vanimaniam

[vanimaniam]

DIKKILONA – MOVIE REVIEW (SPOILER ALERT)

RATE – 2.5/ 5.0

It has been such a long time I watched a comedy movie so Dikkilona starring Santhanam was a good break. However, I couldn’t help noticing how the director has used to movie to push male chauvinism and criticized women at every opportunity obtained. Don’t read further if you are looking forward to watch the movie and don’t want to know details of the movie – warning given.

Movie starts with Santhanam – an electrician getting an opportunity to travel back in time to fix his life. He decided to stop his marriage to Priyanka – reason being Priyanka has been disrespectful to his mother after a huge cat fight regarding domestic chores. At this point, EB Mani (Santhanam’s character) feels that Priyanka was a wrong choice as she doesn’t support his ambitions and picks fight with his mum. So, he stops his marriage to Priyanka and proposes to another girl – Meghna on the wedding day itself. Thus, life changes for EB Mani or so he thought.

Back to present – EB Mani now faces divorce with Meghna (the girl whom he thought will be a perfect partner). Reason being – Meghna is a daddy’s princess, has boy bestie and spends time producing sexy Tik Tok videos. So, Mani again goes back in time to – get married to Priyanka (yes the same girl he jilted initially). Finally, he managed to get a wife who will tolerate his attitude, support his ambitions and will never leave him.

What pissed me off about this movie? Another story where an Indian guy gets to have his cake and eat it too. He gets to be fickle minded – going back in time twice to choose Priyanka- Meghna – back to Priyanka when the relationship doesn’t work out . No, he doesn’t have any obligations to stay in one relationship with any of the girl and make it work – I mean that only applies to Indian girls right? He gets to choose wife based on who works the best for his ambitions as a hockey player. God forbid an Indian girl to do the same thing in a movie  - you will see Indian men criticizing her for wavering between two men.  Also, EB Mani gets to insult Priyanka’s father (his father in law) and scold Meghna’s father for raising a daddy’s princess. But, when Priyanka scolded her mother in law (EB Mani’s mother) for picking fight with her over domestic chores not done well – he decided Priyanka was a bad match.

Again, it also emphasizes how mother- in –law still expects daughter –in –law to do domestic chores to perfection despite the DIL coming home, tired from work. Nothing about Indian culture changed even in the future – same old MIL, same old son who listens to the mother and same old Indian men who gets to choose a girl who fits their fantasy. Also EB Mani has no problem having sex with Priyanka way before marriage – because that’s so future and very Indian culture. But God forbid Meghna having a boy bestie – because now that is kalacharam kedu. The irony is so obvious and reflects on the mentality that Indian men have towards women, marriage and life overall.

You can watch the movie for the comedy but details above are very cringe inducing.

#RAVEN

[vanimaniam]

Indian men & relationships

I have been watching this since small and one thing that I can say – Indian men are not fit to be in a relationship. Of course, many will say that this is a sweeping statement and as usual the - #NotAllMen group will come out of their hidings. So, anyone read the news today on Murugan Nondoh? And how he attempted to murder his wife for wanting to leave him? Oh by the way this happened in Malaysia – involving a Malaysian Indian guy. Read below:

https://malaysia.yahoo.com/news/burn-man-abducted-wife-wanted-divorce-093309195.html

How many times we have witnessed such cases where Indian guys physically attack or kill their spouse for leaving them? Like no one taught you that you can’t force a relationship? This guy is a gambler, physically abusive and has a bad temper – his wife decided to leave him and befriend another guy. Any problem with that? No – because any man who doesn’t know how to take care of his wife, does not deserve a wife. So, the wife did the right thing by leaving him and supporting herself financially. See – what should have been a normal divorce case turned to be a torture to the wife. This man thinks he is entitled to a wife even if he behaves like an asshole. So, he decided to stalk the wife, harass her and tried to murder her for leaving him and befriending another guy.

Problem with Indian men is that they were never educated that relationship does not work based on force/fear or intimidation. Unfortunately, this guy may have a warped idea of relationship and how it is all about controlling/forcing woman to stay. He said that he is teaching other women a lesson on not to leave their husbands. Like WTF? What century are these guys in? He wants to spark fear in women by murdering his wife? Enna oru twisted thinking? No – it doesn’t create fear, it creates disgust and further emphasizes the stigma that Indian men are bad at relationship.  

Indian families often emphasize on how women should behave in their ‘pugunthe vitil (in-laws’ house). It is time to teach men how to treat their wife and how to behave in a marriage. Indian men need to learn how to let go and not force relationships. Divorce should be normalized within the society so that we don’t have Indian men with backward mentality in the near future. This guy really thinks he is doing a favour by planning to murder his wife – like you can see how skewed the mind-set is…Anyone who hears this will say will think he is either uneducated or simply an insecure person who is clinging to his wife.

