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[valberryventi]

Sometimes

Sometimes, Rafayel wants you to hurt. He wants you to feel an inkling, a tiny fraction of the pain you’ve caused him in each and every lifetime. It’s not fair. He gave up everything for you, and you’ve betrayed him again and again. The worst betrayal is you forgetting. How dare you not even hold on to the guilt, the shame, the sadness, the pain, just as he does? How dare you leave him alone in his misery? So sometimes, he wants you to hurt. He wants to say things to twist in the knife, to make you bleed just a few drops of what has gushed out of him every time you interact.

It’s only sometimes though. And each and every time Rafayel feels immediate shame and guilt afterwards. Guilt because he’s supposed to love you. He does love you. So why is it so hard sometimes? Why is it that when you are smiling without a care in the world it both fills his heart with love and venom?

He thinks you don’t notice. He hardly ever acts on these sometimes feelings and even when he does let an unkind word or two slip it’s nothing that couldn’t be chalked up to a lover’s spat. He thinks his pure vitriol is hidden, until one day, where you, seemingly out of nowhere, say, “Sometimes, I think you want me to hurt.” And Rafayel… he doesn’t know what to say. Because sometimes, he really really does.

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and all i am, is a mess

Summary: Xavier reflects on your relationship for a bit and picks you up from your apartment for your date. He's surprised to find that (1), you just woke up, and (2), you're wearing his sweater.

Title from a misheard lyric from Sweater Weather by The Neighborhood

Tags: Xavier/MC, Xavier/Reader, Fluff (as usual), Established Relationship Xavier/MC, female MC, MC is shorter than Xavier in this one, Filipino MC (if you squint)

A/N: i wanted to experiment with writing xavier's a POV more. idk how i ended up with ~2k words of fluff no plot tho lmao. enjoy~

After a few missed alarms, Xavier finally wakes up. The birds chirp, meaning that at least, it’s still morning. He’s in his own apartment, since he’d went home ahead after you told him you’d be staying out later than usual because of your girls’ night with Tara and Simone. As he sits up to turn off the alarm, he runs a hand through his messy bedhead, missing your heart eyes and the “Xavier, you’re so cute!” you let out whenever you see it.

It’s interesting how you’ve changed him. He thought that he could hide away his solemn devotion to you, that he could present a side of him that was serious, strong, and sincere in a way he was used to. But now, he’s waited so long for you that waking up alone without seeing your adorable, peaceful face (although you’d beg to differ on your looks, he can hear your voice begging him to delete the photos of you with drool), is time too long away from him. It’s childish, he knows. But he misses you.

But…he can bear the feeling for a few minutes more, because you did promise him that the two of you would go out today. Just a little bit more and he’d be able to spend some alone time with you outside of the Hunter’s Association. He’s always reminded you to adjust the part for life in work-life balance, and he’s glad to be a part of the solution.

So, Xavier goes about his routine. He attempts breakfast, looking for something easy to make lest the fire alarm ring, and settles for pork and beans. After a quick shower, he then pulls on his white jacket, black turtleneck, and jeans and brushes his hair, trying to style it in a way that looked both neat and messy. If you liked the wavy bedhead, surely there was a way to have a more presentable version of that? But despite his attempts, he still ends up with his usual hair. Before you, he wouldn’t have exerted this much effort in getting ready, but knowing that he’s seeing you makes him want to look good in front of you. After spritzing on his cologne and grabbing his keys and wallet, he heads to the 5th floor to meet his partner, probably awake and dressed.

Xavier’s about to ring the doorbell, but a glance at your digital lock reminds him— he could just let himself in. He’d reasoned out not using his fingerprint with “special circumstances,” but the look on your face when you told him you had imagined him using it regularly… right. His hand raps on the door thrice, remembering his promise to knock three times to let you know it was him. He chuckles at the memory, and the way you’d reassured him that he’s the only other person whose fingerprint is registered on your door lock.

To his surprise, though, there’s no smell of food, no indication that you were already awake. He calls out your name.

No response.

After removing his sneakers and putting on his house slippers, the hunter scans your kitchen and living room. The kitchen island and coffee table are clean, and the couch is exactly the way you had left it the morning before you both left for work yesterday. While you did enjoy sleeping in, especially when either of you would stay the night at each other’s respective apartments and had nothing to do the next day, you were usually punctual. It was usually you who’d knock on his door first, only to be greeted by a drowsy Xavier who had just woken up.

