I S-EA. FEFERI: Public reelations.... T)(at means you know a lot about )(ow land dwellers finteract? NEPETA: =pats his arm, biceps= NEPETA: =very detailed= NEPETA: =GOD EQUIUS= DAVE: yeah i dont endorse any of that shit she just said ROXY: -yeah he is pretty cool... IT'S RUDE FRANKLY.- EQUIUS: D --> -flares nostrils. Well his body is a work of art, made to be 100ked upon.- EQUIUS: D --> -Preens a little.- NEPETA: =slightly smug cat face, he likes the attention= DIRK: -yes, he is great, isn't he? and not an awkward nerd like he was behaving 5 minutes ago. it was all a ruse.- DIRK: -bounces it once more, then lets it fall so he can kick it back at jake.- ROXY: -no he is definitely still that too- DAVE: -he's a little uncomfortable with this guy's proximity and hyper detailed muscles here.- DAVE: -poker face though. He sips his apple soda.- DIRK: -LIES- NEPETA: =smugger cat face= EQUIUS: -flips hair bashfully at her smug cat face. He's beautiful isnt he? Then he notices the apple soda.- D --> I will seek refreshments NEPETA: =Wait a second.... is that ground cake over there?= EQUIUS: D --> But not unhealthy swill with which to po100t my body EQUIUS: D --> -goes in search of actual apples- NEPETA: =Did she not notice the ground cake??= JAKE: Huzzah! -allows it to bounce off his chest before it rocks back down to the ground.- Awww bust. JAKE: So much for that! -jogs off to try and chase it. Borf. Boof.- KANAYA: -NO- NEPETA: =Low creeps to the cake, she's gonna eat this. Waste-not-want-not. Sticks her hand right in= DIRK: -watches him go. he's feeling a lot more relaxed now... this is actually kind of fun.- KANAYA: ...There Are Things To Eat That Are Not On The Floor KANAYA: Nepeta DAVE: -takes a perfect picture of this.- DAVE: -He's probably going to start a whole blog of Nepeta being cute. Sorry guys.- FEFERI: -stares at Nepeta....- DAVE: -Nepeta fan club.- FEFERI: )(I! FEFERI: I sea you also found t)(e conc)(fection. 38) NEPETA: :33 < wouldnt it be wasteful? :00 NEPETA: =licks it--- OH, Looks at Feferi= NEPETA: :33 < hello! KANAYA: It Would Be KANAYA: Also A Bit Less Likely To Make You Sick NEPETA: :33 < oh! h33h33h33 its fine im a doctpurrrrrrr NEPETA: =Offers Kanaya ground cake= KANAYA: No KANAYA: Please No KANAYA: -puts a napkin in that hand- KANAYA: Feferi KANAYA: Did You Put That There FEFERI: Y-----ES! 38D JAKE: At attention mister strider! -kicks the ball back to him- :D FEFERI: I was eating t)(e -EXTR-EM-E way. EQUIUS: D --> -comes over by the REFRESHMENTS table and sees this floor cake. He snorts in disapproval but he's used to Nepeta eating things off the ground by now. Still, to see a SEADWELLER doing it...That's just sad.- NEPETA: =Her cake was napkin'd!= NEPETA: =gently lifts napkin, neatly puts it to the side and eats this hand of cake= EQUIUS:  D --> -picks over table for veggies and or fruit tray.- NEPETA: =WIMP= EQUIUS: =SAVAGE= FEFERI: -She isn't EATING the ground cake. She just stabbed the cake, and then licked it off the pointy end. GOSH.- NEPETA: =That's fair= FEFERI: -The cake just happened to succumb to gravity during that process.- KANAYA: I Will Concede That This Is Extreme By All Merits FEFERI: T)(ANK you! 38) DIRK: -sweeps at it, but this time takes off with it. JUST TRY AND GET IT BACK.- NEPETA: :33 < mew s33m fun, im nepeta! :DD KANAYA: Yes KANAYA: She Is From The Ocean Nepeta EQUIUS: -Lurks for this conversation. Also eats pineapple.- JAKE: This way this way! Where the hell are you going?? -running after Dirk, waving his arms about.- NEPETA: :33 < is the ocean furry fun? NEPETA: =Eats more ground cake= DIRK: -looks back at him to throw a peace sign- KANAYA: -MAKES A FACe- JAKE: Hah! Well there you have it! -laughs and throws a hand.- The indubitable winner of the game! Congrats! FEFERI: It's F-EFURRY FUN. 38) FEFERI: I'm Feferi! NEPETA: !!!! NEPETA: :33 < h33h33h33h33h33h33!!!! GOOD ONE! FEFERI: 38D!!! FEFERI: GLUB GLUB. DIRK: -stops and goes back to bouncing it on his heel- ... DIRK: You're supposed to try to take it from me. NEPETA: =Points to the lurking horse= NEPETA: :33 < this is my furrriend equius, hes not wearing spandex! FEFERI: )(-ELLO -Equius! FEFERI: I like your NOT SPAND-EX. EQUIUS: -Darn it, Nepeta. He sighs inwardly and dips his head in greeting.- KANAYA: -She does not.  BUT TACTFULLY DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING.  She'd rather not be seeing most of this.  Ground cake.  Eugh.- EQUIUS: D --> Seadweller FEFERI: -Oh. She likes him.- NEPETA: =Licks the icing from between her fingers, hi kanaya= JAKE: ! JAKE: Shuck my darn is that the game were playing?? And here i thought it was just kicking around for fun! JAKE: But if you want to make a sport of it... -Suddenly looks serious. As serious as a bucktoothed dork can look anyway- Then by george youve got one! -CHARGES HIM.- FEFERI: You may call me Feferi! NEPETA: =theres a lil grass in there= FEFERI: -She knew land dwellers ate grass. SHE KNEW IT.- DIRK: Oh shit. -BOOKS IT AGAIN, kicking the ball along.- NEPETA: =CONFIRMED= EQUIUS: -Call her Feferi. Like her first name. Does not compute.- FEFERI: -DO IT.- 38) FEFERI: -Or don't. She doesn't actually care that much.- JAKE: -Dirk's got speed and Jake's got force. He has no problem diving in a youth roll to punt the ball from under Dirk.- Down and dirty now thats what i call a game! >:D! JAKE: -scrambles back up to give it a chase.- EQUIUS: D --> -looks really unsure- Ok ROXY: (rip dirk) FEFERI: T)(ank you! FEFERI: -just casually, thoroughly eyeballs him. there is a lot to look at here.- EQUIUS: -He said he would call her by her first name but he's still a little uncomfortable with doing so.  Out of the corner of his eye he sees two humans observing SPORTING EVENT. He dips his head again.- E%cuse me, ladies EQUIUS: -He trots in that direction- FEFERI: -There he goes...- 38( DIRK: Fuck. -down and dirty... indeed... he  thinks he likes this tenacity. but there's no time to appreciate it, he has a game to win. even though there's no structure or rules here to help dictate a winner. WHATEVER.- DIRK: -after regaining his balance, he flashsteps forward to give himself that upperhand, catching up to the ball again and then kicking it off in another direction.- EQUIUS: -Speeds up to a canter (read: jog) when he sees that flashstep. That intrigues him. He jogs towards Dirk and Jake- JAKE: Great scott and a-- WHOOPS. -He tried changing directions so fast, he ended up slipping on some grass and taking a hard tumble.- OOF. YOWCH! DIRK: -HA. wait... is he ok? slows to a trot, and then to a stop... watches jake carefully.- EQUIUS: -Comes to 100m over Jake, just as he tumbles- EQUIUS: D --> Human, I was going to request admission into your sporting game EQUIUS: D --> However DIRK: -holy SHIT him big.- EQUIUS:  D --> -simply reaches out and tugs Jake to his feet- ROXY: -chinhands at this??? until Jake falls down. oop.- ROXY: (SPORTS intensify) JAKE: Wh- -He sees large feet and hears a deep rumble voice and suddenly he's getting LIFTED. Holy shit, he doesn't think he's ever been MANHANDLED before. He's usually the bigger guy in the group?- JAKE: -Suddenly brought to his feet but there's still a taaaaaaaaaaall amount of stacked muscles to take registery of.- JAKE: ...However?? -wheezes, glasses crooked and covered in grass- EQUIUS: D --> You lost your balance EQUIUS: D --> -Like, duh- DIRK: ... -trots back over, nudging the ball along with him.- JAKE: It was a trick of the grass! Testing the gravity? You know its not always stable! -laughs dorkily and loudly, reasonably red in the face. Is now attempting to clear the grass and such off himself.- AHEM. Pardon all of that if you would! EQUIUS: -Flares nostrils at the word stable. Was that a horse pun? His sweaty face also gets a thin tinge of b100- D --> Of course EQUIUS: D --> I am Equius DIRK: -this got really gay suddenly- ROXY: -suddenly???? pls dirk- DIRK: -no shut up- ROXY: -she's only been eyeballing u kicking around balls for the past fifteen minutes- ROXY: -JUST GUYS BEIN DUDES.- ROXY: -guys she has crushes on and/or is in love with.... being dudes.........- ROXY: -where's the cake tbh- JAKE: Equius! Well howdy do there fella? -sticks his hand out for a shake. His hair is still sticking up with pieces of grass.- JAKE: Jake english! At your service! That will be... emergency search and rescue i believe? Find yourself alright this afternoon? DIRK: -hangs out kind of awkwardly behind them a short distance. threes a crowd...- EQUIUS: D --> -GRASPS THIS HAND FIRMLY. Not so firmly as to injure it though, just enough to test this chipper human's fortitude.- EQUIUS: D --> I work in security and technical operations EQUIUS: D --> And you -LOOKS AT DIRK. He sees you.- JAKE: Zoinks ahoy! Some grip youve got there! -laughs and then perks up- Oh! So youre the man the eye in the sky! That man! JAKE: -claps Dirk on the back while he's here.- This is dirk strider! A new found associate but damn if he wont be a friend next time we give the old ball a kick! Isnt that right dirk? Were on the right path! EQUIUS: -He will grasp this human's hand also.- DIRK: -flinches between the hand clapping his back and the hand FIRMLY GRASPING his own.- DIRK: That's me. DIRK: Dirk Strider. DIRK: Future friend of English. DIRK: We bonded after knockin' around some balls. DIRK: Also I specialize in technomancy development. EQUIUS: D --> That is a fascinating field -completely sincere- EQUIUS: D --> I would like to join in your recreational ball-kicking as I am a fan of physical pursuits JAKE: Well sure have at it equibroski! -wipes at his forehead. He sweaty.- Just as soon as i check in with rox is that okay? Shes the perky looking dame just over yonder! -WAVES AT ROXY- EQUIUS: D --> I beleive such an activity would STRENGTHEN the camradery between coworkers EQUIUS: D --> -Gazes at Ro%y- EQUIUS: D --> -Slow gazing- JAKE: Would you like to be a gent and introduce yourself? DIRK: Do it. She'd love you. EQUIUS: D --> -He's shy tho....But he's not going to show it because he isn't a baby wiggler- EQUIUS:  D --> Yes JAKE: Well lets get hoppin! Fair lady here we come! -leads the entourage off towards her- EQUIUS: D --> -Trots his butt after Jake- ROXY: -oh shit she's sitting on the ground iwth a plate of cake and wide eyed at the sudden approach of BIG MEN.- JAKE: -Are you eating ground cake...- EQUIUS; D --> -frowns. Nepeta you are a bad inf100ence on the humans.- ROXY: -NO. IT'S NOT!!!!- JAKE: At attention roxie doxie! -salutes at her.- Were introducing the new friend! JAKE: Call him... equius. -stroke his chin, waggling eyebrows at her.- EQUIUS:  D --> -Nods because that is his name. You are correct. Gazes.- DIRK: -big men... and dirk. except he's still kind of. in the background.- ROXY: o shih -mouth full of cake. she swalows and stands up.- heeeeyy big boi ROXY: u can call me ROXY: ..... roxy EQUIUS: D --> -It's possible that he is completely blocking view of Dirk.- EQUIUS: D -->  Ok EQUIUS: D --> Ro%y -prounounces it weird- ROXY: yep that sure is my name JAKE: Hah! Isnt he a gem??? -he giffaw- Say dirk! Get your ass over here! ROXY: or like close enough DIRK: Mh. -shuffle... shuffle... into the foreground.- ROXY: yeah where even is dirks ass? ROXY: o there it is EQUIUS: -Watches this. Assumes that Dirk must be below Jake in the human social order because he constnatly responds to Jake's orders.- JAKE: Some place back in the field it looks like! -hehehehe- JAKE: So mister equius! Have you tried the giant mushrooms yet? EQUIUS: -ears go forward- No, I have not EQUIUS: -Where???- DIRK: -HE WOULD BE SO PISSED OFF BY THAT ASSUMPTION- JAKE: By the grill! You see them? With the salamanders? DIRK: -he's here now. beside roxy.- EQUIUS: D --> -He whinny. Those 100k delicious.- E%cuse me, Ro%y EQUIUS: D --> -Quickly gallops over to get himself a mushroom- JAKE: ... -He whinny...... SNRK.- ROXY: -hi. she leans against him a little.- :) ROXY: o ur excused DIRK: -responds to it kind of stiffly... but does ultimately lean back against her.- JAKE: -finger pistols at both Roxy and Dirk.- Some day huh? Its been a blast! JAKE: Will you be hanging out with dirk today rox? There might be something i need to visit with before the day is through if you dont mind! JAKE: Let me know if you need a ride home! ROXY: i thiiiink mayb i should ROXY: this guy could use a lil more me in his day -nudges Dirk like EH???? EHHHH???- JAKE: Hah i daresay youre right! -nudges elbow at Dirk with a big grin on his face- Keep an eye on her huh? You two have fun! JAKE: -suddenly turns and cups his hands around his mouth to holler at Equius.- Mister equius! Ill be taking my leave now! Ill be seeing you around the base come soon! DIRK: Naturally. -FOR I AM. THE DAY MAN.- EQUIUS: -What? He wanted to play the human sports. He simply nods, slightly disappointed.- JAKE: -There's always next time my bro!- EQUIUS: -Comes back to Dirk and Roxy with his arms full of mushroom- JAKE: -scampering off for his motorbike, throwing on his helmet again. Waves at Dirk and Roxy before kicking it to life. He's out!- ROXY: BYEEEEEE EQUIUS: -He is HERE. Nibbling quietly.- ROXY: -adorable... :')- ROXY: hows the shrooms flexquius DIRK: -kind of.... places a hand on the back of roxy's shoulder. he knows she likes the affection so she'd probably especially like it in public? now that he's feeling better he kind of wants to make up for being a prick earlier.- a tiny horse - Today at 12:16 AM EQUIUS: D --> Tender and moist -responds readily- EQUIUS: D --> I highly reccomend it EQUIUS: D --> -Continues chewing. Was that a pun or did she get hsi name wrong.- ROXY: -she knows what she's about son. she looks up to Dirk and smiles at his touch, though; not a grin, but genuine pleasure from even just the tiny bit of affection. she's wriggling just a little closer.- ROXY: yea ROXY: i probs will ROXY: get some i mean EQUIUS: D --> -He tears off a piece of his own mushroom and presents it to her.- ROXY: !!!! ROXY: -WHAT A PLEASANT HORSE MAN.- aww thnx!! -noms it right out of his hand. because. she's still not ENTIRELY sober, and it made sense at the time.- DIRK: -roxy, please...- EQUIUS: -Did she just start eating out of his hand like an animal. He stands there stiffly as she nibbles. Well he's not going to pull his hand away. He feels sweaty and is reminded of petting zoos.- ROXY: -nom nom nom.- :3 ROXY: -WHAT A SUCCESSFUL DAY.-