Dear Indian men, remember – take good care and treat your wife well. There is no such thing as – kalla naalum kanavan, pulla naalum purushan nowadays. No – women don’t have to tolerate your bullshit. Yes – your wife has every right to file for divorce and walk away. Don’t come crying that women have no respect for institution of marriage when you don’t treat them well.

RAVEN

[vanimaniam]

Sanitary pads & Vaginal health

Recently, leading sanitary pad company in Malaysia has taken the initiative to educate women and the society of the female reproduction anatomy, menstruation and vaginal health. They have used floral motifs to depict the female anatomy. This of course did not sit well with some sections of the society who deemed such efforts and images as disrespectful towards women.

Having grown up in an Indian family, I am fully aware of how Indian women especially those from my mother’s and grandmother’s generation are clueless on their own reproductive anatomy. Such discussions will only take place among the married women and were often falsely related to sexual activities. An extended aunt, who was newly married at that time, was complaining that she was suffering from severe itch down there. As usual, the older so called know-it-all women in the family were diagnosing it as – udambu soodu (body heat) and not being clean. They recommended all kinds of home remedies and herbs to consume. But that aunt continued to suffer from the itch down there for years.

As I grew up and learned about human sexual reproduction in school, it hit me that – maybe that aunt was actually suffering from infection in her vagina and required treatment. Also, I recalled how she refused to seek medical help because – it is shameful. Plus, some Indian older ladies were advising her – that she shouldn’t be sharing intimate details of her sexual relationship with doctors. ‘Ithullem poi doctors’ kitte sollakudathu – purushan patti lam’. This backward mentality was shared by many Indian women and we can be assured that such beliefs are still being passed to the younger generation of Indian women.

Thus, the initiative by the sanitary pad company should be well received. Like how long women are gonna be kept in the dark of their vaginal health? How long are women gonna hide about menstruation and be told that it is dirty (thitu?) For those people, who have problem with knowledge and information on vaginal health, you may take a hike. You don’t have a vagina/uterus/vulva – avoid giving an opinion on it.

#RAVEN

[vanimaniam]

Unrealistic expectations & Indian women

A few years back, a working Indian lady wrote to us. She has to take the train to her work place 2 -3 hours and return. Once returned from office, her mother in law will force her to help with the cooking and preparing food for the family. Imagine working and travelling for hours daily – then you are expected to come back and help with food preparation. Like what the eff was the MIL doing meanwhile at home? This lady was so dead tired and she can’t even sit for a few minutes as she also has to wash and clean all the dishes after dinner.

She wrote to us on how she sometimes just wanted to leave everything and walk away – because she is way too tired of the daily repeated work and household chores. She eats very less and is thin due to much work load and pressure. Her husband couldn’t care less and the males in the family can’t even wash their own plates. Talk about asshole family members who are selfish and inconsiderate.

This woman wrote to us anonymously – afraid that people in her family will get to know. Such is the fear just to share that she is fucking tired. Unfortunately, this is the story for many, many Indian women out there who are working and married. They can’t voice out for fear that they will be told to quit their jobs. Of course, having asshole type of husbands who think household chores are woman’s job does not help. I sometimes wonder why we Indian women bother to put up with all these.  Is it worth to be stretched thin at work and home simply because you need to stay married? Equal responsibilities at home are very important but not many women will talk this out with their husbands. This leads to severe health problems over the years for women. Many Indian women out there choose to numb their feelings, refuse to acknowledge that they are stressed out and continue to meet up unrealistic expectations. Worst, they start expecting the younger generation of women to follow accordingly. This vicious cycle is what we see today where idiot meme creators take the liberty to shame working women who can’t keep their house clean. So you want your wife’s salary but you will shame her for not keeping the house neat eh?

Dear Indian women, hold on to your salary – don’t handover your salary to your husband. If he doesn’t do household chores equally, hold on to your money. No, he doesn’t have rights to your money. You control and manage your money - he is not the only one with brains you know. That will probably teach such men to pull their weight with household chores.  

#RAVEN

[vanimaniam]

Working women are tired too…..

There are so many memes out there making fun of working ladies or career orientated ladies who can’t keep their home clean. Sometimes, I don’t get idiots who think that it is okay to shame working women as not being able to keep their home clean. Like can you Indian guys out there work for 8 to 12 hours then come home – continue cooking, cleaning and attending to the kids? Mudiyathu le? Then shut up – don’t even open your mouth when all you do is to come back home and laze around, expecting to be served simply because you went to work.