Perhaps this was a shift.

Xavier, careful to quiet his steps, pads towards your bedroom. In this unique chain of events, he’d gently rouse you from your slumber, kiss your head, and make you a quick coffee before you get dressed and head out on your date with him. You deserved to relax, and the two of you wouldn’t let a little bit of lateness impede your plans for the day, especially when simply spending time in each other’s presence was enough.

He’s about to put his hand on the knob before the door suddenly bursts open and reveals a frantic you with messy hair and pillow marks on your face.

“What— Xavier!”

You look up, head shifting quickly from his casual getup to the ocean blue of his eyes.

“What time is it? I’m so sorry! I overslept because I got home late and—”

He hears you, but then the signals of his brain tune out your panicked rambling as the first thing he sees after your cute expression is your body enveloped in his white sweater, falling past your hips and reaching mid-thigh. The sheer largeness of it on your frame makes you look smaller than you already are, and his eyes flit over to the way the sleeves cover your hands. Stars, you look nothing short of comfy in his sweater, and he’s inches away from carrying you back to your bed so he could cuddle you for the rest of the morning… or the whole day, even.

Now he’s short-circuiting too.

“Xavier!”

You call his attention.

His brain static goes silent. Oh, was he caught in the act?

You look at him with a pout, expecting a response to your embarrassment over being late and unprepared, because you really did like being On Time, and he knows that, so why isn’t he saying anything? Was he mad? The pout shifts to a resigned frown, and he realizes that he has to rectify the misunderstanding so that you don’t end up thinking things that simply aren’t true, even if he finds you adorable, big sweater and embarrassment and all.

“Come on, just wait on the couch, I need to wash up and change my clothes.”

You’re about to step aside him and move to your bathroom when he suddenly picks you up in a princess carry, hearing your surprised “Huh?!” and depositing you onto the couch. He flops on top of you, head right on your chest where he can hear your heartbeat, and embraces you once again, nuzzling into your warmth.

“Xavi…” your voice takes on a softer tone as you watch him get comfortable. “What are you doing? I thought we were going to go out today.”

He hugs you tighter and burrows his head into your chest and the soft cotton. He smells his usual cologne on the sweater, and smiles at the thought of you falling asleep to his scent. “We will. You’re just too cute. I couldn’t resist.”

Warmth also floods into your cheeks at his response. You look down at your boyfriend, very much happy and comfy, then at your hands, hidden under the white sleeves. “Wait…” you realize. Right, it’s Xavier’s.

Your voice fills the air. “When I got home last night, I just took a shower and changed quickly. Your sweater and my pajamas were the first thing I saw in my closet drawer, so I just took those.”

He feels your hands brush his bangs away, probably to check if he was still awake. He nods. “I’m listening.” He looks up to gaze contentedly at you. “I’m glad you got home safe.”

“You’re also glad I didn’t return your sweater.” You point out.

Xavier hums affirmatively, pleased.

Looking for something to do with your hands, you poke his cheek, then switch to pinching and pulling at it lightly.

“This is what I get for my generosity?” he pouts, and you return your hand to the spot on his back before he can grab it. Xavier hears you chuckle, and well, you’re smiling now, too, so that’s a win in his book. He lets himself sink into the plush of your chest, of you and the couch, and there isn’t anywhere else he wants to be.

“It’s called cute aggression, Xav. Gigil,* if you will.” He adjusts himself upward so that he can slot his head into the space between your neck and shoulder.

“Mhm, is that so?”

Xavier continues cuddling you, listening to your breathing and heartbeat. You feel his arms wrap slightly tighter around your torso, and you resign yourself to running your fingers through his moonlight hair, playing with the strands, while your other free hand settles on his back. The noontime sun begins to stream in through your window, and his hair catches in the light. The two of you stay this way for a few more moments before your shoulder starts to feel numb, because as lovely as holding Xavier is, his height means that he is heavier than you are.

