valta-ri

[valta-ri]

He has passed and I now own the cap.  Words couldn’t describe the grief. “Why am I still here, I prayed to leave days ago”

Lately I’ve come to realise who my true hero and inspiration in my life is, I used to be unsure and would just state any random celebrity that I liked but now I know that it’s my grandad. He is one of the most sweet, gentle, strong and resilient people I know, going through cancer and organ transplants and still battling on. He has slowed down the past 2 years but he still is himself in every other way and tries to be as active even though we know it’s not good for him and try not to let him as he is unsteady on his feet.

Ever since I was crawling around he has worn this same flat cap and when I was little he always let me wear it. The past few days my grandparents have stayed over and I’ve been wearing the cap, today he asked me if I’d like to keep it. As much as I would love to I just couldn’t. I don’t think he’s aware of how much the offer meant to me but it has warmed my heart to it’s very core. I just am so happy to still have him in my life and I look up to him so much.

He has been married since his early 20’s and still is, he is a very religious man who is big in his church community and has worked hard all his life. I hope to marry definitely before I’m 30, more so I just hope to marry whilst he can still attend. I am not religious at all though his faith inspires me, and I am yet to have a full time job. If I were to get married I can just imagine the smile on his face and how proud he would be of me and if he were gone by then I know I’ll still think of him being there. 

Both my grandparents have really opened my eyes these last few days with just these subtle things that they may not even notice mean much to me. My grandma has sat down and tried to understand video games I’m playing and with me being unwell has been constantly checking on me telling me to eat food and obviously putting a lot of food on my plate at dinner (too much for me to eat). I appreciate both of them more than ever and they make me so happy when at the moment there isn’t much that is.

You aren’t going to read this but thank you both so much for still being in my life. 

I can no longer say I’ve never cried tears of happiness.

[valta-ri]

How is life?

What a wonderfully simple but loaded question.Some days there isn’t a care in the world, I’m in the clouds.Others my hands are shaking and bottles of whisky know me by name.

[valta-ri]

Bad things in life come in three’s Well I’m at years now begging on my knees There’s love and loss and false hopes high Pick myself up off the floor every fucking time Drink to have fun or drink to forget Maybe it’d be better if we never really met I needed support, someone to hold But at that point you were a ghost. What is love. A hope for a future? I write to get out but I end up deeper

[valta-ri]

Are you out of your mind? You dug yourself into a liar's hole You made a little spark to live inside It's now a fucking fire out of control

[valta-ri]

The Girl with Mahogany Hair.

Some time ago, there was a boy. 

A boy that had all these thoughts, these racing thoughts, constantly.

The boy was lost, he had been in the woods and had struggled to find his way. As lost as he was there was always a light, a kindness. This light kept the boy going, through many nights sleep wasn’t known. Through many days there was no sun. But the boy continued, he knew what he wanted and the light pushed him on.

The boy wandered, at points aimlessly, at times with purpose. A glimpse was all he needed, just a glimpse. 

One day the boy crossed paths with a girl. They noticed each other and were in a world of their own, just amazed at this being they had both stumbled across. Until the girl had to go.

From that day on the boy was infatuated. He would lie on the grass and see her in the clouds, he would tell the trees of this girl, this girl with the sweetest smile, that curved up perfectly at the corners. He would sing songs to himself, just imagining her eyes focused on him, for him.

As the leaves changed, the boy still was talking to the trees, telling them of this girl, this girl with eyes that light up the room, these curious, gentle, bright eyes. Whilst roaming the woods, the boy noticed a figure in the distance, he called out, with all his might he called out in hopes of a response. He was heard.

With a hesitant smile she answered.

This boy chasing the light, and this girl, this girl who outshone it. 

He followed her everywhere, chasing this girl. For they enjoyed the others company, and the girl was fascinated by the boy.

Although the boy hadn’t told a soul bar the leaves of the trees, he still thought of her, in her presence he thought of her, this girl, this girl who made the air as fresh as peach wherever she went

The girl had such eyes for the boy, this boy that chased, though, she no longer knew what he was chasing, or if he was chasing at all. The boy had started to drag his feet, he stopped talking to the leaves, he was only following. 

So the girl once more set out on her own.

This boy, who of late had only whispered to leaves, wandered. He wandered. His mind wandered, his thoughts wandered. And he wondered. Where has the girl gone with the sweetest smile, that curves so perfectly at the corners gone? Why has the girl with the gentle, curious, bright eyes gone? 