Today’s demanding and fast pace life can be very, very exhausting for both working men and women. Unfortunately, the society acknowledges that men feel tired, stressed out and need their own, personal MAN CAVE to distress themselves. However, the same society turns blinds to women placed in the same position. Women at work do experience stress, exhaustion and need personal time to distress as well……

As a working lady, I have to rush to work as early as 6 am so that I can beat the traffic and reach office at 8am. Once there, I have to attend to whatever meetings, preparation of documents, communicating with stakeholders and follow up on the progress for on-going projects. This task does not end at 5pm as sometimes I will be working until 7pm due to a number of other interruptions in between. Also, this is not inclusive of sudden or adhoc tasks given by the boss. Example, last Friday – my boss at 5pm, suddenly requested me to check details on a webinar as he will be attending as a panellist so I has to call the organizer, prepare background information, draft a memo and submit to top management – all which had to be done immediately. I completed the work near 8pm.

I am literally drained when I get back home – that all I wanted to do is to take bathe, eat and sleep. No, I don’t have energy to wash clothes, cook or clean. My coffee mug will be – with balance stale coffee or sometimes fungus – in the sink until I need the mug again. I only do my laundry once a week. Not because I am lazy but simply because I am so dead tired and mentally exhausted from daily office work. My mum comes to visit me and she will be like – oh why your house is so messy. This coming from a full time homemaker/housewife who is clueless on what office work is. My sisters make comments of my messy house too – ironically, they stay with my mum and my mum washes, cleans and cooks for them. Funny isn’t it?

But I realized how women feeling tired and exhausted were often overlooked or ignored by the society and Indian women who are so judgemental. You can slave out in the corporate world the whole day but everyone expects you to keep your house neat and tidy because you are a woman. Don’t women feel tired too? Yes they do – yes we do and we should stop trying to meet such unrealistic expectations set on us. Men for generations have only gone to work and come back home, expecting others to be at their beck and call. Women were expected to pull their weight at home and office – what? You think women are robots or something? About time we call out on this shitty system. YES – a working woman’s house is gonna be messy so if you want it neat and tidy, buckle up and help your wives to clean as well. Don’t sit on your arse and complain the house is dirty – hey you too live there and have equal responsibility to make it clean and comfortable. Also – don’t forget that if your house is messy, dear Indian men – you are also contributing to the mess and dirt.

#RAVEN

[vanimaniam]

Working women are tired too…..

There are so many memes out there making fun of working ladies or career orientated ladies who can’t keep their home clean. Sometimes, I don’t get idiots who think that it is okay to shame working women as not being able to keep their home clean. Like can you Indian guys out there work for 8 to 12 hours then come home – continue cooking, cleaning and attending to the kids? Mudiyathu le? Then shut up – don’t even open your mouth when all you do is to come back home and laze around, expecting to be served simply because you went to work.

Today’s demanding and fast pace life can be very, very exhausting for both working men and women. Unfortunately, the society acknowledges that men feel tired, stressed out and need their own, personal MAN CAVE to distress themselves. However, the same society turns blinds to women placed in the same position. Women at work do experience stress, exhaustion and need personal time to distress as well……

As a working lady, I have to rush to work as early as 6 am so that I can beat the traffic and reach office at 8am. Once there, I have to attend to whatever meetings, preparation of documents, communicating with stakeholders and follow up on the progress for on-going projects. This task does not end at 5pm as sometimes I will be working until 7pm due to a number of other interruptions in between. Also, this is not inclusive of sudden or adhoc tasks given by the boss. Example, last Friday – my boss at 5pm, suddenly requested me to check details on a webinar as he will be attending as a panellist so I has to call the organizer, prepare background information, draft a memo and submit to top management – all which had to be done immediately. I completed the work near 8pm.

I am literally drained when I get back home – that all I wanted to do is to take bathe, eat and sleep. No, I don’t have energy to wash clothes, cook or clean. My coffee mug will be – with balance stale coffee or sometimes fungus – in the sink until I need the mug again. I only do my laundry once a week. Not because I am lazy but simply because I am so dead tired and mentally exhausted from daily office work. My mum comes to visit me and she will be like – oh why your house is so messy. This coming from a full time homemaker/housewife who is clueless on what office work is. My sisters make comments of my messy house too – ironically, they stay with my mum and my mum washes, cleans and cooks for them. Funny isn’t it?

But I realized how women feeling tired and exhausted were often overlooked or ignored by the society and Indian women who are so judgemental. You can slave out in the corporate world the whole day but everyone expects you to keep your house neat and tidy because you are a woman. Don’t women feel tired too? Yes they do – yes we do and we should stop trying to meet such unrealistic expectations set on us. Men for generations have only gone to work and come back home, expecting others to be at their beck and call. Women were expected to pull their weight at home and office – what? You think women are robots or something? About time we call out on this shitty system. YES – a working woman’s house is gonna be messy so if you want it neat and tidy, buckle up and help your wives to clean as well. Don’t sit on your arse and complain the house is dirty – hey you too live there and have equal responsibility to make it clean and comfortable. Also – don’t forget that if your house is messy, dear Indian men – you are also contributing to the mess and dirt.