[venturestuckrp-blog]

ARADIA: -it's her first day here at serenity labs! at least, it's the first day she's actually entered the building. most of her correspondance with the small facility has been with john through text. a more accurate way to describe her entrance here is: this is her introduction to the labs with a speciman to share with the staff. she's consulting a map after stepping inside, wondering where the best place to take it would be...-

SOLLUX: -What a coincidence, Sollux was just on his way out of the building. And no, it did not have to do with another mandatory send home from the boss, it was just a warning this time. Who the fuck cares if he's been here five days straight? Why is being productive an issue what the fuck is he going to do at home that he can't do in office?? Fucking plebs.- 

SOLLUX: -Whatever he's heading towards the door when he catches a glimpse of someone out of the corner of his good eye. First guess is its one of the newbies since he has never seen them around before, but then something in his half fried pan really starts bugging him. Obviously a stranger since shes checking the map like a gaping idiot, but then why does she actually seem familiar?.- 

SOLLUX: -He actually takes a moment to look fully at her with a squint, trying to suss out just how much of this weird deja vu feeling crawling in the space between his ears. Its the hair thats really throwing him for a loop. If only digging through his memory bank was as easy as it was on the computer... oh wait. wAIT FUCK!! Yeah he knows her. And now he knows he would have been better off staying at his desk for another twenty minutes. Shit he wasn't ready for another wrigglerhood reunion.- ............ 