The boy noticed, instead of chasing he was no longer moving. He no longer looked at the sky with such wonder, he didn’t sing songs, he rarely spoke to the leaves of this girl. This girl that the boy told the world of. This girl that was now gone.

As if the light had come back, the boy searched for the girl, at every step the boy would think of her. He began yelling to the trees, of this girl who made him smile. He began to sing songs of this girl who he only had eyes for. The boy would lie on the grass and stare at the sky imagining her in the clouds and putting himself alongside her.

The boy was once again chasing, the boy who had stopped now knew he would never stop chasing. Chasing after the light, and the girl that outshone it.

The boy noticed in the distance, a silhouette. 

He shouted with all his might how he felt for the girl. He told the silhouette everything he ever told the trees. He exclaimed with all his might how much he loves this girl. This girl that outshone the light, this girl with a nose so cute with its slight ski jump tip.

This girl that made his heart race faster than his thoughts ever did.

This girl that stood now, in the distance with her mahogany hair, waving ever so calmly in the breeze.

And he waited with a shallow breath and the heaviest of heartbeats for a response. 

[valta-ri]

I’ve never been one for expressing myself much outside of my mind and this mindspace.

Unfortunately, this has only hindered me, I built unnecessary walls to trap the kindest of thoughts. They constantly wanted to be free, on the odd occasion they were alive, they could be seen. But not for long, for the walls were too high and the boy was too stupid.

Brick by brick I’ll dismantle this wall. I won’t be that person, the one that is closed, holds back, hides.

There is no reason to withhold.

[valta-ri]

Where one ant may be, there is most likely an ant nest nearby. 

Without a thought, these little problems build up, coming from seemingly nowhere to cover the leaves black. I would notice an ant, an ant on the odd occasion, but I never searched for the ant hill. In my thoughts, these ants didn’t originate from anywhere.

I’ve become overrun.

[valta-ri]

I really don't understand art, in particular contemporary/modern art. It isn't the fact that the individuals creativity can be inspired from absolutely anything or the large amount of variations in a single concept possible.

It is the problem of the definition and the exposure that can be attained on a scale that has no coherent fundamental slate. 

How is it that one piece of art can be worthy of a place in a museum whilst another be no more recognised by society than any one particular insect would be?

It isn't that I believe that art should be criticised to the point where pieces could lessen the artists integrity or the integrity of the art itself, art is the individuals self-expression and a physical representation of their creativity.

I just believe that the recognition for specific pieces of art and the artists should not be so narrowly viewed and divided amongst a community of potentially millions. 

Yes certain artists have exceptional skill and I am in awe of the talent they possess.

However on a large scale this isn't necessarily what makes up the majority of pieces found in a museum. I'm sure there are multiple artists that deserve to have their pieces recognised to a much higher degree.

What makes one particular piece of art and the artists ideas more worthy to be displayed than another? 

Disclaimer:

I haven't written in a long time and a large amount of this may not make sense.

Also I cannot even colour within the lines, no matter how hard I concentrate I will still end up fucking it up. Due to this I probably have no actual credible reason to be confused by specific concepts and happenings within the art world and maybe should be more confused about my ineptitude at a skill that I am surely outclassed at by the vast majority of the population.

[valta-ri]

[valta-ri]

[valta-ri]

The year of Luigi never ends, bitch

x

[valta-ri]

Fixed my blog up so it isn't just an angsty/whingy mess of a dumb boy. 

[valta-ri]

Any sort of clothing meant for the legs is the devil.

[valta-ri]

Dear anon, whoever you are

Care to entertain me for a bit?

[valta-ri]

on your life? you haven't posted in ages.

Ok :).

Well I've now been in a relationship for a bit over a month, it's all going really well. 

I've introduced her to video games and she actually enjoys them and not just because I do. It's really nice teaching her how to play them and when she's playing by herself if she gets stuck or wants to know something she asks me and I tell her the answer.

Other than that, just uni work etc blah blah have a massive assignment I'm procrastinating over at the moment and yeah...

Life's pretty great :)

[valta-ri]

Update?

What would you like an update on?

[valta-ri]

Hey, this is Elise, Just came across this, I would very much like to know who anon is, seeing as it's not me.

.