#RAVEN

[vanimaniam]

Physical abuse & victim blaming

Recently, a FB posting was shared on an Indian lady in Malaysia suffering from physical abuse from her husband. Another random post was made and the author recommended that parents should do background check rather than marrying off their daughters to well earning guys. It also hinted that parents always choose well earning guys compared to average earning guys for their daughters.

I couldn’t help noticing the sheer ignorance in that particular post which gave a shallow, on the surface solution to physical abuse among Indians. Like seriously dude? First, no amount of background check will reveal whether a guy is physically abusive or not. Plus, if the potential mappilai has anger management issues – the Indian society will tell you – ambela na, appadithan – parthu nadanthunko (guys are like that, you should behave accordingly). Most husbands show their true colour only after marriage. This situation gets worst when most Indians conduct marriage based on lies – 100 poi solli kalyanam nadathalam (it’s ok to lie to enable a marriage). So no amount of background check is gonna help the parents especially with a bunch of donkeys lying through their teeth to marry a guy off. How is it fair to blame the parents on this?

Next, I noticed the convenience in guys slotting in their own agenda when such problems occur. Marry average guys with good heart? Like what is this? Average guys who earn less have best behaviour by default? Same goes to the idealogy – marry average looking guys who will take care of you better by default. Somehow, Indian girls are often pushed to settle for average guys. Meanwhile, guys get to pick the best girls as their life partners. No one tells Indian guys  - hey, settle for average looking girls to be happy. Do you see how screwed up is the mairu culture we have in our society?

When a girl faces problem in her marital life, it is her fault for selecting the wrong partner. No we don’t hold men accountable for their mistakes. How do you expect to solve problems if you don’t call out on men’s bad behaviour? Men who are physically abusive should be punished or hauled to jail. They think it is ok to treat women like property and lash out at women. So, the indian society really needs to sit and educate guys on how to behave after marriage. Unfortunately, such advice was only given to women.

Marrying average earning guys ain’t gonna solve physical abuse because earning rates does not determine whether a guy will beat the shit out of his wife. The probability of a CEO physically hurting his wife is equal to the probability of an unemployed, drunk husband beating the shit out of his wife. Nothing to do with earning bracket, but individual behaviour towards women. We also need to call out on the adichalum, pudichalum – purushan, purushan than (even if he beats, he is still your husband). Another phrase that needs to be scraped off as it normalizes physical harm. If we ever gonna solve physical abuse, then it should be done correctly instead of blaming women or their parents.

#RAVEN

[vanimaniam]

SELF – DIGNITY/RESPECT & INDIAN WOMEN

SELF – DIGNITY/RESPECT & INDIAN WOMEN

A friend just got separated from her husband and she is back at her parent’s house in India. Nothing new with couples seeking for divorce and she is taking her time to align things for herself.  Meanwhile, she is also facing some reaction from relatives and family members regarding her decision to seek divorce from her husband.

Reason for divorce is due to the fact that the husband has treated her with zero respect. Sounds like a small matter but a lot of incidents have happened and the decision came after she decided she aint taking no more shit from her husband. So while talking to a relative on the reason for divorce – HE asked her – what mariyathai (respect) you talking about? You are back at your father’s house? What respect is there to it?

For general information – the family & relatives are trying to talk her into getting back with her husband. Like any other typical Indian families, her family holds on to this opinion that it’s ok for men/husband to treat women like shit/disrespectful as long as they earn well, educated, not going after other women and are not alcoholic.

You see – the Indian society has never felt it’s important for women to have self-dignity/respect. That’s why the patriarchy system within the society stresses on women to be forever forgiving, accepting and tolerant even when they were stripped off every single ounce of self-dignity/respect by men. Yeah, another product of age old ancestors’ wisdom is does nothing but encourage toxic and abusive relationship among Indian couples.  So this concept of self-respect towards women is alien to the Indian society.

Every human being has and should have self-dignity & respect. Unfortunately, respect for women within the Indian society is tied to her marital status. Her respect is defined based on the presence of a man in her life. No matter whether she is successful, career oriented or self-sufficient – point being she is nothing without a man called husband. Thus, single, successful women were ridiculed for not getting married while divorced women were criticized for doing so. If she is a widow, again – she is ostracized & not invited to any auspicious events under the pretext that she is bad luck.

It is time to put a stop to this. Women have self-respect and dignity thus they should be treated with respect by their life partner, family members & relatives. If your partner does not treat you with respect, then you don’t have to tolerate their shitty attitude any longer. The friend is not turning back & is only looking forward to a new life ahead.

#RAVEN

[vanimaniam]

SAYING NO WITHOUT SAYING NO TO INDIAN PARENTS

An interesting request from a reader – how to say NO to arrange marriage to parents? My reaction – JUST SAY NO – like how else you are supposed to say no? Another friend explained that it was not easy for Indians to say NO to their parents. Now, how do you say NO without saying NO? There is no way to this except to say as it is – NO.