 SOLLUX: -Gdi hes stuck staring at her. Aradia Megido, old friend and okay person all around that he totally fucked over by dropping out of existence.-

ARADIA: -she's not exactly perturbed by the feeling of eyes on her, and there's no reason to acknowledge it in a setting like this. it isn't as if she's being stared down by some massive sabre toothed beast in the depths of the jungle! still, experience has taught her that it's polite to give people the time of day if they're trying to get your attention, so she looks over at the other person with a smile.- 

ARADIA: -but what she sees is altogether more haunting than anything she could find in the wilderness. he looks so different, but so familiar at the same time. a strange pang strikes through her heart, one she hasn't felt in sweeps now, and she's left staring just as cluelessly as him for a good solid moment. she has the good grace to be able to verbalize her bewilderment first, though.- ARADIA: ... 

ARADIA: s0llux?

SOLLUX: -Hes been spotted, its too late for him. No chance of escape, whatever great deity that exists up there in the open sky feel free to strike him down right now.- 

SOLLUX: -Hes waiting.- 

 SOLLUX: -.............- 

SOLLUX: -Okay fine, be that way. He's still alive which means he has to take on this awkward social encounter.- uh. -Good god man, WORDS!!- 

 SOLLUX: 2up.

ARADIA: -that... WELL...- 

ARADIA: yes 

ARADIA: sup is pr0bably the thing t0 say in this situati0n 

ARADIA: after all there is a l0t t0 catch up 0n 

ARADIA: first and f0rem0st i am an ass0ciate at serenity labs n0w 

ARADIA: 0h als0 i th0ught y0u died

SOLLUX: oh hey you are? 

 SOLLUX: me two. 

 SOLLUX: gue22 we are coworker2 now and totally aliive two. 

SOLLUX: go fiigure.

ARADIA: the universe w0rks in mysteri0us ways 

ARADIA: ... 

ARADIA: s0 are y0u 

ARADIA: h0w d0 i put this 

ARADIA: y0u l00k really crappy ab0ut the face

SOLLUX: -He just barely refrains from making a noise akin to a deflating balloon. Was she always this blunt? Its been too long he cant remember.- SOLLUX: yeah. 

SOLLUX: ii fiigured iit made me look a liittle more bada22 liike woah check out that dude wiith the fucked up face he2 got nothiing to lo2e better not fuck wiith hiim. 

 SOLLUX: am ii riight?

ARADIA: well kind 0f 

ARADIA: crappy and c00l d0nt have t0 be mutually exclusive 

ARADIA: i supp0se what im trying t0 ask is if y0u are alright because y0u d0nt l00k alright -frowns with brows knitted-

SOLLUX: ii've been better but that2 a wedne2day for you.

SOLLUX: -Hes so fucking smooth, he needs to teach classes.-

ARADIA: -blinks... but then she laughs.- 

ARADIA: wednesday is the middle 0f the week 

ARADIA: that means its half way d0ne

SOLLUX:  -the corner of his mouth starts to angle upwards into a small smile when she laughs.- that ii2 2uch an optiimii2tiic way of thiinkiing about iit. SOLLUX: two bad iim a fiilthy pe22iimii2tiic a22hole. 

SOLLUX: or how ii liike two refer two iit iim a realii2t.

ARADIA: -he's smiling a little! that makes her pusher flutter in a triumphent kind of delight. it reminded her of when they were kids. incessant teasing just to get him to look on the bright side. it's funny that things are still that way, despite such an awkward reunion. she thinks everything will be ok.- 

ARADIA: theres n0thing realistic ab0ut c0nsistantly perceiving the w0rld ar0und y0u as a terrible place 

ARADIA: its 0nly realistic t0 believe that half the time!

SOLLUX: -Hes actually really relieved she doesnt hate him for going MIA for the last eight or nine years, or at least that she isn't so obvious about it if she does. Sollux had forgotten (or blocked out) how nice it could be to actually just talk to someone without having immense disgust for everything about the conversation.- 

 SOLLUX: that ii2 a 2tupiidly AA thiing 2ay. 

 SOLLUX: iin fact you cant get more aradiia brand re2pon2e then that congratulatiion2 on beiing con2i2tent all the2e year2 later where the fuck ii2 your award.

ARADIA: i believe y0u must have st0len the h0n0r 0ut fr0m under me 

ARADIA: c0nsidering y0u are still a filthy pethimithic athh0le as put it -laughs some more-

SOLLUX: -Him snrk.- 

SOLLUX: you've got me. 

SOLLUX: iit2 niice two 2ee you agaiin aradiia.

ARADIA: -smiles softly- y0u t00 s0llux 

ARADIA: -she's quiet for a time, just enjoying the company of an old friend... when she remembers she's holding onto some samples in her napsack.- 0h by the way 

ARADIA: d0 y0u kn0w where i sh0uld leave this -produces a BIG OL ROCK from her bag. it looks heavy, but she's carrying it around on her shoulder like it's no big deal. it's broken open to reveal opalescent rings inside.-

SOLLUX: -Looks at that big ol rock. Its pretty interesting. For a rock.- 

SOLLUX: uh. 

SOLLUX: iim goiing to 2ay lab three that2 where mo2t of the non-leathal 2hiit get2 looked at.

ARADIA: 0k c00l ARADIA: -realizes they're just kind of standing in front of the entrance when it clicks that MAYBE he was on his way out- i better take care 0f this in that case 

ARADIA: im sure we will see each 0ther ar0und a l0t

SOLLUX: -Oh right. They are doing that aren't they. Oh shit for a brief moment a flash of paranoia tears through him that what if Strider was watching the security feed and saw him being a dweeb. That would be fucking awful.- SOLLUX: we probably wiill. 

 SOLLUX: iim 2y2tem2 manager 2o ba2iically whenever 2omeone forget2 how two turn on the 2ound iit2 my job two 2how them how. 