Your voice, again, fills his ears, soft and coaxing. “Xavi, this is really nice. But I want to go to the bookstore. and the park, and the noodle restaurant. Also, heavy.” Xavier acquiesces, always weak for your voice (a simp is what you had once called him), and shifts your positions, the two of you moving around on the couch so that you’re leaning on his chest this time, facing him and snug between his legs.

“Was there anything else you wanted to do today?” He tucks the stray strands of hair behind your ear, locking his ocean blue eyes with yours. “Well… I also wanted to play video games when we got home. Hmm... It Takes Two?”

He lets out a quiet laugh. You’re pretty, he thinks, in his clothes and bathed in sunlight and just doing whatever You does. “We can, but we have all the time in the world right here. You should relax.” He brings another stray lock of hair away from your face, and you sigh contentedly.“

Apart from the fact that I’ve kidnapped your sweater, what else is going on with you?”

“Me?”

He takes a moment to think. Was he acting strangely? Was it weird to be so lovestruck by your girlfriend? Notwithstanding the fact that you were wearing his clothes, he’d always find you cute. And do anything for you in a heartbeat. What did you notice? He would respond with something witty, try to recover some semblance of calm and collected Xavier, but the earnestness in his heart makes him honest, and he looks in your eyes again.

“I just missed you.”

“Silly, it was just a night.” “Still. Unless you didn’t miss the person you left behind.” He feels your hand smooth the parts of his hair you played with earlier, and you tilt your head up to kiss him. Upon feeling your lips on his, he returns the kiss. Xavier then moves his hand to your lower back, supporting you as you lean towards him again. Your hand rests on his shoulder while the other cups his face, bringing him closer to you. One kiss becomes two, and three, and you feel his tongue run across your lip before you move away, the two of you already gasping for air.

“Xavier,” He looks at you again, his guiding starlight and the reason he wakes up in the mornings. You feel his hand moving from your arm to your hand, thumb stroking the back of your palm, and you grin. You hope he knows how adored, how loved he makes you feel. “Dummy. Of course I missed you too.” Xavier gives a relaxed chuckle, and pulls you in again for a hug before kissing the top of your head.

Maybe this was devotion too. Sometimes, he doesn’t recognize himself, but if it’s someone that you’re still willing to love and miss— he’s perfectly fine with change.

And this was, a good start to the very good day Xavier and his girlfriend would have.

A/N: *Gigil: Filipino term for cute aggression. that's how i first understood cute aggression anyway so i decided to use my native language haha

divider by @cafekitsune~

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I need y’all to see what I see

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Been wanting to draw dragon boy for a while so

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thinking about how girldad!zayne's daughter is probably super shy. she hides behind her mom when she's being introduced to new people and hides her face in the crook of her dad's neck when he's holding her and there's too much attention on her

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We part and meet, again and again - heavy hearts with little laid bare. The weight in my chest is hard to name, while your doubts fill the air. In this fleeting moment, freedom's wings are bound. And that moment has long since vanished, never to be found. Like lightning that strikes and is gone in a breath. Like fine snow falling to a river, meeting its death. Like light pouring over the tide, only to be swallowed where shadows hide. How can I witness and hold such beauty once more…? If I were to bury my heart within your sweet lips.

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i like to revisit this gif thrice a month and think about zayne

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caleb singlehandedly fulfilling my teenage romance fantasy that is both icky gooey lovey dovey and toxic enough to make you rip your hair out and yet also do a bit of a fucky wucky in the end to make up. does that make sense

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LaDs Theory:

Chronological order of Memories - Rafayel

This is just my personal assumption - feel free to comment. Also I will update with upcoming Cards and moments.

Made a complete picture, followed by several parts of the timeline. Please let me know, if something is unreadable.

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Credits artist @TENNETshizi. X

[valberryventi]

genuine question because youre one of my favorite writers, you seem to really have a thorough grasp of the characters: what do you see in rafayel that makes him appealing? i try to get past his entitled brattiness because i really want to enjoy all of the guys, but i cant see anything else. please help me understand 🥲

Oh boy, baby, darling, sweetheart, you opened a can of worms. Come do a little bit of character analysis with me~

About Rafayel:

Rafayel is a brat, yes. But that means he wears his heart on his sleeve, outright when he needs your attention or sulking when something is bothering him or faking a dramatic accident to get your attention. There's no silent guessing or fake "I'm fine's," just his overdramatic, raw emotion that's easy to read. He's has anxious attachment stemming from hundreds of years of betrayal and loss.

