just a vent blog. it's better than the alternative, right? tw content for posts: r@pe, suicidal thoughts, dehumanizing thoughts, guilt, self harm
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1 month ago
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You were never supposed to stay with me. No matter how much you promised. Were you?
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Let me go back to what I understood. At least if I stayed this pit would be full. Whatever it is that it would've been filled with it would've been full. Let me die in the line of fire forever unknowing of who I could've been. Let me die without the taste of freedom dripping acid down my lips. Let my arms ache. Let my bones become brittle as I drip into my home. Let freedom be a gift that death will give me.
Let me never be better.
Please god. Take me home. Even if my home is no one else's. Let my home be my grave.
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One day, you'll get sick of dealing with me. And pity won't be enough anymore.
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My boyfriend wants to write a book about trans people and is completely intentionally ignoring xenogenders and Neopronouns.
Not like your partner actively uses those or anything:/ like uh
hah
not like it would've been lovely to know about it as a kid instead of not know about it till about a year and a half ago.
not like dysphoria around it was killing me.
hah.
.....
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They didn't.
im losing myself again aren't i? I wonder if my two friends will make it through this.
they wouldn't deserve it.
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//
#if i killed myself#would i do it for me? or him?#if i didnt kill myself#would it be for me? or my family?
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I think the problem is that I'm just not real. That's why everything's messing up, nothing makes sense because I'm not supposed to be here
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I just want to be held I just want to be held I just want to be held I jus
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He asked if I had that thing where I mimick symptoms when I read them. He asked if I had it I can't trust him anymore why should I trust him why should I trust me why why why why why why why why why why
I don't have anything. I just read and mimicked the symptoms. I don't have anything I don't have anything it's all made up all of it all of it all of it aLL OF IT IT'S ALL FAKE EVERY BIT ALL OF IT ALL OF IT ALL OF IT ALL OF IT ALL OF IT AL
Homework time :)
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I am going to break l am going to break l am going to break lam going to break lm gonna break I'm gonna break I'm gona break jn gona break I'll shatter I'll shatter I'll shatter isn't that funny do you want to shatter with me I'm gonna shatter into tiny little pieces and I'll only be there to pick them up hahahahahahahaha hahahaha
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