SOLLUX: good luck wiith your rock. -He gives a half tried wave and then turns abruptly on his heel to ollie the fuck out through the doors.-

ARADIA: -turns to watch him go, a little unconsciously, before she bounces off on her own merry way. she wonders what else awaits her here!-

[venturestuckrp-blog]

JAKE: -Hooboy, it's another fine day at Skaianet labs. Well not THE main headquarter. This would be one of their fine established branches located deep in the forest of the LOFAF district. Also known as one of Jake's fonder stakeouts! If only it wasn't so damn cold at this time of year. Where's Roxy anyway? Jake has some news to tell her.- ROXY: -Isn't it cold every time of year???? Except she's not really thinking about that. Right now she's pretty warm from all the booze in her bloodstream, and pretty preoccupied trying to get this fucking ding danged contraption to work. It's a pretty cool concept, she thinks -- it's a rifle, that appearifies. Kind of like the appeafier gun, but with even more gun. Even better, it's thieving technology from Crockercorp in the hope to sock it completely against them... somehow. She hasn't quite decided how to use it yet, but that can come later, once it actually starts working.- ROXY: -Which it isn't. And she's draped across the pile of plushies on the floor of her lab, taking a mild snooze-- er, meditation break. And also thinking that maybe she should make it a wand instead?? That'd be so fuckin' HELLS of sweet.- JAKE: -What a perfect time to kick down the door. None too gently, Jake English was a man of burly muscle and two left feet. As soon as the door bursts open, he half tumbles to the ground in a heap.- Sunnava-- JAKE: Roxaroo it is BLISTERING FUCKING COLD OUT THERE. SWEET SHIT ON A POPSICLE IM THE POPSICLE! -kicks the door closed.- JAKE: HIYA. -thunk.- ROXY: w hA HD YA FUCK???? -OKAY SHE'S AWAKE, bolting upright and blinking way too many times to try to make sense of what's happening. She's about to karate kick Jake in the head before she makes the sluggish realization that oh, it's just Jake. Of course it's just Jake.- ROXY: holy shit jaaake ROXY: hoyl ROXY: EFFIN shit ROXY: in which the eff part stands for FUCKENING ROXY: holy FUCKENGIN shit ROXY: what is ROXY: the thing ur doin??? ROXY: errrr ROXY: waddup JAKE: Making a ruckus of course! Its three in the afternoon and your eyes are as big as the moon sweet chickadee! JAKE: -hops to his feet and sets hands on his hips. Grinning widely like he didn't just commit the heinous crime of barging in on someone's booze nap.- Or it WOULD be if it was an appropriate time for moonshine! Hah! Geddit?? Of course you do! JAKE: So its high time you woke the frig up madam! ROXY: mmmmmaaaaybe???? ROXY: or ROXY: mayb not that thing ROXY: howd u kno i was even sleping ROXY: coulda been ROXY: gettin a REAL close look at the fiber stitchings on dumbledorks adorbable pink hat ROXY: dumbledores the name of my wizord plush btw ROXY: every 1 of them ROXY: every single one ROXY: -Casual leans onto her desk. Leeaaaan. Casuaaal.- also p sure that aint even how that song goes ROXY: but ill give u that one for bein so gd porecious <3 JAKE: Oh shoot. I guess i dont know? -eyes widen like he hadn't even thought of that scenario. Also snaps his fingers.- Dammit english plan these entrance things better out next time! JAKE: Either way... JAKE: Thank you muches! -strolls his merry way indoors, forgetting that he's tracking snow everywhere.- And how are dumble and the doors doing this fine afternoon? Enjoying the single life? -Haw!- ROXY: yknow the usual ROXY: workin on their incantatas n groomin their lush beard hears ROXY: hairs ROXY: but i can say with at LEAST hundred percent certainty that p much no one in this room is enjoyin the single luife ROXY: -zooms in on the snow tracks. it finally clicks where he's been.- woa hey ROXY: what were UUUuUuUuU doin? JAKE: A fine question that bears an equally fine answer! -thumbs him chest- JAKE: Yours truly was invited out to HQ for a highly important meeting regarding... well! None other than our new base of project hacking! JAKE: Finally having a share of that explorative pie as it were. That associated place called serenity? Its exciting stuff to see it all come together! JAKE: So exciting i... -looks around him, shoulders slumping.- Zoinks! Plum dumb forgot halley in the car. :/ JAKE: Can you fucking believe me? My best pal! ROXY: omg ROXY: how dare u???? ROXY: but also ur gonna have to elarborate for the drunk girls in the room what ur talkin about ROXY: mayby while we rescue ur doge ROXY: -she's already wandering to scoop up a coat and scarf. get on my body.- JAKE: Well alright see... remember all that gabbledgook you said about the crocker corp and its nefarious schemes? -babbling as they head outside again.- Wouldnt you know it some sharp eyed fellow by the name of john egbert broke off from the place and is starting his own researching venture! JAKE: Why even the mayor of can town is behind the project! Can you believe that? JAKE: Its all the more reason to check out the scene huh? If it combats those dastardly corporate fat cats? -WHOOSH as soon as he hauls the door open, they are met with an icy blast of wind.- BRRRRRR. Damn this fucking district! ROXY: -That sure is chilly as fuck. Good thing she's still got plenty of warm in her blood, and she certainly doesn't feel it as much as she could. Vague squinting happens, but she crunches into the snow pretty fearlessly.- ROXY: uuuuuuuummm YES???? ROXY: sign me the FUCK up ROXY: like ROXY: assumin he aint just one of them in disguise somehow ROXY: tryin to hide his schemes or w/e ROXY: but if he broke off that seems like itd be way too obvious.... ROXY: unless thats what she WANTS us to think ROXY: hrrmrm JAKE: Come now! Give the man a chance and maybe youll see hes exactly what the doctor ordered! -Unlike Roxy, Jake is way too aware of the cold and can just about feel his nose hairs freezing on contact. Luckily, the RV wasn't parked too far away.- JAKE: Now hurry get inside before you let the warm out! -punches the door open and scrambles inside. Halley the dog will be sitting obediantly at the foot of Jake's bed. Jake himself huffs, tugging the hoodie off his head.- JAKE: Huh. I guess i also forgot i told him to stay. -bemused.- ROXY: -She's right on his tail (so to speak), climbing inside and grinning automatically at the furry friend.- aww what a good boy ROXY: ur just the best dude arent you ROXY: a friend n a helper ROXY: a companion and a bro :') -Gently flops one of the dog's ears around. It's just so cute and velvety.- ROXY: just like ur master HALLEY: -regards Roxy with soulful eyes and noses her hand. He is a very good dog.- JAKE: Keep that up and youll spoil him! -Like Jake doesn't try to spoil him... He grins anyway.- Who wants a treat! HALLEY: -pins ears at the sound of treat. Him... he do...- JAKE: Attaboy hal pal yes you do! ROXY: ahahaha uh huh ok ROXY: "youll spoil him" says the guy w the treats on hand ROXY: u just dont want no one ELSE spoilin him i c your game here ROXY: afraid of my charms with boys n pooches alike ROXY: as u should be considerin i got em flyin out the wazoo ROXY: -What a cold and precious nose... She gives the pupper a little head pet before he's stolen away by the promise of treats.- JAKE: Can you blame me? -bucktooth pout as he kneels and feeds Halley a bacon bit.- JAKE: Youve got so much more going for you than i! Any man or beast would be lucky for your hand in spoilings! HALLEY: -lots of doggy snuffles as he devours treat. Ye.- JAKE: Pardon me if i baton the odds in my favor miss lalonde! ROXY: hrrrrnnnnghhh ok im callin time out on account a i cant handle this convo no more with you being all sweet and sincere at me?? ROXY: halley save me ROXY: ya bois bein rudedickulous *_* HALLEY: -He doesnt understand what she's saying but he sure understands his name! Wags tail.- JAKE: -just laughing- Hah! Talk about a deplorable tease! JAKE: I say what i say because i believe in my heart of hearts that its true! Maybe some day youll see it too! JAKE: Not to mention some debonair suavemeister in your future tenses. -winks at her cheesily and gives Halley ruffle between the ears.- Speaking of which! Would you like to catch a movie aboard the old couch cushion or two? JAKE: How about jackie chans my lucky stars??? Just who the shit doesnt love a good kungfu movie in the afternoon????? ROXY: -SNRK. Damn it, Jake. Her face is all warm, and it has very little to do with booze, this time. You can't just wink at her all wantonly like that??? She might be petting Halley on an ear just for the opportunity to have her hand sort of close to his. It's... strange, and nice, even getting the opportunity to feel just the body heat of another person.- ROXY: probs a person that is exaxtly the opposite of who i am ROXY: the nega roxy ROXY: roxorz the tall n betittied ROXY: hater of kung fu n kittens ROXY: fuck her man ROXY: neway the answer is yes JAKE: -goes a little wall-eyed, oblivious to her hand inching towards his. It's the rough kind of hand that has climbed trees and worked with heavy mechanics. With a little fuzz on the knuckles.- Betittied you say? ROXY: that sure is a thing i just said -Thanks past Roxy.- ROXY: with the implication ROXY: that i dont have titties i guess ROXY: which aint rly true ROXY: but i guess true enough 4 like ROXY: the concept of a anti me w even biggre bazoonglas maybe ROXY: how do u make the opposite of an average thing??? ROXY: answer me that scienc ROXY: gnna have to do a project on that ROXY: get thru the SERIOUS like six step method shit ROXY: 4 the sake of analayzin these fictional dongabongeros ROXY: askin the real q's ROXY: -Yeah, she's just... happening. All the while still moving her hand toward his, a little too drunk and curious and even distracting herself not to, until her hand is just sort of... resting over his. It feels like her hand, kind of, but also not at all. It's bigger and fuzzier and a few shades lighter and her heart is sort of thudding in her throat in a distracting kind of way that she thinks would be great if it would shut up, please, except feelings don't shut up, and neither do heartbeats, because neither of those things make any sense.- JAKE: -But he's just grinning all the same, not bothered by her ramblings. In fact they were just one of the many things that made Roxy so special! And to hear a voice that wasn't his own? Just who the hell let this happen! Jake had many such of these questions and not enough answers.- JAKE: So for the sake of this conversation were talking about confronting an alternate version of yourself who is in all ways boobalicious and cat despising? JAKE: Would this involve a water gun fight of any kind??? Im asking for a friend! -HE'S TEASING, GOD. Let him have this laugh. As her hand closes over his, he seems to suddenly remember the movie.- JAKE: Oh thats right! The couch! Come on! -far too quick to take up her hand and tug her along. Human contact sure had a way of coming around more often than not didnt it? Jake was in no position to complain.- Allow me to set up the old digs. JAKE: -That's right. A genuine television and entertainment center. What else was he going to plug in here???- ROXY: -Oh, welp. She barely has the time to laugh before he doesn't stop keep happening, as instantly taking her hand as she had the thought to even begin to try to actually wrap her fingers around his. She's back on her feet for as long as it takes to get to that couch.- ROXY: just how old are these digs were talkin about ROXY: old as balls??? ROXY: r we about to get paleontological in here??? ROXY: cuz ima have to suggest jurassic park if thats the case ROXY: no fense thems just the breaks ROXY: ....heheh that kinda rhymed JAKE: As the great ancients would probably say... why not both? -The walk is short, his RV is only medium-sized after all. In fact, even this two person loveseat of his was a tight squeeze. The good thing was it was squishy and just the kind of thing anyone in their right might would want to sink their butt into.- JAKE: Ladies get first pick! Do you think im some kind of heathan gone forgotten his manners? -Of course he has Jurassic Park on hand. Why wouldn't he? His grandma spoiled him rotten as a kiddie, god bless her. Soon enough, he's flopping back down. Arm over the back of the sofa and happy as a clam.- HALLEY: -trots over and rests at their feet. Very noble and polite of him.- ROXY: well i mean ROXY: i never had a beef with a lil heathen behavior ;) ROXY: but ur such a gentleman id be some kinda heathen myself to ask you to be anything else ROXY: and i am aspirin to be a LADY ROXY: so im gona enjoy the fux outta this sweet dinosaur moive all snuggly and like totes plantoniclaly with my hella good bud here w no complains whatsoever ROXY: -Yeah, she's noticed his arm that's kind of just behind her. She's wiggling back into it to make absolute certain she can tell it's still there.- JAKE: -It most certainly is there! Jake's arms are just too barrel to keep them to himself. He's more of a sprawler than anything. If she doesn't have a problem, neither does he.- Hells of good rko... Maybe even the best! -eyes are now fixed on the TV. Exclaims to himself. Gosh... he loved how this movie opened up. Terrifying as the first day he watched it.-

