vcuevasx3

[vcuevasx3]

05.15.2015

On nights like these where I lie on my bed with the warmth from the sheets. I day dream of the things that I need. Things that are so out of my reach. Things that only you gave me. The power to write freely. To become the person I was before I was broken. Shattered to pieces. Pieces that have cut the hands of all and many who have tried to put them together. These pieces will never be the same. They rearranged my life. My life in ways that I can never take back. I took steps away from people I cherished the most to realize. I had no one. No one but who mattered the most. ME. I didn't know how much of a narcissist I was. I had become someone I dreaded. These were all things I had to mend on my own. Things I had to outgrow. Characteristics about me I wished to disown. I was never this bold. Not one soul has been told. But in the midst of this night it is thee I yearn to pour this to. Because all that I have learned was because of you.

[vcuevasx3]

06.03.2014

Being with someone who holds your heart and feeling alone. Laying next to her on the night that turns into a day that I cherish so much and feel so distant. It feels as though that no matter how much I try to bring myself closer I don't succeed. Instead I notice the distance between our souls. Our passion is no longer found. It was lost long ago. Something that can't be found. Just two months ago. I felt on top of the world and today I feel dead. Dead like a woman that's suffocating. Slowing turning to misery. Misery that has no outlet. No outlet of freedom. Peace and serenity. Am I ready to be a friend? That is the real question.

[vcuevasx3]

06.02.2014

Her. If I can express in words the sentiments I feel being next to her I wouldn't believe them to be true. How to describe a love as intense as you. The chills that run down my spine when I know I must leave you behind. To want to turn away and be the one who's blind. Blind to the world that leaves me full of pain. To see clearly to the woman who love me without being vain. To the woman who saw the potential in what I could've became to be. Instead of the woman who was the death of me. To be reborn into a species who's never be tainted. To express a love that looks like it was painted. To the people who are on the outside looking in. It doesn't look like where she ends I begin.

[vcuevasx3]

06.02.2014

With my heart I was selfless. I endured pain that should have made me cold. Yet I use my strength to overcome the hurt. I indulge in your sweetness. Forget all the bitter taste of your words. Take the love I have left to overwhelm your satisfaction. I have given too much. Much more than I can get back. I hold back my tears. Preserve my sanity. To be within myself. To reach hold of what I have left. Nothing to offer but a shattered soul. Expectations that fell short of reality. I let my heart control my mind. Scenarios where my heart was the devil. In disguise I fell for those hazel eyes. Eyes of innocence to a selfish owner. Unlocking a key that was priceless to me. Not to whom knew not how to cherish. To a soul who was malnourished. Starved of what it had to offer. I know now it was a illusion. To be drawn in for disappointment. Suffering for one that is untamed. Who am I to blame?

[vcuevasx3]

05.27.2014

Soul. I buried my soul with her. I unleash all the things I couldn't. Went to great lengths in which I myself couldn't even imagine. It was of great despair to myself when I was left with nothing. It was as if my rainbows turned to black clouds. There was no sunshine in the skies for miles to come. She was the devil in a dress. Someone who brought me to settle for less than what I deserved. She made me believe in fairy tales and wedding bells. To turn my dreams into nightmares. Turn my reality into a mirage. Something unattainable. She made the strongest person become so weak. Made her feel vulnerable. Made her believe that she could be that way to only be disappointed by the truth. She was not there for her. She was there for herself. Selfish. I wanted to save her. But who would save me? Who would help me become the person I could be? Who could be the one there for me as I was for her? Even if there was who would I let into my world as I did her. No one. No one person could understand my connection to not only her, her mind, her heart, her soul. I knew these. These are all of what I had given to her.

[vcuevasx3]

May 23

This Evening.

I catch myself staring at nothing of importance. Wondering why my thoughts wandered so often. Why the days go by and feel as if they shared no life or a shed of importance. The days feel cold and empty even when surrounded by warmth and crowds. I lie awake at night in attempt to filter through the thoughts that have settled in my mind. Combing through the lies to find the truth that it was me all along. It was me who made them up in my head. I was the one who didn’t know what it was even if it stared me straight in the eyes. I was the one that held back from subjecting myself to the one thing I’m deadly afraid of. Genuine Love. Unconditional. No games. No madness. No tricks. The only thing on her sleeve was her heart. The one thing that set us apart was not knowing what to do with it. Pushing away. Not from the fear or hurting myself. The fear of hurting her. Fears that cloud my judgement. The fear that this is what it was really supposed to feel like. Fear that everything before her was empty. Full of no substance…