velcrocandy

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I was convinced to do stand up at an improv night and my Mitch Hedberg meets Gary Gulman stole with an emphasis on being trans really delighted the crowd.

I was asked to pitch a TV show and opted for an animated show about hyenas.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

Some guy asked me to help him do his make-up and hem his sleeve. I happened to have a sewing kit and makeup kit with me.

That's all I recall right now.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I went to my friend's house and wound up sleeping with her girlfriend

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I was taking a bus to my new apartment when I realized that I left my purse behind which contained my phone and wallet. I started to panic until I realized I was dreaming.

My apartment had lovely sofas and a giant TV in the hall but they didn't want anyone using them. I did anyway.

I was covered with the goo from Venom but never got a chance to use the powers.

I came into possession of a big box of ammo.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I went back to school with my best friend and just for the hell of it I made up an alter ego whom I started dressing as and pretended was our roommate.

I was able to disguise myself so well that only my bestie realized that we were the same person.

I went by the name of Kelly and spoke with an Irish accent and was acting way friendlier than I usually am.

It meant I had to do double homework but I was very committed to the bit.

Eventually someone figured out that Kelly wasn't real and I managed to get my ex to take the blame.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

Sex dream. Too kinky for Tumblr. 😵‍💫

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I got a gig doing concept art for an animation studio. They used my design for Max from Where the Wild Things Are and I was really proud but I only got $10 for the design.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I went to a hotel that had some weird convention going on in the event room. It was really cheap and dirty.

I got hooked on huffing helium.

I tried to infiltrate the backroom with a group of martial artists but they were all pretty inept.

I saw a cat with a bad leg and got really sad. I tried to help him until I realized he already had an owner. His leg was just like that.

Mac from Always Sunny was eating audio tapes so I got him a new boom box.

There was a Death Star visible in the sky. I was sitting by the edge of a cliff to get a photo but I was really scared that I would fall.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I had to go to some sort of team building seminar for work. Johnny Depp was there too for some reason. I found a room full of old VHS tapes.

[velcrocandy]

Rolly Polly Seals ‘PriCla Daisakusen’ SEGA Saturn Support us on Patreon

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

i got into a fight with my ex. Like, bare knuckles, broken bones, missing teeth brawl. She kept trying to ambush me but I was too fast.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I befriended a guy who wanted to climb a building.

I was much happier playing with the swing sets.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I went to a water park with a group of girls (including my ex) and found a small, sponge like creature in an aquarium. It followed me home where I learned it was actually a fungus that could shape shift to look like other species. It began taking on a human appearance.

I found an old Atari cartridge in a store

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I was wondering through a department store with a friend of a friend. I was making fun of the crappy fast fashion clothing selection when a train was barreling down towards a metal igloo. Inside of which was a small child who was trapped. I unleashed a Saint Bernard who ran towards the train and punched it off the tracks like Popeye to save the kid.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I'm at the most amazing woman. I gave up everything I had to be with her and we lived together, underwater, beneath the boardwalk. We adopted an octopus as a pet.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

My girlfriend was having a mental breakdown and I didn't know how to help her

Someone donated an actual tyrannosaurus Rex fossil to an art exhibit I was hosting. I sold a lot of artwork.

My ex girlfriend tried to pick a flight with me so i accepted the challenge and beat the Hell out of her

I stole her boots (she was getting rid of them until she found out I wanted to take them) I painted them black and wore them just to antagonize her.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

some guy outside my house was fishing. He tried to catch a swordfish before the rain but couldn't. He eventually did catch one but it was really small. And everyone in my house applauded him for it and started calling him Hemingway.