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test post 4

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SOLLUX: -Once more he is temporarily occupying the break room couch after taking a break from his near continuous binge of energy drink fueled fifteen hour process of updating the company server to handle the additional users that were being hired. The project wasn't due for another week, but why wait when all the high strung energy was at your finger tips now? Or it was. Now Sollux just felt slightly akin to a used battery as he draped himself over the decently comfy piece of furniture, his eyes slowly closing and reopening every once in a while as he fought off the urge to nap.-

DAVE: -Take it from the expert, fifteen hours is a hell of a lot of time. It's just enough time to get some beauty rest because let's face it. Dave's face wasn't something that just happened the moment he woke up. Mumbling nonsense under his breath, the uniformed human walks into the break room.- 

DAVE: whats this mess even 

DAVE: its a set up for a classic egbertian joke 

DAVE: first you ask how then you ask when now youre asking who the fuck put this so i walk in at this exact moment 

DAVE: but we all know the answer to that we always did 

DAVE: hey 

 DAVE: am i interrupting something -Oh. He sounds like he's talking to Sollux.-

SOLLUX: -There is an internal groan, and then a low verbal one to follow as Dave walks in. This guy was prime head ache causing material with the ranting bullshit that trickled out of his mouth on an above regular basis.- 

SOLLUX: -He stares right at him, with a deadpan expression hinted with irritation.- 

 SOLLUX: out of all of that. 

 SOLLUX: at what poiint wa2 any of iit diirected two me.

DAVE: -Undeterred by the stare or any projected irritation. The guy's expression is pretty flat as it comes.- oh cool youre not a corpse 

DAVE: id have to report it if it was a corpse but thank fuck for avoiding that protocol this early in the game 

DAVE: yeah no shit that was at you 

DAVE: cockadoodle doo motherfucker rise and shine the world says hello

SOLLUX: no my body ha2nt quiite reached the poiint of rot and decay two con2iider me for a fuckiing corp2e. 

SOLLUX: iit2 gettiing there. 

 SOLLUX: al2o you can take your boii2terou2 cluck bea2t and 2hove iit back up the wa2te chute you pulled iit out of before doiing an iimpre22iive piirouette back out of my artiicular 2ponge range. -Hes grouchy.-

DAVE: shove a cadoodling cock up my ass 

 DAVE: pretty sure you just said that in your convoluted bug speak and i have to say 

DAVE: i appreciate the care youre going through to elaborate that scenario for me and my alleged waste chute 

DAVE: but this shit is the break scape land of chewy coffee and day old donuts 

DAVE: btw 

DAVE: there needs to be a sign out here

 DAVE: please remember to plug in your resident douchebag at a nearby recharge hub 

DAVE: they get cranky after midnight

DAVE: point is were both on the clock bro 

DAVE: this aint lala twinkie winky nap time 

DAVE: bruh

SOLLUX: If my 2peciie2 vocabulary ii2 two much for you two 2wallow then here iill 2ummeriize for you. 

SOLLUX: 2hut up. 

 SOLLUX: ii would say plea2e and thank you but you've outworn the 2mall amount of patiience ii have to 2pare. 

SOLLUX: iim on my damn break and be2iide2 ii do four tiime2 the amount of actual work you do 2tep off 2trider.

DAVE: wow suddenly its a dick measuring contest in two completely different fields of work 

DAVE: thats like comparing a cool glass of aj to literally any beverage that isnt aj 

DAVE: its going to be backwashed shit no matter how you pour it 

DAVE: newsflash asshole its not even the same fucking thing 

DAVE: so take a chill pill 

 DAVE: were all farmers tending our sweet apple crops and dont want no trouble kapeesh?

SOLLUX: -He wordless flips off the human this time, double bird and everything.-

DAVE: im number one times two -gives him two stoic thumbs up- 

DAVE: thanks man you too

SOLLUX: -Now he hisses, and turns to flop over and face the other way.- 

SOLLUX: iif we are both on the clock then why the fuck are you iin here makiing my paiinful exii2tence harder.

SOLLUX: Go 2tare at your moniitor 2creen two 2ee who2 jackiing iit iin publiic.

DAVE: because son

 DAVE: thats what i do make things harder 

DAVE: and i did also 

DAVE: led me to the massive prick making himself obscene in the break room 

DAVE: oh my god becky 

 DAVE: call me one hard dick i solved the fuck out of that case 

DAVE: damn if it didnt need to be solved but here we are 

DAVE: just a couple a dicks dicking it out in the break room

SOLLUX: ii wiil pi22 on your godle22 damned de2k iif you dont fuck off.