Regardless of your upbringing – if you don’t like something, normalize saying NO. Don’t say YES when you disagree with something. Yes – it’ll hurt your parents, they will lash out to you and bring up every single detail on how they worked hard/sacrificed for you – but stand your ground with a firm – NO. They will guilt trip you, make you feel like a sinner, emotionally blackmail you – but stand firm – NO. They start continuously pressure you, threaten you, get the relatives to persuade you but you keep on with your – NO.

Maybe that’s why we have Indians who don’t really mean what they say especially Indian women – who were said to mean YES when they say NO and vice versa. Family decisions often impact women more than men thus their ability in voicing out refusal and standing firm by their decision is greatly compromised.

To the reader with the question above – you gonna have to straight talk to your parents on your opinions and decisions regarding ARRANGE MARRIAGE. There is no other way of saying NO – except saying NO and that is the simple and best way to express your thoughts without misleading people.

#RAVEN

[vanimaniam]

NOT ALL MEN? UNFORTUNATELY – ALL MEN

I have always been confused with the way Indian men react when women blame them for sexual harassment, moral & culture policing, rape and abuse. Their only answer will be - #NOTALL MEN. For example – Why do you rape women? Reaction from men – NOT ALL MEN, siler (few men). Seri (Fine).

Siler men – rape women

Siler men – harass/molest women

Siler men – send unsolicited dick pictures to women

Siler men – try to lure women to sex talk with them on socmed

Siler men – shares / spread nude pictures of women

Paler men – moral police women

Siler men – do all above

Siler men – do a few things above

Siler men – don’t do any of above but will also do nothing to stop their male friends from doing this.

So how can you say NOT ALL MEN? When you add on all the siler – it represents a huge chunk of the Indian society.

The only siler men who no longer commit any of these mistakes – are either too old and mellowed down that they don’t participate in such activities any more.

UNFORTUNATELY – the PALER men who commit at least one of the activities mentioned above hide behind the few who have nothing to do with it – quoting - #NOTALLMEN when it’s actually #ALMOSTALLMEN.

[vanimaniam]

A tale of mutton curry & Indian wedding

Latest news – an idiot family from Odisha and their equally idiotic 27-years old son have called off a wedding because there was no mutton served during the wedding. When I read this news, I was thinking – must have been a very poor bridegroom family who can’t afford to buy mutton on their own money and decided to capitalize on the bride family’s expenses of free mutton. Ithuku naalu therule pitchai eduku vendithanne? Should have begged in streets for this. Funnily, the bridegroom quickly got married to another woman before he returned home. I wonder what the other woman offered? Pork curry perhaps?

Unfortunately, this showed us how shallow marriage has been reduced to among Indians that simple mutton curry can become a reason to halt a wedding. I wonder where the so called elders are at this time? Why they never open their filthy mouth and tell the bridegroom off? Why they never preach on the sanctity of marriage, especially arranged marriage that was fixed by so called wise elders? Didn’t the jathagam matched indicate that problem will occur due to mutton curry missing and an asshole mappilai? Nope – because everyone agrees mutton curry missing is a good point to stop a wedding.

Next, does this news sound extremely stupid to you all or not? You don’t see Indian men talking about this because it’s okay for bridegroom to stop the wedding for any dumb reasons. If a bride stops the wedding for a good reason like – I love another man – then it’s a sin. How can you hurt a guy’s feelings over another guy? But it’s okay to hurt a girl’s heart over mutton curry…because as Indians say – namakku soru than mukkiyam (only rice is important).

Well, to girls out there, to marry such guys especially theeni pandaram type – you are better off on your own. To all elders out there, eppadi ungge arranged marriage? Kodi katti parakuthu pole? Oru mutton piece kadaikila’nu marriage vendam sonna sildre pakki family ah irukum pole…

#RAVEN

[vanimaniam]

Women & Internalised Misogyny

I had that unfortunate moment of waking up to one Prof Muhaya who in her video, who preached on how women should dumb down to attract men. This was the advice that she, as an educated member of the society gave to ambitious, independent and career minded women out there for still being single into their 30s. She literally told women – “you need to look at your character if you are still unmarried into your 30s”.  Blaming women? Yes.

I realized that many women out there especially those from earlier generations do a lot of damage to the future generation of girls by giving such flawed advice. Women have been getting such flawed advice for decades – how to act, how to dress, how to behave so that you will get picked by men as partner in marriage. Why? Why a woman has to bend, twist and turn so that she get picked by men or deemed desirable by men? Marriage is all about equal partnership where both partners work towards mutually agreed goals. Unfortunately, most misogynists think marriage is all about women doing anything and everything to get themselves picked by men – including pretending to be dumb.