Rafayel is a romantic, a yearner. And yes, while I also agree his attitude was annoying at first I am very unfortunately into people who get on my nerves, especially when they are flirty and funny as well. I folded during his hospital scene.

Entitled? He is a god. He has been trying and failing to save his entire civilization for over 800 years and still simply can't because he refuses to hurt the one he loves. While all the boys have been through pain there's something about Rafayel's story that really gets me. I think it’s because if I— as mc— knew the sacrifice he was making, I would give myself up. So to have someone selfish enough to place me first is heartbreaking, devoted, and cruel. 

Also there are plenty of scenes where Rafayel is serious, especially if you read between the lines. The brattiness and sass is a playful cover to someone who's been through pain and understands it. Someone who chooses to still see joy and happiness in his life while fully understanding how cruel the world is.

Simply, I'm a sucker for doomed character archetypes. There is no version of Rafayel's and mc's story where they both end happy. Millions of people will die or if mc kills herself Rafayel will live forever as a husk of his former self. Using a sassy, filirty, bratty attitude to cover up such a genuinely depressing story is so juicy to me.

About Me:

I'm a Zayne irl. Work is honestly the most important thing to me outside my family, I'm devoted to my hobbies and leadership positions, and I have a close circle of friends I would do anything for. I'm also fucking hilarious subjective.

I'm the eldest sibling, the guard dog, the de-facto leader for almost everything. I'm the person who had to grow up fast, to parent my immigrant parents at times, who never made space for love, and who is by default independant and comfortable with it.

I prefer to listen-- I love my yapper friends. Don't get me wrong I can talk for hours about anything, but day to day I tend to get exhausted talking after a while so I surround myself with people who can do the easy talking for me.

My irl partner is a mix between Rafayel and Sylus I'd say. He's the one who pulls me out of my work spirals by nagging me until I give in, someone I'm comfortable yapping about my current hyperfixations too, someone who my inner child can come out to. But I also enjoy being a caregiver, that's always been my role and I relish in it, I like being relied upon as much as I appreciate having someone in my life that lets me take a step back. The only part that's Sylus is how his love language is bullying me and his vibe/looks lmao, but usually I am more into raf-stereotypical pretty boys.

So, overall, the appeal of Rafayel to those that choose him:

Rafayel is for the eldest daughters who needs their inner child to be free, who needs a little bit of ridiculousness and impulsiveness in their lives.

Rafayel is for those who never got praised for their effort or strength, for those who success was the only option, who had to be perfect, reliable and serious all the time. He makes it so clear how much simply being with you means to him, constantly complimenting, flirting, and reassuring you just how much he needs you. Showing you how obsessed with you he is.

Rafayel is for those who didn't think love had a place in their lives due to shit family or life circumstances. He proves time and time again that you're the only one he loves. Even though he's lived forever, you were worth the wait and that he would wait again for you, no matter how long it takes. He proves you can be loved, and that it comes easy.

Rafayel is for those who always placed others first. He's more than willing to show you again and again you will always be first in his mind. He needs you more than he does water. Sure, you can take care of him, but he wants to be with you and take care of you, too.

Rafayel is for those who need someone else to drag them out of work/school/spiralling even when they don't want to admit it, bringing in laughter, color, and a little bit of dramatics.

Rafayel is for creators who dedicate themselves to their craft, who are scared of losing this "spark," who want to get better but constantly feel that what they create isn't enough or must be more. 

Rafayel is for hopeless romantics, those that go out of their way to surprise their friends during their birthdays, those who plan platonic dates for those they care about, those who put out so much love into the world and suddenly break when they get that love back.

Rafayel is for those used to having little siblings or those to take care of in our lives. Only while Rafayel relishes in the attention, he's also ready to give it back five-fold.

Rafayel is a switch for switch (brat for brat) lmao. He's for those who like to start on top, teasing and pushing his buttons to get all those cute reactions out of him, just until he breaks. Then he can take control and finish us up. We love vocal men.

Maybe projecting, but Rafayel is the perfect bi-girl's boyfriend. He's a classic pretty boy, unafraid to be in touch with his feminine side, a little dramatic, a little artsy. But he's also super romantic, sensitive, loving, and intense. And gosh, who could say no to those big puppy eyes?