DAVE: hold up this is perfect 

DAVE: -leans to take a straight-faced selfie with the gremlin man curled up on the couch.- gotta hashtag this shit 

DAVE: lights out dicks out at the office 2k69

SOLLUX: -Thats it he is whipping around to reach out a scraggly limb to grab at the phone.- 

 SOLLUX: thii2 ii2 harra2ment iim goiing to report your a22!

DAVE: uh no? -swipes the phone off and puts it away with superior reflexes. Sorry, Sollux.- 

DAVE: douchecanoes are as douchecanoes do bro 

DAVE: and a douchecanoe is what you done sowed congrats 

DAVE: so anyway 

DAVE: enjoy your nap 

DAVE: cant garauntee i wont be back but i got a patrol to run -walks backwards, throwing his hands out like Strider Claaaan.- keep those donuts warm for me if you know what i mean

SOLLUX: -NO!! Why does life hate him, he growls as Dave back peddles from the room.- 

SOLLUX: -And three whole plastic forks fly from the provided utensils cup and whirl through the air towards the arrogant man's torso.-

[venturestuckrp-blog]

SOLLUX: -Karkat will be getting an email shot into his company account inbox by one meddling, snaggle toothed twig.- 

TA: diid you ever manage two fiix your 2y2tem by repeatedly beatiing your liimb 2tub2 on iits 2creen liike the priimordiial human ape 2peciie2; dunka22iiou2 homofuckeriid, that you are.

KARKAT: =SQUINTS at this email and opens it. Skeptically hrming= 

CG: NOW I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING AT MY ASS, NOT THAT IT'S A SURPRISE. YOUR TASTES ARE AS DISGUSTING AND FUCKED UP AS THE REST OF YOU. 

CG: AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.

TA: actually iit ii2 my busiine22 iim the iit guy. 

TA: iit2 2pelled out iin my job that ii unfortunately have two giive a 2hiit about your lack of techniical charm.

CG: "UNFORTUNATELY". YEAH RIGHT, YOU'D JUMP AT THE CHANCE TO POSSBILY SHOW ME UP IN ANY WAY. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN SHIT ON FOR THE ENTIRETY OF YOUR EXISTENCE. 

CG: WELL NOT-QUOTE UNFORTUNATELY FOR YOU I'M TIRED OF THE SHIT I'VE BEEN GETTING FOR MY EXISTENCE SO YOU CAN MARINATE IN YOUR CYNICAL LITTLE FECAL GRUBSOCK.

TA: wow youve got me completely iin a box here you ju2t 2pelled iit the fuck out for me kk. 

TA: ii 2ee the error of my way2 now. 

TA: from now on ii wiill let other people fiix theiir audiio connectiion2. 

TA: my new purpo2e ii2 two 2iit there 2upportiively liike a court block offiiciiated paiid by the hour pale dom. 

TA: okay franciine what do YOU thiink the problem i2 wiith your emaiil. 

TA: okay terrance but how doe2 iit make you feel when you acciidently wiiped your whole hard drive.

CG: ONLY YOU'D BE SHIT AT THAT JOB TOO BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE EMOTIONAL EMPATHY OF A BUZZARD'S FESTERING TURD.

 CG: TURNS OUT YOU'D JUST SUCK AT EVERY JOB YOU CAN AND EVER WILL GET. CG: THAT'S JUST HOW IT IS WHILE WE'RE SPELLING THINGS OUT FOR THE IDIOT. 

CG: THE IDIOT BEING YOU.

TA: excu2e fuckiing you ii made liike the equiiviilent of twelve grand bii-weekly at my la2t job. 

TA: 2o yeah ii 2uck iimmensely but ii 2uck a liitle margiinally le22 then you chute breath.

CG: JUST BECAUSE YOUR BOSS WAS TOO STUPID TO FIRE YOU EITHER BY PITY OR PURE IGNORANCE MEANS SHIT. 

 CG: AND IT'S NOT EVEN HOW MUCH YOU MAKE IT'S WHAT YOU DO AND WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN DO.

TA: wow. 

TA: you know fuck iit iim not even going two try two explaiin iit any further. 

TA: 2o ii2 your 2hiit fiixed or what.

CG: BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO EXPLANATIONS FOR IT. 

 CG: AND FUCK YOU NO IT ISN'T. BUT I'M GETTING THERE.

TA: you don't know my liife we diidnt talk for liike four 2weep2. 

TA: gettiing there huh. 

TA: are you goiing two have iit ready for the next on call meetiing.

TA: iit2 goiing two be a biig one youll need iit.

CG: WHAT A COINCIDENCE I WAS GOING TO BE OUT OF TOWN FOR THAT. 

CG: OH DARN. OH WELL.

TA: Bull2hiit you are.

CG: YEP SORRY MAN, I'VE GOT SHIT TO CHECK OUT. CG: I'LL GET THE JIST OF THE MEETING FROM SOMEONE I'M SURE BUT YOU KNOW HOW UNRELIABLE SIGNAL IS OUT THERE.

TA: What are you po2iibly doiing that iit giive2 you the excu2e two 2lack off from 

TA: Uh. 

TA: Fuck what do you even do ii didnt bother the effort to check and iim not botheriing now.

CG: LOOKS LIKE IT'S BOUND TO BE A MYSTERY THEN. ONE THAT COULD BE SOLVED BY TURNING YOUR SPIKEY HEAD SO SLIGHTLY TO THE LEFT BUT FUCK THAT.

TA: that ii2 way two demandiing of me.

 TA: how dare you even 2ugge2t iit.

CG: OH I KNOW, HOW DARE THEY MAKE YOU MOVE EVEN? 

CG: YOU CAN'T REALLY MAKE THE SLIGHTEST MISTAKE WITH YOUR FRAGILE, BONY LIMBS. YOU COULD SHATTER THEM WITH THE SIMPLEST UNPREPARED JERK.

TA: that2 riight ii ri2k my liife everytiime ii jack off two my unbriidled rage that ii2 fueled by my endle22 2elf-hatred. 

TA: iit2 a real tragety diid you know there ii2 a go fund me to raii2e money and awarene22 for people with my condiitiion.

CG: AWARENESS OF SOCIALLY WITHDRAWN FUCKWITS GETTING THEIR ROCKS OFF TO OTHER PEOPLE'S SUFFERING. 

 CG: I MEAN. I WAS AWARE ALREADY.

TA: have you donated two the cau2e already.

CG: NO I'VE JUST ENCOUNTERED THEM IN MY LIFE. 

CG: YOU BEING ONE OF THEM.

TA: and you havent even giiven a dollar? 

TA: cheap ba2tard

CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I SUPPORT YOU?

TA: becau2e you are a god damn 2oft sack of pity throwing garbage.

TA: who cant fiigure out that the ii22ue with your computer ii2 that you 2wiitched off the automatiic file converter for your 2aving and backup program2. 

TA: that2 right fuckwiit ii ran a diiaogno2tiic2 on it already youre welcome.

CG: WHAT THE FUCK! FUCK OFF I DIDN'T ASK FOR YOUR HELP! 

CG: AND WHAT MAKES YOU SO FUCKING SURE IT'S THAT EXACT THING IT COULD BE SOMETHING ELSE!

TA: kk

TA: are you 2eriiou2ly a2kiing me that.

TA: thiink about what you ju2t a2ked. 

TA: thiink about iit real hard. 

TA: and then 2lap your2elf up2ide the head 2o hard your half grown horn2 knock off. 

TA: dont que2tiion me about computer2.

CG: WHO MADE YOU THE GODDAMN GRAND POOBAH OF COMPUTERS?? 

CG: JUST BECAUSE YOU SPEND YOUR SPARE TIME FUCKING AND SUCKING A CIRCUIT BOARD DOESN'T MAKE YOU THE LEADING AUTHORITY ON ALL THINGS WIRED. 