Somehow women being smarter, eloquent and ambitious – dents a man’s fragile ego. Therefore, women have to thread carefully so that they don’t appear smarter than men. It has been a struggle for women to get education and to have a career. It’s 2021 – yet we have women who would rather regress to the dark ages by recommending other women to tone down on their intellect. Funny no one advised men to work hard and level up to smart women. No, never – because ONLY women have to do the hard work in a relationship. MEN just pick the women that suit their expectations –like buying dolls of a shelf.

How long are we gonna tolerate this? How long are we gonna be apologetic for being smarter, ambitious and career driven? If a man has these traits, he is deemed a responsible man with purpose in life. If a woman has these traits, she is selfish, doesn’t have time for family and is haughty due to her high education. See how women were shamed for the same traits that were admired in men? Because the society would prefer women to stay in their traditional, gender defined roles forever – caring for family and children.  Nothing wrong with being a homemaker, just that it shouldn’t be enforced as a role that defines women.

Back to playing dumb to get a life partner – one needs to have very low self-esteem to stoop to such level. I don’t deny many women do this simply because they define their worth based on their ability to secure a man. Stupidity is not a trait to attract men – because you may attract men with equal IQ capacity or one that sees women as bimbos.

Dear ladies out there, never ever play dumb to get a man. Not worth it because if you play dumb from the start, you gonna be playing dumb forever to keep him. Also – you may need to forever dim your lights so that your man feels good. Remember – what defines you is your self-respect, confidence, education and career which will be with you all the time. Don’t define yourself based on men’s expectations simply because you need a life partner.

#RAVEN

[vanimaniam]

Why MEN RAPE WOMEN? – THE PENGIRL ISSUE

Let’s get straight to the point – a recent show by Pengirl has HURT the feelings of many Indian men, both in Malaysia and in India. The host has asked – Why MEN RAPE WOMEN? And that has hurt so many Indian men who have very fragile heart and feelings. Regardless of RAPE happening in India every 15 minutes (NCRB) AND this is not inclusive of unreported rape cases. RAPE in Malaysia – one woman is being raped every 35 minutes (PWCC). Yet – the most important thing here is that – The question has HURT so many Indian guys!

I was surprised to see guys from India shamelessly posting comments on socmed, criticising the host and asking her to refer to her father/brother on this question. HAVE you forgotten Nirbhaya, Hashini, Dr Priyanka Reddy, Pollachi girls sexual abuse, Nagercoil Kasi case, a number of rape cases among Dalit girls and so many other cases? Also the many sexual abuse that recently been reported among schools in India?

HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN? So why men rape women?

Now, in Malaysia – a few weeks back we had an Indian family from Melaka where the father, brothers and friends raped the daughter/sister. So, why do men rape women? There was also this teacher from Tamil school who demands sex from students to secure government jobs few years back. And a number of rape cases involving Indians – so WHY MEN RAPE WOMEN?

It is 2021 and RAPE, sexual abuse and harassment is a huge issue for women. We should discuss this issue. Unfortunately, when this issue was brought to public attention, it was derailed by fragile, stupid MEN who think their feelings are more important than addressing RAPE. Most comments from Indian men were attacking the host personally, while others were pretending to be uttama puttirans and some were apologetic on her behalf – calling for everyone to leave the issue as she has apologized.

A woman has attempted to talk about RAPE – and idiots have decided to avoid the topic all together and focus on how the question has HURT their feelings. You all should be very ashamed of yourselves. The host should never apologize because what she has asked is correct. The guy who answered belongs to the #NotAllMen group who usually washes off their hands of the issue because it ain’t something they do. In fact, he has the gall to answer her – ask those who raped.

Well, for decades we have heard songs and dialogues on – Women are cheaters, gold diggers – literally labelling all women. But you rarely see #NotAllWomen but men with their fragile, shitty EGO need to put themselves as centre stage for everything. Even in RAPE related discussion, it has to be about how the host’s question has HURT their feelings or how to ask the question properly….Instead of addressing the gravity of RAPE as it is. Pathetic, shameful and let’s conveniently forget the many RAPE cases that have occurred and the victims who have suffered.

#RAVEN

[vanimaniam]

The Marriage Life, Intimacy & Feelings

Indians pride themselves for having longest marriage durations with couples staying forever until they were separated in death. Unfortunately, behind this false pride – there is much unspoken pain and frustration in the Indian women. I have recently read the confession made in Infosys MCity page on that girl who posted that her husband only uses her for sex and nothing much. Huge disappointment to see Indian guys in the comment section totally dismissing her feelings, some even saying it is shameful to post such things while other were downplaying her reaction. Worst – Indian guys were normalizing the incident saying – it will get better as time passes.