I could probably continue to talk about Rafayel for hours, but ya, hopefully this helps answer why I and others love this man. Just continue on with the main story and read between the lines with his dialogue and I'm sure you'll pick up on it too~

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sylus’s heart, too big for his human body, pounding like a war drum every time you call him yours

“hi, my love.” and he has to take a minute— take a quick breath before responding with a soft ‘hello’ or a nonchalant (or as nonchalant as he can manage) quip about having missed him.

“i’m alright, my dear.” and all thought ceases and his fingers freeze over the wound he was tending to. his anger fizzles away like the rain on the pavement when the sun emerges from the clouds. all strength leaves his limbs as he rests his forehead to your uninjured shoulder, where a small but tender kiss is placed, and revels in the sound of your breathing.

“my heart, please.” and he’s gone. anything you ask for, anything you want is as good as yours if he has anything to do about it. his money, his home, his touch, his time— all yours, yours, yours.

“my sylus.” and he is at rest. the world is quiet, there is only you, your warmth, your voice. when the memory of his name returns to you, and he sees in your eyes that recognition—and love, despite who he was, who he is and who he will ever be in your bonded lifetimes, he gives up his entire being to you.

he is yours, and how he wishes your greed for proclaiming it would grow tenfold, until even the mere thought of him belongs to no one else.

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Hello! I saw that your ask box is open, and I was wondering if I could make a request? (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

Can I please request a Caleb fanfic where MC is afraid of thunderstorms and Caleb's there to comfort her and it's just so cute and soft and wholesome?

Thank you so much I love your writings <3

Hii!! Absolutely :D Thank you for the compliment!! As someone with ligyrophobia, I gotchu 🙂‍↕️

Word count: ~460

You were staying at Caleb's apartment for the weekend, since you had decided to make some fun plans with him in Skyhaven.

It was currently night time, and you had snuggled up in bed after changing into your pajamas, soft raindrops pit-pattering on the window. You didn't know it would rain, but you found it nice and relaxing, so you couldn't complain.

At least, at first. Your consciousness faded into the realm of sleep-

Crack. Boom.

You jolted up with a gasp, sitting in bed and fully awake now. It wasn't just rain, it was a storm, and it was right above you.

Dazed and still trying to decide what to do next, a flash of light peeked from behind the curtains. You reached up to cover your ears just in time for another reverberating thunder, but not even that was enough to dull the noise.

You pressed your palms hard against your head to muffle it as much as possible while you looked around the room for something, anything... Maybe use headphones and play loud music? Cover yourself with a pile of blankets?

Another flash. Although useless, you couldn't help but squeeze your eyes shut too as the roar shook you.

Something enveloped you. A fluffy blanket, followed by strong arms. Caleb.

He pulled you into his embrace, pressing your head to his chest so you could hear his heartbeat, while one of his hands covered yours on top of the opposite ear. His free arm rubbed soothingly up and down your back.

He didn't say anything, instead letting his actions speak. He pulled you back to lie down next to him and used his Evol to pull the rest of the blankets over you both.

And you realized, still with your eyes closed, that you hadn't really been paying attention to the storm ever since he arrived. But since you did realize, your mind went back to what was happening, and another thunderclap made you tremble.

He held you a little tighter, his lips pressing to the top of your head. You could feel his necklace against your cheek, the metal now warmed up.

The storm raged on but he didn’t let go of you the tiniest bit. Gradually, it faded, until all you could hear was Caleb’s heart, steady and grounding.

He eased off his hands and let you pull back to a more comfortable position.

“Are you okay?” He whispered, massaging the muscles around your ears.

“I am now. Thank you for coming so fast.”

“As soon as I heard the storm brewin’ I knew I had to. Do you think you can sleep now?”

“If you stay…” You hugged him.

He chuckled.

“No need to ask, I was planning to, pip-squeak,” he kissed your forehead, “get some rest. I won’t leave.”

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I’m glad all the Caleb girlies are getting everything they wanted and more 👍✨

I am also glad to go back to the N109 Zone, thanks. Main Story MC may not be ready to speed-dial Sylus, but I am. It’s safer in the lawless wasteland.

[valberryventi]

☂️🐸