CG: AND IF YOU THINK FOR ONE SECOND THAT YOUR BONY EXCUSE FOR A HAND OR YOUR MATERIAL AND SALIVA STICKY REACHSTUBS ARE GOING TO TOUCH ME IN ANY FORM YOU BETTER GET PREPARED TO LOSE A HAND YOU UPPITY GEARSACK OF REGRETS.

TA: thii2 ii2 becoming 2candalou2ly clo2e two iin offiice harra2ment of the 2exual nature.

CG: YOU'RE THE ONE HARASSING ME.

TA: iim ju2t trying two do my job.

CG: BULLSHIT.

TA: That wa2 LIITERALY my purpos2e for me22aging you.

TA: refresh your memory and look at the communiicatiion hii2tory.

CG: YOU MESSAGED ME WITH ANTAGONISM IN A THIN VEIL OF HELPFULNESS!

TA: ii2 that what your legii2la2orator 2aiid.

CG: I DON'T HAVE TO BE A LEGISLASORATOR TO SEE PASSED YOUR HALFBAKED HOOFBEASTSHIT.

TA: fiine damn. 

TA: dont accept my generou2iity and help. 

TA: plea2e countiinue to 2truggle away and make an a22 of your2elf.

TA: ii've wa2ted enough of my own tiime on thii2 bull2hiit offer anyway2. 

 TA: the2e preciiou2 miinute2 that iill never get back.

TA: gone forever.

CG: AND YET YOU'RE STILL HERE, BITCHING ABOUT IT. 

 KARKAT: =He's going to wait at least two hours then try what Sollux said=

TA: yeah iim biitchiing about iit becau2e ii u2ed my break to try and diig your technologiically inept a22 out of the hole you dug your2elf. 

TA: but now ii have to go 2et up the traiiniing regiime for the new hire2 we are gettiing 2ome tiime thii2 month. 

TA: good luck fiixiing your own problem2.

SOLLUX: =Exactly two hours later Karkat will be receiving another email, this one only containing a file program titled "youre fuckiing welcome." Could this be the process download that will fix his husktop? Sure but its also going to auto save an album of insect themed porn shots that will play on the desktop background in presentation mode. And the settings will be locked with a new password.=

[venturestuckrp-blog]

KARKAT: =It's been a few days since he's gotten this job so naturally Karkat wants to have good first impressions all around while he's meeting people. He also would like to look like a professional at his job but that was getting goddamn hard when the husktop he kept all his notes and translations on started to be a little bitch. Angrily whapping the machine with a calloused, square hand he scowls. Waiting for the technician or whatever the fuck someone was going to grab for him. He only hopes they keep out of his personal files and fix the goddamn problem, he had literally ALL his work on this one machine which is fucking stupid now that he thinks about it=

SOLLUX: -Yeah that is pretty unbelievably stupid of him, stupid of a lot of people actually. Sollux was a strong believer in having multiple backup grubdrives of everything, but UNFORTUNATELY hardly anyone else in this damn office was.- 

SOLLUX: -Anyways enough about his theoretical points of view on subjects you never wanted his opinion on. When Sollux had gotten the notice that yet another nookstain had managed to fuck up their system he wasn't exactly jumping out of his seat with unbridled excitement. There hadn't been any details given other then "Well shit I dont know what the problem is but its something with the computer." Specific. As. Fuck. On a worse day he might have just said fuck it and never actually gotten around to doing the job until two days from now, much rather preferring to work on his own personal project of updating the routing speed of the whole office so he could play overwatch on his desktop free from any threat of lag. But WHATEVER. He was feeling merciful and gotten around to strolling to the other end of the building only an hour after someone had asked him to.- SOLLUX: -Looking at the portable tablet he had in his hands it would seem that the cubical belonged to one of the more recent employees. The company had been growing so these newbies weren't any big news anymore. He didn't even bother checking the name or information and jumped straight to testing if it was a router connection through a self programmed app on his data pad as he stepped up to the cubical of the needy.- SOLLUX: -Not even looking up from his fingers tapping away at the screen.- Alriight 2o what2 bucket fiiller tab2 were you lookiing at or how much 2hiit diid you loviingly 2tuff under your key2. -That was usually what he dealt with.-

KARKAT: =AN ENTIRE HOUR. What helpful shitstains he was going to be working with and in that hour he's only restarted his system at least six times, beat the machine with his palm mercilessly and rattled the wireless mouse to aggressively he gave his carpal tunnel carpal tunnel.= 

KARKAT: =By the time his space is approached he's got his nose pinched between two fingers as the screen is frozen once more. The snark is hardly welcome and it causes Karkat to scowl greatly already sitting up straight to have at this sassy shitberry but pauses so drastically= 

KARKAT: =The shape of his face and horns, stupid teeth and the point of his nose seeming different... but still familiar enough to be a complete slap in the face= WHAT THE GLOBE-GARGLING FUCK??

SOLLUX: Wow what a greetiing. iil remember that one for the mii2erable year2 of our joiint employment. -He says in a monotonous tone, still not looking up from the screen in his hands. And if Karkat happened to notice all that about his ugly mug then he might have also been able to tell the stark difference in color of his eyes, what was once red and blue is now grey and white, and the yellow-ish scars threading outwards from his eyes and across the bridge of his nose might be considered an improvement to his oh so "Charming" character quirk.- 

SOLLUX: 2o are you goiing to actually tell me why ii dragged my a22 all the way over here or am ii goiing to play iinvestiigator drone and metephoriically and phy2iically tear through your de2k hu2k hard driive.

KARKAT: =Oh he's noticed and he's many things right now. Confused, concerned, angry, mostly the latter. He can't stand just STARING at him and seeing this face that's been so changed. He stands up, knocking the chair over. Thick eyebrows knitted downward, he can't be mistaken and promptly SLAPS the tablet out of his hands= SOLLUX. SOLLUX??????

SOLLUX: -Tap tap tap ta-- UM FUCKING EXCUSE??? The tablet is rudely smacked right out of his hands before he has much time to register the sound of the chair clattering against the ground. Thank god he still has just enough juice that he can catch the weight of the tablet with psionics just before the screen shatters on the ground followed by a "Mmmwatcha' saaaay" gif watermarked in the sky. Holy shit, that would of sucked.- 

 SOLLUX: -Of course it wasn't going to suck as bad as the chew out he was going to get from John when he stuffed the newbie into their own desk for this.-  

SOLLUX: What the grub humpiing FUCK do you thiink youre-- ..................... -Blinks. And then proceeds to rub his wrist into his good eye before blinking again.- Holy fii2t fuckiing 2hiit. 

SOLLUX: Kk???? -The tablet gently thuds to the floor now that the rest of his attention is thoroughly occupied. This... this was an awkward blast from the past. When was the last time he messaged this kid, er not kid anymore, dude.- iid a2k iif iit wa2 actually you but what other 2elf re2pectiing troll ha2 horn2 that vertiically challenged lmao.

KARKAT: =Yep that confirms it and his face becomes increasingly red, he's going to yell he looks like he's going to yell and just grips Sollux's shirt in his hands pretty unsure if he wants to crush him in a hug or shake his bony frame to pieces.= WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? =Just, what happened all that time ago? What happened to him now? Was this why he disappeared? Because he got fucked up and then all that time Karkat was pissed at him and worried in equal parts. His jaw is clenched and disgusting red tears line his eyes since apparently this is too fucking much. Fantastic=

SOLLUX: -Oh sweet jegus fuck he is being man handled. This whole encounter was not what he had been expecting for his tuesday afternoon, dammit he didn't sign up for this. Sollux couldnt even take pleasure on seeing how Karkat's face got the exact shade of red he had imagined when they were kids when he got so flustered.- 

SOLLUX: -His expression got all squinty as he scowled and wrapped his thin fingers around Karkat's wrists. If anyone looked over to investigate this it would look like these two were about to get into a god damn fight, thank god the company was so pitifully understaffed.- 

 SOLLUX: Hold on for-- dude fuckiin--- oh my GOD kk are you cryiing?? -He didn't think it was that emotional god. Maybe that was because Sollux wasn't a particularly attached person? Or he could just be a douche bag, there was that.-

KARKAT: =Even if they weren't understaffed and even if someone jumped on him to pull him off Sollux he'd only hiss and continue to wrinkle his shirt with a vengence. Calling attention to the tears in his eyes made them fall and he also rattled Sollux a little defensively= SHUT THE FUCK UP????? I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD! OR PISSED AT ME AND PISSED AND DEAD BECAUSE YOU JUST FUCKING SALTED YOURSELF TO DEATH LIKE THE BITTER FUCKING GREMLIN YOU ARE! 