See – marriage life is not just about sex and having babies. That girl was voicing out that she wants some intimacy – hugs, kisses etc which does not involve sex. This is a valid request and expectation by any woman – to be held intimately or touched or caressed by their partners. I can use many different words here to describe but it will be like communicating with aliens. When it comes to intimacy – most Indian guys behave like aliens who have just met humans. They just don’t care for expression of feelings, intimacy etc.

For the benefit of everyone who doesn’t think the girl’s frustration is even worth reading – a girl wants her man to playfully hug, just spend some time cuddling while talking about random things. It adds on to the closeness between the partners. Having someone running their fingers on your body, telling you sweet nothings….those are tiny gestures which brings couples closer. These are just some examples on how women expect intimacy outside sex.

Sad for us, many Indian guys don’t get this concept even in 2021. I am sure this girl has just voiced out what many Indian women have been feeling for generations. And as usual, her frustrations were dismissed just like how Indian men will dismiss a woman’s opinions and emotions in any other aspects. You see sex, babies, money, house is meaningless when the emotional needs are not addressed. That is why that girl was feeling disgusted and felt that she was being used for sex alone. Having sex with your wife when you feel the itch alone does not give happiness to your partner if you lack emotional connections.

If you talk with your grandmothers and mothers on the whole intimacy part of marriage, they will have similar stories on how they just have to put up with sex minus intimacy. They don’t voice out because it will be perceived as demanding since Indian guys are already ‘sooru poduren’ for them. You can also hear elders talking – he is a good husband, why you complaining on small things? Again – dismissing a woman’s needs and desires.

Let’s learn to acknowledge women’s emotional needs even if it is in an FB post. No, it is not shameful. It is an issue that we should talk about without shame. What’s the point of living together for 40 – 50 years in marriage yet your partner lacks emotional connections?

Side note – I can’t believe we need to spell it out to Indian men when it comes to intimacy outside sex. They are still are cavemen level.

[vanimaniam]

The Marriage Life, Intimacy & Feelings

Indians pride themselves for having longest marriage durations with couples staying forever until they were separated in death. Unfortunately, behind this false pride – there is much unspoken pain and frustration in the Indian women. I have recently read the confession made in Infosys MCity page on that girl who posted that her husband only uses her for sex and nothing much. Huge disappointment to see Indian guys in the comment section totally dismissing her feelings, some even saying it is shameful to post such things while other were downplaying her reaction. Worst – Indian guys were normalizing the incident saying – it will get better as time passes.

See – marriage life is not just about sex and having babies. That girl was voicing out that she wants some intimacy – hugs, kisses etc which does not involve sex. This is a valid request and expectation by any woman – to be held intimately or touched or caressed by their partners. I can use many different words here to describe but it will be like communicating with aliens. When it comes to intimacy – most Indian guys behave like aliens who have just met humans. They just don’t care for expression of feelings, intimacy etc.

For the benefit of everyone who doesn’t think the girl’s frustration is even worth reading – a girl wants her man to playfully hug, just spend some time cuddling while talking about random things. It adds on to the closeness between the partners. Having someone running their fingers on your body, telling you sweet nothings….those are tiny gestures which brings couples closer. These are just some examples on how women expect intimacy outside sex.

Sad for us, many Indian guys don’t get this concept even in 2021. I am sure this girl has just voiced out what many Indian women have been feeling for generations. And as usual, her frustrations were dismissed just like how Indian men will dismiss a woman’s opinions and emotions in any other aspects. You see sex, babies, money, house is meaningless when the emotional needs are not addressed. That is why that girl was feeling disgusted and felt that she was being used for sex alone. Having sex with your wife when you feel the itch alone does not give happiness to your partner if you lack emotional connections.

If you talk with your grandmothers and mothers on the whole intimacy part of marriage, they will have similar stories on how they just have to put up with sex minus intimacy. They don’t voice out because it will be perceived as demanding since Indian guys are already ‘sooru poduren’ for them. You can also hear elders talking – he is a good husband, why you complaining on small things? Again – dismissing a woman’s needs and desires.

Let’s learn to acknowledge women’s emotional needs even if it is in an FB post. No, it is not shameful. It is an issue that we should talk about without shame. What’s the point of living together for 40 – 50 years in marriage yet your partner lacks emotional connections?

Side note – I can’t believe we need to spell it out to Indian men when it comes to intimacy outside sex. They are still are cavemen level.

[vanimaniam]

Handling Rejection & Fragile Ego of Indian men

I came across a post by a certain page which claimed that ladies rejecting love proposal because of their family. First of all, nobody needs to provide reasons to reject. However, I have listed down number of reasons that ladies may have to reject a guy and it doesn’t have to be family. I stressed out on the importance of being truthful and straightforward when rejecting or turning down a guy’s proposal.

