velcrocandy

[velcrocandy]

Rant

I love the community I've found here in Cleveland but, ohmigawd, some of these people are so fucking stupid.

I feel like my eyeroll is audible for miles every time I see an update from my idiot friends.

🙄🙄🙄

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

i went to some retreat where I was made fun of for weight a lot. I was very unhappy with my girlfriend.

I got the counselor to start doing drugs and watching Adventure Time.

I needed to pee but couldn't find anywhere private to go.

I didn't have anything to listen to on my walk and the sidewalk was slippery with ice.

[velcrocandy]

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

my girlfriend and I were gathering furniture and bootleg Super Nintendo games from an abandoned office so that she could take them on a ship to the Antarctic with her. She was only going to be gone for a week but I was going to miss her so much.

I was given an assignment where I had to analyze some dirt outside of a building and I kept finding human remains. I was really freaked out but nobody else seemed to care.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

i went to an old toy store and found some Indiana Jones Christmas action figures and some Far side figurines in the clearance bin.

That also had a brand new PlayStation still in the box.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I was at an arcade with some British women

We were playing a game that required you to hump a controller and it would gauge how good you are at sex . You'd have to wait for a icon to appear within a reticle before you could climax.

The British women were very surprised at my skill.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

i went to a French class that required us watching a movie on French. We also had an omelette brought to us but had to keep it in a drawer until lunch time.

I remember taking in a very dirty kitten and deciding to keep her.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I was trapped inside because there was some sort of toxic snow falling outside. I was inside with 4 guys who were supposed to be friends of a friend. They all thought I was pretty so I had an orgy with three of them while one filmed us. I was worried my hair would look bad in the video.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I could see the beach from my bedroom window and watched the seals galumphing about

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

sublime: adjectiveof such excellence, grandeur, or beauty as to inspire great admiration or awe.

I went to an old theme park that had a soft serve ice cream machine unattended so I kept stealing cones.

As part of a class project, I had to write a paper on excess.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I introduced my girlfriend to one of my dearest friends. They got along very well.

I got into a fight with a guy who had spikes growing out of his arms like a praying mantis. I managed to avoid taking much damage though.

A lobster stole all of the spinach my girlfriend and I were going to use to make dinner.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I was convinced to do stand up at an improv night and my Mitch Hedberg meets Gary Gulman stole with an emphasis on being trans really delighted the crowd.

I was asked to pitch a TV show and opted for an animated show about hyenas.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

Some guy asked me to help him do his make-up and hem his sleeve. I happened to have a sewing kit and makeup kit with me.

That's all I recall right now.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I went to my friend's house and wound up sleeping with her girlfriend

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I was taking a bus to my new apartment when I realized that I left my purse behind which contained my phone and wallet. I started to panic until I realized I was dreaming.

My apartment had lovely sofas and a giant TV in the hall but they didn't want anyone using them. I did anyway.

I was covered with the goo from Venom but never got a chance to use the powers.

I came into possession of a big box of ammo.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I went back to school with my best friend and just for the hell of it I made up an alter ego whom I started dressing as and pretended was our roommate.

I was able to disguise myself so well that only my bestie realized that we were the same person.

I went by the name of Kelly and spoke with an Irish accent and was acting way friendlier than I usually am.

It meant I had to do double homework but I was very committed to the bit.

Eventually someone figured out that Kelly wasn't real and I managed to get my ex to take the blame.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

Sex dream. Too kinky for Tumblr. 😵‍💫