KARKAT: NOW I SEE YOU GOT YOUR SHIT SEVERELY KICKED AND YOU'RE NOT DEAD AND YOU HAVE THE SHRIVELED GLOBES (sniff) TO ASK ME IF I'M CRYING!? =Yeah he might be, like. A little. A lottle. Fuck=

SOLLUX: -Not his shirt, this one wasn't even that wrinkled before Karkat got his sticky mitts all wrapped up in it.- 

SOLLUX: jeez karkat calm your globe2 thii2 actually 2tartiing to get embarra22iing??? -His face is dusting yellow from watching his childhood enemyfriend start breaking down in a cubicle. What do??? He cant even dedicate his usual brand of snark to this, he's too caught off guard by playing sob tissue for this crying grown ass troll.- 

SOLLUX: fuck ju2t. 

 SOLLUX: get your2elf twogether man. -He's letting go of his hold on Karkat and hopefully the guy will let go of him too?? This whole situation was fucked up.- iill let you drag out my liife 2tory iif 2top threatening to u2e me a2 a wadded up 2not rag you ju2t dug out of your pocket.

SOLLUX: ii mean not really iim not goiing to do that but. 

SOLLUX: You are beiing rediiculou2 ii have two work here dude 2omeone ii2 goiing two make a noii2e complaiint.

KARKAT: =Listen, sometimes it's hard when you're emotional and some ghost from your past decides to snark you while being not a ghost. He also feels like he might punch Sollux in the mouth of he lets go of his shirt so readily= I'M THE ONE THE SHOULD BE EMBARRASSED! 

 KARKAT: MOSTLY FOR GIVING A SHIT ABOUT SOME LANKY WASTESTAIN OF A TROLL THAT FONDLED HIS WAY INTO THE GODDAMN GREAT BEYOND! 

KARKAT: OH WAIT, HAHA NEVERMIND HERE I AM. YOUR LOCAL SHITWAD IS BACK IN ACTION AND LOOKING SHITTIER THAN EVER! FUCK YOU! =Yes, now that he's channeled this into anger he lets go of Sollux's shirt and wipes his face while scowling= WOULD IT KILL YOU TO LET PEOPLE KNOW YOU'RE NOT DEAD? I WAS 100% CONVINCED THAT YOU MOUTHED OFF TO THE WRONG MOTHERFUCKER AND THEY PULLED YOUR VOICEBOX OUT OF YOUR WASTECHUTE FOR BEING A SHITTY THREAD TROLL!

SOLLUX: Wow fuck you?? SOLLUX: 

Diid you actually thiink ii would biite iit 2o ea2iily 2ome a22hole you were. 

SOLLUX: -When Karkat finally lets go of him he slaps the hands away and proceeds to focus on trying in vain to smooth out the mess of his shirt, his ugly scowl was still plastered as his constant expression. Ugh this encounter just soured his whole day. He wasn't sure if it was Karkat's yelling, or having the distant sweeps of his past drudged up from the depths of a time he'd rather forget about, that was the cause of his new budding headache.- 

SOLLUX: al2o iif iim the wa2te 2taiin on your 2hag carpet of thiink pan then what doe2 that make you for giiviing all your 2hiit2 all thii2 tiime. 

SOLLUX: Wouldnt you have run out of fuck2 two giive by now? -Gives up trying to fix his shirt and bends to pick up the tablet.- 

 SOLLUX: 2o how2 your lu2u2. 2tiill break the 2trato2phere 2ound barriier a2 ever?

KARKAT: WOW!! IT MAKES ME SOMEONE WHO GAVE A SHIT OVER A PIPECLEANER! =Good, you deserver this headache= 

KARKAT: HE SURE IS! YOU'D KNOW THIS IF YOU DIDN'T SIT IN A CAVE AND FIST YOURSELF FOR SWEEPS. =Huffs and just, forces himself to sit down, he wasn't expecting this today and now he's getting SNARK over having feelings=

SOLLUX: -Is he sitting on the floor or did he pick up the chair. Sollux wouldn't be surprised to see either.- 

SOLLUX: fiir2tly fuck you 2econd and mo2t iimportantly why am ii the only one gettiing heat for thii2. 

SOLLUX: iit2 not liike you bothered two me22age me eiither. -Hes got the tablet back in his hands and is looking over it for any signs of damage.-

KARKAT: =He picked the chair back up and gives Sollux the MOST stank face he's ever made. It's a full-on grimace and scowl with bright pearly-whites showing= THAT MEANS YOU NEVER BOTHERED TO CHECK SO NO. FUCK YOU.

SOLLUX: no my me22age box ha2 been 2tarved of your 2tank mono-hued 2hout chiitter for 2weep2. -He is one hundred percent sure that he has never gotten a single notif from Karkat in-- oh and then it clicks.- 

 SOLLUX: wait 2hiit that2 riight ii had two 2wiitch my handle. fuck ii havent logged onto my old 2erver in forever. 

 SOLLUX: -Looks up at Karkat again to shrug.- my bad. 

 SOLLUX: -Moves towards the computer now to start clicking at its keyboard.- 2o whiich one of your half a22ed wannabiie code2 backfiired on you thii2 tiime.

KARKAT: =UGH= KNOW WHAT NO. FUCK IT, FUCK YOU. I'LL FIX IT YOU CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF FROM WHERE YOU CAME UP. =Aggressively shoos Sollux while making a reach for his husktop=

SOLLUX: where ii came from wa2 my offiice on the thiird floor. -Makes a face and smacks the hand shooing at him.- 

 SOLLUX: no fuck you you dragged me out here pleadiing for my wii2dom two be your liight bathed 2aviior let me do my job. 

SOLLUX: iit2 company equiipment you'll ju2t fuck iit up wor2e.

KARKAT: I DIDN'T DRAG SHIT, SOME ASSHOLE BUTT INTO MY BUSINESS AND  WANTED TO HELP BUT UNFORTUNATELY FOR THEM YOU WERE THE HELP THEY DECIDED TO SEEK OUT AND UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME YOU'RE IN MY SHIT SO MOVE. =Don't smack his hand, he's scowling and closing the husktop= 

KARKAT: IF IT'S COMPANY EQUIPMENT GET BETTER EQUIPMENT AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT GET A BETTER ATTITUDE AND FACE AND MAYBE I'LL DEAL WITH YOU BUT FOR NOW PISS OFF YOU SHITBISCUIT.

SOLLUX: -Throws his hand up in exasperation.- fiine!!! damn! 

SOLLUX: -Hes backing off your computer are you HAPPY Karkat.- what the fuck ever ii get paiid hourly. enjoy your corrupted hard diisk you bulge chafe.  -Sollux gathers his tablet and huffs before turning to walk out of the cubicle, only pausing for a moment to look around at the walls and desk space with judging eyes.- 

 SOLLUX: your decoratiion 2kill2 are 2HIIT by the way. ii wa2nt goiing to mentiion iit but you 2tarted beiing an a22wiipe.

KARKAT: =SCOFFS, he can fix this! Or at least he can try to copy over as much as he can and replace the husktop= GEE! SOLSUX DOESN'T LIKE MY INTERIOR DECORATING SKILLS. THAT'S LITERALLY ALL I HAVE.

KARKAT: GET BETTER INSULTS YOU LISPY PAN-ADDLED WALKING SEEDFLAP. =SHOOS=

SOLLUX: -He hisses and turns to walk backwards to flip Karkat the double bird as he marches the fuck down the hall.- 

 SOLLUX: -But... that was pretty nice. To see that asshole again.-

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