The comment section was a mixture of feelings because many were more concerned on how women should react because REJECTION – it will hurt a man’s feelings. I think we have written so many times on how women should never be ambiguous with their feelings. Then, we have readers who think women should never be straightforward fearing repercussions of acid attacks, rape etc. Now, why is it that we are telling women to be careful of rejecting guys when we need to teach Indian guys how to handle rejection?

So you are telling me – Indian guys can handle being rejected multiple times by potential employers, immigration offices or any other authorities but not by girls? Because it HURTS? See this is the problem when you have Tamil movies showing heroes getting the girls no matter what – or he gets a better girl than the girl who rejected him like in Sketch. If a girl rejects him, she is shown as suffering from the consequences of choosing another guy. So how do you expect Indian guys to handle rejection?

In India, the number of crimes due to women rejecting men is very high, but we are still expecting women to be polite or shady about rejection instead of educating men to accept rejection in a healthy way? So tell me, when you come ponnu pakkuren and reject a girl because she is dark or deemed physically unattractive, do you think that hurts the girl or make her happy? Why women were told to accept rejection while when it comes to Indian men, we have to be all cautious because it will hurt their fragile egos?

Men or women, REJECTION hurts. Unfortunately, only Indian men’s feelings were given importance and must be treated with care while women’s feelings can be treated like rubbish. Have you seen Indian men being scared to reject women that they don’t like? Have you seen Indian men being intimidated and sacred shit that women may stalk them, throw acid, rape or maim them for rejection? But Indian women experience all these and you still want women to be cautious in rejecting men because it hurts men’s feelings? Like seriously?

This is why we see no end to crime against women. Because we expect women to be polite, nice, kind and not reject men. Women can’t even say NO – coz then it will hurt Indian men and their fragile ego. So, again women have to work hard to make sure even in rejection, they need to be sensitive. My God – such is the fragile EGO of the Indian men. Sigh …..There will be no end to crimes against women if we don’t educate Indian men to handle rejection in love.

[vanimaniam]

Being A Single Indian Woman

This concept is very alien even in 2021 where Indian aunties and uncles will go all shocked if they hear this. Then, it will be followed by tonnes of advice on why you should get married, marriage is beautiful and how raising kids are the best you can do in life. Disclaimer – I am not saying marriage is bad or don’t get married – I am saying being single should be an option just like marriage.

Now, my own mum was saying the same thing too – “in the hiking, running, dance ellam muta katti vechithu, kalyanam panniko (stop all these hiking, running and dance activities, get married and settle down). See how my mum directly suggested ending my ambitions/hobbies and get married in one sentence? I told her to shut up. If my own mother couldn’t understand this, what more the community right?

A random Indian uncle started on – how girls must marry ON TIME? He was like – oh problems will come ma, but one must get married. I was like – No I don’t think so, one doesn’t have to get married – it ain’t compulsory. He continued talking and in fact offered to find a guy for me – to which I politely rejected. Unfortunately, many Indian aunties and uncles have too much time in their hands.

Whenever I share the idea that I wanted to be single, the Indian community just stare at me in disbelieve. A guy friend asked – what do you want to do alone? He thinks women will be a                  lost cause without men and kids. Like what else women  do in life if they don’t cook, clean and wash right?  He obviously can’t fathom why Indian women would reject the ‘manmadhar kunjis’ of the world for anything. Then, he continued with patronizing comments  like this – maybe you have met the wrong guys, got cheated, had bad experiences but doesn’t mean all Indian guys are like that…..Actually, we KK admins had been given similar comments countless times – because people assume we have been badly hurt by guys, hence the ‘hatred’. The exact words from some low – grade Indian guys – Ivalunggu enggeyo evan kitteyo semmeya vanggirukalungge, athan ivalo gandu guys mele”.  I suppose the male EGO couldn’t tolerate women rejecting marriage for NO REASON.

If a woman chooses to be single, doesn’t mean she has had bad relationships. Sometimes, people make active choices of staying single and that’s not wrong or weird. Then, the Indian community will try to guilt trip you on your decision by saying this – what about your parents? Pity them – they will want grandchildren, don’t you think? My answer – they can adopt one. First – ain’t my job to produce kids for my parents. People should stop this low class emotional pressure where you guilt trip women into thinking they owe their parents a bunch of grandchildren.  Remember – it takes much responsibility to raise kids. You can’t force women to produce babies then you hold them accountable to raise the kids – when in reality some women may not want kids at all.

There is nothing wrong with being single. Unfortunately, being single means nobody wants you. My grandmother even asked – yaarume kedaikilliya (you didn’t get anyone?). I was hurt – because life is not about grabbing any guys available to get married. My achievements did not matter despite being the first person/female from my entire extended family to enter university. She too couldn’t understand why women wanted to be single. There is nothing wrong with being single – only that you will have a bunch of people criticizing you or belittling your decision to prevent disruption on the status quo.  

#RAVISHINGRAVEN