vanillamochangel

[vanillamochangel]

Me: diet culture is toxic

Also me: *starves myself*

[vanillamochangel]

i feel really sad and i don’t really ask for this but, does anyone want to talk?

[vanillamochangel]

i feel like shiiiit, i don't mean anything to him, and she's his whole world now, and i'm

[vanillamochangel]

i feel so tired of feeling, wish i could be a robot and stop having emotions for a while (or forever)

[vanillamochangel]

ventingggg

okay so about a month ago my bf (whom i dated for 2+ years) broke up with me and the day after he started dating another girl. for obvious reasons i’m devastated, and more because of the fact that the girl that he’s dating now is literally amazing, she’s so pretty and skinny and talented and everything. i relapsed in a depressive hole that i haven’t felt in about a year, and everything feels really hopeless (i’m going to therapy tho) but i really expect that at least this dark episode could bring me to my ugw that i’ve had for 4 years. at least she turned into my thinspiration, and the situation encourages me againg to restrict and purge (cause i’ve been stress eating too). i’m going into uni in 2 weeks and i hope that i at least lose a few pounds, wish me luckkkk

[vanillamochangel]

i promised you that i wouldn't do it again, but now you're gone so why should I've kept that promise? I don't care about myself anymore

[vanillamochangel]

I cannot believe how incredibly ugly, disgusting and unappealing i am, i wanna cry so much now I hate myself

[vanillamochangel]

[vanillamochangel]

[vanillamochangel]

missed those little popped blood vessels in my cheeks, trembling over the toilet and wishing that everything came out

[vanillamochangel]

FRANKIE ILY

[vanillamochangel]

i want to be skinny just for once in my life

I want to be “that girl.”

I want people to whisper “is she sick?” behind my back. I want to take off my baggy sweater to reveal the xxs T-shirt underneath and have the room go quiet. I want cheekbones and big tired eyes. I want to be the regular who’s just a black coffee, please, every morning. I want to forget I have a limit and just forget to eat. I want people to get excited when I eat an apple, just an apple thank God she’s eating something. I want my fridge to be nothing but water and a bag of iceberg lettuce. I want to forget what its like to binge. I want to stop taking any comfort in eating at all. I want to not eat because adding up calories is too much work. I want bruises on my spine from the sit-ups. i want to get under my UGW without noticing. I want to be thin.

[vanillamochangel]

i'm backkkkkk

okay so i don't think anyone remembers me but here i go, sharing stuff that no one cares lmao. i was skinnywannabe and while i was in recovery last year my blog got deleted. butttt i relapsed and as i can't share any of this on my main blog, i created this new one cause wanted to feel the comfort of sharing my struggles anonimously here . if you read this all thanks, have a nice day y'all